MY EYES HADN’T left the clock since Brody had fallen asleep two hours earlier. With each minute that passed, my body grew more and more tense, as it did every night he fell asleep with his arms around me. It hadn’t mattered last night or tonight that I’d known Olivia wasn’t coming home until Monday. She always found some way to interrupt us when she wasn’t supposed to be home. I had no doubt she’d do it again this weekend.
Some part of me thought Olivia had to know what we were doing, because there was no other explanation. Brody said she only called if he wasn’t home, but then there would be days at a time when she was gone and he wouldn’t see or hear from her. It never failed, though, every night we were together—whether it was at the hotel or one of the nights we risked staying in my condo—she called.
I knew I had no right—since technically, Brody wasn’t mine—and I knew it only made it harder for both of us, but that didn’t stop me from begging him to stay. My pleas never made a difference, because we both knew he had to leave. But it was in those moments, as I begged Brody not to go back to his wife, that I felt exactly like what I was. A mistress. A home-wrecker. The other woman. And every time he left another part of me died. I would get physically sick from the guilt of our secret, but my love for Brody would have us in the same heartbreaking situation the very next time we got the chance to be together.
I couldn’t stay away from him, and I couldn’t say no to him no matter how much I hated this.
How many movies, stories, and songs had been written about people like us? And how many times had I wondered why the girl in my situation couldn’t see that the man would never leave his wife? That my character was just a plaything and, in the end, would be left alone and shattered? Every time the girl would be so sure that he would choose her in the end, and it never happened. Still, no matter how many red flags there were in our situation, I knew Brody and I were different.
My body flinched as another minute went by on the clock, and I prayed for sleep to find me. Another minute gone, and I began counting Brody’s deep, rhythmic breaths to soothe my tightly strung nerves. Another minute . . . when it happened, I squeezed my eyes tightly.
“Please, no,” I whispered just as Brody jerked awake and searched wildly for his phone.
“Liv?”
I crawled off the bed and began searching for my clothes, not wanting to hear her cries for him to come home.
“I had too much to drink at Jace’s, I crashed on the couch.”
My stomach rolled at how easily our lies had started coming. He’d been with me since last night, but the sure tone of his voice would’ve had me believing that was exactly what had happened.
“You told me you weren’t coming home until tomorrow night. I didn’t know it would matter to you if I went to hang out with my own brother, Liv.” His eyes searched my face and a deep sorrow filled them. “All right, you’re right. I’ll be home in a bit.” Brody ended the call and tossed his phone on the bed. “Babe, please don’t cry.”
I hadn’t realized I was until he said that. “Don’t go, Brody, please don’t go.”
“Kamryn—”
“What do I have to do to keep you here with me? Name it and I’ll do it—just don’t leave,” I begged with a sob and curled into his arms when he pulled me back onto the bed.
“I have to, you know I have to. Just like you know I don’t want to. I’d do anything to stay here with you forever.”
Normally, this was where I would have stopped, but the words were out before I could stop them. “But you aren’t doing anything to change this, and you won’t! We wouldn’t have to keep doing this, Brody, if you would just tell her.”
Cupping my cheeks in his large hands, he held my head back and stared at me in shock. “God, I hope you don’t really think that. I am trying. I told you earlier, I need to get her help first.”
A sob burst from my chest, and I let my forehead fall to his chest as I shook my head back and forth. Brody held me until I was able to compose myself again, the entire time telling me how sorry he was and pressing soft kisses to the top of my head.
With a hard kiss to my lips, Brody got out of bed and collected his clothes. My body and heart felt numb as I watched him prepare to leave me again. Once his clothes were on, he looked at me with the most devastating expression and leaned in to kiss me one last time.
“One day, Kamryn, I swear to you. All of this will be behind us, and it will just be you and me.” With that, he turned to leave and I continued to stare at the empty space he’d just been occupying.
