by Joe Vasicek
Her mother reached across the table and gently took hold of her hand. “You miss Benyamin, don’t you?”
Benyamin. Mariya’s arms tensed as she remembered their last goodbye. One of the few cousins her age who hadn’t taken to the stars, he’d been with her for as long as she could remember. As a little girl, her parents had told her that she would marry him when they were older. That fact had carried her through the hard times when they’d been forced to flee from their home, much like they were fleeing Alpha Oriana right now. She could picture him in her mind: tall, dark hair, gentle eyes, a gap between his front teeth that she’d always made fun of as a child. Now, she would never see that face again.
“A little, yeah,” she said quietly, her spoon shaking. She set it down and put her hands in her lap, biting her lip to keep from trembling.
“You’ll be fine, dear,” said her father. “There will be other boys to choose from. Everything at our new home is going to work out fine.” He said it with authority, but his voice lacked conviction.
And what if there weren’t? What if the only other men she had to choose from were the ones on this ship? She thought back to the boys who’d harassed her on the way to the table. To them, it might have been harmless fun, but to her it was another painful reminder that she was different—that she was weird. These were not her people.
“You haven’t met all the boys on the ship yet,” her mother said, practically reading her mind. “Remember, there’s still everyone on the downshift. And even if none of them interest you, they aren’t the only ones in the universe. Sooner or later, you’ll meet your future husband.”
“In the Far Outworlds?” she said, unable to hold herself back anymore. “Mom—where we’re going, there won’t be another human soul for more than a parsec.”
“That may be true, but—”
“And where am I going to find a boy who’s Deltan?” Someone who doesn’t think I’m weird.
Her mother sighed. “Your father wasn’t a believer when I married him, you know.”
“I know. But—but that’s different.”
“Different how?”
She drew in a sharp breath, burying her head in her hands. Because you weren’t the only Deltan girl on a colony ship headed for the middle of nowhere.
“I don’t know, it just is.”
“I don’t ever want you to settle for someone who won’t treat you right,” said her father. He waited until she looked him in the eye to make sure she got the point. “Even if it means staying single your whole life, I’d rather see you safe.”
Single your whole life. The prospect sent shivers of terror down Mariya’s spine. She would rather die than spend the rest of her life alone.
“Nonsense,” said her mother, giving him a teasing push. “Mariya won’t be single for long. Even in the Far Outworlds, I’m sure she’ll have no trouble finding a husband.”
“Yes, but how can we be sure that he’ll treat her right? There are no laws where we’re going, after all. I should know, I—”
“Just—just stop,” said Mariya, covering her head with her hands. She covered her face and closed her eyes as tightly as she could, blocking everything out except the rumble of conversation and the ever-present hum of the shipwide ventilation system.
“I’m sorry, dear,” said her mother. “We didn’t mean to offend you.”
“I’m not offended,” she said, looking up again. “I just need a break for a while. Can’t we talk about something else?”
Her father shrugged. “Sure. Have you gotten to know any of your shift-mates on the comm crew?”
“A little.”
“Well? What can you tell us about them?”
“They’re all right, I guess.” Two girls who were probably sisters, and a former star wanderer with a wife and family who kept mostly to himself. None of them had showed much of an interest in her, which was probably just as well. She knew she should be making more of an effort to reach out to these people, since she’d probably be spending the rest of her life around them, but she just didn’t feel like it.
“Don’t worry, dear,” said her mother. “I’m sure you’ll make plenty of friends before long. Besides, isn’t Master Korha’s girl supposed to meet up with us soon?”
Noemi. Mariya’s heart leaped as she realized they’d be seeing each other again soon. Noemi was one of Master Korha’s daughters from back home. She and her husband had stayed with the family for a short while on Oriana Station. Noemi and Mariya were practically best friends by now; friendships tended to form quickly when you were a refugee. Once they met back up with the Hope of Oriana, Mariya wouldn’t be the only Deltan girl on the colony mission. That, at least, was something to look forward to.
“Soon, I think,” said Jakob. “If they don’t meet us at Beta Oriana, they’ll rendezvous at Gamma Oriana for sure. Good people.”
“Yes,” Mariya said softly. She missed having someone her age to talk to. Besides, Noemi always seemed so confident and self-assured. She was going to have her first baby in a few months. Even though she and her husband didn’t speak the same language, they obviously loved and cared for each other. Their budding family shone like a bright new star, veiled in a gorgeous nebula.
Mariya would give anything for a family like that someday.
* * * * *
A few hours later, Mariya lay awake on the topmost bunk, unable to fall asleep. Her father’s muffled snoring echoed through the five-person bunk room, but that wasn’t what kept her up.
Ever since she’d become a refugee with the rest of her family nearly two standard years ago, few things in her life had been certain. The only things that had given her any sense of security at all were the closeness of her family and the heritage and traditions of her mother. Surrounded by a good Deltan family that knew and loved her, she’d known exactly who she was and what was expected of her.
