“Oh my God. You’re gay. I see it now. Your obsession with cleanliness. Your mother. This car.”
“Why me? Why now?” Seuss bawled. Then he stopped. “No. I’m not gay.” Then he began to cry again. “Everything is falling apart. I knew someday it would. Why? Why?”
“Walter.”
“I have to stop.” He rubbed his tears with his shirt cuff. “The director of Food Services can’t act like this. I mean the leader of A.P.R.O.N.S.”
“Walter, what are you babbling about?”
Seuss grabbed the steering wheel with both hands. “Okay. Okay. I’ll tell you what you want to know. Everything is falling apart, anyway and you have it pretty much figured out.”
“No. I’m stumped.”
Seuss took a deep breath. “We have never spent the night together because I have a phobia of light deprivation.”
“Huh?”
“I am scared of the dark.”
“Huh? I haven’t been serviced for ten years because you need a night light?”
“Well… not having the lights on makes me very nervous, but the problem is I am paralyzed with fear of having somebody finding this out. How could I be a leader with everyone thinking I’m a wacko? (Joe would have told him that he did this now.) I couldn’t have gone on if I admitted to you that I was weak. You would have told your co-workers.”
Jan shoved him into his door. “I love you. I would have done anything for you.”
“Yeah, but still. You are an hourly employee and I’m management. I couldn’t take the chance of you finding out. I mean we could have done a quickie over lunch, but there would have been the eventuality that it would lead to us being together at night-time.”
“So—the one guy I know that has a retirement fund and a time share in Florida has never had an orgasm because he is ascared of the bogey man?”
“No. I masturbate. I am not a freak.”
“Take me home, Walter.”
Chapter 45
Dan had never worked as hard for anything as he had for the union. He felt new feelings of honor and satisfaction that came from standing up and fighting for the right side. He was not used to that. He was not used to fighting for anything. He had always taken what came his way and as the child of upper income parents, only good things had come down the pike. He had always been too busy with his fulfilling career and his spirited, but well-behaved friends to worry. He didn’t even need a raise, his benefits or even his salary because his wife already made twice as much as he did and paid for everything. But because of the struggle to get the union, he had realized that there was more to life than just being happy (Finding this out, his marriage had never been stronger). He found a purpose in fighting for workers’ rights and evening the score on the administrators whose only purpose was to make money out of people’s illness and suffering.
It was not all good. It was not all satisfaction. His purpose had put wrinkles on his previously unfurrowed brow. Each day he felt more disgust at the way his co-workers were being swayed away from the union. Even Betty’s advice to not trust Petty had begun to haunt him. However, the audio/visual coordinator/union organizer/boy toy held on to the belief in the importance of his job and he kept careful watch on his video equipment and allocated them for use only after careful deliberation. That’s why Bigger stole a cart with a VCR and TV on it.
Although nine thirty at night, Bigger was not noticed as he pushed the five hundred dollars worth of electronic equipment (when purchased in 1997) down the hallway. Getting into Dan’s office had been simple. A maintenance friend of his had loaned him an illegal set of duplicated keys so that he did not have to find a security guard to open Dan’s office. The security guard certainly would have done it, but Bigger did not want to see Tim’s bare ass laying pipe to a second shift nurse as he walked into the security office.
Not knowing if the invisibility rays worked on him at night, Bigger wanted to avoid the nursing station. He had a plan for that. To get to the Cancer unit, Bigger took the back elevator, which was used only by the housekeepers and only the brave among them. The many renovations to the hospital had not touched this elevator in thirty years. He closed the gate and pushed the broken 2 button. He knew that taking the TV was the right thing to do and that it was worth taking this elevator. It was even exciting to be risking his life. When the elevator jumped to a halt, he opened the gate and pushed the cart into the hall. Most of the lights had been turned off. Bigger saw the light from the nurses’ station and heard the cackle of nurses. Steadily he pushed the cart, but then began to shake as he neared the door to Yolanda’s room. He felt like he would throw up, but he also felt that he would succeed at this. What he was doing sounded stupid (only now as he did it which was a hell of a time), but somehow it seemed like it would help. Without knocking, he walked into the room and plugged in the TV and VCR.
