by Lola StVil
Godotwait4me: When will we meet?
notall2gether: Not yet. We will but not just yet
Godotwait4me: Ok, can I at least tell you my real name?
notall2gether: Deal
Godotwait4me: Blake Harrison
[notall2gether has logged off]
Shut Up!
Dash is too excited to stay still
He bounces around
Like kid on road trip who needs to pee
Now!
I look to Boots as a voice of reason
She strokes my hair and lies
It will be all right
Don’t care what world thinks
Sometimes lying is not only okay
It’s humane
He only changed his Facebook status to single because he’s a private person
Mrs. Zucker won’t fail you; she likes you
That tattoo totally looks real, totally
How Could I Not Have Known?
Yes, we don’t run in the same circles
But shouldn’t some alarm have been set off?
Warning: nerdy pig about to intercept Greek god in four, three, two . . .
I Read and Reread
All emails, texts
Never once did he happen to say
Oh, btw, I’m so far outta your league
It’s all a farce
Was This All Just a Joke?
Does he know who I am?
Could he be forwarding all my texts to his friends?
Are they sitting at the table reading my emails
In between smoking and skipping class?
Just As They Head Out
They decide to take another look
Here comes their favorite part:
Shay talks about being lonely
What a loser
Shay!!!
I’m about to scold Dash
For pulling me out of my
Rant
Then I See Her
Boots
Has passed out
Nothing Matters
Only her
We pick up cells
Dial numbers and
Pray
For the Next Few Days
Boots lies in ICU (Stupid Name)
It’s like the room saying
I See You hurting and
I don’t care
Dash and I Decide
We are camping out by her hospital room
If we could do it for Black Eyed Peas show tickets . . .
It Is Days Before
She is allowed out of ICU and can have visitors
Her first question once she comes around?
“Did I miss the Star Trek convention?”
Boots Orders Us Not to Worry
She would have had better luck asking us to
Sprout wings and head
South
I Miss Godot
He would understand and care
He’d find a way to make me laugh
And we’d pretend like
All is well
Not Even If We Were the Last
People on earth could I call Blake
Online he’s mine
In real world
He belongs to everyone else
She Is Playing
“I’m not as sick as I look”
She’s failing
To convince us
Godotwait4me: Are, you ok? Haven’t heard from you.
Godotwait4me: What’s up? . . .
Godotwait4me: Hello? . . . Hello?
Must Ignore
Must break off all contact
Can’t survive him knowing
His cyberprincess is really
Lonely
Pig girl
Let’s Dance!
Godotwait4me: Hey, R. Am sending you
Godotwait4me: the new Plain White T’s song.
Godotwait4me: Check it out
Don’t Do It!
Don’t contact him
It’s what’s best for you
Both
Better hurt now than later
Godotwait4me: Rain, I’m starting to get worried. Did you meet another inbox you like better?
Godotwait4me: What is it? Their font? Their bandwidth? Bc well some guys fake that
Godotwait4me: just to impress a girl.
Godotwait4me: Seriously, hit me back. I miss you
He Wrote For
Days on end
I made myself protect myself
Did nothing
Thing Is
Now I see him
Everywhere
In the chips on my cookies
The steam in my latte
The glaze on my doughnut
Dash Is So Overwhelmed
By Boots’s illness
He needs an escape but this time
Golf and tacky patterns
Won’t be enough
He Spends a Lot of Time With
Sam
Pretending that he’s
Not pretending anymore
When He Lost Interest in Golf
Dad thought tournament was too much pressure
Sam came over with
Gay flag pin
On backpack
Was treated like dog
By Dad
Sam sought distance
Dash sought shelter
The two kissed
Sitting in the Stairwell
Gazing at rows of empty lockers till they blur
I am now six again in car with Dad
Road rolls out like red carpet
We have nothing but time
We snap, sway, swing
“American Pie”
Dad shouts, “I love this song!”
Presses repeat
Now on the Stairwell
The hallways are soundless
Loneliness twists its way
Into my center and
Squeezes
To stop hurting
I use voice to bring him back
Singing softly
Dad starts to form before me
By the time I reach the chorus
I am deep in memories
Don’t notice
Blake Harrison standing there
Bewildered
Blindsided
Breathless
He calls out
My name
But not my name
“Rain . . . ?”