But then, her father had sent both of her brothers away to seek their fortunes across the stars—sent them away, without a chance to say goodbye. She still remembered the way her mother had screamed and sobbed when she’d learned of it. For Mariya’s part, any anger at her father’s brazen act was swallowed up in the fear that her parents’ marriage was about to be sundered apart. A cold iciness had set in between the both of them, and she’d tried in vain to bring some of that brightness back. For a little while, things seemed to be going well. Then, shortly after Noemi and Jeremiah had started boarding with them, her father had lost his job, tearing them apart all over again.
“If we go Coreward, I guarantee you I wouldn’t be able to find work,” she remembered her father arguing with the rest of the family back on Oriana Station. His eyes had been wide with anger and desperation. “I’m forty two standard years old, and my only useful skills have to do with my time as a starship pilot. The only starships in the Coreward Stars are superliners and bulk freighters—massive corporate-run ships with captains who started out in their careers back in their twenties.”
“Oh, come on,” her mother had said, her hands belligerently on her hips. “Surely you’d be able to find something.”
Please don’t fight, Mariya had thought to herself as she stood against the far wall, near the door. The whole family had crowded into the apartment’s family room, making the cozy space feel hot and cramped. From the nervous glances her aunts and uncles stole at each other, it was clear that the problems were serious—even more so than usual.
“You don’t believe me?”
“No, I don’t. How often have I told you to find something better than that dockyard job, or at least ask for a raise? How often did you listen to me?”
Her mother’s expression was cold and spiteful, making Mariya cringe. Why did her parents have to fight? She didn’t like it—it made her feel as if the family was about to fall apart. Ever since they’d fled Megiddo Station as refugees, it had been like this. The tensions usually just simmered, but now they were bursting to the surface with a vengeance. If she didn’t do something to stop it,
she feared that something awful was going to happen.
“The New Pleiades isn’t too far,” her father was now saying. “There’s been a lot of expansion out that way—I’m sure we could find something.”
Uncle Sven already had his wrist console out, checking the claim. “You’re right,” he said, “but the going rate for passage looks pretty high—almost five times the price for a one-way ticket to New Sol.”
“That’s too much,” said Grandpa, shaking his head.
“Well, then let’s apply for one of the colony ships,” said her father, throwing his hands up in exasperation. “There are plenty of colonization missions to the far Outworlds that are eager to sign up people. We’d get passage free, possibly with the option to homestead.”
“Isn’t that dangerous?” asked Aunt Leah. “We’d be starting over as first generation settlers on the stellar frontier. What about our children?”
“I’m sure everything will be fine. They don’t send people out on those missions without plenty of supplies.”
“I’m not so sure,” said Sven. “I’ve heard some horror stories. Besides, there’s no guarantee we’ll find a mission that will take all of us. The Coreward Stars are still our best bet.”
“He’s right,” said Grandma. “Not all of us are young anymore. Better that we stick together, and go somewhere that’s well suited for all of us.”
From the frown on her father’s face, it was clear that he didn’t think that was a good idea.
“If you want to live the rest of your life trapped under a dome, breathing the same recycled air as a hundred million other people, then by all means, let’s take the cheapest option and leave our community behind forever. But if—”
“Oh, don’t be so dramatic,” said her mother, shaking her head as she folded her arms. “You were the one who took us from our community at Delta Oriana—the one who made us leave our home forever.”
“I did it to save your lives! What part of that don’t you people understand?”
Please don’t fight. Please.
“We never should have left our beloved birth star,” said Aunt Giuli, crossing herself. “Nothing but evil has come to us at these stars of the unbelievers.”
“Do you think we could go back to Delta Oriana?” Aunt Leah asked. Her face lit up with the hope of someone who doesn’t know any better.
Suddenly, everyone started talking at once. It was as if the mere mention of home had brought out a flood of pent up emotions. Mariya’s head spun as she tried to keep up with it all, but it was impossible.
“Then go, for all I care!” her father shouted in Gaian. He stormed out of the room, his face a picture of rage.
Without thinking, she reached out to stop him. “Dad, I’m sorry—”
But he shrugged her off without a word.
Mariya clenched her teeth and gripped the edge of the blanket with all the strength she possessed. In the darkness of the bunk room, the memories played across her mind as if on an endless loop. She turned and buried her face in her pillow, but it made no difference. There was nothing she could do to stop it—nothing to distract her from her fears and anxieties about the future.
What would happen to her? Zarmina was a distant star on the farthest fringes of the Far Outworlds. She and the other colonists would be the only ones there. Without her family—her aunts and uncles and cousins, and all their children as well—she might as well be alone. Her future was as dark and as cold as a starless void.
A strong family shines brighter than all the stars. The words brought tears to her eyes, staining her pillow with their fleeting moisture. She’d always thought that her family was strong enough to endure anything, but now she saw that she had been wrong. Nothing in her life was secure anymore—any part of it could be shattered in an instant. And now, she was on her way to a place where she would be the only Deltan her age, among a people who thought that her faith and traditions were weird.
Well, that wasn’t quite true. There was still Noemi and Jeremiah, who’d be joining them on board the Hope of Oriana in just a few weeks.