He kept his back to Yolanda as he turned the equipment on and pressed play. “I already have a TV in my room which I already have on,” she told him. Bigger walked out.
At first there was just blue screen. Yolanda cursed that she would have to call a nurse in to turn it off. She no longer had the strength to get up or the will. The FBI warning appeared on the screen. Then with a loud flourish of music, Burl Ives began to sing and the movie Summer Magic began.
“Oh my God.”
Yolanda dropped her call button.
Chapter 46
Bigger skipped out of the CCU after delivering his last breakfast cart. He felt like a new man. Doing something for that patient last night made him feel cleansed of his doubt and fear of failure. But as he walked, feeling free from doubt began to make him doubt himself again. What am I forgettin? he thought. Then he felt fear. What if I squander my new feelings without producing any progress in my life? He was on the verge of being disgusted with himself, when as he passed the chapel, he heard the dinging of bells and it stopped him in his tracks. They did not sound like church bells, but like a jack-in-the-box being wound. Then he heard an electric siren. He cautiously opened one of the large double doors of the chapel and looked in. He immediately took several steps forward to find an arcade.
Where the two rows of six pews had been were two rows of video games. Each row consisted of eight machines- four pairs lined up back to back. Bigger walked in further and saw that to his left was a row of pinball machines along the wall. He checked them out and found his three favorite games: Batman, The Simpsons, and Playboy.
He walked up the line of pinball machines and then back down it. He looked over at the opposite wall out of curiosity and saw a row of games for younger children and a young boy, maybe six, wearing a small hospital gown with bears on it. His dad was behind him, helping catch yellow balls painted like bees in a small net on the end of a pole as forced air blew the bee balls around the inside of the game.
A colored beam of light came out the window where the camera that broadcast mass on the in-house channel used to be. The light spanned across the chapel and created a small laser light show where the cross had hung. Bigger wondered for a moment if the patients could watch the game room on Sunday mornings. He walked up the center aisle with his hands folded and approached the altar on which stood a regulation pool table under a Mountain Dew light. The chapel had one small stained glass window on the right wall of the altar; fastened to it now was a neon light that glared St. Jude’s. Behind the pool table, where the tabernacle had been, was Mortal Combat 4 and Dykes stood before it with his back to Bigger. Bigger walked up closer.
“Hi, Bigger,” Dykes said without turning from the game. Bigger gave a small scream in startlement. “Take it easy, Bigger. I saw your reflection on the screen.”
“Jesus Chr- I mean holy crap, don’t do that. This place has me creeped out. I mean I almost swore in an arcade. Where have you been lately, Dykes?”
“Here. Since before they opened it up.” Dykes jerked the joystick to the machine in a spasm, then pounded a button several times. “This is a great place to hide.”
/> “I suppose you need a haven where your women won’t be chasing you.” Bigger spoke loudly over the sound of the music coming from the machine. “But I’ve been going nuts without seeing you around.”
“Really?”
“Duh. Some of the things you come up with crack me up. The day you quit is the day I quit, too. Hey, watch out for that bad dude.”
He really doesn’t like me, John thought. He likes talking to me because I’m the only person that isn’t a jerk to him up on the units.
“Yeah, you’re the only person that’s not a jerk to me up on the units. Think of that, Dykes. Of the three hundred people that I come in contact with-”
Dykes still playing, could only think, I was right.
“-I’m lucky that I ended up being friends with you. You know, if I hadn’t clicked with you, it would have been somebody else. Did you ever notice friendships are on a first come first have basis. They are also on a first in first out basis too, but that’s something else.” He leaned on the game and watched Dykes play. “Especially at work, the first people you come in contact with you think are great, you become friends with them and everyone else is a weirdo or an enemy.” Bigger thought of Yolanda lying in her hospital bed without any friends to be with her as she dies. “So I’m lucky you were one of those first people I met. I sure would have hated ended up having some of these assholes that work here as friends.”
