‘Yes,’ Allie said primly. ‘And you’re too young to talk about penises to anyone.’
‘Why?’ Zoe seemed puzzled. ‘How old do I need to be to talk about penises?’
‘Sixteen,’ Allie said. At the same moment, Nicole said, ‘Fourteen,’ and Rachel said, ‘Fifteen.’
Exchanging a look the three of them burst into giggles.
‘Older.’ Allie felt breathless and hysterical. ‘Just… older than now.’
Zoe glared at them. ‘I can talk about penises if I want to.’
‘No one can stop you,’ Rachel said. ‘But it will be kind of weird in your German lessons if you just sit there talking about penises.’
That set them off again. This time it took them a while to recover.
‘I think you are all losing it.’ Sylvain had noticed the hilarity at last and looked around in bafflement.
‘Sorry,’ Nicole said, wiping her eyes. ‘It’s the lack of sleep.’
‘And threat of death,’ Rachel added.
‘It gets to you,’ Allie said, trying to calm down. ‘At least we’re being careful what we’re talking about so your dad doesn’t hear anything.’
‘Why?’ Raj’s voice seemed to come from nowhere. They spun round to find him standing behind Rachel. ‘What do you not want me to hear?’
TWENTY-FIVE
‘Dad!’ Rachel threw herself at her father. Caught off guard, he wrapped her in a reflexive hug as he tried to keep his balance. ‘Where have you been? I’ve been looking for you everywhere.’
In the face of her relief, his expression softened. ‘I’m sorry, honey. There’s a lot going on.’
Allie’s chest felt hollow; she looked away. There’d been a time when she’d been that close to her father. When he’d been glad to see her. She was surprised by how much it hurt to think about that now, when it had been weeks since she’d last spoken to him.
But Rachel’s voice brought her back to what mattered right now.
‘We know there’s a lot going on. That’s why we need to talk to you.’ Extricating herself from her father’s hug, Rachel moved back to stand among the others. ‘Can we go somewhere?’
He looked around the group doubtfully. ‘I don’t have much time…’ he began.
‘Please, Dad,’ Rachel pleaded. ‘It’s important.’
Seeing the determination on their faces, he gave in.
‘Very well,’ he said with a resigned sigh. ‘Come with me.’
He led them out of the common room to the empty classroom wing at a brisk pace. Flipping on the light in one of the science classrooms, Raj waited as they all filed in.
The faint tang of formaldehyde in the air was unpleasant – Allie breathed through her mouth.
The heat was turned down in the classroom wing out of hours – it was so chilly the hairs on her arm stood on end as she tried to avoid looking at the model of a human skeleton in the corner. She didn’t like the way it grinned at them, as if being dead were just the best thing ever.
At the front of the room, Raj leaned against the teacher’s desk, crossing his arms over his chest. The harsh fluorescent lighting cast his pallor in sharp relief. Allie couldn’t remember ever seeing him look so tired. The circles under his eyes were deep and dark, and new lines had carved themselves on to his forehead at some point in the last few days.
‘Now,’ he said. ‘What’s this all about?’
For a second, no one spoke. Allie got the feeling they were all waiting for Rachel to do the talking because it was her dad but Rachel clearly didn’t want to be the spokesman – catching Allie’s eye, she motioned impatiently for her to talk.
‘It’s about… Eloise,’ Allie said.
Before she’d even finished saying the librarian’s name, Raj was shaking his head. ‘You know I can’t talk about —’
‘We don’t want you to talk about it.’ Carter interrupted him. ‘We want to tell you what we know. We think that… maybe it could change your mind.’
Raj looked surprised at that but after a brief hesitation he motioned for him to continue.
Gradually, they filled him in on the basics of what had happened. When they reached the end, Carter turned to Rachel. ‘Show him what we found in Zelazny’s room.’
Rachel raised her hand; the key dangled from her fingertips, glittering like jewellery.
Raj’s gaze was incredulous but Carter kept his voice even. ‘It fits the lock on Isabelle’s office door.’
