“Tapestry!” he cried. “Please, wait! I didn’t know!”
There was no response. He had no idea where she’d gone to on the ship.
I didn’t know. How did I not know?
He started after her, and then realized how it would seem if he confronted her and tried to make her understand. It was just the two of them aboard the ship. The circumstances couldn’t have been any more confining. Would they even stand a chance at making it back to Earth without Malcolm, now a demon, having an episode? Would he kill her if he did, a monster out of control, on a rampage that would be impossible to escape?
“No!” shouted Malcolm. “No…”
He pulled off the space suit and flung its pieces wide. Running his hands through his hair, Malcolm considered his options and knew that he only had one that made any sense, if he truly cared about Tapestry.
The inner airlock door was still open. Malcolm floated back through it, resting his hands on his knees as he floated in the center of the space. He let himself spin to face back toward the rest of the ship.
“I’m in the airlock, Tapestry,” he called. “You know… what needs to happen.”
He remembered waking up in his spacesuit. It felt like days ago, rather than less than an hour. He’d thought that dying in space alone, away from his friends, was his worst nightmare. Malcolm almost laughed out loud at how wrong he’d been. This was so much worse. The horror he’d seen on Tapestry’s face was so much more painful.
The inner airlock door slowly slid closed. Malcolm nodded, glad that she had the courage to do what needed to be done. He knew there was a feed from the airlock to the cockpit, and he let his eyes scan the wall until he saw the camera.
“It’s okay,” he said. “This is my decision as much as it is yours, Tapestry. I don’t want to hurt anybody. I don’t want to hurt you.”
There was a strange irony to it. Malcolm had been one of the proponents of reform inside the Champion Authority. He’d wanted a different solution to the problem of demons and sprytes other than summary execution.
But this was different. He couldn’t take the risk of putting Tapestry in danger. Even if he managed to keep from hurting her, it was almost certain that if he had an episode, he’d damage the ship. And that was the same thing, in the end.
“Do it, Tapestry,” he said. “I’m so sorry. I let everyone down. I let you down.”
Malcolm closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and accepted his fate.
CHAPTER 24
Malcolm waited. His thoughts were suspended, not racing or reflecting on the events of his life, but empty, and almost meditative. He waited for his own death in full acceptance of it.
Minutes went by, long enough to pull him from his hollow reverie and make him realize that something was wrong. He heard an airlock door sliding, and realized with surprise that it was the inner door, the one behind him, leading back to the ship.
“Tapestry…” Malcolm slowly shook his head.
She can’t keep me alive. That’s not an option here.
Malcolm watched as she floated back toward him. He could tell that she’d been crying heavily, but it looked different than it would have back on Earth, tears floating free of her eyes and getting into her hair and on her forehead instead of leaving neat, downward trails.
She put her arms around him and let out a silent sob, her body shaking with it despite herself. Malcolm only hugged her back when he stopped to consider how cruel it would be for him not to.
“No…” he whispered. “Tapestry, I don’t want to hurt you. You know what you have to do.”
He felt her fingernails dig into his back slightly.
“You don’t want to hurt me?” she asked. She pulled and stared at him, anger clear in her eyes. “But you’d force me to make this decision? You idiot!”
Malcolm bowed his head. What other options did they have? He wasn’t himself anymore. He was a monster, and all it would take was his first lapse of control to jeopardize them both. Having him onboard the ship now was like sheltering a ticking time bomb.
“You would have done it back on Earth, if I’d turned,” said Malcolm. “Wouldn’t you have?”
He asked the question before giving it any really thought, and immediately wished that he hadn’t. He saw Tapestry’s thoughts going back to when Second Wind had turned into a demon and showed up at her house. He’d never gotten a chance to ask her for the full story of what had happened before he’d shown up.
“I… can’t lose you,” whispered Tapestry. “Not again.”
