by A. Valentine
The first part of her Mother’s statement filled Shannon’s heart with so much joy that it took her a minute to hear and process the second part. “What do you mean the timing is terrible?”
Chloe put her hands on the edge of the sink and bowed her head. “I’ve agreed to sell the store, Shannon.”
“What?” The bookstore had been one of the cornerstones of Shannon’s life; she couldn’t remember a time before her mother ran the place.
“It’s barely profitable. We’re just squeaking by, and that’s because I’m paying you far less than you’re worth.” Chloe shook her head, sadly. “I have absolutely nothing in terms of retirement savings, and this Amazon thing on the internet? It’s going to kill independent bookstores. I can’t afford to wait for that to happen.”
“What are we going to do?” Shannon asked.
“I’m going to go to Aunt Zoe’s,” she began.
“In Florida?” Shannon yelped. They’d never been there, although Chloe often talked about visiting her sister someday.
“Yes, in Florida,” Chloe said. “She’s said I can stay with her and help out in her shop until I find my footing. The cost of living is so much lower down there. I should be able to put something away so I’ll be able to retire. Someday. Maybe.” She laughed a little bit. There wasn’t a lot of humor in it.
“But what about me?” Shannon asked.
“I don’t know,” Chloe said. “My plan was to sell this place and use that money to send you to school. You’ve got to have an education to make it in this world.” She turned to look at her daughter, letting her gaze rest heavy on Shannon’s stomach. “But now I don’t know what’s going to happen.”
“Someone’s already agreed to buy the store?” Shannon asked.
“I’ve sold the building,” Chloe replied. “I’ve had a hard time finding anyone who’s interested in the inventory.”
Shannon laughed. “Well, that’s the same problem we’ve had right along.”
Chloe laughed too, shattering the tension in the room. “It’s going to be all right, honey.” She walked over to Shannon and pulled her up into a hug. “Things have a way of working out.”
“I don’t see myself moving to Florida,” Shannon said. “I’ve never been there. I won’t know anybody but you and Aunt Zoe.”
Her mother nodded. “I didn’t think you would,” she said. “I was really thinking you’d wind up in Albany with Erica and Brendan.”
“Erica did ask me to move in with her,” Shannon said. “When we were hanging out the other day.”
“Are you thinking about that?” Chloe asked.
“I was,” Shannon admitted. “But now I don’t know. It’s one thing for me to live with her. It’s another thing for me and my baby to live with her.”
“What about living with Brendan?”
Shannon shrugged. “I wouldn’t mind that, but he hasn’t asked me.” She laid a hand on her stomach. “Of course, he doesn’t know, yet.”
“Don’t rush into a relationship with him if it doesn’t feel right,” Chloe said.
“Mom. You just told me I was bonded to him for the rest of my life no matter what anyway.”
“And you are,” her mother replied. “But that doesn’t mean you’re obligated to date him if you don’t want to.”
“You make absolutely no sense,” Shannon complained.
“Life is like that. You want it to be logical. You want there to be rules, and for one thing to follow another, ABC, XYZ.” Chloe shook her head. “But it never actually works out like that. You go along, thinking you know a thing or two about how the world works, and when you least expect it, whammo! Everything changes.”
“You know what, Mom?” Shannon back down and looked up at her mother. “I think that is the truest thing you’ve ever said to me.”
Chapter 8
“So, I’ve got something to tell you,” Shannon said.
“You’re pregnant,” Brendan replied, almost instantly.
“How did you know?”
Brendan laughed. “Because every single conversation that begins, “So, I’ve got something to tell you” involves a pregnancy announcement at some point. It’s a rule.”
Shannon let out a deep sigh. “Are you pissed?”
“Pissed?” Brendan shook his head. “Why would I be pissed?” He reached out and took Shannon’s hand. “It’s not like you did this on purpose.”
“Or all by myself,” Shannon said, remembering Chloe’s words of the evening before.
