“FUCK!” I cursed. How the hell did things get so fucked up? Three weeks ago I had everything under control. Since I’d met Angie, it felt like my life was a train wreck—then again it always had been. Unfortunately now it was so much worse.
Josh looked over at me as he pulled out of the parking lot. “Do you want to tell me what the hell that was all about?”
“I couldn’t stand watching him flirt with her,” I growled.
“What the fuck do you care?” he replied irritated. “You had your chance and decided to throw it out the window.”
“He doesn’t deserve her,” I spat.
He laughed humorlessly, “Then who does? Because from where I’m standing you’re ready to beat the shit out of one your teammates over a girl you say you don’t want. Do you realize how fucking stupid you sound?”
“You already know I want her, I just shouldn’t have her!” I yelled, my anger boiling over.
“Dude, are you going to keep spouting bullshit, or are you going to fix this?” he demanded, his anger equaling mine.
We pulled up in front of the apartment and I jumped out of the car. Josh shot in front of me and shoved me back. “We’re not done with this, because your shit is now leaking into my life, and I’ve got enough problems of my own.”
“What? You want to fight now? Because I’m still game.” I scowled, raising my fists in a defensive stance.
“You gonna take a swing at me or you gonna listen?” he said as he opened his arms, leaving himself wide open for me to throw a punch at him.
I paused as I realized my best friend was about to let me hit him, just to make me see reason. Dropping my fists, I hung my head and walked into the apartment. Josh followed behind me and flopped on the couch. I turned and headed for the recliner and sat down, my forearms resting on my legs. “I’m sorry, man, I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me,” I sighed.
Josh looked at me like I had lost my mind and maybe I had. “I’m out of my fucking mind.” I muttered.
He shakes his head, “No shit, Sherlock. The question is, how are you going to fix it?”
“I don’t even know where to begin.”
“Well, let’s start simple. Do you want her?” he asked, looking me right in the eye—almost like he was waiting for me to lie.
I looked down and took a deep breath, “I want her more than I’ve ever wanted anyone, but—”
He cut me off. “No buts, just answer my questions. You don’t want to see her with anyone else, right?”
“No, I don’t. No one is good enough for her and I wanna beat the shit out of every guy that flirts with her,” I admitted.
“Then why the fuck do you keep pushing her away?” he said exasperatedly.
“I’m not good enough for her,” I sighed, lifting my head.
He looked at me with irritation written all over his face. “More of this crap? I want the real reason, especially if you’re going to keep dragging me into it.”
There was no way I was getting into a story that I hadn’t talked about since the trial two years ago. I did, however, owe him some of the truth. “It’s her eyes,” I muttered.
“Her eyes? I still don’t get it,” he said, shaking his head.
I took a deep breath. “I’ve only seen eyes that shade one other time…on the worst night of my life.”
“So this has to do with whatever happened that night? She reminds you of it, or at least her eyes do?”
I shrugged, “I guess you could say that.”
“Apparently it didn’t bother you the other night,” he muttered under his breath.
“What the fuck do you mean by that?” I demanded.
“I mean that something obviously happened the other night. I’ve known Angie for two years now and I’ve never seen her look as disgusted and hurt as she did when she looked at you tonight,” he replied.
“I know that I’ve hurt her over and over again,” I grumbled. Did he need to keep reminding me?
“So how are you going to fix it then?” he questioned.
I leaned my head against the back of the chair. “I think that it’s too fucked up to fix now.”
He looked at me, appalled. “So you say you want this girl more than you have ever wanted anyone, but you not willing to see if you can fix this mess,” he frowned.
I thought about it. For so long I didn’t think I deserved to be happy—I still wasn’t sure that I did—but what if all I was doing was punishing others? Hadn’t I done enough of that already? “I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. The only reason I pushed her away is because I was trying not to hurt her, but I guess did that anyway.” I sat back up. “She’s amazing and I don’t want that spirit tainted with my shit.”
