To Catch a Husband...

by Sarah Mallory

  ‘By all means, Sister. Let us go now and I will collect your lists.’

  ‘And you must let me see them,’ said Ann. ‘There are several of my particular friends that I want to come!’ She turned to Daniel. ‘You will not object if I disappear for a few minutes, will you, dearest? I will be back even before you have time to miss me!’

  She swept out of the room behind her mother and her aunt, all three of them forcefully voicing their thoughts on the forthcoming ball. As the door closed behind them there was silence. Kitty and Daniel were left facing one another.

  ‘I had no idea…’ began Kitty.

  Daniel cleared his throat.

  ‘Nor I. At least, not until this morning, in the garden. Miss Harworth came to find me, she left me in no doubt of her sentiments… I confess I had not been aware…’

  He did not look at her, but instead began to toy with a small vase on the side table. Strangely the confusion in Kitty’s head had lessened. It did not matter what Daniel thought of her. There were no longer any half-acknowledged hopes. She felt very calm, but as fragile as the porcelain he was twisting between his restless fingers.

  ‘Kitty—’

  ‘No, please.’ She put up her hand, holding herself together with an effort. She felt so brittle that one wrong word and she might shatter. ‘Let us say nothing more now. I am sure you wish for my happiness, just as I wish for yours. If we understand that then there is no need to say anything more.’ She put up her head. ‘What a h-happy outcome after yesterday’s horrid events. I am s-sure we could not have expected anything half so good to come of it. Now, if you will excuse me, I should go.’

  He stood silently, his dark head bowed as she left the room. She would not cry, she told herself over and over as she made her way to her bedchamber. There was nothing to cry about. She had made a splendid match—how could she deny Daniel the same good fortune? His family had made their money by honest toil: marriage to the sister of Lord Harworth would be a splendid alliance for him. She slipped into her bedchamber and closed the door, leaning against it, as if to keep out the world.

  ‘You see?’ she said to the empty room. ‘Everyone is happy.’

  So why, then, did she feel as if something inside her had died?

  Chapter Twelve

  The succeeding days passed like a dream for Kitty. It was as if someone else inhabited her body and she was a mere spectator. She smiled and said all that was proper to the many visitors that came to Kirkleigh House, agreed with all her godmother’s suggestions for which gowns she should wear and spent hours with her smile in place, listening to Ann chatter on about her own engagement.

  She had not seen Daniel since the announcement. He had left that day for Hestonroyd and had no plans to return until the ball. She could not be sorry, for without his presence she found it much easier to pretend that she was happy. And she must be happy, a letter from Mama told her it was so. The news of her engagement had been greeted in Fallridge with much rejoicing, although the invitation to Mama and Aunt Jane to travel to Kirkleigh and attend the betrothal ball was regretfully declined: Mama had not yet recovered from a bout of influenza. Kitty thought that the decision not to travel might also be due to her mother thinking that she had nothing fine enough to wear on such a grand occasion. That would all change: Lord Harworth had told Kitty he would give her an allowance to buy her clothes for the wedding, and she had already determined to send a portion of it to her mother.

  ‘So you see what a good thing your marriage will be,’ she told her reflection, as she prepared for the ball that evening. ‘Everyone will benefit, so you must look happy.’

  She tried out a smile. The young lady smiling back at her from the mirror certainly looked well enough: Kitty’s dusky curls had been brushed until they glowed and were caught up in a bandeau of gold ribbon to match the embroidery on her white muslin gown. Emeralds glittered around her neck and from her ears, a betrothal present from Lord Harworth, purchased at the same time as the large diamond that now flashed and twinkled on her finger.

  ‘Are you ready, Kitty?’ Ann appeared at the door. ‘Shall we go downstairs together? Norris says that Daniel has arrived.’

  With her eyes still on her reflection, Kitty saw her smile slip a little. She quickly pinned it back in place as she picked up her fan.

  ‘Yes, I am ready now.’