Brendan nodded. “I should have worn a condom. I figured that since you were a virgin, it didn’t matter.” His gaze fell on Shannon’s stomach, which was still flat beneath her t-shirt. “Obviously, I was wrong about that.”
“You didn’t know virgins could get pregnant?” Shannon blinked. “Come on. You’re smarter than that.” A sour taste started in the back of her mouth; she could feel her stomach flip-flopping. “My god, I sound like my mother.”
“So she knows?”
Shannon nodded. “I couldn’t not tell her.”
Brendan sighed. “Maybe you could have not.”
“Yeah. We live in the same house, Brendan. It’s not like I could hide the fact I’m puking my guts out twelve times a day.”
Brendan’s expression immediately softened. “Oh, babe. Is it like that?”
“Morning sickness, it turns out, is a real thing,” Shannon replied. “A thing that sucks.” She didn’t add in any details about the panic attacks she’d been having in the middle of the night, worrying about what she was going to do.
“I’m sorry.” He took a deep breath. “I never meant for this to happen.”
“But it did.” A school bus slowly rumbled by, stopping in front of houses for the briefest of moments before driving off. A new driver was obviously learning the route in advance of classes, which started in just a few days. “And now I don’t know what we’re going to do.”
“It’s your decision.”
Shannon looked at Brendan sharply. “What?”
He shrugged. “I’m not some kind of asshole, Shannon. I’m not going to force you to have a baby if you don’t want to. I understand that it’s your body, your choice.”
Shannon shuddered. “Do you want me to have an abortion?”
“No!” Brendan almost shouted the syllable, and then stopped himself, shocked at his volume. “That’s not what I mean.”
“Well, that’s what those words mean, Brendan.” Shannon spoke calmly and carefully. “I either have the baby or I don’t. Those are the only two options here.”
“I know that.” Brendan’s voice broke. She looked over, shocked to see there were tears in his eyes. “I just…I don’t know. I can’t imagine you doing that. Killing our child.”
Shannon took a deep breath. “Well. Can you imagine being here, helping me raise this baby?” She laid her hand on her stomach. “Because I’ve got to tell you. I watched my Mom do this all on her own, and I’m not willing to do that.”
Brendan said nothing, for a very long minute.
“Besides,” Shannon said. “I’m not sure I will be able to do that. Mom’s going to be selling the store.” It was her turn for her voice to break. “The store and then after that, the house. She’s sick of Claremont. She wants to go where there are more opportunities.”
“What does that mean?” Brendan said.
“For Mom? She’s talking about Florida. My aunt Zoe is down there. She has a t-shirt shop in Orlando. Mom’s going to help her out until she can find something better.”
“Did she decide all of this before…” Brendan gestured at Shannon’s stomach. “You know.”
Shannon nodded. “But that doesn’t matter. Mom’s life is Mom’s life, and mine is mine. I’m not going to have her turn all her plans upside down just because I got knocked up.”
“You were turning your life upside down for her,” Brendan said. “If you’d come to college with me when we graduated, none of this ever would have happened.”
&n
bsp; Shannon cocked her head. “That doesn’t even make sense.”
“The girls up there are all on birth control. The pill or whatever.” He stood up and walked down the steps, hands jammed in his pockets. It was the start of a short angry parade he made in front of the house, ten steps one way and twelve steps back. “They don’t let themselves get in this situation.”
“Well, goodie for them,” Shannon snapped. “I’m sorry I’m not one of your college girls. But you can trot your happy ass back down there if that’s what you want to do. I’m more than capable of managing this on my own.” Inside, her heart was breaking, but Shannon was determined not to let Brendan see that. “So much for I’ve always loved you.”
“I have always loved you!” Brendan came up the stairs and took Shannon’s hands in his own. “And I still do. I always will. I just don’t know about this.” He shook his head. “What to think. What to do.”
“We’ve got nine months to figure it out.” Shannon made a decision. “I’m not going to have an abortion, Brendan. I just can’t do that.”
He nodded, clearly grateful. “All right.”
