by A. Valentine
“I know, I know,” Jackson said soothingly, rubbing his hand up and down along her back.
Nicole’s body seemed to recognize his touch, even if her mind didn’t, and she leaned into his touch and allowed him to comfort her. She was suddenly very glad that he was here, even if she didn’t remember him.
He was quiet as she cried, allowing her to process her grief and shock in her own way. Nicole had always feared that she would be incapable of having children, but it seemed that her worst fears had finally come to fruition. And now she couldn’t even remember it happening.
She vaguely realized that this must have been an incredible blow for Jackson as well. He had likely expected to have a family with his own children, with a whole woman who could healthily carry out a pregnancy. He must have been just as crushed when the doctor had given them the news. She felt crushed by the weight of her inadequacies, and she felt ashamed of herself for falling short.
“I- I’m sorry…” Nicole gasped through her sobs.
“No,” Jackson said firmly. “Don’t say that Nicole. This isn’t your fault.”
Jackson brushed her hands away from her face, and his own hands took their place. Nicole was shocked nearly out of her tears by the contact, and she blinked with wide eyes as she looked into his serious dark gaze.
“This isn’t your fault,” he repeated, softly and much more gentle. His thumbs began to gently stroke along her cheeks.
Nicole sighed and subconsciously nuzzled into his palms. There was something about him that just felt right. She felt her body slowly awaken to his touch, and she felt a soft tingle begin to travel along her skin. Jackson searched her face with his eyes, and she saw his expression shift from one of strength and certainty to the same wonder that she was sure was written on her own face.
They remained that way for a long moment, gazing into each other’s eyes. Slowly, Jackson withdrew his hands from her face and an apologetic expression crossed his face.
“I’m sorry…” he whispered, looking down into his lap. “I… your reaction… it was the same the first time…”
Nicole took in his words, and her heart broke a little for the man in front of her. Again, she felt as though she had let him down, and that she was a broken excuse for a woman. First she was infertile, and now she had memory loss. She was certain that neither of them had signed up for this.
“I’m so, so sorry,” Nicole said, her voice breaking, and tears trickling down her face. “I know this wasn’t what you signed on for when you… when you married me…”
Jackson looked up at her with intensity.
“This is exactly what I signed up for,” he said firmly, his voice trembling with emotion. “In sickness and in health, I… I love you.”
Nicole felt slightly unnerved by the strength of his emotions, and unbidden she felt a surge of warmth in the pit of her stomach. She knew it wasn’t the right time or place to be getting hot and bothered, and she looked down at her lap, feeling embarrassed.
Jackson, too, looked away, and she heard him take a deep breath to steady himself.
“I’m sorry,” he said softly. “I know this has to be a lot for you to take in so suddenly. I don’t mean to scare you or anything.”
“I… its fine,” Nicole sighed and rubbed at her eyes. “I mean, it is a lot… but it’s my life, right?”
Jackson gave her a small smile, and Nicole smiled back.
Nicole had a lot on her mind, and the first thing she wanted to do now that she had put together a few missing pieces of her life, she wanted to speak with her parents.
“Do you…” she started, and felt slightly embarrassed. “Do you have a phone I could borrow?”
Jackson blinked at her, and seemed momentarily dazed by the change in direction of the conversation.
“Yeah,” he said, blinking and shaking his head a little. “Of course, here.”
He reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone, reaching over to hand it to her.
“I would give you yours,” he said. “But we lost it in the wreck, and I haven’t gotten around to getting it replaced.”
“I can imagine not,” Nicole said wryly. She held the phone in her hand and looked it over. It seemed to be a touchscreen phone, but it was bigger and sleeker than the ones she remembered. She was sure that technology had advanced quite a bit in the last five years.
She struggled to activate it for a long moment, a look of frustration on her face. Jackson watched her for a moment, before he gently held out his hand for the phone.
“May I?” he said.
Nicole nodded, slightly embarrassed, and turned the phone back over to him. She watched as he pressed a small, circular button at the base of the screen, and the phone came to life. He tapped a familiar, phone shaped icon on the screen, and a number pad appeared.
“Here you go,” he handed the phone back to her.
Nicole’s fingers hovered over the buttons for a moment, and she bit her lip. She remembered her parents’ number from five years ago, but it was more than likely it had changed.
“I also have your parents’ number in my contacts,” Jackson offered kindly. “If you would rather just do that.”
Nicole smiled in relief, and once more gave Jackson the phone back. He selected another icon, and scrolled through his list of contacts until they landed on one named Kimberly Mason. Nicole felt a surge of emotion at seeing her mom’s name. She knew it was ridiculous, but it suddenly seemed like ages since they had spoken.
Nicole thanked Jackson for his help, and took the phone back. She selected the call icon, and held the phone to her ear. The phone only rang once before she got her answer.
Chapter Four
“Hello?” Nicole teared up as she heard her mother’s voice, heavy with anxiety.
“Hi mom,” she choked out, relief rushing over her.
