Nathan laughed. “No way. You have to help Mother at home until you get married.”
Her eyebrows drew together. “It’s not fair I’m the only girl left.”
Giving her cheek a pat, Isaac smiled at Katie. He kept his voice to a whisper. “You’d be a good teacher.”
She beamed with her crooked smile.
There were cakes and pies and happy greetings at the Lapps’, but Isaac quickly stole away to the paddock beyond the barn. Clouds hung heavy, and soon enough he’d see his breath in the air. He glanced back and realized Father and Joseph followed. It seemed he wouldn’t have any peace this day. If he couldn’t be with David, then he wanted to be alone so he could remember every moment they’d shared.
Mr. Lapp greeted him by the fence, watching two horses circle each other. Isaac could see right away it was a stallion and a mare. He could also see the stallion’s engorged cock. It shouldn’t have sent a shiver deep within him, but his blood stirred. Now that he’d experienced that kind of sin with David, he itched for it.
Father frowned. “Isn’t it late in the season for mating?”
Mr. Lapp nodded. “That it is, but we need another foal. We’ll try, at least.”
Father and Joseph took up places by the fence. They all watched in silence, and Father stroked his graying beard. He wore his thick jacket, and it stretched over his belly. Mother would have to make him another soon. With each year Father seemed to grow outward despite the hours of work he did.
Amid a flurry of whinnies and grunts, the stallion mounted the mare. Isaac’s breath came shallowly, and he was surely touched by the devil given the thoughts polluting his mind. It was dangerous, and he wished he could escape to some privacy and relieve the growing pressure.
What would it be like to have David behind him, taking control of him—possessing him? Throat dry, he dug his fingers into the weathered wood of the fence. As surely as the mare was in heat, so was Isaac.
He could imagine himself on his hands and knees, offering himself up. He’d cry out and tremble, and take every inch of David. He remembered the heavy thickness of David’s cock through their pants, and imagined the heat of it inside him like a poker, branding him and—
“Is that sodomy?” Joseph asked.
Isaac almost swallowed his tongue, and coughed roughly. Mr. Lapp slapped him on the back unhelpfully.
At eight, Joseph’s face was still round with baby fat, and his hat almost seemed too big for him. He peered up at Father from beneath the brim. “Eli Hooley said sodomy’s a sin. I didn’t know what it was, and he said it’s what horses do.”
Awkward silence stretched out before Father finally spoke, his words measured and sure. “Horses are free of sin. This is their natural way. It is as God intended.”
Joseph watched the stallion finish and stagger off the mare’s back. “But for people it’s a sin?”
“Yes.”
Isaac’s mind knew the truth of it, but in his soul he couldn’t deny his desire. Bishop Yoder had rarely touched upon the abomination of men lying with men. It seemed to be taken as a given that it was blasphemous, and not something the preachers felt needed repeating. It was the modern, unclean ways of the English with their technology and pride that the preachers railed against.
Father and Joseph drifted away with Mr. Lapp, but Isaac was rooted to his spot by the fence. How could he daydream about entering into an abomination so willingly? With such anticipation and joy in him? He should take joy in his family, and the Lord. In his work, and one day in his wife and children.
His stomach soured. For years he’d wondered at his lack of interest in Mary or any other girl. If he’d known this seed of sin was growing in him, waiting to bloom, perhaps he could have cut it down. Salted the earth so it would never grow again.
Had he known deep down? He wasn’t sure. But knowing and admitting were sometimes as far apart as Zebulon and New York City.
“Isaac! Come and eat something,” Mrs. Lapp called.
“I’ll be right there!” He forced his hands to unclench from the fence. The grooves of the wood had made red marks on his palms.
Last night David had been eager to see him again, tender with his kisses and goodbye. But what if in the gray light of this Sunday, he’d realized they were being crazy? That it was far too dangerous.
Putting one foot after the other, Isaac rejoined the others. The next morning could not come soon enough, and until it did, he could only wonder.
Dread was his companion as Isaac urged Silver faster along the road. The sun wasn’t up and he would be early, but he had to know. Rain pelted the buggy, spraying him from the front and dripping through the roof, rolling off his heavy hat. He shivered and called to Silver to go faster, flicking the reins over her back.
