by Maegan Abel
“It’s been twenty-four hours. Did you hear anything?” Lizzie’s voice was timid, something I rarely heard.
“I told you I would call you if I heard anything, didn’t I?” I ground out, sick of having to explain myself to Lizzie, but also sick because I wanted to comfort her. The rest of my family could pretend to understand what I was going through, but Lizzie was the only person who truly knew what it was like.
“I know. I’m sorry. I just thought it couldn’t hurt to check.” I could hear the tears in her voice and I blew out a long breath, letting go of my irritation.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, shoving up from the couch when my grandmother reached for me. I ignored their stares as I headed down the hall toward my old room. I avoided this room because the last memories in here were of Lili and me, but I needed to be alone, and right now, this was the only way.
“They’re going to find him, right? I mean, he can’t really be gone,” she sobbed and I slid down the wall inside the door, overwhelmed at hearing my own fears echoed back at me.
“We’ll get him back, Lizzie. He’s okay,” I said, ignoring the strain in my voice as I spoke.
“I keep thinking this is all some sort of nightmare. I keep hoping I’ll wake up and everyth—” her sob cut the sentence short and the sound of her pain tore at me. I listened to her quiet crying for several minutes, unable to help being reminded of feeling this same helplessness while I listened to Lili cry from another room. God, was that only two nights ago?
“Look, I’m going to come over an—”
“No! I’m fine. I’m sorry. My emotions are just all over the place. I’m gonna go back to my parents and stay there for a while. Just, keep me posted. Okay?” she asked, her breath still shallow. I knew she was trying to be strong and I was actually proud of her in that moment. The Lizzie of the last several years would’ve turned to drugs in the face of all of this. Now, she was going to her parents for support. It was a step in the right direction for her.
“Okay. But if you need me, just call,” I said, surprising myself. Her sharp intake of breath told me I’d shocked her, too.
“Thank you,” she whispered and the line went dead.
I held the phone between my hands, lowering my arms to rest on my knees. I stared at the device, both hungry for information and wanting it to ring, but also terrified to hear the words that would completely obliterate my world.
As I looked up, I took in the shape of the room. It had been home to me for so long, even before Lili moved in, but it was the memories with her that flooded my mind. The same sensation I’d had while standing in the burned living room of our house washed over me. It was almost as if I could feel her here, too. I groaned, dropping my head and closing my eyes as I tried to push the thoughts aside. Dwelling on her absence wasn’t going to bring either of them back.
I finally stood and headed back to the living room, wishing, as Lizzie had said, I could wake up from this nightmare.
“What did the whore want?” Paige asked as I returned to my spot on the couch.
“Paige,” my grandmother admonished before I could respond.
“What? She is. You know it as well as I do, Nana,” Paige pouted.
“You should be careful with how much you trust her.” My grandmother turned her attention to me, landing right on the edge of my last nerve.
“You really think you have any right to dictate my life? Why are you even here?” I shouted, losing the last vestige of control over my anger at her shocked and wounded expression.
“We’re here because you need us. Your son is missing and—”
“And what? You’ve never even met Conner. You didn’t even come to my wedding. You weren’t around when I found out Conner wasn’t mine. Hell, I was shot a few months ago and nearly died. Where the fuck were you then?” I ranted, releasing all the anger and resentment I had toward them.
The silence rang as everyone in the room stared at me. The blood pounding in my skull with every beat of my heart reverberated, echoing in my ears. My grandfather finally spoke first. “We were there.” I stared at him, lost, my breath still coming too fast. “At the hospital. You were unconscious when we saw you, but we were there. Your brother…” he trailed off and I followed his gaze to Tish, who sat in his recliner, arms folded over his chest, staring stonily at my grandfather.
“I sent them away,” he admitted, unashamed.
I didn’t respond, not caring why. That they came, most likely having been alerted by Paige since they were closer than she was at the time, wasn’t the most valid point. They had let Tish run them off. And this was about Conner.
