by Lucy Knott
I’ve welcomed the clean slate and besides a few notebooks, the odd framed photo of my family and some lace staples in my wardrobe, my suitcase marked Colorado was light. I’m in no rush to go back to London and be away from my dad, even though his recovery has been going well, and so I left Madi and Em to it. When I’m not with Dad or helping Mum, I’ve been meeting everyone at the Pegasus office here – taking the lead a little with Madi being out of town, working on my new script and, with Bella’s help, going through each stage in the fostering process.
My biggest obstacle to contend with so far has been Madi’s and my new house. We had planned on surprising my parents over the holidays and with my dad’s accident, decided to stick to that plan. There was too much going on and it worked out better this way, as I’ve been able to stay at my parents’ and help him in his recovery. I knew Mum would be busy running the shop and so I was happy to lend a helping hand. I love their house and seeing my dad looking more like my dad each day is incredibly reassuring.
Keeping our secret under wraps hasn’t been too difficult, now I think about it. Between Madi having sleepovers at Em’s and my sleeping over at Bella’s, we’ve managed to nip to our house to decorate, tidy and get it up and running. The house is more magnificent than the pictures conveyed. We have our own gingerbread log cabin with a wraparound deck, sliding glass kitchen doors, like at my parents’ place, that let in the sunrise and sunset, an open-plan kitchen and dining area and a stunning square living room. With four bedrooms, it’s perfect for visitors and wonderful for fostering. I can’t wait to surprise my parents. They are both none the wiser, just thrilled and overjoyed that I refused to go back to the UK. I told them that I would be writing from here until Dad was one hundred per cent again.
Dad’s face lights up every time I tell him I’m off out on the slopes to meet Hayley and they couldn’t beam brighter seeing Em and Madi together. Mum has expressed that she sees the spark back behind my eyes again and therefore hasn’t asked too many questions, instead just allowing me to go with the flow of whatever my instincts are telling me.
Since last Christmas, I had made sure to phone my mum more often; in fact my phone calls with my mum became everyday occurrences when back in London and I was loving life because of it. I can’t quite believe I had ever shut her out. Her words and affirmations keep me grounded and lift my spirits each day. I think of one of the last phone calls we had, before Dad’s injury, when I was explaining to her in a roundabout way about fearing something big coming up, and she said, ‘Feel that fear, baby; it’s OK because we’re here to listen to it. You must look it in the eye and decipher what it’s trying to tell you. When you do that, the fear weakens. You realize it’s not something to be feared, it’s simply calling to challenge you and give you a door to new adventures. Opportunities will come if you deal with these things head on. You’re allowing the door to open and giving yourself access to the magic that’s behind it.’
I am currently heeding my mum’s words as I’m pacing the ski lodge café with fear rumbling in my stomach. I completed my additional skills to foster care course over a period of three days at the end of August and have since completed my application, interviews, both medical and background checks and my visa was rushed through thanks to my job at Pegasus Entertainment. I’m now waiting to meet a little girl who needs looking after two weekends a month to give her foster carers some respite. I’m so excited to meet Erin but riddled with fear that she’s not going to like me. The thought that mine and Erin’s lives were meant to cross paths and that the universe is holding open this door for me is making me look fear in the eye, challenge it and see it as a friend.
Suddenly I spot my social worker, Jess, walking hand in hand with the cutest, daintiest thing with a short blonde bob, anxious smile and wearing a yellow polka dot snow jacket, towards the café.
‘Breathe, Harper, don’t scare her,’ I whisper to myself.
Jess greets me with a cheery hello, I nod and smile brightly back with one of my own.
‘Erin, this is Harper, who we talked about,’ Jess tells Erin. Erin looks up at me through her long lashes, her vivid grey eyes wide. I bend down to introduce myself, offering my hand. She hesitates for a second before looking at me curiously. Slowly she reaches out to touch my hair. I styled it in lose waves this morning with a flower headband – it’s my safety blanket today.
