by Laken Cane
But he shook his head. “No. When I was leaving her house I saw a strange car go slowly by. I knew there was something off about that car. I felt it. I even made a joke about it.” The expression in his eyes was one she was familiar with. Unbelievable guilt. “But I left. Just…left.”
She didn’t want to see him that way. Not Ellis. He couldn’t lose the part of himself that made him better than the rest of them. “Don’t, Ellie.”
He walked to the bed, his hand too tight around hers. He forced himself to look, and though she wanted to pull him back she knew better. He began shaking the moment he saw her battered face. “Oh no. Oh God, no.”
She’d never been so helpless in her life. She couldn’t fix Lexi, couldn’t help the twins, couldn’t take away Ellis’s guilt and pain.
Levi stood and strode around the bed, snatching Ellis away from Lex. “I’ll take him into the hall so he can…” His voice broke and he said no more, just took the distraught Ellis away.
“What did the doctor say?” Rune found a clear spot on Lex’s forehead and caressed it for a second with a gentle finger.
The doctor chose that second to walk in. She was dressed in street clothes but had a stethoscope around her neck. She also had the same tired lines on her face Rune had seen on a lot of doctors. She gave them a terse nod and got straight to the point.
“I’m Dr. Haas. I don’t know if she’ll live.” She glanced at Denim. “I told you that earlier. I still don’t know. She’s declining despite the blood.” She looked at the clipboard she carried. “It’s as though her body is fighting the blood.”
“What type of blood is it?” Rune asked.
“Human, of course.” She waited for a second, and when Rune said nothing more, she continued. “If I could get her to vibrate, she might be able to help herself, to at least try to heal. Right now…”
Raze shifted his weight from one foot to the other and his hand went to one of his shivs. “You will help her.”
The doctor crossed her arms and stared him down. “Don’t threaten me, big man. I’ve known Lexi since she was a child. Tended to her when her mother devised new ways of torturing the girl. I will do what I can.”
“You should have taken her from her mother,” Jack said.
Finally a sign of emotion in the doctor’s eyes. Misery flashed for a second, then was extinguished. “I wish it had been that easy.”
“Don’t judge,” Denim said. His voice was grim, his eyes dull.
Rune clenched her teeth. “And don’t you give up on her. Don’t you dare give up on her.”
He looked away, ashamed. “Never.”
“You all should go home.” The doctor looked at Denim. “I have your numbers. I’ll call if there are any changes.”
Denim’s stare was hard. “I won’t leave her.”
“But—”
“No.”
The doctor shrugged. “Everyone else, out. I need to examine her.”
Rune went to Denim. “I’ll get some food and coffee for you and Levi before I go.”
He shook his head, watching Lex. “The nurses bring us coffee, and neither one of us can eat.”
There was nothing else she could do. “Call me if anything changes. I don’t care what time it is.”
“I will.”
She left the room, Jack and Raze on her heels. In the hall, Levi and Ellis stood against the wall. Ellis’s face was buried in his hands, and Levi had his arm around the smaller man, offering what comfort he could.
She took Ellis’s hand, urging him away. “Come on, love. We’re going home.”
Levi’s smile was tired. “She’ll be okay, Rune.”
“I know. I know she will.”
God, please.
After a quick ride up the elevator and a nod good-bye to William, Jack and Raze climbed into their cars for the drive home.
Ellis had taken a cab to the clinic. “I didn’t trust myself to drive,” he’d told her.
He got into Rune’s car, and she had to remind him to put on his seat belt. He fumbled with it until she finally reached over and snapped it in for him.
“Can I stay with you tonight, Rune?”
“Of course.”
“I just really don’t want to be alone.”
“I know, baby. Me neither.”
“I keep thinking how if I hadn’t walked away—”
“Stop it, Ellie. This is in no way your fault.” And if you hadn’t walked away, you might be lying there with her.
“No? Whose fault is it then?” He held his hands to the warm air coming from the vents, reminding her of Amy.
“I don’t think the attack was random. It all goes straight to the man who’s tormenting the Others.”
