He took it and tilted it back before dangling it between his fingers. His forearms rested on top of his knees. “How is she?”
I bet it killed him to have to ask, but still he did because despite how much of a dick he could be, deep, deep down, he was a good guy with a good heart. “Alive.”
A woosh of air left him as he let out a relieved sigh. “Jesus. I could’ve fucking killed her, Mad. I almost did.”
I patted him on the back, rubbing soothing circles over his tense muscles. “You came close,” I admitted. “But she’s going to be okay. She was walking and talking when we left her.”
“Fuck. What if she talks?” He poured the rest of the beer down his throat before casting me a worried glance.
“She won’t. We made a deal. But Jericho… I’m not trying to kink shame you. Fuck knows I’m the last person to judge you on what you like in bed. But you can’t lose control like that, man. You just can’t. If it happens again, you might not get so lucky.”
He hung his head. “I know. It’s never happened before. I’m not sure why I lost control.”
“You’ve been on edge for days, brother. We’ve all seen it. You know how hard change is for you. Sex is a great outlet but only to a point. You’ve gotta find something to calm your ass down before you take it too far. Me and the guys? We’ll always be here to deal with whatever shit comes your way. But you can talk to us, too.”
He bumped his shoulder against mine. “I’ll work on it. Thanks for having my back in there.” He glanced back at the house, a shadow crossing his eyes.
“Don’t thank me. Come get drunk with me. You fucked up my hookup, and now you’ve gotta entertain me,” I demanded, standing up. I held my hand out, and he grabbed it, letting me pull him up off the curb.
He gave me a small smile. “One drink. Then I’m getting the fuck out of here and never coming back.”
6
Zen
Exhaustion seeped from every pore as I followed the guys out of the studio. Making music was gratifying as fuck and the only thing I ever dreamed about doing with my life. But it was also hard and a grind and drained me at a level I’d never experienced before. When the album was done, it would all be worth it. At least that’s what I was telling myself every hour of every day.
Maddox stepped up beside me and tossed me his keys. “You drive.” I caught them in midair and stepped to the driver’s door of his old Jeep. The door creaked as I pulled it open, and I pushed the seat forward for True to climb in behind me. Maddox did the same on the other side for Jericho.
We exchanged a worried glance across the seat as he climbed into the back seat. Since the Kayla incident last month, he’d been quieter than usual. He stopped drinking, and we had to drag him to any parties we went to. We were all worried about him but were trying to give him space to process what happened on his own.
True gripped the seat and clicked it back into place so I could climb up and start the engine. “Ruby’s?” I suggested.
“Fuck, yes. I could go for some pancakes,” Maddox agreed, and Jericho nodded. I turned around to look at True, and he laughed. “You know I’m in. That place may be a shithole, but they have the best hash browns I’ve ever eaten.”
The street lights were still on as the sun had only just started to lighten the sky. I wasn’t sure how many hours we’d been in the studio, but it felt like days since I’d last seen daylight. We were all lost in our own thoughts during the short drive to the diner.
When I pulled into the parking lot, it was surprisingly busy. This place was the best greasy diner for miles, and all the people still drunk from a night at the bar or the club congregated here to stuff their faces with cheap, greasy food before they went home and passed out to sleep it off. The guys and I discovered this place sophomore year of high school after a house party one night but didn’t come here often.
At least not until the past month. We found we all needed a buffer between the hours on end in the studio and going home to crash for a couple of hours before we did it all over again. So, Ruby’s had become our go-between. We slid into a retro vinyl booth, and the harried-looking waitress handed us our menus before moving off to refill coffee for a couple of the other tables.
I laid mine down, already knowing before we even sat down what I was going to have. When the guys all stacked their menus on top of mine, I flipped my coffee cup over and spun it in my hands, waiting for it to be filled. “How do you feel like the session went?”
Maddox grabbed the silverware bundled in a napkin and unfolded it, watching the fork and knife clatter to the tabletop as he started tearing the napkin into little pieces. “The way the chord changes brought the harmony together in Wasted was genius, dude. I would’ve never thought to change it into F minor.” He nodded his acknowledgment at True, whose lips tilted up.
“Writing music when it’s just me is so different than hearing it come together in the studio. When we put all the pieces together, sometimes it doesn’t sound right anymore. I’m just glad I could fix it while we were there tonight instead of having to scrape some shit out just to throw it all away and record over it later.”
We all murmured our agreement. “Did anyone else think this was going to be easier?” Jericho wondered.
I raised my hand. “Me. I did. I thought it would be like all the times we jam in the garage or play the small clubs.”
“Fuck. Me, too,” Maddox admitted. “It’s so much different than I thought it would be.”
“They’re pushing us, and we’re getting better. Our music has never been more on point. The label doesn’t want us to flop. They want our album to sell, and it will. We’re getting close to finishing, and then things will get easier,” True reasoned, grabbing a sugar packet from the holder and twisting it around in his fingers.
“You’re fucking delusional if you think shit is ever going to get easier for us.” Jericho’s quiet observation shut us all up. The waitress came over and took our orders and then disappeared.