Josh smiled then, “For someone who thinks it’s too late, you sure do sound like you’re ready to talk to her.”
Was I? Could I fix this? Could I have a chance with the girl of my dreams? For a second my spirits lifted, but then I thought about the look Angie had given me as she walked to the dance floor with Nick. She looked so hurt. I would do anything to take that pain away from her. It wasn’t about whether I could fix this…I had to fix it.
“You’re right, I have to do something. What that is, I have no idea. Any suggestions?”
He shook his head. “Maybe you could just be honest with her?”
After all I’d done, she deserved the best I could give her, which was the truth about my feelings. I grabbed my phone out of my pocket, “I need to call her.”
Josh took my phone from my hand before I could start dialing. “Hold on, Romeo, you’re drunk and so was she. You need to talk when you’re both sober. Not only that, after the way you acted tonight I think she may need some time to cool off. Why don’t you go to bed and call her tomorrow? Maybe take her out to dinner?”
As much as I wanted to talk to her I knew that Josh was right. I needed to do this right, or it was going to blow up in my face. Josh gave me my phone back, when I finally promised not to call Angie until tomorrow.
I woke up the next morning, feeling like I was run over by a mac truck. My head was pounding and my stomach churned, but I still managed to haul myself out of bed to find my phone and call Angie.
I never heard from her on Saturday, and I tried calling her again the next day. At first I didn’t leave a message because I wasn’t even sure exactly what to say to her. When she still hadn’t picked up by Sunday afternoon, I knew she was ignoring me. I tried leaving a couple messages asking her to call me back, saying that we needed to talk—there was no way I was going to say what I wanted to on her voicemail.
On Monday I looked all over campus for her. I knew she had classes, I just wasn’t sure where they were. Unfortunately by the time I got home from class, I still hadn’t heard from her.
I came in the door and threw my bag to the ground. “Why the fuck won’t she call me back?” I roared.
Josh came in from the kitchen with a smirk on his face. “You didn’t really believe that it would be as simple as leaving her a message to call you back?”
I flopped down on the couch. “I don’t know, maybe?”
He shook his head at me. “You really are a dumbass. She’s not gonna call you back, you’re going to have to go and talk to her.”
“I tried to look for her on campus today, but I have no idea when or where her classes are. I thought about going to her apartment, but I know I won’t get past Emily. I’m probably just going to have to wait until I see her in class tomorrow,” I sighed.
“Good luck with that.” Josh turned and walked into the kitchen. He came back out with a beer in each hand, passing me one as he sat down.
“Thanks.” It was going to be a long night. The anticipation about seeing her again was going to make sleeping almost impossible, but I had no choice. I realized that Angie wouldn’t be alone in class. Shit.
I looked at Josh. “Dude, I need a favor.”
“Oh, hell no.” He said, shaking his head. “Not sure what it is, but
that look on your face says that I’m not gonna like it.”
“I’ll owe you big time.” I knew bribes usually worked with him, because there was always something that he wanted—even if it was as simple as a case of beer.
He swore under his breath. “Fine, but I’m holding onto this favor for later. Not sure what I’m going want in return yet.”
“Fine,” I replied immediately.
“What do you want?” he grumbled.
I knew he really wasn’t going to like what I was about to ask him. I took a deep breath. “I need you to delay Emily on her way to class tomorrow. Her and Angie come together, but I’ll never get to talk to Angie alone if Emily’s there.”
He groaned. “Fuck, you’ve got to be kidding me. That firecracker will kick my ass if she finds out what I’m up to.”
“So don’t let her find out. Just get me five minutes.” I pleaded.
He looked incredulous. “You only need five minutes? How are you going to explain everything in five minutes?”
“Now who’s the dumbass? I have no intention of telling her everything in those five minutes. That’s just enough time to get her to agree to have dinner with me, and then I can explain everything.”