He grabbed on to the distraction. “Tell me everything.”
She told him what he didn’t already know, about the attempt to delay them at the graveyard, Z’s concussion, Amy’s capture. “Llodra gave Amy permission to tell us everything she knows, but I’m pretty sure she already did. So that’s disappointing. He had nothing to tell me.” Then she remembered one thing. “Except he knows I’m not…”
Ellis looked at her. “Human? I’m only surprised it’s as big a secret as it is. My guess is because you’ve buried that part of you so deeply even the Others have trouble sensing you.”
“Not me. My monster.” A familiar feeling unfurled inside her stomach. Shame, anxiety, and dread, all mixed into one soupy mess. “I keep thinking I can force it out of me. Kill it. But that never happens.”
“Because it’s not some physical being inside you, Rune. It is you.”
“I killed my father tonight. Well, Jack blew his head off, but I took his heart.” She kept her voice flat and tried to ignore the jabs of pain the memory brought. “He forgave me.”
“Now if you could only forgive yourself.”
She drove in silence for a few minutes. It began to rain, a cold, thin rain that made her shiver to see it. “Could COS be at the root of everything that’s happening?”
“If the Church of Slayers is directing Preston, they’re going to do everything they can to destroy the Others as well as anyone getting in their way.” He looked at her. “You’re an Other and you’re getting in their way.” He grabbed her arm, his eyes a little too wide. “You be careful, Rune. You be careful.”
“Don’t worry about me, Ellie. Maybe Lex was a warning to us. Nothing happened until we started looking into this shit with Preston.” She squeezed the steering wheel. Who the fuck are you, Preston?
As soon as they arrived at Rune’s house she went to shower while Ellis put on a pot of coffee. The scents of frying bacon and eggs tempted her to cut her shower short.
For a few minutes as she drank her coffee and ate the meal Ellis had cooked, she could almost pretend Lex wasn’t hovering near death.
“Eat something, Ellie.”
“I had a big dinner with Lex.” He took a drink of his coffee, then grimaced. “I don’t know how you drink this stuff.”
“Why did Sherry see my monster? Why was I able to keep it hidden for so long and now suddenly I can’t control it?”
Ellis didn’t bat an eye at her abrupt subject change. “Usually when you have trouble controlling yourself, it’s soon after you’ve fed.”
She dropped her fork. “I do not feed, Ellis.”
“When I’m forced to give you blood. Through a bag. Into your veins. That’s not feeding, of course. No, ma’am.”
She stared at him with narrowed eyes. “It’s not the same thing. Even humans get blood when they have trauma. I just—”
He interrupted her. He’d heard her excuses a hundred times. “When you…get blood, it makes you stronger. Makes your monster stronger.”
One more reason to deny myself.
She stood and scraped the little bit of leftover food into the garbage disposal before tossing the dishes into the dishwasher. “Come on, Ellie, let’s get some sleep.” She was running on fumes.
She’d nearly drifted off when he b
rought her back from the edge with a question.
“Do you know how you felt when you looked at Lex, saw her lying there like that?”
She shuddered. “Yes.”
His voice was soft, thick with tears. “Multiply that by a hundred. You might get close to how I feel when I have to stand at this very bed, looking down at you.”
Her heart stuttered. “Shit, Ellie,” she whispered. “I’m so sorry.”
He turned toward her, his face close to hers. “Swear to me you’ll never do that again. You’ll never let some monster hurt you.”
“I…”
“Please, Rune. Please.”
“I swear. For you, Ellie.”
“No, no. Not for me. For you.”
“For me,” she lied.
Chapter Twenty-One
“Levi. How is Lex?”
She held her cell to her ear as she drove to the hospital to see Z and Amy. The early morning was cold and gray, and she had a sudden craving for summer color and heat.
She’d dropped Ellis off at his house and promised to keep him updated about Lex. He would be at the office all day, but most likely he’d be there without her. There were too many things going on for her to consider going in to work.
“She’s not doing well, Rune,” Levi replied.
“The same?”
