by Sue Seabury
Oh my God. I can’t believe I just said that.
I leaned in to add emphasis and was way over the console by the time I was done with my little speech. Now I sat back in my seat, crossed my arms and looked for patterns in the ice crystals on the windshield.
I could hear Ned’s smirk as he said, “Barefoot and coatless, huh? What about topless? Or bottomless? Would you have done that for me?”
I swatted him hard, or tried to, but it was awkward inside a car. On the recoil I managed to bang my knuckles against the steering wheel which made the horn go off.
I rubbed my injured knuckles and tried not to let any tears fall.
Then the most beautiful sound reached my ears. Ned laughing.
Well, to be perfectly honest, at first I was still a little pissed off about his jerky comments and thought he might be laughing because I hurt myself.
But then he said, “Let’s get out of here,” in the same way he did after the dance and I knew we were on the road to making up.
And hopefully out.
Strange but true scientific fact: Fish do not have ears.
The hum of the engine was the only sound in the car for the first few minutes of the ride. Then Ned glanced at me slyly as he reached for the radio dial. When the music came on, it was the mix tape I had made him, starting right at the beginning with “My Hero, Zero.” I wasn’t about to sing along this time, but when it got to the part about “how wonderful you are, we could never reach the stars,” I gave Ned a pointed look.
“So that was the complimentary part?”
“Yes! Yes, the whole thing is about how wonderful and unappreciated a number it is!” Why were we going over all this again?
The next song was Sheena Easton, “Telephone.” Nearly forgot about that one. It was a little angry, but it was exactly how I felt when he didn’t answer the phone all that first weekend.
Ned was smirking again. “So, here you were mad at me for not answering the phone?”
I grimaced. “You didn’t answer the phone after...it happened.” That was all I was willing to say on the subject.
“You didn’t leave me a message though.”
“I didn’t know what to say.”
“You sure called a lot for someone with nothing to say.”
It hadn’t occurred to me that he was there and just not answering. “So you were home?”
“The answer machine recorded all the hang-ups. All fifteen of them.” Ned was giddy with the joy of torturing me.
“I didn’t know it would do that,” I said softly. To myself I added, At least he had kept track.
“We went to New York that weekend, by the way. Or I should say, my mom proposed going at the last minute. She wanted to take Sophie to a bunch of museums and so I tagged along. I needed to get the hell out of town.”
As far as I was concerned, we had spent enough time talking about Sophie for one day.
“Do You Really Want to Hurt Me?” came up next and my finger itched to hit the ‘stop’ button. But I made it through with only a minimal smirking from Ned. After that was something sweeter, “Every Breath You Take.” When “Woman in Love” came on, I sang along softly with the more pertinent parts even though it is totally schmaltzy. If he had listened to my tape, and I could tell he had, how could he have stayed unaffected by it for an entire weekend?
“So did you go to New York this weekend too and that’s why we aren’t going out until now?” I asked cockily.
Ned became serious suddenly. “No. It really took all weekend for Sophie to convince me. And, if you recall, I wasn’t totally convinced until about ten minutes ago.”
“Oh, yeah.” My poor, abused heart descended several inches into my abdominal cavity. “Wait a sec. Sophie?”
“Yeah. You really should thank her.”
“Oh, well it’s a shame we didn’t give her a lift today so I could have done that.” The sarcasm was dripping off my bottom lip.
Ned gave me an eyebrow. “Seriously. She kept telling me how sad you looked.”
Maybe she’s not such a bad kid after all.
“But that’s not what convinced me.”
We had arrived at the rez so I had to wait to hear what it was that had convinced him while we parked. The rain that had been threatening started. It was just spitting, but that combined with the temperature didn’t make either of us want to get out of the warm, dry car.
Ned killed the engine and the music stopped. We now had uncomfortable silence and not even the excuse of passing scenery or the road to pay attention to.
“So, what did Sof-ee say?” I was still having trouble remembering to call her by her real name.
“She told me...” Ned stuck a knuckle in his eye. I could barely believe my eyes. He was starting to cry.
I waited with bated breath to hear what Sophie could have possibly said in my favor that moved him so much.
“She said...she had fought with her brother that morning about whose turn it was to clean up the breakfast dishes. She said...” Ned poked his eyes again. “She said, she told him that she hoped he would drown out there.”
The ping of sleet on the windshield was the only sound in the car.
Ned cleared his throat and said, “She told me not to ever waste time being angry with the people I love.”
That Sophie is one smart girl.
“So,” said Ned. “Did you really mean what you said back at school?”
“Which part?”
“The part about walking home topless.”
“I didn’t say that...” I stopped because of course he was just teasing me.
I knew what he was asking about. He was talking about when I dropped the L-bomb.
I said to the window, “I meant everything I said back at school.”
Ned put his hands on either side of my face and turned it so I had no choice but to look at him. My heart started racing. I will definitely be needing one of those replacements soon.
“You love me, huh?”
Goose bumps broke out all over my body. Thoughts of piloerection made my face heat up. Thinking about being topless or bottomless right now made me blush even more. I was glad I was completely covered. Not a good look for me in any case, but with bumpy dry winter skin a definite no.
