by Clare Kauter
Exactly how many kings were there in the magical world? This was preposterous.
“Don’t play dumb,” said Dick. “You had the stone. Surely you must know about the king.”
“What king?”
“What king?” Dick repeated, growing visibly irate. “What king?”
It occurred to me that asking him that might have been a mistake. He was clearly livid, and given his track record for killing people in painful ways, angering him didn’t seem like a good idea.
“Just kidding!” I said. “Of course I know what king. Everyone knows the king. Bad joke, I’m sorry.”
I gulped, hoping he’d bought it.
“You should not joke about my king,” he said.
Dick’s king? Was the king a centaur? Surely not. That seemed like the kind of fact I would have heard before. I didn’t have time to think about it now. Dick was still looking kind of pissed, and I was worried that if I didn’t change the subject he might tip over the edge and stab me to death right now.
“Back to your sacrifices, though,” I said, in an attempt to distract him from his anger. “Did the Reaper know that you were responsible for attacking Wolf Girl?”
Dick shook his head. “No, I was no longer here when the Reaper came. I’d already been summoned to Satan’s house for dinner, so I left her in here while the poison worked its magic.” His small smile made my stomach turn. “The Reaper must have felt her life ebbing away and come to check on her. For some reason he had a rather uncharacteristic change of heart and took her to Satan’s house to get her fixed up rather than let her die. He doesn’t know I was responsible.”
“But the girl is still alive,” I said. “And when she wakes up, she’ll recognise you, surely. There can’t be too many centaurs in Hell at the moment.”
“Never mind. I’ll get her eventually,” he said. “I went back earlier to try, but the Reaper was there with her.” He sighed. “Oh well. He can’t stay by her side forever.”
I frowned. “Well, actually he kind of can.”
“What do you mean?”
“He can do anything,” I said. “He’s a concept. The rules of time don’t apply to him.”
“What do you mean?” Dick said. “He’s a man.”
I rolled my eyes. It was one of those things that it never ceased to amaze me that people didn’t know. “No, he’s one of the Concepts. He’s everywhere and nowhere – and everywhen and nowhen. He can be in multiple places and multiple time streams at once. He can travel through time because he is older than Time.”
Dick squinted his beady little eyes. “Older than – are we having a philosophical debate?”
“No,” I said, not bothering to hid my exasperation. “He’s literally older than Time. Time’s one of the other concepts, but he didn’t appear until long after Death did.”
“You mean – you mean there’s another man, like Death, who is the embodiment of time?”
I nodded. “I met him at a party once. He was awful. In the middle of a conversation he just got up and jogged out the door. Like, while I was talking to him. Then he came back up to me, grinning, and asked if I got it. And when I asked what the hell he was talking about he said ‘Time just ran out!’ and started cackling maniacally. He’s completely crazy.”
Dick raised his eyebrows at me. “I would have thought that would be exactly the kind of joke you’d find hilarious.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s lame.”
“You’re a Dick.” I paused, then realised that I really needed to keep him talking so he wouldn’t start slicing me up to use as his own demonic book token. “Um, but anyway, back to the sacrifice thing. Tell me about Gnawlack.”
“What about him?”
“How did you know he had the key?”
“Oh, that was easy,” said Dick. “He was going around bragging about it. I overheard it at that pub, Wolf’s Fang. Your pal Henry was there, actually – passed out in a corner. That’s why I didn’t join you when you went to talk to the goblins there. I thought they might recognise me as someone they’d seen talking to their boss.”
“So you killed him and took the key,” I said. “But I don’t understand. What about when we tried to summon his spirit at Satan’s? How did you make it disappear while you were in the room with us?”
“I didn’t,” said Dick, a smug smile on his face. “I bound a demon back here after I sacrificed the goblin and fed him the soul. He was just taking his sweet time to devour it. You tuned in just in time to see the demon finish his meal.”