He hesitated. “She’s worse.”
“Fuck. Fuck.”
“Yeah.”
“I’m on my way to the hospital to check on Z and Amy. As soon as I’m finished, I’ll head to the clinic.”
She clicked off, her gaze going again to her rearview mirror. She recognized Strad Matheson’s enormous black GMC truck. He’d been tailing her ever since she’d left her house. Obviously he didn’t care that she knew he was following her, or else he’d have found something a little less conspicuous to drive.
The son of a bitch needed to back off. The last thing she wanted was the berserker reporting her every move to Jeremy.
Why Jeremy had decided Shiv Crew needed to be spied upon was a mystery. It didn’t make sense, but she had other, bigger things to sort out. She put that one away for later.
Most likely it was just Jeremy being an asshole. He was so good at it.
She ignored Strad when she locked her car and strode into the hospital. Well, almost. She took a moment to salute him with her middle finger. Childish, yes, but she wasn’t worried about what he thought of her.
He waved at her, his white grin flashing.
Hoping Amy would be in a helpful mood, she went to her room first. She’d visit Z on her way out.
Amy was in more than a good mood. “Rune.” She waved Rune over, her face animated.
She had a visitor, an older man with sad eyes and gray hair. Amy had his chin and mouth, and Rune knew at once that he was the alcoholic father.
He stood when she entered, and she shook his hand. “Good to meet you, sir. You must be Amy’s father.”
Amy squealed. “How’d you know?”
“You have the same mouth,” Rune said. “How are you doing, baby?”
Amy’s multicolored hair seemed to have brightened, probably due to the fact that she’d washed it for the first time since she’d taken up with the vampires. She looked twelve years old.
“I told my dad all about you and Shiv Crew. He thinks I could be Shiv Crew material.” Her tone was light, but her eyes, when she looked at Rune, were completely serious. Hopeful.
“Well, you never know. You relax and let them take care of you for a while.”
“I’m going back home.” Amy blushed and looked away from Rune, as if her confession was an embarrassing development.
Rune took her hand and squeezed it gently. “That is the best news I’ve heard in a long time.”
“I’ve straightened up,” her father said. “I’m going to do better by my girl.” He glanced at Rune’s shivs. “There isn’t a better knife thrower than me. I wouldn’t mind taking a practice throw at Nurse Sharon’s big ole—”
“Dad!” Amy looked at Rune and rolled her eyes.
Rune smiled, winking at Amy. “Sir, if you wouldn’t mind, I have some police business to discuss with Amy.”
“Well,” he said, grimacing as he put a hand to the small of his back and stretched, “I’ll go find some coffee.”
“Are you coming back?” Amy’s voice was heartbreakingly eager. “Come back in a few.”
He hesitated, then went to her bedside to kiss her forehead. “Yes, honey. I’ll be right back. You want anything?”
“A Mountain Dew?”
Rune got to the point as soon as he left the room, hoping to be finished before he found his way back. He’d better come the fuck back. “Did you think of anything new?” she asked the girl.
Amy leaned back against her pillows and began plucking idly at her sheet. “I’m bored out of my mind, Rune. When are they going to let me out of here?”
“It won’t be long. I imagine they’re waiting for some test results. Amy…”
“Yeah, okay. But once you have everything you need, you’ll probably never talk to me again.”
Rune smiled. “I wouldn’t count on that. Shiv Crew isn’t finished with you yet.”
The girl brightened. “Promise?”
Rune hesitated. “Sure. Promise. Now talk to me, baby.”
“I thought of one thing that might help. You know where you found me in Blackfire?”
“The school. Of course.”
Amy lowered her voice. “There’s a field behind the school, and on the other side is an old bridge. I saw a man there once, fucking a wolf.”
Rune recoiled. “How’d you know it was a wolf, and what does that have to do with—”
“I know because she half shifted right in the middle of the sex. It was gross. The dude was hurting her.” Her face dropped. “If you don’t trust me, I’m not telling you anything else.”
“I’m sorry. I know I can trust you.”