‘Like Tangled,’ she squeaks.
I smile – this little pixie has captured my heart in two words. Erin’s parents were drug addicts, so she was put into foster care just shy of eighteen months old and has since bounced around from carer to carer. Her current carers requested two weekends a month respite and that’s where I come in.
‘Tangled is my favourite,’ I say and receive a giggle in return. I’m sensing the magic that my mum was talking about.
‘Ooh, what’s Harper got planned for today?’ Jess says with an enthusiastic tone, her hands gesturing over to the nearby booth, her eyebrows wiggling at Erin. Jake has set up the table for us to decorate cookies, as I’ve been told that Erin has a creative streak and loves to bake; she also has a sweet tooth, which makes me smile and think of Dean for a second. Jake has set out bowls with every kind of sprinkle that would rival my mother’s Christmas stash. Erin’s grey eyes sparkle when they wander over the display, then she takes Jess’s and my hands and scurries into the booth.
We spend the next hour chatting about Disney movies and her friends at playgroup while Erin carefully places each sprinkle on to specifically placed splodges of pink, purple, blue and rainbow icing. She’s done a stunning job. I felt compelled to use lots of colour on mine too. My biscuit has become a yellow and pink tie-dye mix, which I notice Erin has tried to replicate on one of her biscuits – oh this girl is precious. We eat one each of our creations while Jake preps the others for us to take home. Jake did a delicious job of the vanilla cookies. Both Erin and I eye up another one as they disappear into a box, but Jess is already getting her ski jacket on. Next on the agenda is going for a walk around my neighbourhood to show Erin where I live to get her better acquainted to where she will be staying over the weekend.
By the time our few hours are up, my cheeks ache from smiling so much. Erin is a delight to be around; so whimsical and heart-warming. I immediately race to my parents’ house to tell them all about my afternoon, though I must tweak the details in order to not ruin our Christmas surprise. Therefore, they think I’ve been hanging out with Bella, Poppy and Evan at the Grand Colorado Peak meeting Santa. I find them both sitting on the deck, my dad reading the newspaper, my mum with her head in a book. Their faces light up when they see me and I take a moment to appreciate that I was just able to dash over to their house around the corner; after six and a half years of them being a plane ride away it’s something I do not take for granted. Phone calls were lovely, but this is everything.
‘How did it go, kid?’ my dad asks, lifting his head slowly from the paper. With his physiotherapy sessions, his neck and shoulder are healing nicely, but it’s still a slow process. I go to sit on the small bench in front of them, so he doesn’t have to strain his neck to look at me.
‘The kids are beautiful,’ I gush. I know it’s not going to be smooth sailing. I understand it will be different when Erin comes to stay with me, but I just know I want to do my best for her. I’m thinking over the afternoon in my head and how happy Erin was to take her cookies with her, while trying to keep my lips sealed and not divulge all this information to my parents just yet.
‘Children are special,’ Mum says, brushing a strand of hair out of my eyes. ‘They change you in ways you never thought possible. I think being a mum is the closest I’ve ever felt to being a superhero,’ She notes with a laugh.
‘You’re the best superhero there is, Mum,’ I reply, kissing her cheek. ‘Can I get you both anything?’ I enjoy a cup of tea with my parents before I disappear off to mine and Madi’s house.
I spend the evening pottering around at the house, feeling i
nspired by Erin to get her bedroom ready. I told my parents that I was just heading into the office to get a head start on tomorrow’s scripts before dinner at Bella’s. Heading into the office would probably be a smart thing to do with the amount of work that needs doing there, but I’m enjoying painting sunflowers on Erin’s wall and soon it’s time to put my head down and get some rest before my alarm clock sounds and I really do have to be at work.