I slumped down in the seat, the scalding coffee she’d poured me gripped between my palms. I blew across the surface before taking a tentative sip and wincing at how it burned my tongue. I watched as Maddox scrubbed his hand across his stubbled jaw, the dark purple shadows under his eyes matched the ones under mine.
“Is this harder than you guys thought? Or is that just me?” I wondered, hating to admit that the work we were putting into this career was draining even the last reserves of energy I had. Last night, I got two hours of sleep, and that was after I got my pants halfway off and passed out. When I woke up to go back to the studio, I still had one shoe on.
“We always knew it wasn’t going to be easy,” True offered, resting his elbows on the tabletop. “I can’t wait to get out of the fucking studio and play in front of a crowd.”
“I wonder where our first headlining show will be,” I mused, taking another sip of my coffee. “Where’s the place you want to play most? Like top of your bucket list venues?”
“Red Rocks,” True responded without hesitating, and I nodded in agreement.
“That place is fucking incredible. I’ve been scoping it out on YouTube any chance I get. It’d be surreal to headline a show there.” I turned to Jericho. “What about you?”
His eyes focused on the seat behind me, not really seeing what was in front of him as he got lost in thought. “Sydney Opera House.”
My eyebrows shot up in surprise, and True pushed him a little with his shoulder. “Damn, bro. Thinking international. I like it.”
I shook my head. “It feels so far from where we are right now to think about playing in another country, let alone bigger local venues. But fuck, I could die happy if we played MSG someday.”
Maddox laughed and slapped me on the back. “Madison Square Garden? We’ll make it our bitch someday.”
I smirked and set my mug down on the table before the hot liquid could slosh out onto my lap. “Well, what about you, asshole? Where are you most looking forward to playing when
we make it?”
He grabbed the straw wrapper someone left in the middle of the table and wrapped it around his finger. “Bowery Ballroom. I know it’s small, but that’s why I like it. We’ll be able to see every one of our fans’ faces when they spontaneously orgasm to our music.”
My head fell back against the booth, and I laughed along with my boys. Being like this, here with them and dreaming about the future, revitalized me. It reminded me of what we’re working so hard for. When you’re in the weeds, just fucking getting through every grueling day, sometimes it’s hard to remember what you’re doing it all for. We only had each other to lean on, except for True, and when everyone in your support system was practically dead on their feet, it made shit ten times worse.
The bell chimed over the door, and Kayla fucking Whitfield walked in with a group of her friends and locked eyes with me. Hers narrowed before passing to Maddox next to me, and then she looked ahead, completely ignoring us. I exhaled heavily and glanced at Maddox, who was watching Jericho with concern. He’d barely been himself over the past month, and that was without having to see or deal with Kayla in any capacity.
My stomach dropped as I watched her walk closer to our table, and I gritted my teeth, hoping she would just fucking pass us by. But that wasn’t my life. Instead, she stopped, flanked on either side by girls I’d never met. If this were any other day or any other situation, I’d already have figured out which one I was going to fuck in the bathroom. For once, though, I wasn’t thinking with my dick.
She turned to look each of us in the eye with an indifferent expression on her face. “Boys. How’s life?”
She stopped and stared at Jericho. He abruptly shoved out of the booth, pushing past the girl next to Kayla. The door jingled again as he fled the restaurant. I narrowed my eyes at her. “Not fucking cool, Kayla. We had a deal.”
A nasty smirk lifted her painted lips. “What? I didn’t say anything.”
“Just fuck off,” Maddox growled, standing to follow Jericho outside.
“See you around,” she called out as she turned and her posse moved with her like they were one unit.
When she was out of earshot, I hissed, “Shit.”
True turned around and looked at the door, but it was still pretty dark outside, and we couldn’t see shit. He settled back into his seat, pulling the plate the waitress had just dropped off in front of him and lifting his fork. “She’s not the weak and helpless girl I thought she was.”
I grabbed the syrup and poured it over the top of my pancakes. “She’s trying to start shit for Jericho when it needs to stay in the past. She knew what she was doing.”
“Do you think he’s going to be okay?” True wondered, his mouth full of hash brown, and he chewed while he watched me.
“Yeah, with a shit ton of time and a whole lot of pussy to help him forget.”
“He’s not exactly been hooking up over the last month,” True noted.
“I know.” I cut off the conversation as Maddox walked back in with Jericho behind him. They slid back into the booth, and I watched my friend with concern as he lifted his fork.
“This month has been fucking crazy, and I don’t know about you guys, but I need to blow off some fucking steam,” Maddox declared, obviously on the same page as True and me. “How much longer do you think the recording’s going to take?”
“None of us have ever done this before, Mad. We don’t know. But if I had to guess? Another week, tops,” True surmised.
“Good.” Maddox rubbed his hands together gleefully. “What day is it?”
I looked around at the guys, but none of them knew either. Finally, I rolled my eyes and pulled out my phone. “Sunday.”
“We have how long until we’re due back in the studio?”
“Six hours,” True confirmed with a groan. “Fuck. I need to sleep.”
