“Father, please don’t raise your voice to me. I’m not hard of hearing.”
“Maybe I am. I’m not sure I heard you right.” He inched closer to me, and I backed up. “You gave up on being a paralegal to do Gorilla Grams?”
I nodded, and slowly took a sip of wine. Obviously, he thought I’d be delivering the gorilla grams myself, and I saw no reason to set him straight. “Oh, don’t look so upset. This is only a temporary solution, not a full-time career decision.”
My mother waved her martini in the air. “Well, that’s a relief, isn’t it, dear?” I watched her take a big sip before setting the drink down. Her cheeks were already flushed and her eyes unusually bright. Soon, I expect, her words would slur.
Father snorted, so I guess he didn’t share in her optimism. Maybe his martini was a touch too dry. “Did you quit or get fired?”
“A little of both. One of the senior partners has a nasty habit of making sexual innuendos, and it makes me and the other girls uncomfortable. I told him to stop, and he got angry. So he decided to get rid of me.”
“How could he do that?” Mother asked.
“He forced me to have a drug test, which I failed because I ate a poppy seed muffin.” I could feel my cheeks flush and my palms go damp. “I could sue for wrongful dismissal, and then they’d have to reinstate me with pay.” I lifted my chin. “But I don’t want to work for them anymore.”
Leanne said, “How could you sue the law firm for letting you go after you failed a drug test?”
Dad sent me a withering look. “Are you out of your mind? No, don’t bother to answer.”
Shut up. Everybody just shut up! I felt tears bite the back of my eyelids, but I would not cry. I would not. “I ate a poppy seed muffin, for Pete’s sake. It wasn’t like I did crack or anything. I also took some muscle relaxants because I overdid the exercise the day before. Anyway, that’s why he said I looked drugged.”
“If it was just a muffin, why would you fail a drug test? I don’t get it.” Mother fortified herself with another drink. “Can that happen?” she asked the doctors in the house.
“Yes,” David, Leanne’s husband, answered. “The poppy seeds will show up as an opiate, but you should easily be able to prove your innocence.”
“I won’t get my job back,” I said quietly. “I lost it a bit when they tried to escort me from the building.” I studied my nails. “I didn’t go quietly.”
Dad looked disgusted. The rest of my family exchanged worried looks.
“Well, what did you expect? They were acting like I was a criminal. I told the guys to back off. I told them I’d get my things and leave, but no. One of the security officers took me by the elbow and was trying to forcibly remove me. I used my stiletto on his foot.”
“Ouch.” Robert said, wincing. “That must have hurt.”
“I suppose, but it didn’t help me any. They just held my flailing arms, lifted me off my feet, and dumped me on the sidewalk.” He looked embarrassed for me. Guess I wouldn’t have to turn him down gently. “So, for now it’s Gorilla Grams.” I grinned, as if delighted by the prospect. “Kara runs it. You remember her. She was one of my best friends in middle school.”
“Was she the fat one with the big horn-rimmed glasses?” Dad asked, unkindly.
“Yes, that was Kara,” Mom replied. “Nice girl, but the poor thing was extremely unfortunate looking.”
I looked at the two of them and wondered for the zillionth time how I happened to be born to these people, and managed to survive it. I was lucky they hadn’t snuffed me at birth and said I was stillborn. When I was about five I remember stuffing my pockets with crackers in case they led me into a forest and left me there.
I kept my voice pleasant. “I saw the ad, called her up, and she said she needed a replacement right away.” I didn’t tell them I’d be running the company during her absence. Instead, I intentionally allowed them to think the worst.
No one spoke for several seconds. “I also got a call from the youth shelter, and they desperately need people. I told them I’d be able to give them a couple of days a week to start, and hopefully more around the holiday season. So I have plenty to do, that’s for sure.”
Leanne nodded. “You love helping out at the shelter. It’s so sweet of you, Susie, to care so much about people less fortunate than you. Isn’t it, Mom, Dad?”