My stomach churned. I couldn’t believe how much pleasure Dick appeared to be taking in telling me all this. What a sadistic weirdo.
“So when you killed Gnawlack, you were trying to summon your king, but it didn’t work,” I guessed.
“No, it didn’t.”
“And it didn’t work with Wolf Girl either.”
“No,” he said, growing visibly irate. “But I have the ritual figured out now. I have the stone as well as the companion key. Rest assured that when I kill you, the king will come.”
That was all very interesting, but I still had no idea who this king was or what my supposed connection was to him. I bit my lip. Here we were, back to talking about my death again. I was running out of ways to distract him.
“The film crew just caught you dumping Gnawlack’s body, right?” I said. “You’d actually murdered him earlier on.”
Dick nodded. “Very good.”
“And you were planning on doing the same with Wolf Girl, but then Death got all sentimental and saved her.”
Dick’s eye twitched and he nodded once. “Yes.”
I didn’t bother pointing out that Death only saved her because otherwise it would have been bad PR for his good pal Satan. “You really need to figure out what you’re going to do about her,” I said, trying to buy more time since I was running out of questions to ask him. “When she wakes up, she’s going to dob you in straight away.”
“Never mind her!” Dick boomed, spitting on my face a little. “She will be of no consequence after tonight.”
“Daisy and Hecate will sense the Doomstone when you use it. They’re going to come for you.”
“It will be too late by then,” he said. “I will be too powerful.”
I sighed as I watched Dick take a knife from a nearby table. I was out of distractions. My time was up.
“What happens now?” I asked.
“I’m going to summon the king,” he replied.
“Then what?”
“Then… I’m going to summon the king.”
I frowned in confusion. “Uh, sorry – what?”
“King of demons first,” he said. “To get my energy up for the second summoning.”
I nodded. “Right. And the second summoning is your king.”
“Correct.”
“Who I know all about.”
“I’m sure you do,” said Dick. “I bet you were planning on being the one to summon him. Then you could be his faithful servant.”
“Yes, that sounds lovely,” I said woodenly. Really? That was Dick’s master plan? To become someone’s servant? Talk about high aspirations.
“Enough talking,” said Dick. “It’s time to begin.”
Gulp.
“Begin what?”
“Don’t worry,” he said. “It won’t hurt. Much.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
As much as I hated Dick, I had to admit that it was good of him to drug me before killing me. Yes, I was about to be exsanguinated to appease a demon king, but here in my head I was having a great old time.
“This draught will make you bleed quicker,” said Dick. OK, so he hadn’t dulled my senses out of the good of his heart, but whatever. I was still feeling pretty chill about the whole thing. “I think your powers will please him, although I’m not entirely sure what you are. I’m sure the king will appreciate you nonetheless.”
I had no idea which king, but thanks to the potion I’d drunk, I didn’t care at all. “It
’s so nice to be appreciated,” I slurred.
Dick placed candles on the floor and traced a shape with a piece of chalk before sitting back on his haunches, looking pleased.
“What is that weird blob meant to be?” I asked.
“It’s a human head.”
“No, it’s not.”
Dick was clearly annoyed, but I was too drunk to care. “Shut up.”
“You’re never going to be able to summon anyone with a shitty drawing like that. Come on,” I said, giggling. “I’m surprised you’ve made it this far with your whole diabolical plan when you clearly know nothing. You can’t draw, you don’t understand the Fundamental Concepts –”
“The fundamental concepts of what?”
“No, The Fundamental Concepts, like Death and Time and Taxes and – never mind. My point is, I don’t know a phenomenal amount about magic, having mostly grown up as a normal, but even I’m ahead of you. Except with this king thing. I have no idea what’s going on with that.”
“What are you talking about?”
In a stage whisper, I told him, “I have no idea who the king is. I lied to you before because I didn’t want to die, but now it’s too late so I’m just going to come out with it. I have no idea who the king is.”