Amy shrugged. “I guess.”
“Go on,” Rune encouraged.
“RISC came in to question me.”
“Yes.”
“The one dude, Cross.”
Rune suddenly found it difficult to take in enough air. She cleared her throat and dug her nails into her palms. “Jeremy Cross, yes. What about him?”
“I’m pretty sure he was the guy fucking the wolf.”
She could only stare at Amy for a minute, hoping her rage wasn’t showing in her face. Calm, Rune. Calm the fuck down. “Pretty sure?”
“Well, it was at a distance,” Amy said, frowning. “It looked like him. But here’s the part I wanted to tell you.”
Rune shifted from one foot to the other, her hands shaking. “Okay.”
“It’s no big secret that there’s a man abusing the Other women. He likes to tie them up and kick the shit out of them. Does terrible things to them. When he’s finished he lets them shift so they can heal.” She shrugged. “He gets off on it. Maybe Cross isn’t this guy.” She looked at Rune, her eyes steady. “But maybe he is. You should check it out.”
Rune could have easily broken down right there on the spot. “He likes to tie them up and kick the shit out of them.”
Compartmentalize, Rune. Save it for later.
She cleared her throat. “That’s very helpful. The other thing I need to talk to you about. Lex was attacked.”
In one of her lightning-fast mood changes, Amy gasped and put her hands to her cheeks. “Oh my God! That blind girl? Who did it?”
Her reaction was sincere. She hadn’t known or heard anything about it, which probably meant Llodra wasn’t responsible. Not that Rune had really suspected him in the first place. “She was attacked while we were in Wormwood, talking to Llodra and getting you out.”
Amy’s eyes darkened, and she started to climb from the bed. “No.”
“Amy—”
“You’re going to kill him, aren’t you? After you get everything you need from him, you’re going to kill him.” Amy drew back her f
ist, thought better of it, then looked toward the closet. “I need my fucking clothes.”
Rune grabbed her shoulders. “Calm down. I’m not going after Llodra. I don’t believe he had anything to do with Lex’s attack. I need to know if you’ve heard anything about…” She hesitated, not wanting to put ideas in the girl’s head. “COS?”
Amy opened her mouth, then snapped her now tear-filled eyes to something behind Rune.
Sure Amy’s father had returned, Rune let go of the girl and turned to ask him for a minute more. But it wasn’t Amy’s father.
It was the berserker.
He’d slipped into the room and was leaning against the wall, his face blank.
How much had he heard? Oh shit, if he told Jeremy…
“Get the fuck out, Matheson.”
“I have a question for the girl.”
“Again?” Amy wailed. “I already told you everything.”
He smiled. “Oh, I doubt that.”
“If you don’t want to talk to him, tell him to fuck off. You’re not under arrest, Amy.”
“I’ve been cooperating,” Amy said, climbing back into bed. “I like Strad. I don’t like Cross. He’s not a good person even if he’s not…” She looked knowingly at Rune. “You know. Besides, they need to know the vampires aren’t the ones killing the humans.”
Rune could have explained to her that it didn’t matter. Jeremy was determined to purge the vampires. But she didn’t. She’d let Amy think she was making a difference. “You have my cell number. Call me if you think of anything else.”
She threw Strad a cool look and sauntered past him. She was ready for it when he shot a hand out and grabbed her arm—so ready that before he could complete his grasp she had a shiv to his chest, right above his heart.
“Whoa,” Amy said.
Rune didn’t think he’d be too quick to move, especially since she had another shiv pressing into his balls.
“I don’t like when people grab me, Berserker. This is the only warning I’m going to give you. Next time, I’ll take one of your nuts. Understand?”
Fucker didn’t look scared. That made her mad, so she pressed the shiv into his chest just enough to draw blood.
He narrowed his eyes. “I, too, have a warning. When a woman is this close to my cock, one of two things is going to happen. I’m going to whip her ass, or I’m going to consider it foreplay.” He put his hands on his hips, insultingly unconcerned. “Which do you prefer, Ms. Alexander?”