“We wanted to reach out to you, to try to fix things, but it wasn’t the right time,” my grandmother said.
“I tried to get Paige to stay out of the room too, but she’s tenacious. You know that. I just didn’t want anything causing you extra stress while you were recovering,” Tish explained, looking only at me. It was clear he didn’t care what anyone else thought of his reasoning. He was only explaining it so I would understand.
“You don’t get a say in how I run my life,” I said, turning toward my grandparents. “When I lived with you, I told you suddenly appearing when everything in my world was falling apart didn’t make you good people. It made you shitty people who weren’t around when we needed you. You didn’t save Paige and me. You left us, all of us, with them. You knew what we were going through and even when I called you for help, you ignored me.”
My phone rang, breaking the short silence. I glanced anxiously at the screen and swallowed hard, shoving myself from the couch once again as I moved out of the room to answer the call.
“Hello?”
“Zane? Have you heard anything?” Kaitlyn’s voice was subdued.
Sighing, I dropped into a chair in the kitchen. “No. Not a word.” Her question wasn’t any different from Lizzie’s, but for some reason, it didn’t bother me as much coming from Kaitlyn.
I could hear muffled talking in the background as Kaitlyn drew in a deep breath. “Look, Denni is calling in all sorts of favors from people, but…” she seemed hesitant. It was strange because I could almost picture Lili’s expression in that moment. “We want to come out there. Be there to help and hopefully…” she trailed off again.
My gaze landed on the bottle of alcohol Tish had taken from me last night and I was tempted to try to fill the hollowness again. Did I want Kaitlyn and Denni here? Would seeing Kaitlyn make things harder? I didn’t know the answers, but they were her family, too. “Yeah. I get it.”
It took less than twelve hours for Denni and Kaitlyn to arrive in Vegas. Their flight was in at six a.m. and I offered to meet them at the airport, but Denni told me they would take a cab straight to their hotel.
Exhaustion and the constant pain and fear of the unknown was taking its toll on my body as well as my mind. When Kas moved in, she’d put her old bed into the room that used to be mine. I was grateful to have a space to sleep that wasn’t the couch, but just lying in that room took adjusting. It wasn’t that I was overly connected to my bed or my pillow or even my blanket, I wasn’t a child, but everything about it felt foreign. It was my room, a room I spent years in and was comfortable in, but it wasn’t my bed. I also wasn’t used to sleeping alone. I hadn’t realized just how much it changed things to have Lili’s small body cuddled up to me at night.
“Zane,” Lili groaned, shrugging her shoulders as I yawned, releasing my hold on her. “Ugh.” She flopped onto her back, tugging on the neck of the tank top she was wearing as I stretched.
“What?” I asked, grinning at the irritated scowl that was beyond adorable on her.
“You’re too fucking hot.”
My grin widened. “I know.”
Her scowled deepened, thoroughly unimpressed. “I’m serious. It’s too hot. You’re like a freaking oven.”
I watched her for a moment as she made herself comfortable, shifting around and untwisting her legs from the sheet so one foot stuck out. She star
ted to relax again and I frowned.
“Are you really going to sleep all the way over there?” I asked, giving her a pout when she opened one eye to look at me. She nodded. “But what if I can’t sleep without you?” She ignored my question, closing her eyes again. “What if I spend the whole night just lying here, unable to relax because I can’t feel you beside me? What if I end up so tired that I slip in the shower and break my neck because I couldn’t sleep without yo—”
“Dammit. You’d better be really glad I love you,” she cut me off, sighing and making her irritation with me known as she cuddled against my side, resting her face and hand on my chest.
Perfection.
“I’m very glad that you love me,” I said, rolling quickly to my side and engulfing her in my arms again, covering her with kisses as she laughed and half-heartedly pushed me away.
It took nearly an hour before I finally fell into a fitful sleep only to be jolted awake by the harsh ringing of a phone. Groaning, I rubbed my eyes, trying to figure out why it was so loud. The truth crushed the moment of confusion. The reminder that Conner and Lili were missing had me clamoring for my phone in a panic.