‘You went into Zelazny’s private quarters?’ Raj looked at them as if they’d lost their minds. ‘Do you have any idea how much trouble you’re in?’
‘We had to do something,’ Rachel said defensively. ‘You all disappeared and everything went to hell.’
‘Rachel —’ His tone was sharp but she didn’t let him finish the sentence; her face was pink with emotion.
‘You don’t know what’s been happening, Dad. You’ve all been sitting out in the woods, telling each other how clever you were to figure it all out.’ Her voice rose. ‘Didn’t you ever think that it was a little too easy? Did you consider who gains if you blame the wrong person?’ She held the key out to him. ‘Try it for yourself, Dad. It fits.’
For a long moment Rachel and her father stared at each other – his gaze warning her to back down. Her eyes undaunted.
It was Sylvain who broke the tense silence. ‘Please just consider what we’re telling you, Raj. Remember, you trained us to ask these questions. And ask yourself what we’ve been asking ourselves: how could it really be Eloise?’
‘It could be anyone,’ Raj thundered, and the students went quiet. ‘You do not know all the facts. What made you suspect Zelazny, anyway?’
Remembering Eloise’s voice whispering through the walls, Allie dropped her eyes to her desktop.
‘Just something someone said,’ Carter said with deliberate casualness.
‘Tell me this: did you break into any other teachers’ rooms?’ Raj asked.
They exchanged a glance.
‘Eloise’s room,’ Rachel confessed.
Raj raked his fingers through his hair.
‘I would like to know why you thought it was OK to do this.’ His voice was deceptively calm but Allie knew he was furious.
This was going badly. He didn’t look remotely convinced by what they’d told him. If anything he appeared to be more certain that he was right.
A sudden thought occurred to Allie and she leaned forward in her desk. ‘You’ve known Eloise for a long time, haven’t you, Mr Patel? Since she was a student here.’
His expression was stony. ‘Yes.’
‘Then how can you think she’s the spy?’ Allie couldn’t keep the emotion out of her voice. ‘I don’t understand why you don’t believe she was with Jerry. Why don’t you trust her?’
‘Because we have asked Jerry about that.’ Raj spoke through gritted teeth. ‘And he wasn’t with her that day. He can prove he was in his classroom, grading papers.’
The students looked at each other, shocked. Either Eloise was lying, or Jerry was. Neither of them seemed the type to deceive.
Raj rubbed his hands across his face; he hadn’t shaved – his fingers rasped across his whiskers. ‘You can’t just trust people. Not when you’re grown up. You have to constantly check up on them to make sure they haven’t been corrupted by… life. Circumstances.’
‘Do you really believe it’s her, Dad?’ Rachel’s voice was earnest, almost frightened. She’d never considered the possibility that Eloise might be guilty. ‘Do you really believe she could have helped to kill Jo?’
Raj looked from one to another of them, scanning their faces with his piercing gaze. Then, shaking his head as if he couldn’t believe he was saying it, he held out his hand.
‘Give me that key. I’ll talk to the others.’
When Rachel handed it to him he slipped it into his pocket.
‘I promise I’ll consider everything you’ve told me. But, please’ – Raj surveyed them seriously – ‘don’t do an
y more investigating on your own. This is a serious situation. It’s dangerous.’
At his words, a sudden burst of rage burned in Allie’s throat. It’s dangerous? Could he be more patronising?
It was too much.
‘We know it’s dangerous,’ she snapped. ‘We’re not completely thick.’
Spinning around, Raj stared at her in disbelief. Suspecting she’d gone too far, Allie still couldn’t stop herself from talking.
‘Mr Patel, you have to come back. All of you. Do you even know what’s happening here? It’s bad. You’re off in the woods playing your stupid war games.’ She gestured around the room, her hand shaking with emotion. ‘The real war? It’s right here. Get back and help us fight it.’
‘I’m going to ignore your tone,’ Raj said evenly, ‘because I know you’re upset.’
But someone had to say this. ‘I am not upset. The students already know what’s going on. They know about Nathaniel. They know their parents are coming for them. And some of them aren’t going to go. There’s going to be trouble and you need to get back here. Now.’