Her eyes met his, and Malcolm didn’t see any of the disgust and horror from before left in them. Instead, there was recognition, as though her mind was closing the gap between Malcolm the champion and whatever he was now. Seeing her working so hard to accept him healed a part of him he hadn’t realized was damaged.
“Tapestry…” He smiled at her, and suddenly felt his own overwhelming urge to cry.
Keep it together, Malcolm. Focus on the situation.
“We have to come up with a plan, then,” he continued. “This is… such a huge risk you’re taking. We have to come up with a way to ensure that at the very least, I’m not a danger to you.”
“Your focus activity,” said Tapestry. “The rock and roll music you love so much. I’ll see if ground control can email some of it to us.”
Malcolm smiled at her choice of words, but also at how committed she was to seeing her decision through. She was still Tapestry, and even if she was about to do something risky, she had too much wisdom to not approach it from the best angle.
“Lock me in one of the storage rooms,” said Malcolm. “Those doors are also airtight. That way, if something happens…”
If I have an episode…
“No,” said Tapestry. “I don’t think that will be necessary.”
“Tapestry…”
“I’m in charge, Malcolm,” she said, sharply. “That’s the first thing we need to be totally clear on. You’ve forfeited any claim of authority you might have had on the ship when…” She trailed off, unsure of her words. “When the accident happened. I have a clear head and will be the one calling the shots from here forward.”
Malcolm couldn’t help but smile.
“Well, you certainly haven’t gotten any less bossy,” he said.
A small smiled crept onto Tapestry’s lips, though Malcolm could tell she was trying to suppress it. She was still floating close to him, and hesitantly, she extended a hand toward his face.
“Was it… painful?” she asked.
Malcolm shrugged.
“I don’t know,” he said. “When I got hit, I lost consciousness. I woke up in the middle of space, not knowing where the ship was, with no communications. And apparently, I’d already turned.”
Tapestry winced in sympathy.
“And your powers…?”
Malcolm smiled.
“They’re back,” he said. “And stronger than ever.”
A sudden urge called out to him. He wanted to show her, or rather, he wanted to show off. He had more power at the tips of his fingers than he’d ever imagined possible. How amazing would it be to give Tapestry a demonstration, to show her that they weren’t powerless against their enemies anymore?
He forced it down, seeing it for what it was. But it took willpower to keep contained, and Malcolm felt a dark suspicion that it would be impossible to keep under control forever.
“Are there any other changes I should know about?” asked Tapestry.
“Such as…?”
Malcolm saw her blush slightly, but couldn’t guess at what the cause of it was. She didn’t elaborate further on her question.
“Well, I guess we should continue on, then,” she said. “With the mission. I think it’s better if I deal with ground control alone now, just so we don’t have to do too much explaining.”
“There’s a good chance they’ve already seen me over one of the camera feeds,” said Malcolm.
Tapestry shook her head.
“Well… alright,” said Malcolm. “I agree. I’ll stay in the background and let you be the brave captain of the ship.”
Tapestry gave him a look of feigned frustration, but the smile behind it was real.
“Malcolm…” she said. She looked as though she had something else to add, but stopped herself.
“This is weird for me, too,” said Malcolm. “But I promise you, Tapestry. I’m going to keep myself in line. Even if it kills me.”
CHAPTER 25
The next few hours passed by in a surreal blur. Malcolm found himself avoiding Tapestry, his own worries about what might happen outweighing his feelings for her.
He spent several minutes in the ship’s cramped bathroom, floating in front of a mirror and barely recognizing the face staring back at him. He still looked like himself when it came to the basic features, but at a glance, all Malcolm saw was monster. It wasn’t until he looked for the details, the lines of his chin and cheekbones, that he saw himself.
He was a little surprised that he didn’t look like Second Wind had as a monster. His copy’s skin had gone pale white, while Malcolm was now more of a faint blue. If not for the bumps along his skull, he might have been able to pass for normal under the right lighting conditions.