Tears slipped down my cheeks again as I realized I no longer believed his words.
A knock sounded on my door not even ten minutes after Brody left, and I cautiously left my bed and walked to the front door. It was late, I didn’t know anyone other than Brody who would show up at this hour . . . but he used the garage. And seeing as how he’d just left, I doubted it was him.
Making my steps as quiet as possible on the hardwood floor, I held my breath and looked through the peephole.
“Lee?” I gasped and hurried to unlock the door. “What are you doing here? It’s late. Are you okay?” I grabbed her in a hug when I saw her pale white face.
“Jace and I were on the phone when the sirens sounded for a fire. It’s all over the news, it’s a huge fire at an apartment complex. They’re calling trucks from other cities to come help, and knowing that he’s there is freaking me out.”
“He’ll be okay. Come on, let’s go hang out in the kitchen. Do you want ice cream?”
She nodded, but looked at the living room. “I want to keep watching the news, but I can’t watch alone.”
“’Kay. Go get comfortable, I’ll bring you something.”
Part of me was relieved Brody had left, the other part was screaming at me to tell Kinlee about our relationship. She could have gone to anyone on a night like tonight, and she’d come to me. She’d helped me more than she’d ever know when I moved here, and I cherished our friendship . . . but I had to be the worst friend ever since I couldn’t seem to do anything but keep my real life from her.
I walked back into the living room to see Kinlee’s face whiter than when I’d opened the door. Turning to look at the TV, I almost dropped the bowls of ice cream when I saw it.
Oh, Christ.
Kinlee hadn’t been lying. This wasn’t your average call for the fire department, nor was it one of the more intense structure fires I’d ever seen on the news. But this fire was out of control. The news reporter let out a yelp and ran toward the camera when the noise behind her startled her, and her soft words echoed my thoughts. Part of the first building had collapsed on itself, and as the reporter tried to straighten herself out she said the words no one wanted to hear.
“We won’t know for some time if anyone was still in the building . . .”
Kinlee and I watched the news in horror for the next three hours as firefighters worked relentlessly on the nine buildings in total that ended up catching fire. The entire time I kept her hand clasped in mine and wondered if Brody knew what was happening. Did his time in the Army, and now as a police officer, have him always prepared for situations like this? Situations where the lives of his brother and friends were at stake and the outcome unknown.
Once the fires were put out, we both held our breath as we listened for the reporters to say anything about the lives of the firemen and residents. Just before the reporters came back on the air, Kinlee’s phone went off and she grabbed it. A relieved cry left us both when we read the words.
Hubby:
Love you, baby. See you in the morning.
14
Kamryn
July 4, 2015
“IS THERE ANYTHING else you need help preparing or setting up?” I looked around Kinlee’s kitchen and living room covered in food, red, white, and blue, and prayed to God that was it. I didn’t know if the house could hold much more.
“No, I think that’s everything. Thanks for bringing the cupcakes and puffs.”
<
br /> I glanced at her and laughed. “You say that like I wouldn’t normally.”
“True. Hey, Aiden!”
“Hi, Kinlee. Need help with anything?” I stiffened when I felt his arm go around my waist. “Hey, Kace, you look beautiful,” he mumbled into my ear.
“Thanks.” Guilt ate at me, but what else could I tell him? He knew how I felt—he knew my heart belonged to someone else. I felt horrible, and I hated that I couldn’t give Aiden what he wanted. But Brody had my entire soul.
“How’ve you been?”
“Pretty good. I heard about your rescue of that little girl. That’s amazing, Aiden, you saved her.”
Aiden’s cheeks went red, and he looked down at the floor as he shook his head faintly. “Any one of the other guys would’ve done the same thing.”
I doubted that, but that was typical Aiden—he didn’t want to be seen as a hero. The night of the fire, when Kinlee had come over, they’d all been told they couldn’t go back in the first apartment building because the fire had already done too much structural damage, but Aiden pushed his chief away and ran inside and up the stairs. He’d saved a four-year-old girl’s life seconds before that building had collapsed. And he’d gotten written up, but that part didn’t matter to him.