‘What?’ Raj looked around the group as if seeking an explanation from each of them. ‘How did that happen?’
Sylvain took over. ‘We’ve been informed by one of the students whose parents are on Nathaniel’s side that he is coming for them this week. The other students… found out.’
‘Oh they did, did they?’ Raj turned away for a moment, his jaw tight. Allie didn’t like the look on his face. ‘You do not,’ he said coldly, ‘know everything that is going on. Do not for one second think that you do. You are sixteen years old.’ His fist hit the desk beside him with such force a stack of papers jumped, landing in a disorganised shuffle. ‘Did you really think we would tell you everything?’
‘You should,’ Allie said quietly. ‘After all, we’re the ones who’ll die if you get it wrong again.’
Rachel gasped.
Raj flinched as if she’d struck him.
‘Allie. Stop.’ Carter sounded panicked.
‘No.’ Standing, Sylvain stepped to Allie’s side. ‘She’s right. Raj, you need to come back.’
As the others began to talk over each other, Raj held up his hands for calm. He turned back to Allie. ‘I understand why you’re upset. And you’ve made your point. I get it – OK? I’ll… do what I can.’ Including the others in his gaze, he said, ‘Now. Tell me everything. Start at the beginning.’
When they left the science classroom some time later, no one wanted to hang around and talk. Murmuring excuses, they hurried off in their separate ways. Instead of feeling more hopeful after talking to Raj, everything felt worse somehow. The atmosphere seemed tainted with bitterness.
As the others left, Allie hung back, hoping to talk to Rachel alone. But Rachel walked out arm in arm with her father and didn’t meet her eyes.
‘I’m sorry…’ Allie whispered, when they were out of earshot. Her shoulders slumped.
She could hear her mother’s condemning voice in her head. ‘You always go too far, Alyson. You never know when to stop.’
Maybe her mother was right after all.
Burying her head in her hands she tried to erase her mother’s voice from it, along with the guilt and the pain.
‘It is hard to be the one who tells the truth.’
Allie whirled to find Sylvain leaning against the wall on the other side of the empty classroom. His face looked serious.
‘Is that what I am?’ Allie’s throat tightened. ‘Or am I just an arsehole? Because I feel like an arsehole.’
‘Every leader must be willing to be an arsehole when it’s necessary,’ he said. ‘You were the leader tonight.’
Allie wasn’t convinced. ‘You actually think I did the right thing?’
‘If you’d behaved like an intimidated child Raj would never have taken us seriously.’ He shrugged. ‘You forced him to listen. By doing that you helped other people.’
Allie’s chest ached with unshed tears. ‘It’s just that… I like Raj. And he’ll never forgive me for saying that.’
Sylvain shook his head. ‘Raj would have said precisely the same thing if he were you. He will respect you for saying it.’
His clear blue eyes held hers steadily. Even if she wasn’t convinced he was right his approval made her feel better – more confident.
‘How do you do that?’ Allie said.
‘Do what?’
‘Make me feel braver.’
‘You are always brave,’ he said simply.
Heat seemed to flood through her.
If she was truly brave, then she could say what she needed to say to him.
She walked closer to where he stood, leaning against the desk across from him. The skeleton hung next to her and she touched the plastic bones of its hand without realising she was doing it.
He looked at her as if he was trying to figure out what she was thinking.
‘There’s something I wanted to say to you,’ she said, uncomfortably aware that this was almost exactly what Carter had said to her in the woods the other night. ‘I’ve wanted to say it for a while.’
‘D’accord,’ he said in French. ‘Dîtes moi. Tell me.’
It was devastating. He was always at his most charming when he spoke his own language.
