by Joe Vasicek
“Because—because I thought we were going to stay here with Mariya’s family,” said Noemi. “We need her—I need her. What are we going to do when the baby comes? I don’t want to deliver him alone. I love you, dear, and I respect your authority, but we’ve been wandering the stars for so long, and I just need a place where I can be with my own people.”
Mariya raised her hand and nodded. “That’s enough,” she said softly. “I’ll translate.”
Jeremiah watched her intently now, his face gaunt and his eyes clouded.
“She says she doesn’t want to disrespect your authority, but she absolutely does not want to leave the Hope of Oriana right now. Unless—”
“Unless what?”
She hesitated, not sure whether she should put words in Noemi’s mouth or not. Then again, if Jeremiah really did want to settle at B’tum, this was the best way to avoid making the fight any worse.
“Unless the rest of us can come with you too. It’s the pregnancy—she just wants to be with her own people.”
If she’d feared that Jeremiah would get angry or lose his temper, that fear was misplaced. He bit his lip and nodded despondently, as if blaming himself for everything. It reflected almost perfectly the way she felt.
Noemi put a hand on her knee, as if to show him how close the two of them were. Mariya didn’t know how to respond—she still didn’t know if Jeremiah saw her as an impostor, trying to come between them. She drew in a long breath and waited stiffly for his response.
“But why …”
“Why what?” she asked.
He paused. “I just don’t understand.”
“Is there anything I can do to help?”
“Just—just tell her I’m sorry. It was stupid of me to make a decision without her. If she doesn’t want to leave, then that’s fine—we’ll stay on with you to Zarmina.”
Mariya’s heart leaped. It’s okay, she told herself. He wants to work things out—everything’s going to be okay. If it was the idea of marrying her that he objected to, then maybe Noemi could help him come around. There was still a chance that things could work out.
“What did he say?” Noemi asked.
“He says that he’s sorry. He’s changed his mind now, and says that you’re coming with us to Zarmina”
Noemi listened, but still seemed troubled. She turned to Jeremiah and patted him on the leg.
“Jerem-ahra no sad,” she said in her limited Gaian. “Is sorry, is good. Noemi no angry.”
Still, Jeremiah seemed more deflated than relieved. His body tensed, and he rubbed his forehead with the tips of his fingers. It wasn’t okay—not yet.
“Mariya,” he said. “I—”
“Yes?”
He hesitated. Mariya swallowed, and Noemi put a hand on her arm. Now more than ever, she was grateful for the show of support.
“What is it, Jeremiah?”
“I … I shouldn’t have said what I did back there.”
About what? she almost asked. About not being able to marry me? It seemed like too much to hope for, but if they could work everything out right now, so that there were no more conflicts or misunderstandings, that would be perfect.
“And the marriage?” she asked. “What about that?”
“I’ll consider it,” he said quickly—too quickly. Then, after a brief pause, “I don’t know.”
“I’ll do my best to help Noemi,” she said, eager to convince him. “It’ll be good for everyone—honest. Besides, we’ve been through a lot together, haven’t we? And at Zarmina, we’ll go through even more.”
“But Mariya, what if my answer is no?”
Once again, all the gut-wrenching fear from before came flooding back to her. If you say no, then I won’t have anyone else to go to, she wanted to say. I’ll be forced to settle for one of the Alphan boys—or worse, spend the rest of my life alone.
“Why would you say that?” she asked. If only she could get him to see that this was the best way—that everything would be better if he would just agree to marry her. It would solve everything for all of them.
His face lit up, making her pause. “Here’s an idea,” he said. “What if I left by myself on the Ariadne and met up with you again at Zarmina?”
Mariya frowned. What would that accomplish? The suggestion caught her so off guard that for a moment or two, she hardly knew how to respond.
“Why would you want to do that?” she asked.
“Captain Elijah asked me to spread the word about the new colony at Zarmina,” said Jeremiah. “The more people know we’re out there, the more traders will come through with goods that we’ll need.”
“I suppose,” she said slowly. “But what about Noemi?”
He swallowed. “It’ll be a sacrifice, but in the long run, I think it will make us all better off. Besides, I’ll be back—it’s only for a few months.”
But you’re still leaving her.
The look of confusion on Noemi’s face brought Mariya back to the present. She took a deep breath and turned to translate, knowing full well that Noemi wouldn’t like what she was about to hear.
“He says he wants to leave on the Ariadne, by himself. He’ll meet up with us at Zarmina, of course, but he wants you to stay on the Hope of Oriana.”
“What?” said Noemi. Her eyes widened like a pair of full moons, and her hands began to shake.
“To be honest, I don’t really understand it myself. He says—”
“Jerem-ahra go?” she said abruptly, turning to Jeremiah and speaking in Gaian. “No go—stay.”
“I’m sorry, Noemi, but this is something I must do.”
Noemi bit her lip and shook her head. The look of pain on her face made a lump rise in Mariya’s throat.
“No want you go. You go no see long time—baby no see.”
“I’ll come back in time for the baby,” he said. “And you’ll be in good hands while I’m gone. Right?”