“Thank God,” her mother said in a rush, her relief evident in her voice. “It’s so good to hear your voice. Are you hurt, have you seen a doctor?”
“Yeah mom,” Nicole said. The knowledge of her memory loss weighed heavily on her mind. “He says that I should recover very well.”
“Good, good,” her mother sighed. “Your father will be thrilled to hear you’re awake. I’ll text Jackson when he gets off work so that you can give him a call as well.”
“Okay, I’ll have him watch out for it,” Nicole glanced over at Jackson, who was watching her intently.
“Is he still there with you?” her mother asked, a strange tone in her voice. “I mean, I should assume so if you’re calling on his phone.”
“Yeah,” Nicole answered. “He’s been here ever since I woke up.”
“He’s been there all week, as far as we know,” her mother noted, her voice warm, and carrying a hint. Nicole frowned, confused by her mother’s mercurial tone changes.
“Yeah…” Nicole said. “Mom… there’s something else… something about the wreck…”
“What is it?” her mother urged, her tone once more anxious.
“I… I have no memory of the wreck…” Nicole said, swallowing hard so she could get the rest of the words out. “Or five years before…”
There was a moment of silence that passed between them over the phone.
“Oh honey,” her mother sighed, her voice seeming relieved. “I know this must be hard for you. But we’ll all be here for you to help put it all back together, okay?”
“Okay,” Nicole said, relieved that her mother had taken the news so well. “I’d better go… I love you.”
“I love you too,” her mother said softly. “It’s so good to hear your voice. Get some rest honey.”
“I will,” Nicole said. “Bye.”
“Bye-bye,” her mother said, and the line went dead.
Nicole gave the phone back to Jackson, and she was quiet for a long moment. She suddenly felt exhausted, and she leaned back in the bed. Jackson looked at her worriedly, and reached out as if to help her.
“I’m okay,” she said, g
iving him a reassuring smile. He smiled back, his eyes tender.
“Okay,” he said softly, and a pure, genuine smile lifting his features.
Nicole could not explain why, but his smile calmed her more than anything else probably could. Her reaction to him was wholly surprising and unexpected, but she was grateful that he could serve as a comfort to her.
For the rest of the short time that she was in the hospital, Nicole endeavored to get to know Jackson a little better. For the most part, he was a very intense and quiet man. He still seemed very worried, and he looked at her with concern every time she moved. Nicole found it somewhat unnerving, but she knew he was only doing it because he cared for her.
The more time she spent with him, the more she realized that the accident had taken its toll on him, as well as it had injured her. He seemed anxious and on edge at times, and it seemed to her that he was having trouble sleeping. She had no way to know if he was always like that or if it was a result of worrying over his unconscious wife for nearly a week.
Nicole, too, felt a subconscious connection with this man. He rarely touched her, but when he did, a spark seemed to travel through her body. Even his nearness was enough to put her body on high alert. Her heart beat a little faster when she looked at him. This embarrassed her to no end, as she was still hooked up to a lot of technology that gave her away each time. Jackson certainly noticed, and he gave her a mischievous glance each time it happened. Rather than embarrassment, though, Nicole found herself laughing.
Slowly but surely, she found herself connecting with this man of whom she had no recollection. She vaguely mused that there was no wonder they had been together for the past five years if she was already falling in love with him again.
The time they spent in the hospital, though, was limited. Both of her examinations had been positive. Nicole had winced when the doctor examined her bruises, which were dark and large, all along her thighs and her upper torso. It was still hard for her to sit up unassisted without pain, but the doctor assured her that it would go away in time, and might be due in large part to her extended state of unconsciousness.
True to his word, the doctor released her a day after she woke up. He assured them both that she should have a full recovery, and encouraged them to call if they needed any guidance or had any questions. He also urged them to call if she suddenly regained her memory, and said that even if she never gained the memories back, she could live a healthy and normal life.
The time finally came for them to leave the hospital and go home. Nicole couldn’t help but be nervous. She still thought that she should be going back home to a college dorm room or her parent’s house. Instead, she would be going to her own adult home with her husband.
Nicole stared blankly across the room. She jumped slightly as she felt Jackson’s hand on her shoulder. He immediately withdrew his hand and looked at her with concern.
“Nicole?” he said softly. “Are you ready?”
Nicole hesitated for a moment and looked for a long moment at the wheelchair that had been brought for her. AT length, she nodded.
She allowed Jackson to gently help her stand. Nicole would have certainly swayed and fallen if Jackson hadn’t been there to steady her. He lowered her into the wheelchair, and helped Nicole to settle herself into it. When she was ready, she looked up at the ever attentive Jackson and gave him a smile and a nod.
Jackson began to wheel her down the hall of the hospital, but Nicole’s mind was elsewhere. Her heart beat hard and fast in her chest, and she was vaguely grateful that she was no longer hooked up to any machinery that would reveal her elevated heart rate.
“I called our friend Angela to pick us up,” Jackson explained as they neared the exit, and Nicole blinked.
