“Of course not. It was just a coincidence, but I’m glad he was there. He told me what a great job you did and how proud your vocal instructor is. He told me that you got the scholarship.”
“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you for days, Mom.”
“I know that now.” Laura reached out to embrace her. “Jessica, I’m so proud of you.”
“Right.” Her daughter pulled away.
“I am, Honey. I really am.”
“Well, anyway,” Jess said, “it’s fifteen hundred dollars. That part should make you happy. I’m going to be less of a burden in the spring than I am now, I guess.”
“Jess, please don’t talk like that.”
“Isn’t that what you’re thinking?”
“No, it’s not what I’m thinking at all.” Laura felt a knot in her throat. “What I’m thinking is how very proud I am of you—and how much I would love to have your forgiveness.”
Jess shrugged.
“And something else too,” Laura continued. “I love you. I hope you know that.”
Her daughter moved toward the door, shaking her head. “Sorry, Mom. Nathan and I were just about to leave. We’re going to a nine o’clock movie. Maybe later.”
Nathan glanced in Laura’s direction, then looked at Jessica. “We don’t have to go. This is important. You guys need to talk this out.”
“We don’t need to talk.” Jessica glared at him. Laura couldn’t help but see her own reflection in her daughter’s countenance.
Nathan shrugged. “Whatever,” he said. “But I really don’t feel like seeing a movie anymore. I think I’d better go home.”
“But—” Jessica never had time to finish her sentence.
Nathan gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and headed to the door. “See you tomorrow,” he called out. The door shut behind him.
Jessica’s eyes sparkled with anger. “Do you see what you’ve done? Do you see?”
“What I’ve done? I just wanted to ask you to forgive me and to tell you that I love you. I’ve been so wrong about so many things. I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t you get it, Mom?” Jessica said angrily. “You ruin everything for me. Everything!” With that, Jessica stormed into her room and slammed the bedroom door behind her.
Unwilling to let it go at that, Laura followed closely behind her, speaking through the door that separated them. “You can shut me out of your room, but you can’t shut me out of your life.”
Silence.
“I’m going to make mistakes, Jess. Lots of them.”
“No kidding.” Her daughter’s voice sounded muffled.
“I’m human. But I don’t ruin everything for you, and I won’t stand by and let you say such a thing. You have no idea what it’s like to be in my position. Someday, when you have kids. . .”
“That’s what all mothers say.” Jess opened the door abruptly. “I can’t wait until then to understand what makes parents tick. I know that you’re so stressed out about everything that you don’t even have the time to spend with Kent and me like you used to. You’re no fun anymore, Mom.”
Laura looked down at the floor, unable to respond past the growing lump in her throat. “All I can say is I’m sorry, Honey. I’m doing my best.” A lone tear rolled down her cheek. She brushed it away, embarrassed.
Jessica’s face softened slightly. “Mom, I didn’t mean to make you cry. I do love you, but I miss things being the way they were. I miss it so much.”
“Me too, Honey.” Laura reached to give her a hug. “Me too.” They held each other for a few moments before Jess backed away and disappeared into her room.
Laura headed off to the privacy of her own bedroom, her thoughts rolling. She pulled on her flannel pajamas, then reached over to slam the closet door. Greg’s suits still hung in the closet, just where he had left them. The time had come to give them away, to put them and the pain of losing her husband behind her. But she couldn’t seem to do it. They had remained in the closet this long. They could stay a little longer.
Just looking at Greg’s suits reminded Laura of Andrew, of the jacket he so carefully placed across her shoulders earlier this evening. Was it an attempt to reach out to her? To be nice? If so, did she feel ready for that?
Laura tossed herself across the big queen-sized bed for a good, long cry. Her heart hurt so desperately, she hardly knew how to begin mending it. Perhaps it couldn’t be mended. The hole left by Greg’s death had grown to immense proportions. No one, nothing, could ever fill it. Not now. Not ever.
“Surely I am with you always. . .” The words from the Scripture came to her mind. What brought them there, she could not tell. “Surely I am with you always. . . .”
“Who?” she cried out to the stillness of the room. “Who is with me always?” Greg certainly wasn’t here. She couldn’t wrap herself up in his arms and ask him to make everything all better. She had no one to fill the emptiness she felt. There would never be another human being loving enough to fill that hole, no matter whom she turned to.
What she needed to fill the gaping hole in her life, no human could fill, no mortal man could conjure up. She needed God’s assurance. She needed His peace, His strength. She needed Him to move in and take over the loneliness and become the lover of her soul, to be more than just Someone she called out to in her moments of extreme need.
Problem was, she couldn’t seem to let go of the pain long enough to allow Him to do that. Maybe she never could.
ß
Andrew drove home in silence, contemplating what had happened at the game. He wanted to call Laura right away, as soon as he arrived home, but he didn’t have the courage. What would he say, anyway? Clearly, she hadn’t wanted to share her thoughts with him. Maybe she never would.
fourteen
“I did it again,” Andrew said.
“Did what?” Regina’s eyes were more curious than accusing.