“Right,” said Mariya, forcing a smile. “Everything will be fine—don’t worry.”
Noemi’s shoulders trembled, and she buried her head in her hands as she began to quietly sob. Jeremiah stiffened, and for a moment he seemed about to change his mind. But then, he turned to Mariya with a sad look in his eyes.
“Can we have some time alone together?” he asked softly.
“Of course,” she said, rising to her feet. “I’ll go tell my father.”
He nodded and rose to see her out. A short while later, without really understanding what had happened or how she had come to be there, she stood in the docking airlock of the Hope of Oriana as the door hissed shut behind her.
What just happened?
* * * * *
Why is he leaving me? Noemi wondered as Jeremahra stepped back into the cabin. What’s going on? He put his arm around her, but the gesture gave her little comfort. When he tried to explain, of course she couldn’t understand.
Why do you have to go? she longed to ask him. Did this have to do with Mariya—was he trying to run away from her? She didn’t see how leaving would possibly change anything in the long run—and even if it did, she wasn’t sure it was worth it. The whole thing was stupid and pointless, but like everything else that had happened to her since leaving Megiddo Station, she couldn’t do anything to stop it.
He pulled down the helmet-like dream monitor from the overhead compartment and motioned for her to unfold the chair. She went through the motions mechanically, hardly aware of what she was doing. Once he’d helped her down into the seat, he slipped on the monitor and slid the neural jacks into the back of her neck—
—and the next thing she knew, she was floating in the dark, empty void.
He wants to tell me something, she realized. This is his way of getting through to me without anyone else to translate. She considered opening up to the autumn world, with the mountains and trees and the once-green meadow, but that simulation no longer reflected the feelings of her heart.
Taking a deep breath, she clapped her hands together and let her subconscious
take over. A vast, barren plain extended from horizon to horizon. The sky overhead turned bright blue, like the sky over the mountain meadow, but the heat of the sun was searing and merciless. There was no cloud—no moisture in the air whatsoever. Great cracks spread across the earth, like broken, empty veins in search of water. She took a step, and the ground crumbled and turned to dust. Off in the distance, a small brown whirlwind danced across the lifeless landscape.
Yes, she thought to herself. This is how I feel. She lowered herself to the ground and laid on her back, letting her hair spill out across the cracked, waterless earth.
A voice called out in the distance. “Noemi?”
It was Jeremahra. She didn’t bother to answer him, but waited for him to find her. It didn’t take long.
“Noemi,” he said softly. When she didn’t respond, he sat down on the ground next to her. “Noemi, I sorry.”
“Why?” she asked, turning to look at him. Why are you doing this to me—to us?
He cringed a little, sweat spreading across his forehead from the heat of the sun. “I want only best us,” he explained. “If stay, Mariya’s will make until agree marry. That is why I leave.”
“Mariya no wife?” she asked, sitting up beside him. Was he really so opposed to taking a second wife that he’d leave her just to avoid it?
“No,” he said, putting an arm around her. “I not take wife—only you.”
“Why no Mariya wife?” she asked.
“Because I not want, and because you not want. Ki?”
She shrugged. “Yes,” she said in Deltan. “But—”
“If you no want, I not want you make kind this sacrifice. Is not right—not make family strong.”
He met her gaze and held it. On this issue, he was firm.
“But no want you leave too,” she said. Not if it’s only going to delay the inevitable.
“It okay,” he said, rubbing her back. “Only for little. See?”
He took her hand and pointed to the horizon. Way off in the distance, shimmering like a mirage, Noemi saw the faded image of a beautiful garden, with tall, leafy plants and a deliciously cool pool. Little brown dates in wrinkled, sugary skins hung in clusters beneath the leaves—just by looking at them, she imagined she could taste their sweetness. It was as if she and Jeremahra had been struggling in the wilderness for all their lives, wandering through a barren, inhospitable universe, and this was the thing that they had always been looking for—the place where they had always longed to be.
The vision faded—Jeremahra wasn’t strong enough to hold the image in the simulator long. Noemi reached up and took hold of it herself, adding a touch of her own.
“Home?” she asked.
“Yes,” said Jeremahra, giving her a hug. “We be together again—just two us.”
Just us, Noemi thought. Not Mariya. But couldn’t he see that marrying her was inevitable—that running away wouldn’t solve anything, but only make things worse?
She let go of the image of the oasis, and it vanished into the air like a mirage. On the horizon to their right, the sun hung low in the sky, turning it to brilliant shades of orange, then red, and finally a deep, warm violet. The sun was setting on them now just as it had in the dying world, but when it rose again, the place would still be a barren wasteland.
“Don’t sad,” he said, running his fingers through her hair. “Is not forever—just few short months.”
“But Jeremahra be alone again,” she said. Her mind went back to the way he’d tortured himself with guilt and loneliness before she’d entered his life. If anything worried her more than him leaving her, it was what he would do to himself without her.
“I be fine,” he said. “Don’t worry about.”
“Yes worry,” she said stubbornly. “I love you.”
“And love you too.”
If I can’t change his mind, then maybe I can give him something to hope for, she thought to herself. Something to keep him going in the cold, lonely void.