I nodded a little, which was hard to do with him holding my head. He let go.
Damn. I was sure a kiss was in the cards there.
He was looking at me in a funny way, kind of stern, so I lamed out. “I mean, I think I do. It hurt so much when you wouldn’t talk to me, or even look at me without that angry brick-wall face. Which is kind of what you look like now, so please stop.”
Ned nixed the bricks. He took my hand but even this was awkward the way we were twisted in our seats. “Let’s sit in the back,” he suggested.
In order to accomplish this, we had to get out of the car in the rain and then push a lever to climb into the back seat because the car was a two-door. Since we were hurrying to avoid getting wet or letting too much cold air in, we managed to bonk foreheads. Then we had to maneuver to close the doors, which allowed me to hit the top of my skull on the roof of the car, and then my chin on the headrest, thereby creating symmetrical bruising on all sides of my head.
We sat there nursing our injuries for a few seconds and then Ned said, “Allow me.” He took my battered cranium, rubbed it for a second and then swooped in and kissed me.
It was possibly the sweetest kiss ever in the history of the world.
I was willing for all discussion to end and have this go on for the rest of our date, but Ned sat back to look at me. “I missed you too, you and your electric blue eyes.”
Why in the heck did he have to bring that up? I told myself to just be glad we were back together and not to screw it up by saying anything recriminatory. I smiled silently and - I hoped - pleasantly.
Ned continued, musing to himself aloud, “I’m not sure what love is like - remember who my parents are - but I really missed you. It could also be why I was so mad.”
> Although it was not related to the present topic of whether or not we loved each other, which was more interesting for sure, the topic of his parents was also pretty interesting.
“That reminds me. Your dad. You two look exactly alike.”
Ned was thoughtful for a second. “You think?”
“Definitely. If you could look in a magic mirror that aged you twenty-five or thirty years, your dad is what you would see.”
Ned rolled his eyes. “I hope you mean on the outside only.”
“Of course, of course. You’re your own person on the inside. But I just meant...after that story you told me, I was expecting some blond Norwegian or something.”
Ned pouted. “Huh. I never noticed.”
We were on such good terms again, I didn’t want to ruin to by making any rude eye movements. It was time to steer this conversation back in the right direction. I leaned in to get it started.
The windows were thoroughly fogged when Ned said, “I hate to say it, but I have to be getting home.”
“Okay,” I answered, trying to keep the groans of disappointment to a minimum.
As we drove home, “Leather and Lace” came up on my mix tape that I was starting to regret ever having given to him. I could see Ned glancing at me out of the corner of his eye, lips twitching, desperate for a good smirk.
“So, tell me. If I decide to move to Switzerland and take up goatherding, will you give me that lacy shirt of yours?”
I glared at him.
He went on mercilessly, “What leather I could trade for it?...Oh, of course, I’ll get you some lederhosen. You know, so you can mix and match.” Ned sounded exactly like that hyena from the first day of school. He was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to drive off the road.
Since we had only just patched things up, I laughed along politely.
But seriously, that blouse is so pretty.
Ned could tell that I was not overly amused. He cleared his throat. “I never got the leather and lace bit. What are they, cross-dressers?”
This time I could laugh more genuinely. I punched him playfully in the arm for making fun of my gal Stevie. “Well, if you’re serious about not understanding, then I think it means that she wants some his toughness and for him to take some of her gentleness.”
Ugh. I sounded like a dork, interpreting the song like some kind of reviewer. Why hadn’t I just laughed and left it alone?
“Oh,” he said nodding, seeming to seriously consider my explanation for a minute. Then he said, “But I kind of liked picturing Don in a dress and Stevie in chaps and chains.”
This time I laughed along with him. At that moment, I felt like my heart might burst for happiness. Thoughts of spring break in New York City were the furthest thing from my mind.
We spent every spare minute together that week, including a date on Friday night. Ned wanted to go see a movie at the multiplex at the mall. “I hate it that you went there with that guy first.” He was back to avoiding saying Kyle’s name.
Strange but true scientific fact: Male hippos defecate and urinate during the courtship ritual. To make themselves even more attractive, they use their tail as a fan to spray it about.
I will definitely start carrying a poncho whenever I leave the house.
I was even feeling kindly disposed enough toward the world to ask Hannah if she wanted to meet for tutoring on Saturday. She gave me the once over before saying, “Sure. Great.”
I for one was totally willing to let the past be forgotten, especially after my Friday night date with Ned. My face was tingling pleasantly from being rubbed raw by his stubble. If I concentrated hard enough, I could still feel his hand in the back pocket of my jeans.
The only part I regretted was the greasy fries that were also still with me.
“Hey!” I called out, extra-cheerful.
“Hey,” replied Hannah warily.
I guess we weren’t going to be able to just drop it. I took the bull by the horns. “So, I don’t care that you went out with Kyle. I mean, I did care, but I don’t now. I’m back with Ned and don’t care one bit about Kyle.” There. Arrow-straight, 99% honest and only 1% bitter. Maybe even just 1/2%.