“We’re closest to True’s house. Let’s just go there and crash,” I suggested, and they all agreed.
“We should be done with the album by Friday, right?” Maddox cut into his omelet and shoveled a bite into his mouth with way more energy than I had right now.
“Theoretically, yes,” True answered before pushing his plate away.
“We’re partying on Saturday to celebrate, so don’t make plans,” Maddox declared, pointing his fork at each of us in turn, and I watched as bits of egg fell off the end and onto the table.
Jericho glanced up at him, his eyes hard and cold. “Not interested.”
“Fuck that. We all go. You need it more than anyone. You need to get past that bullshit with Kayla.” Maddox eyed our friend, and Jericho finally relented.
“Fine. But I’m not fucking anyone.”
“We’ll see.” Maddox seemed satisfied that he convinced Jericho to go. Maybe he figured he could work on the rest once we were there. I didn’t pretend to know what went through Maddox’s head.
“If he’s fucking someone, you’re fucking a girl,” I insisted, picking my mug back up and watching Maddox over the rim.
His grip on the fork tightened, and his jaw clenched. He hadn’t fucked a girl as long as I’d known him, and there was something in his past that put him off of women, but he never talked about it, and we didn’t ask. But I knew he liked women more than men, and it was time to get him to deal with his shit if he was going to force Jericho to do the same.
“If I’m fucking a girl, you’re sharing her with me,” he finally countered, a cocky smirk lifting the corner of his mouth because he didn’t think I’d do it. Unfortunately for him, he underestimated how comfortable I was with my sexuality.
“Deal.” I grinned at him over the rim of my mug, and he sank back into the cushy back of the booth, slumping down.
“Fuck. I did not expect you to agree to that.” He rubbed his hand down over his face.
“What about me?” True wondered, watching the exchange between the three of us.
“What about you?” Maddox parroted back at him. “We all know you’ll find a girl at the party and talk all night, and the next thing we know, you’ll be getting married or swearing your undying love or some shit.”
The three of us laughed as True glared and folded his arms across his chest. “Fuck you all. I hook up all the time.”
“Really? When was the last time you fucked someone and didn’t know her name?” I prodded, leveling my gaze on my best friend.
“When was the last time we went to a party?” he countered, narrowing his eyes.
“Jesus. I can’t even remember,” Maddox answered, dropping his head to the table.
“I’m too tired for this shit,” Jericho muttered, waving the waitress over and handing her some cash. “Can we go?”
His eyes darted across the diner in Kayla’s direction before he glanced back over at me, shuttering his expression. I sighed. “Yeah, let’s go. We might actually manage a whole four hours of sleep tonight.”
“I think you mean this morning,” True corrected as he followed Jericho out of the booth. I pushed Maddox until he moved, and we walked outside, breathing in the crisp morning air.
As we got to his Jeep, Maddox pulled me aside. “Remember what you promised. Jericho needs to put that Kayla shit out of his mind.”
“I won’t forget.” I dug his keys out of my pocket and handed them back to him before starting to walk around to the passenger side. “Hope you like the sight of my dick,” I called out over my shoulder with a wicked smirk.
“I might like it a little too much, and then what are you going to do?” he taunted as he climbed into the driver’s seat once Jericho and True were seated in the back.
“Fuck.” I yawned. “I guess we’ll find out Saturday.”
7
Maddox
Christ. I never thought this day would come. The last line on our debut album was recorded, and now it was out of our hands. I wanted to fucking crash so hard, I wouldn’t wake up for a week. But the adrenaline wouldn’t let me. My mind spun, and my heart jackhammered in my chest because I was so f
ucking excited.
I was going to be a motherfucking rock star. It was happening, and nothing would get in our way.
I’d also never been more exhausted in my entire life, but sleep was for fucking losers. Tonight was a celebration. My eyes felt heavy in their sockets, but I ignored it. It was almost midnight, and we just pulled up to a house party. Rachael Harris never let us down. These were the same kids from high school, but we didn’t exactly have all the time in the fucking world to find a party right now.
So here we were.
The four of us sauntered in. We looked like the fucking four horsemen of destruction, head to toe in black and leather, assholes through and through, and the crowd parted when we entered the room. I imagined being famous would feel a lot like this but on a bigger scale. I liked it when people were intimidated to approach me.
Unless they wanted to fuck me. That was different.
All eyes were on us as we grouped in the kitchen, grabbing drinks. True handed me a beer, and I twisted off the top. “You finding someone to fuck tonight?”
His eyes roamed the room but settled back on me as he shrugged. “Same group of people as always, so probably not. I’m over it.”
Turning around, I leaned my back against the counter as I watched the masses writhe and shriek and laugh, and it was all so goddamn boring. I couldn’t remember why I’d been excited about tonight. Zen moved beside me, our shoulders touching as he lifted his beer to his full lips and sipped, surveying the room. I watched him instead, the way his throat bobbed as he swallowed, and I found myself transfixed.
He chuckled darkly. “You can stop staring. You’re probably going to get to check out my dick tonight.”
Shadow Phoenix: A Rock Star Romance Prequel Page 5