Chapter 23
Madi may have outshone me on that first day we strapped our feet into our snowboards, but I can’t say the same when it comes to her ice-skating skills. I’m actually quite pleased with myself; I’ve not fallen once and have taken to it like a pro (not really) compared to snowboarding. I hide a snigger as I try and prise Madi’s hands off the barricade.
‘Whose idea was this?’ she exclaims dramatically, mock glaring at me. Her pink polka dot scarf has shifted from its perfectly positioned style on her bright blonde mane, leaving Madi with wispy baby hairs representing her frazzled state.
‘I think it was Em’s,’ I say innocently flashing Madi a cheeky smirk.
Em is currently somewhere amongst the throngs of people with Erin, Bella, Poppy, Evan, Jake and Colt. Ariana and Hayley are both busy with clients; it’s been tricky getting the whole group of us together lately with work schedules, but Erin has met them all on different occasions over the last two months and she’s been a gem – not showing favouritism, though Madi will claim otherwise. I’ve overheard her arguing with Em: ‘I’m her favourite.’ ‘Yes, hon, whatever you say, but did you see the way she hugged me earlier?’
It wasn’t Em’s idea to ice-skate today; it was in fact mine. It feels lovely to be out this Sunday afternoon and doing something together. Poppy and Evan are growing fast. They are five now and have taken Erin under their wings; they treat her like she’s their triplet. Evan has even given her a nickname: ‘E’.
E’s weekends with me have been wonderful so far, minus one weekend back in November. She’d had contact with her birth mom and from her withdrawn attitude and her need to be alone, I gathered it hadn’t gone well. I don’t know too much about what happened, her social worker could only pass on that Erin’s mom liked to make promises she couldn’t keep and was clearly still not entirely clean. The situation breaks my heart and I often pray for Erin’s mom. Erin spent the weekend disorientated and snappy, not wanting to do any of her favourite things. It was a learning curve for me, which in all honesty I had been preparing for since Erin’s arrival; after all she’s only two and a half and is growing, learning and expressing herself, which I want her to feel comfortable doing in my presence.
Considering her pinball life thus far, she’s such a happy child with a heart of gold. She loves keeping up with Poppy and Evan and being outdoors and if we’re ever indoors we’re baking. When she’s not with me I’m thinking about her and what I can plan for her next visit.
Today, with all her friends on board we decided on an adventure at the ice rink, the snow is coming down heaver now, now December is here, the blizzards making outdoor activities difficult, but Bella suggested the indoor one recently so I thought we’d try it. ‘E’ is a pro. She demonstrated a no-fear approach and threw herself onto the ice; I had to dive on to keep up with her, but it turns out ice-skating is something I am more natural at, though my skills on my board are getting a thousand times better.
‘Madi, I help you,’ Erin says as she and Em lap us for the fifth time. I feel steady on my feet but my insides jiggle as I try to suppress a laugh as I take in Madi willing herself to look cool and uphold her favourite friend status in Erin’s books, but precariously taking a step forward, her knees bow inwards.
‘Go around one more time, sweetheart, and then I’ll be ready,’ Madi replies with a forced ‘I’m OK’ smile.
Erin and Em zip off to find the rest of our group; filling their gap a tall shadow looms and I look up to catch Jake wiggling his eyebrows at me as though he’s gearing up to play a trick on Madi. Madi doesn’t even have to look up, she can sense him.
‘Jake, go away and don’t even think about it,’ Madi says to the floor. She has a spidey sense for Jake’s teasing. With Em being his best friend, the four of them, including Ariana, have spent a bunch of time together since we moved. Jake and I have become close too as a result of being Em and Madi’s respective best friends; Em is at our house most nights so Jake pops over a lot. I treasure his friendship and find that I can go to him for advice. He reminds me a lot of my dad: a giant of a man’s man with a liquid heart and wisdom to impart.
Jake winks at me and chuckles. ‘I was merely going to suggest you take my hand and maybe leave auditions for Dancing on Ice until next year.’ Jake receives a thump to his bicep before Madi grabs his hand. I take her other hand.