I knew she was trying to help smooth things over, as she always did when Dad got on my case.
“I don’t do much. Just talk to them and let them know I care. Some of those kids don’t have anybody in the whole world that gives a crap about them. It’s really sad.”
Dad said, “I’m surprised you didn’t bring a bunch of them over for dinner.” Mom gave him a warning look. “Don’t start.”
“I didn’t.” He polished off his Scotch and water. “I just don’t understand why you choose to hang out with a bunch of runaways.”
“It’s only for a short while, and then…” I gulped and gushed, “here comes the big news,” my voice rose in excitement, “I’m going to Florence in September, for six weeks. I’ve signed up for a couple of art courses at the Accademia Europea.”
“And just when did you decide this?” my father asked.
“I thought about it when I was down in the Keys, and then when I got fired, I knew it was for a reason. I’ve been holding back long enough, and it’s time to follow my dream, Dad. What have I got to lose?”
“Another year of your life,” he answered. “You never finish anything you start, why should this time be different?” His voice turned nasty, “You were all enthused about that art school up in New York, but that didn’t last the year. What was your excuse? You weren’t good enough?”
I swallowed hard. “I’ve been doing a lot of painting lately and I’m happy with my work. My landscapes are particularly good.”
“That’s excellent news, Susie,” Leanne said with genuine warmth. “I’m sure it’ll all work out.”
My father made a disgusted noise. “You paint pretty enough pictures, but you can’t possibly make a living at it. Besides, who’s going to pay for you to go to this art school?”
“I have some money saved up.” If I didn’t stand my ground right now, I never would. “And I sold two of the paintings I did in the Keys. The B&B had them on display and they sold, just like that.”
“Well done,” David said. “And meanwhile, I think you’ll make a wonderful gorilla. A very pretty one, in fact.”
“I’ll do other things, of course.” I had some pamphlets on the entertainment company and pulled them out of my purse to show around. “I’ll be in management mostly, possibly only doing one or two gigs a week.” I couldn’t help myself, I had to egg Dad on. “See, they have alien costumes, and a singing bee, lots of cool stuff.”
My dad stood up. He grabbed the pictures out of my hands and tore them to shreds. “This has gone far enough. Your little joke is over. You are not going to be a gorilla-gram. You, young lady, are going to work as a paralegal, whether you like it or not.”
* * *
My first night on the job turned out to be a real stinger. Kara said I needed to learn the biz from the bottom up, and sent me out to a customer as a bumblebee. I got out of the car and walked into the lobby of a swanky Art Deco apartment building on South Beach, and everybody was staring at me and twittering. Ignoring the whispered remarks and curious glances, I stepped into the elevator and proceeded to the fourth floor.
Hearing loud music and raised voices floating down the hall, I wandered in the direction of the party. I rang the doorbell and waited. The door opened, and I was ushered in. Everybody stopped talking at once. I stood awkwardly in the middle of a strange group, and started to sing.
Trust me, I’m not much of a singer, but it seems as if that’s not too important as a job requirement. I mean seriously, I think Kara might be hard up on applicants. “Happy Beesday to you, happy Beesday to you, happy sixteenth dear Thomas, and pots of honey, gifts and money, to you.”
>
Everyone started to clap and pat Thomas on the back, and I wondered if I was supposed to kiss him, but as he was a minor I held back. He didn’t look as if he’d had his first shave yet. Blushing and grinning, he didn’t know what to say.
He looked me over and whistled. “Wow. Mom, Dad, this is the best birthday present ever.”
* * *
I hit the Candy Bar on a natural high.
Candy came up to me with a saucy grin. “So? How’d it go?”
I laughed. “Too much fun,” I told her. “And I thought my job as a receptionist was sweet, but hey, this was way better.”
She plopped her elbow on the counter, and rested her chin in the cup of her hand. “Okay. I want details. Tell all.”