True to Tapestry’s word, she had the ground control team send up a playlist of Malcolm’s favorite 90s rock songs. Hearing Blink-182 and Nirvana playing through the ship’s speakers only made the entire situation seem even stranger. He kept expecting himself to wake up at any second.
It’s not a dream, though. I know it isn’t.
“There’s food out here, if you aren’t too scared to be in the same room as me,” called Tapestry.
Malcolm couldn’t keep from smiling as he headed toward the common room. A part of him was still caught on how she’d reacted when she’d first seen him as a demon, and how much of her reaction he’d shared with his own feelings.
It felt wrong for her to accept him. It felt like he was watching her go against long held beliefs and convictions, and in doing so, burning a piece of who she was. He was the catalyst for that, and the guilt Malcolm felt was real, justified or not.
“Space food isn’t as bad as I’d thought it would be,” said Tapestry. “Though obviously, it pales in comparison to what I could cook with a proper kitchen.”
“Of course,” said Malcolm.
She frowned at him, sensing his conflict, and shook her head.
“Quit feeling sorry for yourself,” she said.
“I’m not.”
“Then quit feeling sorry for me,” said Tapestry. “Whatever it is you’re feeling, get rid of it. We still have a mission to accomplish, and I won’t have you distracted.”
Malcolm shrugged. He ripped open a vacuum sealed plastic bag of dried vegetable chips.
“I’ll try,” he said.
Tapestry watched him for a couple of seconds. She looked concerned and worried. Malcolm wanted to yell at her, to make her understand that he didn’t deserve her sympathy anymore. He was a demon, dangerous, uncontrolled, and out of place.
He found it odd that he could have such a thought, as a demon. It was one of many oddities he’d noticed about his transformation. As far as Malcolm could tell, he wasn’t suffering any major memory loss. And unless it had happened while he was unconscious in the suit, he hadn’t suffered a breakout episode in the same way many other monsters did.
Second Wind turned into a sociopath when he became a demon and tried to destroy the world. Why am I not being pulled down that same path?
Malcolm wondered if it was because of the circumstances, or his personality, or perhaps a combination of both. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that he’d lost his abilities, and gone from essentially being a human at baseline directly into demonhood. He was still wondering when Tapestry reached a finger out and poked him in the cheek.
“Quit doing that,” she said.
“Doing what?”
“Thinking so much.” She sighed. “What we need to be doing right now is moving forward. Not getting stuck on the details of our less than perfect situation.”
They ate their food in silence after that. Malcolm wasn’t sure what time it was, or if that even mattered in space, but he was tired, and so was Tapestry. He hesitated after the meal instead of following her into the crew quarters, wondering if he should find somewhere else to sleep. Tapestry came to confront him at the edge of the connecting hatch.
“You’re such a boy,” she said.
Malcolm shook his head.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You don’t even have a clue.” She folded her arms, her eyes appraising him flatly. “Don’t you think I’d be able to tell if there was something fundamentally wrong, or broken in you, now that you’re a… demon?”
Malcolm felt his face flush at her words.
“Actually, I don’t think that,” said Malcolm. “And I don’t think it’s fair to assume that just because I’m controlled and collected right now, I’m always going to be!”
He felt anger rising in his chest, but it wasn’t for her, or even himself. It was vague and open, anger at the world. Anger at fate.
“And it isn’t about whether I’m broken or not,” said Malcolm. “It’s about what I’m putting you through. And all the ways I can imagine accidentally making you suffer, because of what I am now.”
Tapestry floated over to him. Her eyes never left his as she moved. Malcolm was suddenly aware of her again. He’d forced himself not to be after coming back in through the airlock, but he could see her now. Her body, her face. He could feel her emotions. He knew that she was going to kiss him.
And she did. Malcolm let her melt her body into his, and kissed her back. It was such a strange sensation in zero gravity, familiar but new. And along with it came a rush of emotion, none of them new, but all of them stronger than he remembered.