“Remember, home,” she said, pointing to the stars. They were just starting to come out, shining like millions of tiny beacons in the clear desert sky. “You and me, family strong, yes?”
“Yes,” he answered softly.
As strong and bright as all the stars.
“Remember, I love you. Come home see me together, ki?”
“Ki.”
She smiled and stroked his cheek. “Goodbye,” she whispered.
“Yes,” he said again, his whole body trembling. “Goodbye.”
* * * * *
A strong family shines brighter than all the stars, Mariya thought to herself as she stared out the window on the observation deck of the Hope of Oriana. Now that they were on their way to Zarmina, the starfield shone like a silvery carpet of tiny perfect points of light, a shimmering, godlike cloud of worlds. She drew in a long breath and sighed—the view didn’t depress her as much as it used to, but it was still frustrating how uncertain the future still was.
“Ah, there you are,” came a deep, booming voice behind her. She stiffened—it was Captain Elijah.
“Hello,” she said, turning to face him. He still wore his crisp white dress uniform, the same as he did every time they jumped out of a port. It was one of his many quirks—but after all, it was his ship. He could do whatever he wanted.
“I’ve been meaning to talk with you for some time now,” he said. Without being invited, he opened the nearest chair and sat down. She cringed a little, but at least they were alone.
“Oh, really?” she asked, laughing nervously. “Why?”
He wasn’t smiling. Her laugh turned to a cough, and her cheeks turned red.
“What’s this I hear about Jeremiah having problems with the other Deltans on this ship?”
Mariya’s blood turned cold, but she recovered quickly. Why are you asking me about this now? she wondered. With Jeremiah already gone, it was kind of late to ask.
“I’ve already asked your father a dozen times,” he continued. “He never gave me a satisfactory answer, however. I was hoping you would.”
“It’s nothing—not anything too big, anyway. Just—just a few small misunderstandings. Nothing we can’t work through.”
She said it with a smile, but he didn’t seem to be buying it.
“If that’s so, why did Jeremiah tell me just a few days ago that he and Noemi had decided to stay at B’tum?”
Was it only a couple of days ago? To Mariya, it already felt like months.
“That’s all in the past now. He’s still coming with us to Zarmina—he’s just leaving for a while, to go spread the word among the other Outworld colonies.”
“But why would he tell me that he was leaving in the first place?”
She swallowed. “It’s … kind of a long story.”
“It’s a long way from here to Zarmina, too. I think we have time.”
There’s no way he’s going to let me out of this, is there? From the look on his face, she knew that he never would. And since there was no one else on the observation deck …
It took her almost half an hour, but she told him everything. He listened intently without saying a word, his white-bearded face as impassive as a moon. She started with Jeremiah and Noemi’s arrival, how she and her father had separately approached them with the idea of the marriage. But to explain that, she had to go back further, to Benyamin and everything else. Before long, the words were gushing out of her like blood from a severed artery, and it was all she could do to keep from jumping from one thread to another.
“So that was the misunderstanding,” she said after explaining it all. “Noemi is fine with it, but Jeremiah … I don’t know. Maybe he just needs some time? I guess I made a mess of everything. But it’s still the right choice for all of us—don’t you agree?”
Elijah stared at her with his unreadable eyes. She shifted uneasily, not sure whether to brace herself for an argument or go on.
“Well, what do you think of this whole thing? Do you think I—”
“All of this was happening on my ship, and you didn’t think to inform me about it?”
His sudden answer nearly made her jump. For an awkward moment, neither of them said anything.
“Uh, yeah,” she said. “I mean, I always meant to tell you eventually, but … yeah.”
“You tried to impose yourself on two of my passengers, manipulated your way into a relationship that neither of them wanted, and blackmailed one of them into leaving when he tried to refuse?”
Mariya’s jaw dropped. “What? No!”
“Stop lying to yourself. That’s what happened, isn’t it? By Earth, Sol, and Luna—I knew there was a fire somewhere on my ship, but I didn’t know that you were pumping liquid oxygen into it.”
“That’s not what happened at all!” she cried, her hands shaking. “Everything’s fine—there were a couple of misunderstandings, but everything’s worked out by now.”
“Is that so?”
“Yes.” At least, I think it is.
“You do realize that as captain, I am the only one on this ship who has the authority to solemnize marriages? That no one in this colony can get married without my approval?”
She scratched her arm nervously. “I—I guess I just assumed you’d be okay with it.”
“You assume a lot of things, Mariya. But this—this makes me wonder if you even live in the same universe as the rest of us. Did you honestly think that you could insert yourself into someone else’s marriage without any sort of push-back?”
Mariya’s whole body shook with anxiety. The room seemed to spin around her, and more than anything, she wanted to run away. But her feet felt rooted to the floor, her seat to the chair, with nothing to stop the captain’s awful eyes from boring into her.
“I—I thought we could make it work,” she said weakly. “I never—I never thought—”
“Exactly. You never thought of how your actions would impact the other people around you. You never thought to come to me with your concerns and ask for help in resolving them.”
That’s because you couldn’t have done anything to help.