“But they didn’t.”
He was still shaking his head and looking completely embarrassed. “I was just doing my job.”
“Well, I’m proud of you, and I’m glad you’re safe.”
His brown eyes searched my face and he smiled sadly. “I’m here, Kace. Whenever you’re ready.”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
Instead of pulling away, he just looked down until his eyes were holding mine. “Don’t be sorry—then it makes me think I’ll never get my chance. I have to stay positive.”
“Aiden—”
“Don’t, KC, you told me how you feel. Doesn’t change the way I do.”
I sighed and stepped away from his nearness. Not knowing how to respond to that, I just smiled softly, touched his arm, and turned to go talk to Kinlee and her mom and mother-in-law. I’d barely gotten over there when there was a commotion and Mrs. Saco went running toward the door.
Turning in that direction, my breath caught in my throat and it felt like I was that much closer to feeling whole again. Just seeing him made the empty feeling subside a bit, but I knew until I could be with him again, I wouldn’t be complete. Brody hugged his mom and his eyes bounced around the living room until they hit me and his face softened.
We said the polite hellos, both of us knowing this night was going to be torture, but worth every second of it. For the entire evening it seemed like someone in his family was constantly questioning Brody, and the majority of our glances happened across the room from each other. Our words were almost all through texts, and I had to make sure Kinlee didn’t notice that I couldn’t keep my eyes off him.
I was putting more food out on the table when he came up behind me and grabbed my hip. I immediately set down the food and reached back to touch him, a sigh leaving my chest when I did.
“How did you get off work?” I asked quietly.
“Practically begged for the night off. I knew you would be here, and any opportunity like this to see you, I’ll take.” He was silent for a minute as he pretended to look at the food. “This is killing me, Kamryn.”
I kept my gaze on everyone else as I whispered back to him, “I know.”
One of Jace and Aiden’s friends started walking by us and toward the kitchen, so I dropped Brody’s hand and he grabbed at some food. “Everyone’s going to know about us tonight if I see Aiden Donnelly touch you again,” he growled under his breath and let his hand run over the curve of my back, past my butt, and down my thigh. “This is mine.”
“He knows there’s someone else, Brody. He’s just hoping to one day get his chance.”
“Brody, honey, come here, there’s someone I want you to see.” We both looked up to see his mom, and I pushed around a few trays. “Do you remember Savannah from high school? She’s here and she’s single, Brody.”
I tensed and noticed Brody do the same. “I’m married, Mom.”
Until that moment, I’d never seen Mrs. Saco look at anyone like she wanted to smash their face into a gravel driveway and dig in with her stiletto heels for good measure. And I’m guessing that look wasn’t directed at her son, but had to do with the woman she refused to call her daughter-in-law. “Again, Brody, it’s to that bitch of a woman who doesn’t deserve you and is manipulating you into staying with her. You don’t owe her anything except a stack of papers to sign to get out of your damn marriage. Why don’t you just come talk to Savannah? Maybe you’ll realize what you’re missing out on, honey.”
“I’m not interested,” he growled, and then groaned, “Fuck.”
I looked up at him seconds before I heard her.
“Ohmigod, Brody! I haven’t seen you since high school, you look amazing!” A tall woman with dark hair and dark eyes threw herself at Brody and clung to him for far too long. Even when he stopped hugging her, she kept her arms around his neck.
“Savannah. You haven’t changed.”
“Your mom was telling me all about you. Army and then the police department? Wow, you’ve been busy since graduation.”
He pulled her arms from around his neck, and shit you not she put them around his waist. Brody sighed but didn’t attempt to remove her again. “Savannah, I’m married to Olivia.”
She shrugged. “Details.”