Is this what Rose felt when she kissed me? Are deeper emotions just part of being a monster?
If they were, Tapestry was also sharing in them. She had a stunned look in her eyes as their kiss ended. Malcolm realized that one of his hands had drifted to grope at her butt, and the other held her securely by the waist, as though he was planning to rip her jumpsuit to shreds, rather than taking it off her properly.
Tapestry blushed. Her eyes took on a curious quality, and she reached out to his face with her hands, her fingers tracing along the bumps on his skull.
“Do they hurt?” she whispered.
“No,” said Malcolm. “They don’t feel like anything.”
Tapestry floated up a couple of inches and planted a kiss along his crown. Malcolm took the opportunity to slide the zipper of her jumpsuit down a couple of inches, revealing the cleavage of her breasts.
He let his lips glide along her neck, and Tapestry let out a soft sigh. They kissed again, passion building as their bodies pulled together, grinding into each other. Malcolm unzipped Tapestry further and discovered that bras weren’t mandatory in space. He ran his thumb over one of her pink nipples. Tapestry shivered, her cheeks turning red.
A sudden rush of emotion clouded Malcolm’s senses. He kissed Tapestry again, pressing himself hungrily against her. He felt Tapestry opening herself to him, relenting in the face of his hot, sexual aggression. He slid her jumpsuit down further, pulling his own off, along with his boxers.
And then, his head bumped into the ceiling. Malcolm grimaced and rubbed the point of contact, temporarily distracted from the eroticism of the moment. Tapestry looked like she was holding back laughter.
“It might be tricky, if we’re both free floating,” she said. Malcolm watched as she pushed off from the ceiling, floating naked through the room and over to one of the tethered sleeping bags. “Care to join me?”
She slid into the bag, and Malcolm rushed to follow her. It was a tight fit, but that only served to r
eignite the fire of lust burning inside of him. Tapestry tightened the draw string, locking them both in, and within seconds, Malcolm was sliding the tip of his shaft into her.
“Oh…” moaned Tapestry. “Oh god!”
There was a dirty, guilty quality to her voice, as though she couldn’t believe what she was doing. Malcolm understood it on more than one level. She’d sworn herself off him after all the lies and deceit, and she also still held the values of the Champion Authority, her conviction in fighting against demons and sprytes.
Now a demon is fucking her. And not just any demon.
Malcolm felt his need urging him forward, but there was more to the encounter than just primal instincts. Tapestry was offering more than just her naked body to him. She was offering him absolution, in a sense. A second chance at proving that he was someone worth believing in.
The bag held them in place as Malcolm pushed into her, punctuating each rough thrust with a soft kiss. Tapestry barely had room to wrap her legs around him. It was a strange sensation, having her in that position, but not needing to support her weight. It let Malcolm take his time, and focus on what he was doing.
He let his hands trace over the contours of her breasts, grinding his shaft forward to stimulate her as much as possible. Tapestry was breathing heavily, soft gasps occasionally stealing past her lips. He kissed her neck, inhaling her scent as he enjoyed every inch of her body.
They were both moving, swaying back and forth in the bag like a wind sock wavering in a breeze. Tapestry was no longer making any attempt to control her moans. Malcolm groped at her breasts and kissed her deeply, pulling back right as they both reached their limits.
In that moment of shared ecstasy, Tapestry forced him to hold her gaze. He tried to glance away, feeling suddenly ashamed at the way he’d pushed so far forward back into sexual territory. Tapestry cupped her cheek in her hands and made him look at her.
She has me. For her, I’ll keep myself from ever losing control.
CHAPTER 26
Certain aspects of sex in space weren’t glamorous. The interesting positions raised by the possibility of zero gravity were counterbalanced by the annoyance of dealing with the reality of moisture and fluids. Malcolm and Tapestry abandoned the bag they’d been sharing in the ship’s washing machine within the bathroom after discovering that particular reality.
Former Champion (Vanderbrook Champions Book 5) Page 11