I finished my beer and got up to put the empty bottle in the trash. I came back into the living room and looked expectantly at Josh.
He rolled his eyes at me. “Fine, but you owe me bigger than you ever have.”
I grabbed my bag from the floor. “Deal!” I went back to my room to get some work done. If I had it my way, I’d be hanging out with Angie most of the night tomorrow. My goal wasn’t to sleep with her—well it was eventually—but right now I just wanted to get to know her. Her likes and dislikes, what her life was like growing up—I wanted to know everything about her.
I finished up my work and spent a little time playing Xbox with Josh before I went to bed. That night I dreamed about Angie. It had to be the first time in two years that I dreamed about something other than what happened that night.
The next morning I left for class half an hour early, with Josh following me. He didn’t have class until later in the day, and he reminded me how much I owed him—especially since he had to get out of bed early.
We walked up to the building. “Okay, I’m going to go and wait in the classroom. You wait out here for them. They should be by in about fifteen minutes—Angie’s always early.”
“You got it, dude. I’ll keep Emily as long as I can, but I only guarantee five minutes,” he reminded me.
“That should be enough, I just need to get her to agree to dinner.”
I pushed through the doors of the building and headed to the second floor classroom. I put my stuff down by my normal seat, and went over and sat in the seat next to Angie’s. My leg bounced up and down, I was nervous as hell. After about ten minutes she walked through the door. The first thing she did was to look at my normal seat, and it looked like she sighed in relief. What the hell? She still hadn’t noticed me sitting near her seat. She turned to move to her seat and our eyes locked. There were so many emotions running through her eyes I couldn’t tell which one would settle. Unfortunately none did. Instead she put on a mask of indifference.
“Caleb,” she said as she walked up to me.
I smiled up at her, “Hey Angie, I’ve been trying to call you all weekend.”
She pulled something out of her bag, “I know, I figured you were just looking for this. I’m sure you wanted to see it before I turned it in.”
She handed me the completed project. I held the paper up. “Actually this isn’t what I wanted to talk to you about.” I set the paper down on the desk and reached for her hand, but she snatched it away. I put a smile on my face and continued. “I wanted to talk about us. I was hoping you would have dinner with me tonight.”
Her eyes snapped to mine. For a second her mask dropped, and in that moment I could see the same hurt I’d seen in her eyes on Friday night. “I don’t think there’s really anything to talk about. Well, that and the fact that last time you wanted to ‘talk’ things didn’t go so well for me.”
I flinched recalling our last conversation after class. I stood up and reached for her hand, very aware that our audience was growing. The moment my fingers wrapped around hers I felt the spark, but just as quickly she yanked her hand away. “Please have dinner with me Angie? I owe you an apology and an explanation. Please?” I pleaded.
Her eyes flashed fire. “Look, the project’s done and don’t worry I’ve put your name on it, so you can stop kissing my ass. Besides I have plans tonight.”
I felt my anger beginning to rise. “This has nothing to do with the fucking assignment. I really need to talk to you. If you have plans tonight, let me buy you lunch.”
“Hey asshole, you’re blocking my seat. Anyway, don’t you understand the meaning of no?” I looked over to see Emily scowling at me with her hands on her hips. Shit, I’d run out of time.
I looked at Angie, pleading with my eyes for her to say yes. “Angie?”
She sat down in her seat. “I said no.”
Fuck, how had I screwed this up so bad? I turned and went back to my seat, not even caring about the curious eyes staring at me. I had to figure out a way to get her to listen. She had to know how I felt about her. I knew she felt the same about me—Emily said as much the other day—but I kept screwing it up. Would she even listen to me now? All I knew was I had to try.
I was so absorbed in my thoughts that I didn’t realize that class was over. I looked up to see her walking out the door with Emily. I decided that I was going to her apartment later—I was not taking no for an answer.