My eyes about bugged out of my head until I realized that I was no better than her. But I wasn’t so careless about it. Even with his horrible wife, what we were doing killed me a little more every day. I didn’t want to be the other woman; I didn’t want to be the reason a marriage ended. But I needed Brody to breathe. This girl didn’t care about any of that other than hooking up with him. Surely Mrs. Saco couldn’t want this more than Olivia. I looked over and realized that Mrs. Saco was gone and I’d just been standing there staring at Savannah and Brody.
“Olivia used to tell us all how wild you were. I can’t wait for you to show me just how wild you can be.”
I was going to throw up. I finally figured out how to get my feet to move and bolted away from them. Was this what it felt like for Brody when he saw Aiden touch me? Like he was going to die? But I always pulled away from Aiden. Always. Even when Brody wasn’t around. I had just been standing right freakin’ there! I slapped my hand over my mouth when a pained cry burst from my chest and tried not to think about what Brody was letting her do. Or what she was suggesting to him. She was probably telling him how they’d make freaking gorgeous Italian babies and how she would bake him manicotti instead of cupcakes.
“Oh, Kace! There you are, I’ve been look—whoa. You look pissed. Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. What’s up?”
Kinlee tilted her head to the side as she studied me. “Uh, the fireworks from the park are going to start in about half an hour. We always light a few of ours before, and then a bunch after. Want to help me get everyone outside?”
“Yep!”
“KC”—she grabbed my arm and stopped me when I turned—“are you sure you’re all right?”
“I’m fine. I’ll help you get everyone out there.” As soon as I was away from her someone grabbed my arm and pulled me down the nearest hall. I didn’t need to see him to know who it was. The way my heart raced and goose bumps covered my body told me all I needed to know. “Can I help you?”
“You had to have seen how uncomfortable I was,” he whispered in my ear, and I hated that my knees went weak. I wasn’t done being upset.
“No, what I saw was that you didn’t even try to get away from her.”
“Kamryn—”
“I always step away from Aiden, even when you aren’t around. And I was close enough that your arm brushed mine when you went to hug her. I was standing right there. Do you know what it was like having to watch that? Do you know what it was like
listening to your mom trying to set you up with someone else again and having Savannah assume you were going to hook up with her?”
“I can’t stand that girl, never been able to. And you know I don’t want anyone if it’s not you.”
“I can’t do this right now, Brody. Your family is here.” I took a step away, but he pulled me close, his lips brushing my ear.
“Don’t do this. I never get you, Kamryn. Tonight is already hard enough staying away from you. Don’t pull away from me too.”
Tears pricked my eyes, and I blinked them back before turning my head to look up at him. “You’re right. We don’t get to be with each other a lot, and it is hard staying away from you. But we have to, and why is that? Oh, that’s right, because you’re still fucking married.” I jerked my arm from his hand and stormed off down the hall and right into Aiden. Seriously? I immediately took two steps away from him.
“Kace, are you crying?”
“No, no, I’m fine,” I said a little too brightly judging by the way Aiden’s eyebrows shot up. “Just got something in my eye and it’s killing me. Hey, we need to get everyone outside for the fireworks, can you help me?”
“Uh yeah, sure.” His eyes darted behind me, and I turned to see Brody watching us. “Hey, Brody, everyone’s headed outside for the show.”
His face remained impassive as he nodded once, but the pain in his eyes cut straight through me. If Aiden hadn’t been standing there, I would have thrown myself into Brody’s arms and apologized for everything I’d said.
The guys didn’t move, just stood there staring at each other, so I lowered my head and walked past Brody toward the front door. Everyone was setting up chairs and unfolding blankets as they got ready to watch our fireworks and the park’s, and I quickly made my way toward Kinlee and Jace. I sat on their blanket next to Kinlee and somehow I made it through the next fifteen minutes of our starter fireworks without looking back at where I knew Brody was sitting. Even when I felt my phone vibrate, I never checked it.
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