He frowned. “Then what on earth were you doing with the Doomstone?”
I shrugged, then my bonds tightened and I was stuck in that position, shoulders up to my ears, for the rest of the conversation. “Nothing, really. I used it when I was in trouble, like when that demon attacked me, but then I found out that people with companion objects could find it so I didn’t really do anything with it.”
He looked perplexed. “Why did you steal it in the first place?”
“I didn’t,” I said. “Ed couldn’t get it to work so he gave it to me as a present. It lights up when I touch it.”
Deep in thought, Dick took the stone out of his pocket. I squinted so I could see it better, then began cackling when I realised it hadn’t begun glowing for Dick. “It doesn’t like you,” I teased. “Just like everyone else who’s ever met you.”
He shoved the stone back in his pocket, lit the candles with a quick snap of the fingers and strode across to me, producing a knife from who knows where. He took my arm, able to guide it despite the bonds as his magic responded to his touch, and slit my finger, allowing a single drop of blood to fall into the circle.
“Really?” I said. “That’s it?”
“I’m saving the rest of your blood for king number two,” Dick said. “You’re a medium, right? I’m sure my king will appreciate the sacrifice of someone like you – the bridge between the worlds.”
“I hope this king is nice to you, Dick,” I said. “You’re really messed up and I think you could use a hug. Although you might want to hide your wang from him first. Not the best initial impression.”
I don’t think Dick was listening to me anymore, though. Black smoke had begun to fill the blob in front of us. The demon was coming. I noticed Dick was careful not to stray inside the boundary this time.
The smoke billowed, rose into the air and began to take shape, solidifying into a very hunched over (thanks to the low roof) giant demon.
“Fuck,” said the demon, looking at Dick. “Not you.”
“Come to Papa,” said Dick, and it was every bit as creepy as you’re imagining it to be.
The demon scowled as its form turned smoky again. With growing speed, the cloud of smoke was sucked into Dick, who was standing with his arms outstretched, drinking in the energy. Dick grinned blissfully the entire time. As the last wisp of smoke disappeared inside him, the candles all blew out and the circle (well, blob) was broken.
“It took a murder and an attempted murder for you to figure out that you only needed a drop of blood to summon that demon?”
“No,” Dick replied. “It took me a murder and an attempted murder to figure out that I wasn’t strong enough to summon the king yet, so I’d have to drain another demon first.”
“Right, of course. It’s all about your special king man.” I paused. “Were you bullied as a kid? Because there are professionals that can help you with that kind of thing.”
Dick wasn’t listening to me, though. He was preparing the circle/blob for the next summoning. He removed a chain from around his neck, upon which hung an ornate gold key. The companion object – the key that unlocks the Damnation, whatever the hell that meant. He placed the key within the circle and took the Doomstone from his pocket, sitting it on the ground by the key. After stepping back outside of the circle, he relit the candles.
The ground began to hum as the stone and key went from dull and lifeless to glowing, gradually getting brighter.
“He’s coming,” said Dick, glee in his eyes. “I can feel it.”
“I hope ‘he’ is a police officer.”
“Shut up, unworthy whore.”
Even in my current stupor, I was offended. “Alright, there’s no need for that. What exactly is your problem, mister? I mean, apart from all your freaky black magic shit? Why can’t you just be a normal crazy Satanist?”
“He is more powerful than Satan.”
I frowned. “You’re not talking about God, are you? Because I don’t think he’d be all that into you eating a goblin’s eyeballs right out of their sockets.”
He made a disgusted noise. “No! You really don’t know anything, do you?”
I shrugged. “Apparently not.”
“How can you know so little? Haven’t you ever read any school textbook?”
“I didn’t go to school after I was adopted, and before that I was raised by normals. My magical education back then was kind of limited to ‘stay away from it’.”
He took his trusty old knife from the table. It was kind of rusted and blunt, and even just the cut on my finger had taken a lot of force. Whatever he was planning to do to me with it wasn’t going to be quick. “Maybe you should have listened.”