Thinking about that only made her tears come faster. How could they share such a bond with each other when the rest of her family had fallen apart? Even though they didn’t speak the same language, they were almost inseparable from each other. Jeremiah would do anything for her—even give up his starship. He was like an anchor of security in Noemi’s life, guiding her through the darkness and shielding her from uncertainty.
Could Benyamin and I have been like that? she wondered. With all the light-years that now separated them, it was impossible to know for sure. She doubted it, though. Perhaps in time, they could have grown as close, but the fact that Jeremiah and Noemi already had that connection—why couldn’t she have it too?
Well, why couldn’t she?
Another memory came unbidden to her mind—the lavish upper-class penthouses in the spokeside districts of Oriana Station, far from her home in the immigrant quarters. She’d gone with Jeremiah to a woman there, a beautiful young woman with the means to help her family. Jeremiah had said she was a friend of his friend, though he hadn’t wanted to visit her alone. And with good reason.
“I have a friend who might be able to help you,” she had said, the air thick with the heady smell of her custom-rolled cigarettes. “Not with a starship, of course, but with passage out of the system—and possibly more.”
“Y-you do?” Jeremiah had asked.
The woman had looked down on them with haughty eyes, clearly holding them both in contempt. Still, she answered.
“He’s the captain of a colony expedition. He stopped accepting applications almost a month ago, but I might be able to convince him to sign on a few extras. How many of you are there?”
“Just three,” Mariya had said, not wanting to push their luck. “My parents and myself.”
“It shouldn’t be too difficult.”
“Thank you so much,” said Jeremiah, rising to his feet. “I—”
“Not so fast,” said the young woman, stepping between him and the door. “You said you wanted something from me, but you never asked if there was anything I wanted from you.”
He glanced back at Mariya, as if asking what to do. Mariya didn’t know what to tell him.
“What’s that?”
The woman approached him slowly, swinging her hips as she walked. Her sleek, form-fitting dress accentuated all of her curves, giving her a deeply sensual beauty that Mariya would never have. Before she spoke, her lips turned up in a sultry smile, and Mariya knew exactly what she was after.
“I’m not a married woman,” she said, circling Jeremiah like a cat. “I have a lover, but he comes and goes, and I have to share him with half a dozen other women whom I’ll never meet. You, on the other hand, are totally devoted to your wife—so much so that you’d take her with you across the stars.” She stopped and faced him. “That seems so … so fascinating.”
That’s enough, Mariya thought, unable to stand by silently any longer. She stepped between them before they could come any closer.
“No!” she yelled. “Jeremiah is—it’s not right to expect that from him. We don’t want—”
“This isn’t about what you want, dear,” sneered the woman. “It’s about what he wants—and how much he really wants it.”
Ignoring her, she stepped past her and ran a hand down Jeremiah’s chest, undoing the top button of his shirt. Much to Mariya’s dismay, he didn’t move to stop her.
“I don’t know about this,” he said softly. “It … wouldn’t be very faithful of me.”
“Faithful? It’s only once. She never has to know.”
Don’t do it, Mariya had wanted to scream. You have a wife, a family—don’t throw that all away!
“She wouldn’t want me to do this,” Jeremiah said.
“Then tell me: how much do you really love her?”
The woman stared at him in the eye, dominating him. He shifted uneasily, while Mariya clenched her fists.
/> “I’ve committed myself to her,” he said. “I’ve refitted my ship for the both of us and promised not to leave her. When we learned that she was pregnant, I took a shitty job and worked long hours just to support the both of us. Isn’t that love?”
“Perhaps,” said the woman, “but is it passion?”
She stepped right up to him, so that their bodies almost touched. Mariya’s eyes widened, and she covered her mouth in shock. Still, she couldn’t look away—something about the scene transfixed her.
“I love her,” said Jeremiah, his voice soft but firm. “Please, don’t ask me to betray her.”
The woman stared at him for a moment, then turned and walked away. “I wouldn’t ask you to make love with me, of course,” she said, returning to her haughty tone from before. “That would be … too banal. Besides, I doubt you’re as good a lover as my Samson.”
“Yes,” he said, the relief evident in his voice. “I’m probably not.”
“However,” she said, turning sharply, “there is something else you can give me.”
“What is it?”
A smile like that of a naughty child spread across her face, making Mariya tense. “It’s just a small favor—a very harmless one. Something not difficult at all.” She licked her lips mischievously. “I want you to give me a kiss.”
“A kiss?” Mariya shrieked. “But—but Noemi—”
“Just a kiss? That’s all?”
“Yes,” said the woman. “But you must kiss me like you would kiss her.”
Jeremiah frowned. “Kiss you how?”
She tossed her hair back and sighed. “It cannot be just an ordinary kiss—you must make me believe that when you leave this place, you would take me with you, just as you have chosen to take her. You must make me feel that I am her.”
You horrible, horrible woman! Mariya nearly screamed. You—you bitch! But with her hands trembling, it was all she could do to fold her arms and shake her head.
“Don’t do it,” she told Jeremiah. “We can find another way.”
“It’s just a kiss,” he said softly. “If it’s the only way to get us back to the Outworlds …”