“Hello?” I asked, my throat still thick. I hadn’t even bothered to check the screen in my haste to catch the call before it went to voicemail.
“Zane, we found him.” Detective Sanders voice sounded as exhausted as I felt. “We found Conner.”
Relief coursed through me, causing my hands to tremble as I let out a shaky breath.
“Zane?”
“Is he okay?” I finally choked out. That question first. It was the most important.
“He’s being checked out at the hospital right now, but aside from some minor injuries and asthma issues, yes.”
I was already out of bed, yanking on the only change of clothes I had. “Where is he?”
She hesitated before she answered. “Tucumcari, New Mexico.”
“Where the fuck is that?”
“It’s a small town right on Interstate Forty near the Texas border.”
The moment she said Texas, the thought of Lili hit me. She’d said Conner. They’d found Conner. I felt like an ass for just now realizing. “Lili?”
“He was alone,” she answered, and I felt my heart break. He was alone. They found Conner, but he was alone. “We have some leads to follow up on and some information now, but we’ll talk about it when you get here. Your son needs to see you.”
Chapter Three
Tucumcari
Whoever designed aeronautics travel plans clearly never had the anxiety of needing a fast route to their child. It turned out Tucumcari was so small they didn’t even have an airport. The closest airport I could fly into was Amarillo, an hour and a half past Tucumcari driving.
Lizzie was furious when I called her from the airport. I’d gotten so wrapped up, I’d completely forgotten about her until it was time to board the plane. It didn’t matter, I was anxious enough without having to deal with her on top of it. In the end, Paige had taken the phone and told Lizzie off. She’d also insisted on coming with me after she booked the tickets so I didn’t have to face all this alone. It surprised me, but it shouldn’t have.
Paige and I had always been close. Even after she left for college, we talked at least once a week. Mainly via text messages at that point, but still, we knew what was going on in each other’s lives. There was always the mentality of it being us against the world.
And here we were again, only this time, it was Paige’s turn to be the strong one, and I knew she would come through.
She was driving the rental car, giving me entirely too much time to think, but I was far too scattered to drive. I hadn’t realized how quiet we’d become until the monotone voice from the GPS alerted us that our exit for Trigg Memorial Hospital was in two miles.
“I’ll drop you at the front entrance and park. You go to Conner,” she said as she pulled off the highway. I leaned forward in the seat, stretching the seatbelt in my attempt to will the car to move faster.
I threw the door open as soon as Paige stopped the car. I didn’t glance back at her as I took off toward the entrance and jogged down to the information desk.
The woman working at the computer glanced up, eyebrows raised, at my quick approach. “Conner Tishler. I need to know what room he’s in,” I said quickly.
She shook her head. “I can neither confirm nor deny if that person is a patient at this hospital.”
“I’m his father.”
“I’m sorry but—”
“Dammit, tell me where my son is!” I slammed my fist on the desk and she immediately grabbed the phone beside her.
“You need to calm down,” she said, obviously dialing security.
I reached for my wallet in my back pocket. My fingers fumbled with it for a moment, a brief current of pain emanating from the bullet wound in my back heading all the way up my neck and down my arm. I winced, trying to be more cautious with my movements, and pulled out my phone instead, dialing Detective Sanders.
“Sanders,” she answered in a low voice.
“I’m in the hospital, but they won’t tell me what room he’s in,” I said, turning in a circle. This place was tiny, only one story, and I’d search every inch if I had to. The desperation to see Conner had my hands trembling.
“Room 118. Go straight toward the back. You’ll have to show ID to get past the officers at the corner. I’ll meet you there.” I heard her moving on the other end of the line as I jogged in the direction she told me.
The two officers were both staring as I rounded the first corner. I hung up the phone, reaching more carefully for my wallet. They moved immediately, the first raising a hand to halt me. “Stop! Let me see your hands,” he said in a firm voice. I froze, noticing his other hand resting on his weapon.