Lanterns glowed from the Lantz house in the gloom, and Mary opened the door to wave as he arrived. Isaac jerked his hand in reply, continuing on to the stable. It was too miserable for Silver to stay outside, and he quickly unharnessed her and pushed the barn door open. In lamplight, David already stood by his worktable, pencil in hand. He wore no hat, and stared at Isaac uncertainly.
Silver neighed, shaking herself, and Isaac tore his eyes away from David to bring her to a stall. As he settled her and gave her an apple core from a bucket to munch on, he heard the barn door closing, the rain now muffled. When Isaac turned, David was back by the table. He leaned over a large sheet of paper.
“You should hang up your hat and coat to dry.” His tone was flat.
Isaac was all thumbs, awkward and unsteady as he dropped his coat on the dusty floor. He shook it out and hung it beside his hat, hay and dirt still stuck to it. He was afraid to look at David, and the air felt like molasses. I should have known he’d come to his senses. Isaac swiped at his coat, hands trembling.
“Isaac… I’m sorry.”
In that moment, Isaac could have dropped to his knees and wept like a child. He couldn’t force any words past his too-thick tongue. He sucked in a breath, staring at the hay scattered by his boots.
“I should never have taken you to June’s or the drive-in. And I should never have…” David choked off. “I’ve never been able to talk to anyone the way I can with you. I feel like you understand me. But I let myself get carried away. I pray for forgiveness.”
“From who?” Isaac curled his fingers into fists, struck with the urge to break something. He spun around. “From God? Or from me?”
David bowed his head. “From you both.”
“Well, I don’t. I won’t ever forgive you. Not for something I wanted. Something I’ll hold in my heart, even if you would pray it away.”
David’s head shot up, his eyes wide. “But I thought…when you didn’t come yesterday…”
“My parents wouldn’t let me. We visited with the Lapps, and I had to go. I wanted to come here more than anything.”
“Truly?” David whispered. He was around the table before Isaac could blink. Tentatively, he reached for Isaac’s hand. “You aren’t sorry?”
Isaac exhaled shakily and squeezed David’s fingers. “I know I should be. But I’m not.”
They clutched each other, mouths open and tongues pressing together. Isaac stumbled back against the wall and held David to him, groaning softly. He was soaring, and he thought of the distant trains, and how fast he and David had flown over the roads in June’s truck. It was as if he had a roaring engine within him now.
The barn door jumped open with a creak and a gust of wind, rain slanting in. David stumbled away, wiping his mouth, chest heaving. They both stared at the opening, but no one walked through. The wind howled, and the door jumped again. Isaac exhaled and thumped his head back against the wall.
With a shaky smile, David closed the door, sliding across the heavy wooden bolt.
“Won’t they wonder if they come out to bring food?” Isaac ran a hand through his hair. His bangs were damp, and he brushed them away.
David was already tugging Isaac’s hand and leading him into an empty stall off the pas
sageway. “If they come out in this weather, I’ll tell them the door wouldn’t stay closed. It’s the truth.”
Of course David wouldn’t be telling his mother or sisters the other truth—that he was dropping to his knees in the clumps of hay and unfastening the buttons on Isaac’s pants. It smelled like dirt and sweat and animals, and Isaac was hard already. He breathed deeply as he leaned back against the wooden slats, watching with lips parted, his body humming. “What are you…?”
David lowered the flap on Isaac’s fly and glanced up with gleaming eyes. Then he unfastened the galluses and tugged Isaac’s pants down to his knees. Reverently, he traced his fingertips along Isaac’s length. It was the first time anyone had touched Isaac there, and he bit his lip, trembling at the sparks of sensation.
Leaning in, David licked his lips. “Do you want me to stop?”
Isaac was completely exposed, and goose bumps spread over his thighs as his cock twitched, David’s hot breath ghosting across it. A memory of Mervin, Mark, and the other boys talking about a dirty magazine one of them had bought in Warren sprang to Isaac’s mind. They’d crowed about the things the women had done with their mouths.
Isaac swallowed hard, blood rushing to his cock. “Don’t stop.” He caressed David’s dark hair. “Please.”