“Lydia’s meeting us here in a few minutes. Let’s wait so I don’t have to repeat myself.” I touched her hand. “Any word on Billy?”
“Do you remember Hank? Fran’s brother who’s a teacher and counselor? Well, he’s been looking and thinks he has a lead. When he finds out exactly where he is, he’ll go and pick him up. I’m so relieved I can’t tell you.”
“Oh, Candy,” I squealed. “That’s great news. How’d he find him?”
“Internet. It’s amazing what one can learn if you know where to look. Thankfully, Billy left a paper trail.”
“Whew! Glad he wasn’t clever enough not to cover his tracks.”
“Got that right.” She looked happy for the first time in weeks. Ten minutes later, Lydia popped in the door.
She took the seat next to me and ordered a diet soda. “So, Susie? What happened?”
I waited for Candy to rejoin us, then told them about my first night on the job. “I showed up at this apartment building, feeling really kind of stupid although the bumblebee costume was cute. Anyway, when I got there nobody said anything, so I just started singing the ‘birthday Beesday’ song…”
“Okay, hold it right there.” Lydia laughed. “You have to sing it to us or we’ll never get the whole picture.” Good-naturedly, I did, and they clapped and cheered me on. “The birthday boy was sixteen and adorable. He thanked his parents for the best birthday present ever—me.”
I waited until they stopped laughing. “Then they invited me to stay and have some birthday cake, and a drink, and the kid’s older brother tried to hit on me. They were just really nice people.” I smiled happily. “I thought I would feel dumb, but I didn’t.”
“So?” Candy asked, “You going to do it again?”
“I’m learning the biz from the ground up. I’m going to be running things when the owner goes away for a month. The gigs are fun.”
Lydia looked at me. “How long do you plan on keeping this up?”
“I don’t know. I certainly don’t want to quit until my father apologizes. He thinks he can run my life but he needs to butt out.” I took a swallow from my margarita glass. “If he hadn’t been such an ass, I might not have gone through with it.”
Lydia pushed her soda aside. “Why don’t you go back to selling real estate? You were successful at it, and the market is hot.”
“I know it is, but it’s so boring.” The color drained from my face. “I hated all those open houses and the hours I had to keep.”
“Every job has its drawbacks,” Candy replied, smiling. “Even this one.”
That was not the real reason I’d quit, but it was my standard answer. No one knew. Not even Helga. It was another one of my dark, dirty secrets.
I had finished an open house and was locking up, when I felt someone behind me. A guy who had come in earlier with his wife had come back. Alone. I smiled, thinking I’d made a sale. “Hello, Mr. Hornsby, have you come back for a second look?”
“Yes. It’s just what I’m looking for.” He was standing a little too close to me, and I could feel the warmth of his breath, and the smell of his sweat. “May I see it again?” The moment I unlocked the door he pushed me inside, and started grabbing me. I tried to scream, but his large hand covered my mouth, silencing me. He’d thrown me to the floor, and I fought, but he was a big man and I couldn’t get him off… “Earth to Susie.” My head snapped around, and I blushed.
“It’s okay. We’re on your side as always.” Lydia’s eyes were kind and caring. “Just don’t cut off your nose to spite your face. You don’t have to please your father, but you might want to think about your future plans instead of gorilla games.”
“Gorilla grams,” I corrected her.
“Whatever.”
My friends were various shades of envy when I told them about my plan to study art in Florence.
“Come with me, Fran. You’re always saying you wished you could travel.”
“And I’m still wishing, but if you’re there for six weeks, I might be able to sneak in a quick visit.”
“Hey, why don’t you all come over for a long weekend? Wouldn’t that be cool?” Of course we knew it couldn’t happen. Candy had to find Billy, and when she did she had to keep him under control, and Lydia was having a baby. Fran had her job and no other source of income. I was the only one completely footloose and fancy free.