“Okay,” she said. She had no recollection of anyone named Angela, but she supposed that she would have to be meeting a lot of people that she couldn’t remember in the coming days.
Soon, they were outside the doors of the hospital, and Jackson started rolling her toward a white sedan that was parked in the driveway area. A tall black woman stepped out of the driver’s seat and moved over to open the passenger side door.
“Good to see you up and about,” the woman spoke, and flashed them both a bright white smile. “I know you don’t remember, but we three are the best of friends. Well, four if you count my husband James.”
“It’s nice to meet you,” Nicole said. “Again.”
Angela laughed.
“Come on, let’s get you into the car and get you home,” Angela said, a broad smile on her face.
Nicole smiled up at the woman and allowed Jackson to help her up out of the chair and onto her feet so that she could lower herself into the car. She could already tell that she was warming up this woman. She felt a sense of warmth and calm around her, though she attributed that partially to her warm, motherly voice.
It did not take long to get Nicole settled into the car, and Jackson settled into the back.
They all three chatted about her time in the hospital. Nicole appreciated the fact that the woman did not try to bring up anything that Nicole could not remember. The woman seemed very bright and strong, and she seemed more than happy to simply start again from the beginning.
Soon, they pulled up to a row of townhouses, and Nicole despaired for a moment, hoping that she didn’t have to climb any stairs on her weak legs.
“Well here we are,” Angela said, looking over at her and giving her a wide smile. “You two call me if you think of anything you need.”
“Okay,” Nicole smiled. “Thank you so much for the ride.”
“Don’t mention it,” Angela winked.
Jackson had moved to the passenger’s side door and opened it to help her out.
“See you,” he said to Angela as he supported Nicole on the sidewalk.
“You guys take care,” Angela smiled and waved as she got back into her car.
Jackson watched Angela drive down the street, and then turned his face back to Nicole.
“Want to check out our place?” Jackson smiled softly at her.
Chapter Five
Nicole felt a rush of anxiety, but she nodded. Jackson softly ran a hand up and down her back and led her to a unit labeled number one hundred and two, which was blessedly on the street level except for a small stoop with about five steps.
Jackson helped her up the steps and fished his keys out of his pocket. Nicole watched with wide eyes as he turned the key in the lock.
“Here it is…” he said as he swung the door inward. Nicole’s eyes widened and her jaw dropped as she moved into the townhouse.
It was everything that she had ever dreamed that her apartment would be. There was a small table in the entryway, and she saw a picture of herself and Jackson, his arm wrapped around her shoulders somewhere where it was snowing. A bright smile lit up her face, and she felt an ache as she realized she had no memory of this occasion.
She moved down the small halls, and noted that the walls were a soft cream color, almost white. Pictures of her family, and what she assumed were his family lined the short wall. A picture of Angela, and a man that she did not recognize was among the framed pictures.
The hallway led into a large living room, with a large, cream colored leather couch, loveseat and chairs around a glass coffee table. The carpet was thick, and was a matching cream color. Rugs were scattered here and there in deep earth tones. The curtains were brown and hazy red, and gave a nice touch to the room.
The living room was separated from the kitchen by a breakfast bar. The floor of the kitchen was made up of light beige tiles, and there was a large, quarts topped island in the kitchen and counters, with deep cheery wood for the cabinets. It was a beautiful room, and Nicole couldn’t; help but openly marvel at it.
“Do you like it?” Jackson asked her, a hint of amusement in his voice.
“Yes,” Nicole breathed her answer. “Is it ours?”
“Yes,” Jackson answered. “It’s completely paid for.”
Nicole felt a rush of shock. She wondered what he did for money. Or maybe what she did for money…
“You want to head upstairs?” he suggested.
Nicole groaned internally at the idea of moving up any kind of stairs, but she supposed it was an inevitability. She nodded, and Jackson led her through the home to a staircase at the back. She gingerly moved up the steps, and was relieved to find that the journey was much less arduous than she had anticipated. They traveled the two landings with ease, and they were confronted with yet another hallway.
“Three bedrooms,” he said, and again Nicole was awed. “The front room is a guest bedroom, and the one adjacent from the master is a nursery.”
“Are you like a real estate agent?” Nicole joked as he gave her a tour of their home.
“No,” Jackson smiled down at her. “You are.”
Nicole felt her spirit flutter. That had been her dream job since she was in high school. She was glad that she had achieved her goal, but she was anxious thinking of going back to work with five years of her memory lost.
Jackson laughed lightly and continued to lead her down the hall.
“Here’s the nursery,” he said as he opened a door.
Nicole looked in, and was impressed by the simplicity of the room. Much like the living room, it was made up in soft earth tones, and a large, cherry wood crib was set up along one wall, alongside a changing table. Nicole’s stomach clenched at the idea of becoming a mother so soon, and she braced herself against the doorframe to catch her breath.
“Are you okay?” Jackson asked her. He gently tilted her face up to look into his concerned eyes.
“Not really…” Nicole gave him a small smile. “But I’m coping.”
He gave her a soft smile.