I was beginning to think he was right.
Dick sighed. “And to think that, for a brief moment, I thought you were him.”
“The king, you mean? Oh, I am. I’m totally him. And I command you to release me. Also stop killing people.” I paused. “And maybe hand yourself in to the police.”
“Pfft, you’re pathetic. You couldn’t be him.”
“Why do people even think it’s an option that I’m this dude? I don’t get it. I’m clearly not a man.”
“Yet another reason you can’t be him,” said Dick. “Besides, you’re not worthy.”
“Right, OK.” This dude was crazy. Like, proper loopy. Arguing with him or even just expecting a reasonable explanation for what he was doing was pointless.
I flicked my gaze back to the objects in the blob. This whole time the key and stone had been growing steadily brighter. Dick stared at them, then looked at me. He grinned.
“It has begun,” he said. “Now it’s time to feed the king.”
And with that, he began to advance towards me.
I don’t know if Dick was so fixated on the end result that he didn’t notice what had begun to happen around him, or if he was assuming this was all a normal part of the ritual, but he didn’t slow down at all despite the sudden burst of activity in the circle. The rumbling noise had grown louder, and the stone and key were growing so brightly now that the whole room was lit up in purple. As Dick stepped towards me, the Doomstone and the key began to float up off the ground, and now they were suspended in mid-air. Tendrils of energy shot from them each, connected with each other, then traced the outline of Dick’s blob.
Dick continued towards me.
“Uh, Dick…”
“There’s no point in arguing, Nessa,” he said. “Your fate is sealed. You should be honoured to serve the king.”
“Dick, this isn’t a good idea.”
He was only a couple of steps away from me now, and the energy in the circle behind him was growing ever stronger.
“I’m not going to stop, no matter
what you say. Just try to relax. It won’t take too long.”
He was right in front of me now, placing the knife on my forearm, ready to make a cut like a surgeon. “I’ve studied the drawings and I’m almost certain this is where…”
“Dick, don’t –”
He pressed the knife into my arm. The second the blade pierced my skin, the energy from the circle raced towards me, filling me up with magic until I was bursting at the seams. The grogginess from the potion left me immediately. I was completely restored by the magic. I tried to hold it back as best I could, but it was no use. The magic flowed from the piercing in my arm up the knife’s blade towards Dick, whose eyes were bulging in shock.
“Your majesty…” he whispered.
His eyes kept bulging. Then more of him began to bulge. Soon his whole face had puffed up and I realised he was expanding. I could see new stretchmarks appearing on his skin where the skin was tearing from the sudden growth. His shirt popped open and I watched stretchmarks appear across his stomach and arms and even his face. The weak spots in his skin came under strain, stretching, stretching, until –
Dick exploded, spraying blood, guts, entrails, and chunks of skin everywhere. The magical bonds that had restrained me disappeared. A shard of skull from the explosion hit me in the cheek and a couple more bits of bone pierced my torso. I winced in pain.
Dick was dead. Obviously.
Naturally, Death appeared before me. He watched as the bits of bone worked their way back out of my body as if my skin were spitting out an unappetising meal.
“If you’re here to save me, you’re a bit late,” I said.
“Actually I was here to save him.”
“Bit late for that too.”
Death nodded. “It would appear so.”
The room was still pulsating with purple magic.
“It was his fault,” I said. “He made a circle with the Doomstone and the key and then tried to kill me. They were just trying to protect me.”
Death frowned. “Was he going to sacrifice you?”
I nodded.
“Who was he trying to summon?”
I hesitated. “Me, I think.”
Death shook his head slowly, his eyes growing dark. “Then he got what he deserved.” Death looked around the room. “There’s a concealing enchantment on this room, but that’s not going to have completely disguised the energy burst. People are going to come knocking. Grab anything you want, then we better get out of here.”