Dykes died. He put the initials ASS on the high score screen. “Bigger, if you didn’t know me-”
“But I do. Thank God. Otherwise I’d spend everyday regretting that I never met you. Cause you’re like a brother to me.” Bigger smiled. Dykes could not talk. But Dykes wanted to.
“What’s that sound?” Bigger asked. With Dykes’ game silent, they heard the electronic sound of a synthesized tune being played and then “waka, waka.”
“That’s Pac-Man,” they said in unison. “I didn’t know those games were still around.”
Bigger and Dykes stepped off the altar and followed the sound to the back of the chapel. They didn’t see anyone or the Pac-Man game. Following the sound, they came to the sacristy. Inside the room where the altar linens and the priest vestments had once been kept were four classic video games side by side.
“Pac-Man, Galaga, Donkey Kong, and Centipede,” Dykes recited. “Dan?”
Dan turned around and stood in front of the game he was playing as if he could hide it. “Dykes. Bigger.”
“What are you doing here, Dan?”
“Well… you know. Classic video games are a hobby of mine, and this helps keep my fingers nimble.” He paused. “And I am ashamed to show my face. And I just don’t give a shit anymore.”
Bigger tilted his head to see the Pac-Man game Dan was trying to hide. “Ashamed? What are you ashamed about? You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Damn right. I’m ashamed of my co-workers who are making it more than clear that they are willing to be bought. I have them this close to getting a union, but everyone’s going to cop out and let themselves be placated with Petty’s individual offers.” He sighed. “But I must have failed somewhere, too.” The game behind him made a sound like something going down an electronic drain.
“Game over, Dan.”
“Maybe not. I was thinking here while I was playing that maybe I could rally up some new support for the union. I could go around to all the departments and have another union meeting before the vote tonight. John, you could talk to the guys in central supply and maintenance. Get them to vote for the union.”
“You’re right, Dan.” Dykes spun the ball on Centipede. “People sold out, so what you are suggesting is a big waste of time. Petty met with most of the guys already and asked them what they needed. They told him more money and to let everyone off for deer hunting. He said, ‘no problem as long as I am not restrained from doing something like that by a union and a contract.”
Dan got closer to Dykes. “That’s ridiculous. They are playing right into Petty’s hand. They need to make a stand.”
“Ask Craig about that, but he will tell you that he did stand up to him and demand that Petty let half the guys off for bow hunting and the other half off for rifle hunting. They will all tell you that. Dan, I think you’re going to have to give it up.” Dan got into Dykes’ face. But Dykes moved in nose to nose. “After all, you’re the one that backed down and accepted that deal of Petty’s in the first place.”
“Only because no one was going to vote for the union, anyway.”
“Why would we, when our leaders thought we were a bunch of idiots? That’s the reason you guys accepted those concessions.”
“Maybe we wouldn’t have thought that if you people weren’t idiots.”
Dykes poked Dan in the chest. “If this game room wasn’t a holy place, I’d kick you ass.”
Bigger put a hand on each of their shoulders, gripping them both surprisingly hard for a sweet, lovable pudge ball. “Guys. What’s done is done. There is no sense. There is no sense arguing about it. Dykes, you’re great guy, but sometimes you don’t see things in the most positive light. Dan, you don’t want to see all that you worked for, the first thing you’ve worked for, go down the drain. Be happy with what you got done. Tonight we will vote for the union. It’s probably not going to pass. But Petty’s meeting is in a little while and we will see what we did win.” He gave their shoulders a squeeze. “Both of you guys are just concerned that things get better around here.”
Dykes looked down at his feet. Dan looked down, too. So Bigger put his head down and for a moment, they all stood together with their heads bowed down.