Hannah didn’t say anything for a long moment. Then, “I know.”
Of course she knew. She always knows everything.
“I mean it, so let’s just let bygones be bygones and do some math.” I turned the pages in my book energetically looking for where we had left off.
Hannah flipped open her book to a random page without taking her eyes off me. She seemed to be on the verge of saying something not math-related so I cut her off with: “So how did you find the geometry?”
Thankfully Hannah decided to let the boys go and talk angles instead.
We made it all the way through the hour without straying from the topic of math. I was very relieved. It will only get easier after this, I thought. As we were packing up I said conversationally, “So, you doing anything tonight?” without at all meaning to pry into her dating plans. Of course she took it the wrong way.
“I’m not going out with Kyle, if that’s your question.”
“I really meant what I said, he can go back to his exotic island for all I care. He’s a decent lab partner in biology, but Raj is over mono now so...” Hmm. That sounded a little bitter.
“His exotic island? What are you talking about?”
“Kyle told me he was from some place like Tahiti or something.”
Hannah snorted and rolled her eyes. “What a loser. He’s from Rhode Island.”
Her phrasing was little ambiguous. I hoped it was ambiguous. I decided not to ask who the ‘loser’ was.
Hannah was still laughing to herself. “What an idiot.”
This was going too far. “Okay, that’s enough, don’t you think? Don’t forget this ‘loser idiot’ is helping you with your math.”
Hannah put her hand on my arm, “I didn’t mean you. I meant him.” She laughed some more. Even in ugly florescent lighting, her golden tresses shimmer.
“Oh. Okay. But that isn’t a very nice thing to say about a guy you’re dating.” Honestly, I wouldn’t care if Kyle dropped off the face of the earth. But it was disconcerting to hear Hannah talk about people she supposedly liked behind their back. It brought back memories of the old Hannah that I would like to believe was gone for good.
“I’m not dating him.” She rolled her eyes again (ER)2. “I just did it for revenge.”
I stopped dead in my tracks. “What?”
“I did it to get back at him. I found out that he was messing with you and Diana.”
“How did you find out about Diana?”
Yet another ER. They must be on repeat. “Jane. You don’t have to be a math genius to know how to put two and two together.”
I am starting to understand that being a “math genius” (other people’s words, not mine) does not mean that one understands everything. Or even anything.
She continued, “I also found out that he intentionally tried to screw things up with you and Ned, so I decided to mess with his head a little.”
“How do you know that?”
Hannah regarded me with dead fish eyes. “A little birdie told me.”
I should know better than to question the Master. “Okay, why would he do that?”
She huffed impatiently. “Haven’t you ever wanted anything just because someone else had it?”
I found it convenient not to answer.
“It was just a game, to see if he could make you like him.”
I could only stare as I tried to process this information.
“Yup, he’s messed up. I mean, he’s got to be at least part screwball to go around telling people he’s from Tahiti when he’s from Providence.” She shook as she giggled in disbelief.
I, on the other hand, was quaking with rage. If Kyle had suddenly appeared before me, I would not have been able to be held accountable for my actions. Extenuating circumstances and a justifiable homicide defense wo
uld be absolutely admissible in this case.
Hannah said, “Oh, and the irony wasn’t lost on me, by the way.” She looked at me sardonically.
I had the grace to blush, but it only lasted a second. I said, “Sorry,” purely as a matter of form and then went right back to being furious with that jerk, that idiot, that loser from a state that only has water on one side of it who had yanked me around like a puppet.
“Oh, it’s okay,” replied Hannah, oblivious to my thoughts. “It was kind of cool. The way I got to help you, but also pay you back at the same time. Symmetrical, you know?” Then she smiled at me, but not in a mean way. She bumped me with her hip and winked.
Why I ever thought it would be a good idea to enlighten the mathematically-challenged population of this town, I do not know.
I smiled to acknowledge that we were still buddies. But now I wished she would go the hell away so I could get to work on my revenge plans.
I said I was going to wait for my mom outside.
Hannah wouldn’t be shaken off. “My advice? Just ignore him completely. Act as if he doesn’t exist. Guys can’t stand to be ignored.”
I told her through gritted teeth that I appreciated her input, but that I really had to be going, although that was total crap since we could both see that my mom’s car wasn’t here yet.
Hannah kept hanging on. “Trust me. Just forget about the guy.” She shrugged again. “You’re happy with Ned.” Silent was the implication ‘for some unknown reason.’ “Ignore him,” she repeated. I thought the lady was protesting too much, but she is so much better at this game than I am, I nodded just to shut her up.
Finally my mother who is only punctual for her own convenience arrived and I escaped the supposedly well-meaning pep talk from a very complex girl I wasn’t sure I trusted anymore.
As soon as we got home, I raced up to my room to think. I was supposed to see Ned later that afternoon for a few hours and I had to compose myself enough to not blab about Kyle.
For I had no idea of ever telling Ned what Hannah had told me. If I was still furious over Kyle’s little game, there was no telling what Ned might do, including dump me again for mentioning the kid’s name.