“Whoa. I was just on the phone with Detective Sanders and she said to show you my ID,” I said, lifting both hands in surrender as I watched the officers.
“What was all the yelling about?” the second asked, moving forward slowly as he motioned to the wall.
I complied with his direction, placing my hands at head level where he’d pointed. “I just want to see my son.”
“He may be your son, but it’s our job to protect him right now,” he said, patting me down around my waist.
“Stop. Let him go.” Detective Sanders’ voice came from behind me, but I didn’t dare look. “This is Conner’s father.”
“It’s fine,” I said as the officers tried to apologize. I lifted my hand to shake the one who’d patted me down. “I appreciate knowing Conner is safe here.”
I let them know Paige would be coming through shortly before following Detective Sanders down the hallway. A weight I hadn’t even felt anymore lifted. She was really here. That meant Conner was here. This was real.
“He’s sleeping. He had a bit of a…” she hesitated and I felt my chest tighten. “He was panicking a little and they had to sedate him. He’s doing okay, though.”
I was torn between listening, letting her fill me in, and seeing Conner, but the need to see him was quickly winning out. I pushed open the door she’d left cracked and my eyes immediately fell on the tiny figure in the bed. My shoulder hit the doorframe as my knees tried to buckle under me. I didn’t feel the pain. All I could feel was relief as I stared through several hard beats of my heart.
He seemed smaller, his little body turned half on his side and his right leg bent, like he usually slept. His mouth was slack, open as he breathed evenly.
Conner was alive. He was okay. And he was here.
Once I could feel my legs again, I moved into the room. Walking up to the side of the bed, I assessed the injuries I could see. He was banged up, bruises marring the pale skin of his face and arms in a few places and a large bandage on his forehead. A dark feeling seeped through me, rage bubbling violently with the need to find the person responsible for this and blending with fear. Whoever had done this, whoever had taken Conner, whoever had hurt him, th
ey might still have Lili.
“I let the doctor know you were on your way so he should be here shortly,” Detective Sanders said, but I didn’t look away from Conner. I reached out, brushing the hair away from the bandage on his forehead. His hair was dirty, sticking to his skin and when I looked closer, I could see the black streaks of soot. He had been in the house when the fire started, that much was clear.
I lost track of everything outside of Conner being here. He was breathing. I didn’t know how much time passed before a knock sounded on the door. I kept one hand on Conner as I glanced toward the doctor when he entered.
“Mr. Tishler, I’m Dr. Barnes. I’ve been taking care of Conner for the last few days,” he said as he approached.
I stared blankly for a moment before extending my right hand, the one not gripping Conner, toward him to shake. “Few days?” I asked, not realizing until I heard the tremor in my voice that I’d been crying.
“Yes. He was brought in early Sunday morning, but it took us over twenty-four hours to find out his name.” The doctor was gracious enough to ignore the tears I was wiping away. I wasn’t normally a crier, but in all honesty, if any situation warranted crying, I’d say this was it.
I turned my attention back to Conner, still sleeping soundly. The detective had said he was sedated because he was panicking and the doctor was saying they couldn’t figure out who he was. Conner knew his full name. Hell, he knew my phone number. “I don’t…” I trailed off, confusion battling through the vortex of emotions twisting my gut.
“Conner seems to be experiencing some emotional detachment right now,” the doctor started, hesitating when I met his eyes again. “It could just be a temporary response to fear. He was surrounded by people he didn’t know. Now that you’re here, it’s possible he could calm down and start healing. But I would like to call in someone for an assessment. It’s procedure and we need a parent or guardian present.”
I nodded, not sure what to say as I glanced back down at my son, wishing he would open his eyes. Even though he hadn’t moved, hearing what I just had made him seem different. He no longer looked like he was sleeping peacefully. Instead, he looked a little more…broken—smaller, if that were possible—and I was terrified to know just what he’d been through.