Slowly but surely, we start to manoeuvre around the track, keeping Madi upright.
‘You’re doing it, Mads,’ I hear Evan shout with delight.
‘Yay!’ Poppy claps and squeals.
‘That’s my girl,’ Em hollers, which Erin repeats in the cutest sing-song voice that sends butterflies of joy whizzing around my stomach.
*
Outside the window it’s nothing but a swirl of grey and white as snowflakes zoom around the sky; the clouds low, the blizzard dense. I can faintly hear Elton John’s ‘Step into Christmas’ in the background but the howling winds are making stiff competition for even Elton’s powerful voice. I’m miles away from the fun of yesterday’s outing at the ice rink and the relaxation of stringing popcorn at our house for the afternoon. It’s Monday morning and the office is manic.
Madi and I had been lucky when discussing our wanting to move to Colorado with Lara. Though slightly hesitant at first over us being so far away, she worked with us to come up with a plan and see if it was feasible. Being able to write from anywhere wasn’t the problem, but little things like the time difference had to be taken into consideration when thinking about deadlines and meetings; meetings which I had been more involved in since the production of my first original script back in April.
Working massively in our favour was that Pegasus Entertainment had a small office in Colorado that the group had been looking to build up. Our films had been picking up ratings on our international station and management wanted to look into growing the platform. Not to mention one of Pegasus’s more sought-after actresses in recent months had come from the very office I am in now; Sophie Turner was adored by the Pegasus faithful, her movies ranking top of our board. Not only that but she had texted the other day to tell me she had landed a role in a pilot for an upcoming prime time TV show. There was certainly room to grow out here, which had been wonderful news before we actually saw the state of the office.
Writing over the years has been a solitary job for me, unless you count mine and Madi’s two-woman workshops, which I don’t really because Madi more often than not adds to the calm and inspired aura of the room whenever I am scribbling away, but since we took on this new role there’s a lot more teamwork involved.
Madi stepped into the role of creative director, as Lara believed that what she may lack in experience in that specific department she more than has the skill set to learn as she goes along, and they really needed someone for the job after the last director jumped ship to a competing channel with a total and unprofessional lack of notice.
I’ve slipped into the more casual title of ‘head of the writing team’. They’re a fun-loving bunch of writers, all with doe eyes and that whimsical look about them that suggests they are mentally somewhere in a fairy-tale land of meet-cutes, heroes and heroines and not in a dim office. I know we’ve only been here a little over three months, but I plan on coming in over the holidays and sprucing the place up a bit. I’m sure no one would mind. It could do with a pop of colour and some ambience to get the creative juices flowing. I can’t see management having a problem with it, should it motivate this group of individuals to actually complete a script. It’s no surprise to me now why Sophie auditioned for a
role in the UK. This office is behind and the scripts have dried up. I need to bring my team out of fantasy land and, I can’t believe I’m saying this, get them to put down their Pegasus novels for just enough time to complete a new, fresh and entertaining script.
‘Arrrgh, Harp, can you come here for a minute?’ Madi shouts over the booming wind and the sound of ‘Fairy Tale of New York’ playing from her corner booth three desks across from me. I jump up narrowly missing the stack of scripts I must read through at some point to see if any can be salvaged and bounce over to her; with her sounding desperate.
‘How can I help, Mads?’ I say crouching over her shoulder to see her computer screen. The Pegasus logo shadows the play arrow.
‘Can you watch this and tell me what you think? It needs to be sent across to our channel in …’ Madi pauses and looks at her watch ‘… in approximately six minutes,’ she finishes with a sigh. The trailer is three minutes and even though I think my best friend is a genius I don’t believe three minutes is enough time to change anything I don’t like now. I cross my fingers that it’s going to be fantastic.
‘Sure, Mads.’ I click the arrow as Madi leans back in her swivel chair, squinting her eyes under her long wispy fringe.