“I blew it.” He looked at her for some show of support, hopeful her response wouldn’t be negative. He needed a pat on the back, needed someone to tell him he wasn’t a total and complete failure.
“Tell me what happened,” she said soulfully, taking a seat. “I don’t have to be back behind the counter for fifteen minutes. Will that give you enough time?”
He nodded lamely. “I think so.”
“What happened—and be specific.”
“I was at the ball game the other night with Laura—”
“You were?” Regina squealed excitedly, causing a lunchroom full of students to turn and look at them. “I thought you said you couldn’t ask her out until the semester was over.”
“No. No, I didn’t,” he said, trying to quiet her. “I didn’t ask her out.”
“But you said—”
“I said I was at the ball game with her,” he tried to explain. “I didn’t say I asked her out. It was just a coincidence.”
“Mm-hmm.”
Regina looked confused, but he plowed ahead. “Anyway, we were sitting there and I don’t know what I said, but she just jumped up and ran off.”
Regina let out a whistle.
“What?” he asked, avoiding her eyes.
“Must have been pretty awful. What’d you say?”
“That’s just it. I didn’t say much of anything. I was congratulating her on the music scholarship her daughter just received, and before I knew it, she jumped and ran.”
“Maybe her pumpkin was waiting.” Regina smiled. “She didn’t by any chance drop a shoe when she ran off, did she—’cause you know. . .”
“I’m trying to be serious here,” he interrupted, getting irritated. “You’re supposed to be cheering me up. That’s what you do. I come in here and whine, and you cheer me up. That’s your job.”
“And it’s what I’m trying to do, but this time, I think I’m really on your side. Doesn’t sound like you did anything wrong. Did that ever occur to you?”
He shrugged.
“Maybe she had something on her mind. Could have jus
t been a bad day. That happens to other people too, you know. You don’t need to take everything so personally.”
“I know.” He had already considered that possibility. But why had Laura run off at that very moment—just when he brought up Jessica?
“Professor,” Regina said, looking at him seriously, “I’m going to give you some sage advice.”
He looked into her eyes. If anyone could give advice worth taking, Regina could. She had a depth that seemed undeniable.
“I think it’s time to back off and just let nature take its course. Time is on your side, since you can’t ask her out yet anyway.”
“Yeah, but let nature take its course? In that case, I might as well forget the whole thing.”
“I said, ‘back off,’ not drop out of the race. There is something you could be doing in the meantime.”
“What’s that?”
“I’m just wondering. Are you a praying man?” She spoke the words quietly, but with an assurance that seemed to come from deep within.
“A what?” How in the world could he go about answering a question like that?
“A praying man. . .” She said it again, this time looking him right in the eye.
His gaze shifted immediately. It wasn’t that he never prayed; it was just that he hadn’t for awhile—a long while—say five, ten years. “I suppose.”
“Well then, why don’t you stop all your whining and just get down on those knees of yours,” Regina said, “and get busy praying? She’ll come around if it’s God’s plan.”
God’s plan? “Are you saying I’m supposed to pray for a wife? Is that how desperate I’ve become?”
“No, of course not.” She stood. “You’ve always been that desperate. You just never knew what to do about it.”
“Regina, I never know how to take you. You’re kidding, right?”
“No, I’m not. That’s how I found my Daniel. I prayed for a godly husband, and before I knew it, Daniel Leal just waltzed into my life. And now that we’ve already got this woman picked out for you. . .”
“Picked out? Regina, you are too much.”
ß
“What are you talking about?” Laura asked the man at the front door. “I paid the electric bill last week.”
“Better check again, lady,” he said, placing a slip of paper in her hand. “According to the office, they never received a payment.”
She shook her head in disbelief. “I thought I paid it.” Of course, with everything going on in my life, I could have forgotten. “Could you wait just a moment while I check?”
“Won’t make any difference. I can’t take a payment at the door. I’m just here to shut you off.”
“But. . .” This is crazy. I know I paid that bill.
“You could make a payment on-line, but they usually take a couple of days to post.”
Is he kidding? This house is all electric. We’ll freeze to death in here.
“If you want your power turned back on by tomorrow, you could go to one of our payment centers. There’s one about five miles from here, on Robinson.”
“You look like a very understanding man.” She forced a nervous smile. “Would you really do this to us three weeks before Thanksgiving?”
He shrugged, a look of compassion crossing his face. “I just do what they tell me, Mrs. Chapman. You understand.”
Within minutes the house sat in cold, stony silence. The rattle of the dishwasher no longer hung in the air. The gentle flow of warm air no longer emanated from the vents. The refrigerator ceased to hum. Laura would have missed them all, if she had let herself. But the anger was far too hot in her heart for that. I know I paid that bill. I remember paying it on the Internet. Right? She used her phone to sign onto online banking, still convinced this must be some sort of mistake. Strangely, she couldn’t locate the payment. Did I overlook it?
A surge of emotion raced through her. “It’s not fair!” she shouted, though no one was close enough to hear. She leaned against the wall as her knees gave way. Everything seemed to be crumbling around her, and she couldn’t do a thing about any of it.