  The noise and chatter from the drawing room drifted up to them as they descended the stairs. Lord Harworth had told her there were only thirty sitting down to dinner, but the idea frightened Kitty more than the thought of the hundred or so guests who would be arriving later for the ball. The first person she saw as she walked into the room was Daniel, his tall figure commanding attention. He was deep in conversation with a group of gentlemen but the flurry of movement by the door caught his eye and he looked across the room. For a moment he looked towards Kitty, his gaze fixed somewhere above her head, his face showing neither pleasure nor pain, then his eyes shifted to Ann and he smiled a little as he came forwards to greet her.

  ‘Well, my dear Katherine, you are looking magnificent, magnificent!’ Lord Harworth was beside her, leading her away from Ann. ‘Damn me if Blackwood wasn’t right about emeralds being the stones for you.’

  ‘M-Mr Blackwood suggested you buy these?’ asked Kitty, surprised.

  ‘Aye. He was with me in Leeds, you see, the day I bought ’em. We had been visiting one of his business acquaintances and afterwards I told him I was going to get your ring and a little something to mark our engagement. “Emeralds,” he said. “Buy her emeralds, to match her eyes.” And for Gad he was right! Come along, m’dear, there’s any number of people here you have to meet!’

  Kitty accompanied him around the room, saying what was proper, smiling, always smiling, but Daniel dominated her thoughts. She wanted to look for him, she longed to hear his voice, but Bertram kept her by his side, presenting family and friends to her. Everyone wanted to congratulate the happy couple, the ladies wanted to gasp and sigh over the ring, the gentlemen winked at Lord Harworth and declared he was a lucky dog.

  At dinner Kitty found herself sitting opposite Daniel. For once she was grateful for the mountains of silverware in the centre of the table. Much as she longed to look at Daniel she was afraid that thoughts she wanted to remain hidden might show in her eyes. So she kept her gaze averted, trying to concentrate upon what her neighbour was saying and to respond in kind. She had no idea what she ate, even less what was said during the protracted meal and she could only be thankful when at last they rose from the table.

  Even then her ordeal was not over. Kitty stood beside Lady Harworth at the top of the stairs to receive the guests, then Bertram carried her off to dance with him. And all the time she was obliged to smile. She was grateful that Daniel did not ask her to dance: it was painful enough watching him across the room and when she saw him smile at Ann she felt sick at heart. Occasionally she was aware of Daniel’s eyes upon her, but when she looked up he would quickly glance away. It was like some bizarre ritual: they circled the room, painfully aware but always avoiding each other. And smiling. Constantly smiling.

  A steady stream of partners had kept Kitty on the dance floor until late into the night but at length she had had enough and as the music ended she slipped away before her godmother or Lady Harworth could present her with another partner. She had been at Kirkleigh long enough to know the layout of the house and made her way to a small sitting room on the ground floor. It was used by the ladies of the house as a sewing parlour and, knowing it would not be occupied, she picked up one of the double candlesticks from a hall table and carried it into the room. The glow from the candles was not sufficient to light the room but it was enough for Kitty. She placed the candlestick on the mantelshelf and sat down in one of the worn armchairs beside the empty fireplace. As she clasped her hands together the diamond on her finger flashed, reminding her that she must not tarry long here or she would be missed.

  A sudden flickering of the light made her look u
p. Daniel was standing in the doorway.

  ‘I saw you leave,’ he said, coming into the room and carefully closing the door behind him. ‘I wanted to be sure you are not ill.’

  ‘No, I am well. I needed to be quiet for a little while.’ She rubbed her aching cheeks. ‘I seem to have done nothing all evening but smile and exchange pleasantries.’

  ‘I know.’ He walked across the room to sit down opposite her.

  She said, ‘Ann is very happy tonight.’

  ‘Yes.’

  He sat forward, elbows resting on his knees and his hands clasped. He was so close she could have leaned over and touched him. Her knuckles gleamed white as she resisted the temptation.

  ‘Your betrothal was very sudden.’