“But beyond that?” Shannon’s determination to keep her emotions in check dissolved in a flood of tears. “I don’t know what’s going to happen. I just don’t.” She hiccupped through her sobs. “I can’t imagine having a baby just to give it up after.”
Brendan nodded. “Did they give you a due date?”
“May 8th,” Shannon replied. “But the baby can come sooner than that. I was a preemie.”
“I was late,” Brendan said. “Mom’s told me that a million times. Maybe we can balance each other out and the baby will get here exactly when he’s supposed to.”
“Oh,” Shannon laughed. “We know it’s a boy?”
“I’m sure of it,” Brendan replied. He cocked his head. “Unless it’s a girl. Definitely one of those two.” His expression became more serious. “Classes won’t be done by May 8th ,” he said. “Graduation’s usually not until the middle of June.”
“Well,” Shannon said. “There’s not much I can do about that. The baby will come when the baby will come.”
“Hopefully I can be back here for the delivery,” Brendan said. “I’d really like to see that.”
Shannon felt her heart sinking. “So you’re going to go back to school and leave me here to deal with everything on my own?”
“What do you want me to do?” There was an edge to Brendan’s voice. “I’m one year away from graduating. It’d be stupid to drop out now.”
“Brendan, I’m having your baby.”
He nodded. “And that’ll be true whether I’m here or not.”
“Wow.” Shannon said. “I cannot believe you just said that.” She stood up and turned toward the front door. “This isn’t something I’m supposed to go through alone. This is my life. You can’t just drop in and out of it when it works for your schedule.”
“That’s not what I’m saying I’m going to do. Don’t put words in my mouth, Shannon.”
“I don’t have to put words in your mouth!” Shannon shouted. “You’re the one who said you’re going back to school. You’re the one who said maybe you’ll be back to see the baby being born.” She threw her hands up in the air. “Childbirth isn’t easy, Brendan. It’s not like a vending machine, where you put your money in and a baby comes out. Anything could happen. Things go wrong. I could die.”
“No,” Brendan said. “That’s not going to happen.”
“Maybe that’d be better for everyone,” Shannon said. “The baby and I could just poof, disappear!” Tears were streaming down Shannon’s face. She knew she wasn’t making any sense, but she didn’t care. Her entire life had turned upside down, and everyone was fine going on without her. “You just go on and get your fancy pants finance degree. Mom can finally have a life of her own. No one has to worry. No one has to be inconvenienced.”
She yanked open the front door. “My life was going along just fine until you came home, Brendan. Why’d you have to come back and screw everything up?”
“I didn’t mean to,” he replied. It was barely above a whisper. “I swear to God, Shannon, things were never supposed to turn out like this.”
“Yeah. Well, they did.” Shannon went through the door and slammed it hard behind her. A framed picture, featuring Shannon and her mother meeting one of their favorite authors, fell off the wall and hit the floor. The glass shattered in a million pieces. “Oh, Jesus Christ,” Shannon muttered. “That’s just perfect.”
“Are you okay, honey?” Chloe called from upstairs.
“I’m fine, Mom,” Shannon replied. “Everything’s fine. It’s absolutely perfect.” She stomped into the kitchen to retrieve the broom. “I broke some glass by accident, that’s all. Don’t come down here barefooted. I don’t want you to cut yourself.”
“All right,” Chloe answered. She sounded distracted. Probably busy deciding what she needed to pack for Florida, Shannon thought, and what she can leave behind. Besides me.
It’s very hard to sweep up glass effectively when you’re angry. Long shards had fallen into the carpeting, sticking out every which way like so many sharp edged diamonds. Shannon bent over and started picking them up, dropping them one by one onto the dust pan. Before long, she’d stuck herself with a razor-sharp piece. Bright red blood welled up at the end of her fingertips even before she felt any pain.
“Man,” Shannon whimpered. “This just keeps getting better and better.” She stuck her finger in her mouth, grimacing at the flinty taste. She thought about going to get a Band-Aid from the bathroom cupboard, but decided against it. “Odds are I’m just going to stick myself again,” she said. “Might as well finish this up.”