I RAN
F A S T E R
H
A
H U M A N
F E E T
W E R E
V
E
R
M E A N T
O
Cinderella
Slinks out of the ball
So he won’t see her rags
Mice. Pumpkins. Back fat.
No glass slippers left to ID her
Only trail of shame
I Know
People my age are always dramatic
Maybe I fall right in line
Judge me later
Answer me now
Has anyone ever died of embarrassment?
By Now
News is all over
Face/Tube/tweet
All Day Dash Has Been
Inspecting classrooms, hallways, entrances, exits
To ensure I don’t run
Into Blake
Or
The wave of laughter from White Noise
The Dread
Of running into him
Is second only to the
Hope
Of running into him
It Hits Me Then
Maybe he didn’t say anything
To the White Noise
Maybe it was as special to him
As it was
to me
Then I Hear the Laughter
Coming down the hallway
The White Noise has gathered around Kelly Canyon’s locker
Standing right by her side is
Godot Zeus Blake
Whatever you want to call him
He is laughing
With her at me
You Can All Kiss My . . .
Words
Fly out of me
That I didn’t know I knew
Yes, he fooled me
Into thinking he liked me
That was the plan, right?
Get the pig to think she was a real girl?
You Have Been
Chatting with her?
The White Noise asks
They Didn’t Know!
They had NO idea
Blake did NOT betray me
But I Just Betrayed Him
Worse
He is bleeding internally
From the vicious words
I chose
Boots Says Slowly
So he actually liked you?
Yeah
And you betrayed him?
Yeah
Embarrassed him in front of entire school?
Yeah
Boots calls for reinforcement
Dash Comes Quickly
Gives me the “You are working my nerves” look
And calls me “destroyer of romance”
(In a loving way)
He Then Announces
He had another encounter w/ Sam
Notebooks touched; sparks flew
A date for the dance was made!
Both Boots and I
Want to ask “What about your dad?”
But there’s a rule about stopping Dash mid-dance
Don’t. Do. It.
Next Day at School Where
Overripe banana
Gray meat
Warm milk
Mix
Glam girls. Gym shorts.
Pain pills. Pop quiz.
Make life hell
When Suddenly, He Speaks to Me
“Hi, Shay”
The tick
Doesn’t follow
The tock
Planet stands still
His Words
Simple, unsophisticated
But bombs
While
Simple, unsophisticated
Still blow up
Carnage
From blast spread through White Noise
Leaving mutilated bodies
A freshman’s eyes LEAP!!!! out of sockets
A couple’s skin slides off bones
A senior’s jaw drops to basement
A staff’s member’s ear bleeds rivers
Godot Sees the Remains
Of social convention shatter underneath his feet
Will he try to
Reassemble? Mend? Repair?
How???
Maybe he meant different Shay?
Maybe he’s victim of high-fever delirium?
Maybe he is comedian doing routine
“Us”
Punch line
He Looks @ Me
Then slams foot on social convention
Hard.
Grinds it into fine powder
Laughs as it blows away
“Gotta get to class, Shay. Call you later.”
Brave.
He’s just
Brave.
Like a Fish
Given shoes
I have no idea what to do
I am scared to look at him
Scared to look away
At Lunch
Dash recounts his three life-changing moments:
The death of Steve Jobs
His very first Abercrombie & Fitch catalog
And today . . .
When Blake Harrison said hello to Shay Summers!
Send a Quick Mental Tweet
@shayscheeks pls do not blush. pls. pls.
5 sec. later
Blood
Rushes. Races. Runs.
To both cheeks
Next time, I’ll send an email
Dash Gushes
“Shay, I’m so in love with your social life
Seriously thinking of being you
For Halloween!”
I Go With A Lie
“It’s no big deal”
Dash Treats My Lie
Like rancid meat on five-star menu
“Sorry, boo, we ain’t gonna buy that”
I go with a smaller lie
“I mean, it’s whatever”
Dash Counters
“Whatever is like tofu
You can slice, dice, fry, roast
Grill, glaze
Sauté it
But it’s still tofu
And don’t nobody want it”
“What do you want then?”
“The meat, honey: the truth”
Before I Can Answer
He enters.
“Can I sit here?”
Blake Harrison
Just asked to sit next to
ME!