  ‘Yes.’ She thought he would not speak again and berated herself for her remark. It was no concern of hers what he did. Exhaling, he straightened, saying slowly, ‘She came to me in the garden, the morning after you had announced your engagement to Harworth. She made it very plain that she would welcome an offer from me. I thought, why not? It would make Ann happy. You are going to marry Harworth. This way at least I shall know where you are, how you go on.’

  Kitty’s hands went to her mouth. The knife that had been twisting within her all evening now cut even deeper.

  ‘You…you do not…love Ann.’

  For the first time that evening he looked straight at her.

  ‘No. I love you.’

  His image blurred as tears filled her eyes. She tried to blink them away. If only she had known.

  You did know! the voice screamed in her head. You did know. Every act of kindness, every kiss…

  ‘Oh, Daniel.’ She had to breathe very carefully to keep her unhappiness under control. ‘Does it help to know that…that I love you, too? Only I did not realise it until it was too late.’

  ‘No, that does not help at all.’ His mouth twisted into a humourless smile. ‘I thought you had achieved your dream.’

  She shook her head.

  ‘I realise now it was not really my dream, but my mother’s: she had such hopes for me.’

  ‘She is happy, then.’

  She heard the bitter note in his voice and said quickly, ‘Please do not blame her; Mama’s life is very hard and she did not want that for me.’

  The steady tick, tick of the clock reminded her that she must not stay away from the ballroom for too long.

  ‘Soon we will be brother and sister,’ she said carefully. ‘How will we manage, meeting as if we mean nothing to each other?’

  He rubbed a hand across his eyes.

  ‘We must.’

  A rogue tear escaped and she dashed it away.

  ‘I am not sure I can,’ she whispered.

  With an oath Daniel was on his feet, dragging her up and into his arms.

  ‘Then let us not even try!’ he muttered, covering her face with kisses. ‘We can both cry off. Surely it is better to tell the truth now than to make the four of us unhappy?’

  He kissed her savagely and Kitty clung to him, responding with all the pent-up longing that had been slumbering within her.

  ‘If you cannot face telling them then I’ll carry you off now,’ he muttered between kisses. ‘We will go away; I’ll write to Harworth and tell him what has happened…’

  Steeling herself, Kitty put a hand to his mouth to silence him.

  ‘You know we cannot do that.’ She gave him a misty smile and reached up to brush back a lock of dark hair, her fingers trailing lovingly over his brow. ‘You are too much of a gentleman, Daniel Blackwood. You cannot cry off.’

  ‘Despite what she says I swear Ann Harworth doesn’t love me—’

  ‘That is not the point. You have promised to marry her. How could you live with your conscience if you broke off your engagement?’

  ‘How can you live with your conscience,’ he threw at her, ‘knowing you married Harworth for his title and his money?’

  She looked at him, saw the tortured anguish in his eyes. The confusion that had been banging around in her head for days suddenly resolved itself.

  ‘I am not going to marry him,’ she said quietly. ‘Lord Harworth does not love me: when I told him I had no money of my own he decided the honourable course was to continue with the engagement, but I think he would be quite relieved if I were to withdraw.’

  ‘But if you cry off, if you are free—’

  ‘No!’ She pushed away from him. ‘I am nothing. If I cry off everyone will say Lord Harworth is well rid of me. His pride may suffer a little, and Lady Leaconham will be embarrassed, but that will pass, it will be forgotten. Society may want to punish me but that will not be possible, for I am not really a part of that world. I can retire to Fallridge and obscurity. I shall be no worse off than when I began. For you to jilt Ann Harworth would bring shame and embarrassment upon her and social ruin upon you and your family.’

  ‘But I love you!’

  ‘And I love you too much to bring disgrace to you.’

  ‘But it needn’t be like that.’ He reached out for her again. ‘Ann could cry off—’

  ‘You would make yourself so unpleasant to her that she no longer wants to marry you?’ Kitty shook her head. ‘You must not hurt her, Daniel, she is my friend. I could not bear you to do anything so dishonourable.’