Brendan chose that moment to knock on the door. “Shannon!” he called. “I’ve got to talk to you.”
“Go away,” she said. “I’m busy.”
“Shannon, please.” There was a plaintive tone to his voice; it almost sounded as if Brendan had been crying.
At that exact moment, a sharp piece of glass sliced Shannon’s finger when she picked it up. “Son of a bitch!” she yelped. “I can’t deal with you right now,” she shouted at the door. “Come back tomorrow.”
“You’ll talk to me tomorrow?”
“I said I would, didn’t I?”
“Promise me.” Brendan was directly outside the door; she could see the shadow of his sneakers through the crack at the floor. “Promise me you’ll talk to me tomorrow and I’ll leave now.”
“I promise. I want to, Brendan,” Shannon said. It was hard to talk; her fingers hurt and she couldn’t stop crying. “I just can’t right now.”
“All right,” he said. “I’m leaving. But I’ll be back tomorrow.” There was a long moment’s pause. “Try to not be so upset. It’s bad for the baby.”
“Yeah?” Shannon snarled, looking at her cut fingers. Blood had dripped onto the carpet, probably staining it permanently. “It’s no picnic for me either.”
Brendan didn’t answer. She heard his footsteps falling one after the other, across the porch and down the steps. After a moment, Shannon crept to the window beside the front door. Peering around the curtain, she looked to see if Brendan was still around. But there was no trace of him anywhere.
“All right.” She took a deep, shuddering breath. “It’s time to get your act together.” She went to the bathroom and bandaged up her fingers. Then, moving very cautiously, she finished cleaning up the glass and picked the photograph up. She set that on a nearby bookshelf, collapsed into her favorite armchair, pulled a fuzzy throw over herself and burst into tears.
At this point, Chloe came downstairs. “So,” she said. “What’s going on?” Her eyes widened when she saw Shannon’s bandaged fingers. “Did you hurt yourself? Did something happen with Brendan?”
“Yes. No. It’s not what you think, Mom,” Shannon said. “Brendan’s being a dick.”
“Does he,” Chloe asked slowly, “want you to get rid of the baby?”
>
“He wants to go back to school,” Shannon wailed. “Maybe he’ll be able to come back when it’s born.”
Chloe sat down on the couch closest to Shannon and sighed. “Typical male.” She shook her head. “I’m sorry, honey.”
“I can’t believe he wants to go back to Albany and leave me here,” Shannon said. “Who cares about a degree?”
“Lots of employers do,” Chloe said. “That part doesn’t bother me. It sounds like he’s being sensible. Lots of couples wind up apart during a pregnancy. Anyone who’s married to a soldier, when they get deployed…”
“Mother.” Shannon cut Chloe off. “That’s completely different. Nobody chooses to be deployed. Brendan is choosing to go back to school.”
Chloe smiled. “And you can choose to drive to Albany and see Brendan, if that’s important to you. Pregnant women can drive.” She leaned forward and patted Shannon on the knee. “You just may need to make more pit stops than you’re used to.”
“You know I hate driving, especially that far,” Shannon said.
“Welcome to motherhood, darling.” Chloe said. “You wind up doing lots of things you hate doing. But don’t worry. It’s all worth it in the end.”
Chapter 9
Shannon carefully put the finishing touches on a sales flyer, announcing deep discount prices on all of the store’s hardcover books. These expensive items were slow sellers at the best of times. People always told her they preferred the hard covers, but when push came to shove, they’d save their pennies and purchase the softcover instead.
“Let’s see if this helps,” she said. “Fifty percent off is a pretty good deal.” The door chimes rang, and she jumped. All morning, she’d been expecting Brendan to come by and see her, but he hadn’t. This latest arrival wasn’t Brendan either; surprisingly, it was Tawni.
“Hey,” the tiny blonde drawled. She was chewing gum. “I heard you guys were having a sale over here.”
Shannon nodded. “We are. All hard covers are fifty percent off. Tarot decks are 25% off, and the crystals are going to be up to half off, once I get done marking them down.”