Somewhere pigs have taken flight . . .
Dash Nudges Me
Then he pleads for me to borrow words from him
“No,” I protest.
(All his words come dressed in body glitter)
Need cool, calm reply
“Whatever” (tofu???)
I. Am. So. Lame.
He Sits Beside Me
Dash orders mental popcorn
Extra butter
Leans back to watch movie unfold
The Two People in the Film
Don’t know their lines
The two people in the film
Dip fries in milk
Drink pizza, eat juice
The two people in the film
Are . . . strangers.
Bell Rings
Film’s over; audience leaves
Wants girl recast now
White Noise went from whispers to shouts
“Why is Blake talking to HER?”
Fed Up w/ This, Dash Shakes Me
“Shay, maybe you say something to him . . . it may be
Stupid. Dumb. Uncool.
So what?
Just say SOMETHING!!!”
The Very Next Day
The film has sound!
“Um . . . fries aren’t bad,” I say.
“Um . . . yeah,” he says.
Not Oscar-worthy but still . . .
The White Noise continues to
Cruise. Creep. Crawl.
Between our eyes
Between our smiles
Between our breaths
It seems everyone
Who is anyone
Comes to see the show
Pig Girl
&
the God
Now appearing at Arthur High!
Come one, come all!
Witness a god’s downfall!
We Hunters
We hunters grow restless
Have not slept all night
We lay many traps
None of them are right
We seek footprints
From a beast that leaves no tracks
We seek to destroy
What doesn’t fear sword or ax
How do you listen
For prey that makes no sound?
How do you hold and capture
What can’t be bound?
Should this elusive beast appear
Should it growl in your face
Beat it, beat it, chain it
Till it stays in place
Call all the world
Post a sign on your door
Conformity has been caught
Shay outcast no more
School Days Have Been Hell
The eyes. The ears. The lips.
Of White Noise make EVERYTHING awkward
We are fish in school-size bowl
Which direction will they swim?
And for how long?
Wish we had plastic castle to hide in . . .
We try to be
Like the rest
I go to his games and cheer loudly!
He reads books I love and cheers loudly!
We meet up by lockers. Classrooms. Hallways.
Anywhere we go
White Noise soon follows
Don’t the Eyes Bother You?
I text what I cannot say out loud
Godotwait4me: What eyes?
notall2gether: Um . . . the entire school!!!
Godotwait4me: Don’t see them. Don’t see anything but you
notall2gether: Sweet. But you can’t block out whole school
Godotwait4me: Watch me
The Next Day
Receive text
Ms. Summers, you are invited to tour the world with the sender of this text
Along with Godot’s message an image is attached
The Eiffel Tower
I smile, thinking
It’s a joke
Till he comes alongside me
And whispers
“Bonjour, mademoiselle”
French (even basic)
Very sexy
Last Week
When we were at lunch we went to Cairo
When we were in the halls we rode the gondolas of Venice
When we were in the crosshairs of White Noise
We traveled in our minds
Suddenly, harsh glare of White Noise became radiant glow
A thousand stars
It Isn’t Just the Traveling (That I Love)
It’s what he shares with me
In Greece he told me about coming home
To find his dad moved out
In Milan he told me about his first pet hamster (Lightning)
Who met an unfortunate end with the neighbors’ pet snake
In Hawaii he told me about his latest wet dream
And how I had a starring role
In Ibiza on a rainy afternoon
Under an ivory-colored bridge he told me
He loves me
As for Me?
Atop the tallest skyscraper in Dubai
I told him I still hear
My dad’s laughter
In White Sands, New Mexico
I told him about my
“Learn to kiss” pillow
And on a rainy afternoon under an ivory-colored bridge in Ibiza
I told him
I love him too
White Noise Surrounds Me
They stop me on the way to
School, class, restroom
“Are You Blake’s girl?”
Pretend I’m in a hurry
Till He Overhears One Day
He faces the Noise
“YEAH, SHE’S MY GIRL”
HIS GIRL???
But Girl who gets Boyfriend wears
“Kiss me” lip gloss
“Petite” jeans
“Orgasm” blush
“You Are My Girl, Right?”
He asks when the Noise is gone
Suddenly see secret behind his eyes
OMG!!!
Blake is nervous
“Um . . .”
Don’t blow this.