  ‘No! Listen to me—!’

  She put out her hands, stepping back to put a distance between them. She said slowly, ‘I will make you this promise, Daniel. If you or Ann do anything to break this engagement, I will never marry you.’

  ‘And that is your final word?’

  ‘It is.’

  She kept her eyes on his face. He must not be in any doubt that she spoke with deadly sincerity. The silence stretched until she thought she might scream with the pain of it. At last Daniel spoke.

  ‘Then there can be no hope for us.’

  ‘None.’ She added quietly, ‘You told me once that we all have choices. When those choices are made we must live with them.’

  He stared at her, such passion in his eyes that for a moment she feared he might drag her into his arms again and if he did that Kitty did not know if she had the strength left to resist him. Instead he reached out and caught her fingers, carrying them to his lips. Kitty blinked rapidly. She must not cry now. There would be plenty of time for tears later. Gently she disengaged her hands.

  ‘Goodbye, my love,’ she whispered as she turned and walked out of the room.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Three days later Kitty was back at Fallridge, where her mother’s silence was harder to bear than the tears and recriminations she had anticipated. The announcement that she was not going to marry Lord Harworth had been met with bewilderment and outrage at Kirkleigh. Lady Leaconham had pleaded and Ann had begged her to reconsider: Bertram adopted the role of martyr but in Lady Harworth Kitty found an ally. The lady had never reconciled herself to the idea of her son taking a penniless bride and she showed more kindness than Kitty thought she deserved.

  Lady Harworth arranged for her own carriage to take Kitty back to Fallridge, together with the trunks full of clothes that she had accumulated in London and a purse full of coins. To Kitty it felt as if Lady Harworth was buying her off, but she did not refuse the money, knowing that it would bring some relief to her family, from whom she had so cruelly ripped the possibility of comfort and riches.

  A letter from Lady Leaconham followed her, detailing how badly she had been deceived and stating that she would do no more for her goddaughter, to which Mama insisted that Kitty should reply with a very civil apology and an assurance that she would not call upon her for any further assistance.

  ‘Your godmother has been very good but we must now think of what we are going to do with you,’ said Mama, sealing up the letter and with it all her hopes. ‘Mrs Midgley has put some work my way, so there is a little sewing you can help me with until you have stopped crying all the time.’

  ‘Mama, I do not cry all the time!’

  ‘Do
not tell me that you do not water your pillow every night, my love, because the walls are very thin and even Aunt Jane can hear you, and as you know she is very deaf!’

  ‘Very well, I confess that my spirits are a little low.’

  ‘It is my belief that you are nursing a broken heart,’ said Mama. ‘But I will not ask you to tell me anything about that if you do not wish to do so.’

  Kitty bowed her head.

  ‘Oh, Mama, I am such a disappointment to you.’

  ‘Nonsense, you are a credit to me! Why, look at you, so pretty as you are, and with an excellent education, too. I was always afraid Letitia Leaconham was aiming a little too high, hoping to catch a baron for you. I could wish that the squire had not seen the announcement of your betrothal, because it is very hard to hold one’s head up knowing that everyone is wondering just what occurred to make you break off the engagement. And of course there are some ill-natured enough to gloat at your misfortune. But we shall take no notice of them.’ She looked closely at Kitty. ‘Are you sure there were no other gentleman dangling after you, not even one who might be keen enough to seek you out and come courting you?’

  An image of Daniel rose before Kitty and the tears that were never far away clogged her throat. She shook her head, unable to trust her voice.

  ‘Well, then, we must think of an occupation for you,’ Mama said briskly. ‘I had it from Mrs Hobbs that the squire’s governess has given notice. Now I suggest you put on your bonnet and take yourself off to the squire’s house this minute and put your name forward. You have always been a favourite with the older girls, so I think you have a good chance of securing the position.’

  ‘Really, Mama?’

  ‘Of course! I don’t say I wouldn’t prefer to see you married, but if it isn’t to be then we must find you some other way to support yourself.’