I went home for a few hours before workout and used the time to think about what I would say to her. Josh had a paper due, so I knew he would be in the library until we had to be at the practice field because he couldn’t afford any more bad grades.
Around three o’clock I headed back to campus and straight for the locker room. I’d almost forgotten about what had happened on Friday night but the minute I entered the locker room, all heads turned towards me. I saw Nick at the other end of the locker room, but figured it was best if I just avoided him.
Josh walked in not long after me. “So how did your conversation go?”
“It didn’t. But I have a plan,” I admitted, while I continued to change.
“I hope so, because I know that she’s got plans tonight. Emily made sure I knew that before she headed to class.” He made a face that told me something was wrong.
He started to head out of the locker room, when I stepped in front of him. “What aren’t you telling me?”
He scanned the room before answering me. “She has a date with Nick tonight.”
A jealous rage swept through me as I searched the locker room for the son of a bitch. “I am going to fucking kill him! I told him to stay away from her the other night,” I growled.
He grabbed me by the arms before I could go in search of Nick. “Keep it together. If you go out there and start a fight, Coach is going to have your ass.”
I struggled against his hold. “I don’t give a shit right now.”
“Stop!” he yelled. “You created this mess, so you can’t really blame Nick for taking advantage.”
I was still seething, but stopped struggling. “I’m going to see her tonight.”
“Good luck,” he muttered as he let me go and we headed out to the field. We were the last two in the locker room.
Thankfully workout was in the gym, and it gave me the chance to work out my aggression on the heavy bag—instead of Nick’s face.
When workout was over, I quickly started toward the locker room. I had to beat Nick to Angie’s apartment. Unfortunately, Coach called me into his office.
“Jacobs, I need a minute,” Coach called thorough his office door.
“I don’t have time for this shit,” I muttered under my breath.
Coach could hear anything. “What was that?”
“Nothing sir. Coming!�
� I yelled back.
I hurried into Coach’s office hoping that the quicker I got in, the quicker I would be able to get out and head to Angie’s.
“What’s up, Coach?” I said as I stepped through the door.
He gestured toward the chairs in front of his desk. “Have a seat son.”
Shit this was going to take longer than I thought. I sat down and waited for him to explain.
“Caleb, what the hell is going on with you lately? A few weeks ago you were focused and controlled. But the last week or so you’re flipping out at your teammates, you’re distracted, and pissed all of the time,” he said as he leaned forward, his elbows resting on his desk.
“Nothing much, just some personal shit that I’m dealing with.”
“Well whatever it is you need to deal with it now. I know we’re not in season, but we need to get ready for next year and this shit isn’t going to help. I don’t want to see or hear about anymore arguments between you and your teammates,” he scowled.
When I shook my head annoyed, he continued, “I’ve already had the same conversation with Nick. Do I make myself clear?”
If I kept giving him a hard time, I was never going to get out there. “Yes sir. Is that all?”
“Yeah, now get the fuck out of my office,” he said clearly still pissed at me.
I got up and left his office. Once I was through the door, I sprinted to my car and headed to Angie’s. I pulled into the lot, threw the car into park, and jumped out. I ran up to her door and buzzed the bell.
“Hello?” a voice came from the speaker, but I wasn’t sure who it was.
“Hey, it’s Caleb. I need to talk to Angie,” I said into the speaker.
“Yeah, like that’s gonna fucking happen,” came from the intercom.
Emily! I was going to throttle that girl if she didn’t let me talk to Angie. “Emily, I know that’s you. Now fucking tell Angie I want to talk to her,” I growled into the speaker.
Silence. What. The. Fuck?
A few minutes later the front door opened and Emily was standing there. She looked like she was ready to kick me in the nuts. “Now, you fucking listen to me asshole. You stay away from her. She doesn’t need your shit! She should’ve bitched slapped you Friday night but she didn’t, so you’re going to leave her the fuck alone.”
Forgiven (Forgiven Series) Page 9