She took a deep breath. ‘Ever since Jo died, I’ve been avoiding you.’ His eyes flicked up at hers sharply – almost in warning – but she kept going. She needed to say this. ‘I avoided everyone but you most of all. I was a wreck, and I felt like I had to be alone. All the time. For ever. I even felt guilty for caring about kissing you when she wasn’t alive any more.’ She squeezed the plastic skeleton’s hand as if for support. ‘It seemed… selfish of me to want anything for myself when she would never have anything ever again. And I was angry, because I thought no one was looking for her killers. But I know how much it hurts to just be… dropped like that. And it must have hurt you that I was so cold and… distant.’
‘You do not need to apologise.’ His voice was gentle. ‘You needed time. I knew that. I was never angry.’
‘And you waited for me.’ Her lower lip trembled and she paused to steady herself. ‘You never gave up on me. Why? Why did you never give up on me?’
She looked up at him but he quickly dropped his gaze.
‘There were times when I wanted to give up. I am not superhuman, Allie. Rejection hurts me as much as anyone. But I have always believed there was something between us that mattered. Something worth fighting for. And I believe you have felt that, too.’ He lifted his bright blue eyes to hers and the vulnerability she saw there made her chest tighten around her heart. ‘But time after time you chose Carter over me. And the other night, when you and Carter came in from the woods and I knew something had happened… I thought, that’s it. I’m not doing this any more. But then you came back to me again, looking at me like that.’ He made a circle in the air with his fingers, like a frame around her face. ‘And here we are.’
Allie fought for something to say. ‘I’m not with Carter. He has a girlfriend.’
‘I know that.’ Sylvain shrugged. ‘But I have seen how he looks at you. And how you look at him.’
She shook her head. ‘No. He’s been very clear that he is serious about Jules. And I know now we should never have got together in the first place. I feel friendship love for him. Only that.’
‘Friendship love?’ His eyebrows winged up.
Allie blushed. ‘It’s a thing… Rachel told me… Look. Never mind. What matters is we were meant to be friends, nothing more.’
Her tone was adamant.
‘So.’ He took a step closer, halving the space between them, and Allie involuntarily squeezed the hand of the skeleton, which she’d forgotten she was holding. ‘Now you are free of your obligation to Carter and here you are. Because I am your… how do you say it in English? Your backup plan.’
She was so surprised by this she almost pulled the skeleton over; it rattled wildly as she pushed it back in
to place.
‘No.’ She took a half-step towards him. ‘That’s not fair…’
‘Isn’t it?’ His gaze challenged her to be honest.
The problem was… he was kind of right.
For months now, Sylvain had fought to win her back. To earn her trust. But she was always waiting for Carter to decide what he wanted.
Heat flooded her face and she reached for his arm. ‘Sylvain, I’m so sorry. I don’t want you to be my backup plan. It’s just hard to know what I want sometimes.’
‘What do you mean, “sometimes”?’ His voice was so low she couldn’t be certain she’d really heard it. ‘You’ve never known what you wanted.’
As he’d done the night before in the hallway, he put his hand on top of hers. The warmth of his skin radiated through her. She knew what it felt like to have his hands stroke her face, her hair. Pull her close.
‘You have to make up your mind, Allie. I don’t want you to choose me just because Carter is already taken. I want you to choose me because I’m the one you want.’ His eyes were like blue flames; it hurt to look at them. ‘All I ever wanted was to be the one you want. But I’m beginning to think I never will be. I can’t wait for you for ever – no one could do that. Already I think I’ve waited too long. It hurts too much —’
Somewhere down the hallway a loud, unfamiliar voice shouted, ‘Curfew!’
They stood close together for a second longer, Sylvain’s eyes locked on hers. Then he took a step back and dropped her hand.
‘It’s late.’ His voice sounded empty. ‘We should go.’
TWENTY-SIX
Zelazny was at his desk when Allie walked into the history lesson the next day.
When she saw him, she froze in mid-step and the student walking in behind her ran into her.
‘Sorry…’ Allie said, never taking her eyes off the teacher.
‘Everyone take your seats today please,’ he growled with characteristic grouchiness, as if he’d never been away. Never held Eloise prisoner.
Her heart hammered in her chest as she tried to figure out what was happening. Did this mean Raj had come through? Had he brought all the teachers back?
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