His eyes still locked with Isaac’s, David leaned even closer. Then he wrapped his lips around the head of the shaft and sucked. Isaac’s knees almost buckled, and he slapped his hand over his mouth at the incredible pleasure shooting through him. He thrust his hips helplessly.
Lips curving into a brief smile, David’s eyes sparkled as he licked up and down, and all around.
“Oh my. It feels so good.” Isaac pressed his lips together. He finally understood why fornication was such a popular sin.
A string of spit hung between Isaac’s cock and David’s mouth as David pulled off. “Tell me. I want to hear it.” He traced the throbbing vein that ran along the underside of Isaac’s shaft with his tongue. “Do you like this?” he whispered.
Isaac nodded so hard he was in danger of giving himself a concussion as he knocked his head back against the wall.
“Tell me.” David explored Isaac’s heavy balls, his fingers stealing back to rub at the sensitive skin behind them.
Gasping, Isaac flattened a palm on the wooden slats behind him. He could barely talk. “It feels so good. Your mouth—your tongue. Hot and wet. So much better than my own hand.”
David sucked him hard, slurping as his lips stretched around Isaac’s cock. It was so dirty and wrong, and Isaac never wanted it to end. To touch someone with your mouth that way should be disgusting, but he couldn’t wait to taste David.
When David pulled off, he slid down Isaac’s foreskin and licked the pearly drops from the head. Isaac’s lungs stuttered. He peered through the slats of the stall to make sure they were still alone, even though the door was bolted. But he couldn’t keep his eyes from returning to David, and David’s red, glistening mouth.
David’s breath puffed over Isaac’s straining, sensitive cock. “Do you touch yourself often?”
“Sometimes. I hardly ever get to be alone.”
“What do you think about?” David ran his fingertips over Isaac’s shaking thighs.
“Trains. Going far away. Rattling over the rails so, so fast.”
Smiling, David pressed a kiss to Isaac’s hip. “I’m going to take you on a train. We’re going to hide away, and when the train is going so fast you can hardly stand it, I’m going to kiss you, and touch you all over. I’m going to make you come so hard.”
Isaac remembered the first time he’d heard the term—come. One of the other boys had said it when they were looking at the secret magazine, and Isaac had wondered what it really meant.
But with David he’d discovered the meaning. It was to come utterly undone, to be pulled inside-out with pleasure so hot he was surprised it didn’t burn his flesh. The words croaked from his lips. “Will you mount me like a stallion?”
Shuddering, David clutched Isaac’s hips and took him into his mouth again, going deeper now, his head moving back and forth as he sucked hard. The rush overtook Isaac, and he couldn’t stop his cry as he shook and spilled, head tipped back and stars behind his eyes.
His knees gave way, and he slid down. The hay was scratchy on his backside on the cold floor, and his pants were around his ankles. He reached for David, who wiped a thick string of Isaac’s seed from his mouth as he sat back on his heels. David’s fly bulged, and Isaac tore open the buttons.
“You don’t have to…” David could barely get the words out.
Isaac tugged him closer. “I want to make you come too.”
David groaned, his eyes fluttering shut. His cock throbbed in Isaac’s hand, and Isaac stroked him, reveling in the feeling of it. He bent over to get his lips around it, the need to taste overpowering. He wasn’t sure if he was doing it right, but he had to try. The angle was awkward, and his exposed rear was freezing, but all that mattered was the feel of David in his mouth, the musky scent of him filling Isaac’s nose.
He sucked and choked, taking in as much as he could, desperate to have David inside him. David whimpered softly, stroking Isaac’s head. The sensation of David’s cock filling his mouth felt so right. Groaning, he took in as much as he could before gagging and pulling off. Eyes watering, he plunged back down until the nest of rough dark hair at the base of David’s cock tickled his nose.
“Easy, easy.” David rubbed Isaac’s back.
But he didn’t want to go easy. He sucked harder, and reached behind to rub the place David had, and roll David’s balls in his hand.
“Isaac!” David tried to push him away.