“You know things are messed up,” Dan said, “when Bigger is the voice of reason.”
All three laughed.
Chapter 47
The day of Petty’s meeting was a sudden warm February day and all the snow had melted from the lawn near the Butt Hutt Mr. Seuss leered at Father Chuck sitting on a picnic table and passing a wine bottle around with some fisherman that had been treated and released after their shanty fell through the ice. They toasted to the one, a carpenter, that had walked across the lake to get help.
Father had been furious when he came to after fainting and realized his chapel was gone. The staff that had come to help him had almost requested Mrs. Annunzio’s old room for him when he jumped up and began running. He had gone out the nearest exit and stood with upraised hands as snow drifting off the roof swirled around him. He had run outside because he wanted to look up to God to curse him out for all that He had done to him. All he had held sacred were gone- his robes, his pews, his tabernacle with its gold-colored doors, his podium with its bendy microphone.
But he had felt bliss then, having nothing left except his two hands out-stretched to God and a woman standing in an arcade that needed him. God anointed him with snowflakes and he vowed from then on to keep his church- a cross and a Bible- in his overcoat. A tasteful shoulder bag on warm days.
The forty-five degree weather did not thaw Seuss out at all as he stomped first to the Butt Hutt to look for Bigger, then towards the kitchen. He walked down the sedate hallway and heaved himself into the bright and noisy kitchen. He ignored everyone as he stomped around looking for Bigger. He ignored his secretary as he brushed past her to see if Bigger was in his office. Then with anger he stomped back through the kitchen, stopping at the hand sink to wipe off his shoes with a wet paper towel. He did this while wearing the crumpled suit he had worn to the Lions Club Banquet. He hadn’t shaved or combed his hair.
He took a 360 of the kitchen for Bigger and to see what everyone else was doing. Then he ducked down the long, isolated hallway where the storeroom was for the kitchen.
He stomped into the storeroom. “What did you do?” he yelled at Bigger who was putting away a pallet of vegetable oil and flour. “You were supposed to make your mom see reason.”
Bigger hoisted a plastic jug of oil up onto the shelf. “Well, about that. It may cost me my promotion, but I decided really that I just couldn’t
do that.” He shrugged his shoulders.
“What?” Seuss shrieked. “Petty was counting on me to get you to do that. He gave the opportunity to me.”
“Hey, Mr. Seuss. It’s no big deal. Don’t go postal on me.”
“I’m not going to go postal on you, Bigger,” he said as he grabbed Bigger by the shirt and pulled out a gun. He cocked it and held it to Bigger’s head.
For a moment, Bigger pondered about becoming a madman. You get to set your own hours and you get your picture in the paper, he thought. But then Seuss put pressure on him and made him attend to the present. He dug the pistol into Bigger’s temple to be more exact. “No, see, Mr. Seuss this is what going postal is. The phrase was coined after several post office employees brought guns to work-”
“Shut up.” Seuss said twisting Bigger’s shirt, hoping to get some chest hairs.
“Come on Mr. Seuss. You are not going to shoot me.”
“Yes. Yes I am. Unless you go and convince your mother to do what I want, I am going to kill you and then myself.” Bigger looked down at his feet because Seuss was standing on them. Seuss looked down to see what he was looking at and gingerly backed off. But it was then that he noticed Bigger had on his purple shoes and green pants. “God, I just want to kill you. You have to be difficult. You can’t just follow the rules and do your job to make my job easier. No, I have to explain you to my bosses. I have to have your position covered when you call in sick or take vacation. I have to take flak because you don’t bake enough bread in the morning. I have to have you identified as my employee. I am sick of it.”
“I’m sorry?”
“Too late. It is too late. Unless you can get your mom into Petty’s office in the next three minutes.”
“I should probably warn you that when my mom finds out you are doing this to me, she is going to rip your head off.”
The Tao of Apathy Page 15