She gave herself over to the tears without a moment’s guilt. They were long overdue. She had played the role of valiant widow long enough. She couldn’t keep the game going any longer. Her heart ached with a fierceness she hadn’t known in all of the time since Greg’s passing. The full gamut of emotions tore through her. Anger. Pain. Fear. Loneliness.
This can’t go on, Lord! I’m asking for Your help, Father—but more than that, I’m asking You to forgive me for not trusting in You. Increase my faith. Give me courage. I love You, Lord!
fifteen
Laura shuffled back and forth between the bookstore and home, working until her body passed the point of exhaustion. For over a week, she had covered both Madeline’s hours and her own. It couldn’t be avoided. Madeline had been sick with the flu and someone needed to fill her shoes. Laura was the logical candidate. Unfortunately, she had missed several classes along the way.
The lights might be back on at home, but everything else remained in the dark. Jessica hadn’t spoken to her in days. Laura managed to get a few words out of Nathan—something about Jess moving out—but there had been no sign anything like that was actually going to happen.
I’ll show her the same patience You’ve shown me, Lord.
On top of everything, the car broke down. One evening last week, it just wouldn’t start. A dead battery would have been bad enough, but the source of the problem turned out to be an alternator. As usual, when it rained, it poured—at least in her life. But something felt different. Somehow, in the middle of her turmoil, Laura found peace. In the very middle of her storm, she felt anchored.
Her only real regret was being away from school. She had missed two days this week—Tuesday and Thursday. Any more, and she might never get caught up. Her English teacher had been amiable, even offering to e-mail her assignments. Her math homework would have to wait.
And American History—well, there just didn’t seem to be much hope that she would ever catch up in that class, so why bother trying?
ß
Andrew sat at the dinner table, listening to his fellow professors drone on about unimportant things. He was up to his ears as they rambled on about economics and politics. To be honest, he didn’t give a rip about the latest stock market analysis. He had far more important things on his mind.
Laura Chapman. He couldn’t release himself from the image of her wavy hair and silly smirk. . .her soft, smooth skin that carried the bold pink hue of a hot temper when she got riled up. . .her voice, trembling with anger as she spoke. Her “I told you so” smile when she proved him wrong. He missed those things, and so much more. Laura had been absent for the last two classes. With only two weeks before Thanksgiving, he started to worry that she might not come back at all. Truthfully, he missed her. There didn’t seem to be any other way to put it. He missed the look of anger in her sparkling eyes. He missed her furrowed brow as she leaned over those unreasonably hard pop quizzes he gave.
For nearly two weeks, he had thought of little but her. When she ran off from the football game that night, she left behind far more than the scent of her perfume. The undeniable lingered in the air. Regina had been right all along. Andrew didn’t hate Laura. He liked her—maybe a little too much. What he had grown to feel couldn’t be explained without some amount of stammering on his part.
Did he really have room in his heart for someone like Laura Chapman? He hoped so. If so, could he wait it out until the end of the semester to tell her?
“Andrew, are you with us?” Sociology professor, Mack Brewer, asked.
“Yeah, yeah. . .”
“We were just asking about your position on yesterday’s big story out of Washington. Where do you stand?”
“Oh,” he said, trying to focus. “I think it’s awful, but I’ve got faith in our leadership. I’m sure they’ll bring us through it all in fine style—if we don’t mind hanging in limbo until then.
”
“What are you talking about?” Mack laughed. “I was asking your opinion on the renovations taking place at the National Art Gallery. What were you talking about?”
“Oh, I, uh. . . ,” Andrew stammered. “I’m sorry. I guess I wasn’t paying attention.”
“Well, that’s obvious. But at least we’re all aware of your political views!”
Those at the table had a good laugh at Andrew’s expense. He turned his attentions back to Laura, completely oblivious.
ß
Laura tossed and turned in the bed, unable to sleep. She reached across the sheets. In that moment, Laura felt a sudden breeze blow through the room. She gazed at the window. Surely no one would have opened it in the middle of November. No, thank goodness, it was closed. But the breeze. . . Where had it come from? She lay, transfixed, watching, wondering. She began to sense an undeniable warmth, a somber satisfaction.
“Surely I am with you always.” There was that Scripture again. God was taking the time to call out to her, to let her know He was still here. He hadn’t gone anywhere. Greg’s spot in the bed might be vacant, but she didn’t have to be empty.
“Lord, I’m here. Please don’t leave me.”
“I will never leave you nor forsake you.” Another of her favorite Scriptures came to mind almost immediately, doing its work to fill the void within. She was not forsaken! God hadn’t left her at all. He hadn’t been far off. In fact, He was so close, she could almost reach out and touch Him. Laura’s heart began to dance within her. She was almost giddy as the words tripped across her tongue, “Thank You, Lord! Thank You!”
Suddenly everything became clear. She had been walking through the valley of the shadow, where the darkness had all but overwhelmed her. But this was a new day. I’m going to be just fine. God, the very lover of her soul, was there to remind her of that—and what a sweet reminder!
Emotion gave way to exhaustion and a peace like she hadn’t felt in quite some time. Laura fell into a deep, well-deserved sleep.
sixteen
Texas Weddings (Books One and Two) Page 9