Resolutely, Isaac kept sucking, sputtering as the first salty drops filled his mouth. It dripped out as he kept sucking and licking, and he swallowed as much as he could, not stopping until David cupped his cheek and urged him up for a messy kiss. It tasted of them both, and renewed desire curled through him.
Panting, they broke apart and rested their foreheads together. “I was so afraid you’d turn me away today.” The words rushed out of Isaac breathlessly. “That you’d be the one who was sorry.”
David drew him up so Isaac straddled his lap. He buried his face in Isaac’s neck and gripped him tightly. “No matter what happens, Eechel, I’ll never be sorry.”
Wrapping his arms around David and breathing him in, Isaac shoved away the thoughts of what might well happen, and simply held on.
“Enjoying this Indian Summer? So late in the season too—it’s practically November.”
Isaac looked up as Mrs. Lantz walked into the barn with a fresh jug of water. He put down his saw and wiped his brow, his black hat hanging by the door. David wasn’t wearing his either, and Isaac had joked earlier that they should work shirtless. Of course that had led to lustful glances and stumbling recklessly into one of the stalls.
“I am, ma’am. Supposed to be getting awfully cold soon according to Abram Raber. Says he feels it coming in the knee his horse stepped on all those years ago.”
“Abram’s knee is never wrong.” Mrs. Lantz wiped her damp hands on her black apron with a smile. “David, I’ve left lunch for you boys in the kitchen. I’m going to see to Emma Lapp. Her brother rode over early this morning to tell me it’s her time.”
“I thought I heard a buggy,” David said, eyes still on his planing.
“Her time for what?” Isaac asked.
Anna appeared in the doorway, rolling her eyes. “She’s having a baby, dummy.”
Anna wore a black cap over her wheat-colored hair, which meant she was going out with her mother. Isaac’s heartbeat picked up. Was Mary going as well?
“Haven’t you noticed how fat she’s gotten?”
David and Isaac glanced at each other and shrugged. Isaac said, “Honestly, I didn’t even know my mother was expecting Nathan until he showed up in his cradle one morning.”
“It’s so strange how no one talks about it, especially in
front of the little ones.” Anna shook her head. “Why is it such a secret? We all find out eventually.”
“Anna.” Mrs. Lantz smiled tightly at Isaac.
“But isn’t it all how God created it?” she asked.
Mary appeared behind her, the sunlight framing her head above her black cap. “How God created what?”
“Nothing!” Mrs. Lantz waved her daughters out of the barn. “We’re off now, David. We’ll return by the time the girls are back from school.”
“You’re all going?” David asked.
Anticipation uncoiled in Isaac’s belly, his groin tightening as he gripped the saw. He and David would be alone. For two weeks they’d stolen every moment they could, but with the harvest, Isaac had spent every spare waking hour helping Father or their neighbors.
Anna rolled her eyes again. “Apparently Mary and I have things to learn.”
Mrs. Lantz clapped her hands together. “That’s enough.”
“Yes, Mother.” Anna dropped her head and scurried from the barn.
Mary waved to Isaac. “Have a good day.”
Once they were gone, Isaac tried to catch David’s eye, but David was bent to his work again. Isaac’s excitement faded. Perhaps David was satisfied with their furtive moments in the dark corners of the barn, pleasuring each other in a rush with hands and mouths. He flushed as he thought about how close they’d come to discovery the day before.
“David?” Mary called out uncertainly.
On his knees, Isaac froze, his mouth full with David’s thick cock. He met David’s wide eyes. They were in a horse stall back near the shower, and distantly Isaac could hear Mary’s light footsteps.
“I’ll be right there!” David responded, his voice strung with tension. His fingers were tight in Isaac’s hair. “Hold on!”
“We need your help,” she called. “The laundry wringer’s stuck.” A pause. “David?”
David cleared his throat. “Yes! Go back to the washhouse. I’ll only be a minute.”
“All right.” Her footsteps receded.
Saliva dribbling from his mouth, Isaac needed to swallow, and he started sucking again. He knew he should stop, but he fondled David’s balls, and a moment later was swallowing his salty release as David shook with little gasps. Once Isaac had licked him clean, he tucked David back into his pants and buttoned his fly. David hauled him to his feet and kissed him deeply.
A Forbidden Rumspringa Page 10