For the first time in my life I was happy being me.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Helga was actually listening to me for once. Maybe telling her how I’d lost my job, and was now part of Gorilla Gram, Inc., sparked her interest. Maybe she just thought for once I had something important to say.
I gave her a quick rundown of my misadventures, and she looked a little more disappointed than usual.
“So, what possessed you to do gorilla grams?” She was looking at me as though she’d like to examine my head.
“Well, my friend runs it, and she’s looking for an assistant manager, which doesn’t suit me since I’m going to Italy, whether my dad thinks it’s a good idea or not.”
I ran a hand through my hair, fidgeting as usual. “But she’s going away for a few weeks, and I told her I could step in until she gets back. It’s a perfect temporary solution.” I grinned. “Also, I knew it would piss off my dad.”
“Now we’re getting somewhere. Why do you think you wanted to ‘piss off your dad,’ end quote?”
“Because I don’t like him?”
She shook her head. “No. I think you love your father very much. I think everything you do is for his reaction. You very much want his respect and his acceptance and you are afraid you will never get it, so you do the opposite of what he’d want.”
I smiled happily. “You’re so clever. That’s why I love coming to see you. I never have to wonder why I do things. You always explain them so nicely.”
Her smile was gentle. “Why do you purposely push your father away when he has done his very best for you?”
I thought about that. I remember the exact moment when I realized how much my father had done. I was seventeen. I’d been about to knock on Mother’s bedroom door, but stopped when I heard my sister’s voice. It was raised in anger, and I had wondered why. Leanne was clearly everyone’s favorite and our parents adored her. So why was she fighting with Mom?
I stayed to listen.
“You two have always been unfair to Susie,” Leanne said. “It’s not right what Daddy does to her. He treats her like some sort of guinea pig, trying out new surgical procedures. How can you allow him to do that?”
I heard a loud smack, and Leanne start to cry. “Mom! Why did you slap me? It’s the truth.”
“Your father is a brilliant surgeon. Can you imagine what it was like for him to have a daughter that he couldn’t be seen with in public? You saw what she looked like. He had to fix her poor face as soon as he could, and one procedure led to another. She is a very lucky girl.”
“Lucky? How can you say that? You talk like she was born a monster or something.”
“Leanne. That’s enough. We have always loved you both, but look at her now. She is a beautiful young lady, and can go anywhere, and do anything she wishes.”
I had tiptoed away. I remember running to the bathroom and crying for hour
s. The following year I’d gone on tour with Jamie and his band, and stayed away for two long, miserable years, but everything was different now. I perfectly understood.
I was my father’s canvas, where his particular brand of artwork could be publicly displayed. I didn’t want to discuss this with Helga, though. I lifted my eyebrows and shrugged. “You tell me. Why do I push him away?”
“So he can’t hurt you anymore.” She searched my eyes. “I also think you chose Gorilla Gram for another reason. It was not just to get at your father, but to hide yourself from the world.”
“Then why did I like the receptionist job?”
“Because you were role playing. People see you, they talk to you, but the person on display is quite different than the one who cowers inside.”
“That’s too deep. It’s also a lot of crap.”
“Another thing that troubles me is how you lash out when you are upset. It’s perfectly understandable that you were angry about being drug tested and annoyed by the partner’s remarks, but you definitely overreacted when the guard touched you.”
I shrugged. “I know. I just snapped.”
“You’re very sensitive and emotional and that is your defense mechanism, but you can’t go around attacking people.” She sighed, “I’m going to suggest an anger management class.”
“Oh, come on. If somebody does something to me first, I have a right to defend myself.”
“Yes, but this was not a case of defense. It sounds as though you went on attack. This martial art thing was not a good idea.”
“I think as a single woman living in Miami, it’s a very good idea.” Wanting to get off the subject of my negative behavior, I told her about my future plan to study art in Florence.
“I think that is a wonderful idea. It’s high time you decided to please yourself instead of appeasing your family.” I wanted to hug her. “Now. What about men? How is the romance.com dating scene going?”
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