by Karen Swan
But that merely prompted a dismissive laugh. Cat remained pressed to the mirror as though she was trying to cool down, and as the minutes passed, Laura began to wonder whether she was dozing or had forgotten she wasn’t alone. In the eerie stillness, her eyes fell to the brush in Cat’s hand and finally her brain made the connection she had been reaching for, and she felt the shock burn through her like a blazing comet.
‘Cat, after the auction on Friday . . . where did you end up staying?’
The question seemed to bring Cat round and she inhaled sharply, pushing herself away and staring appraisingly at her own reflection as though she was deciding which lip gloss to wear.
‘Nowhere special,’ she murmured. ‘I was flying by the time I heard Rob had taken you back; I went back with some friends who were carrying on the party at their place. It was easier to crash at theirs.’
‘Oh right.’ Laura watched as Cat closed one eye and dabbed a charcoal-grey powder on her lids. ‘So then in the morning . . . ?’
‘I caught a cab back. I think I probably only just missed you.’ She caught sight of Laura’s expression in the mirror and pulled back. ‘What? What?’
Laura hesitated. ‘You didn’t miss me. I saw you. I saw you getting out of his car.’
Cat’s hand dropped, sprinkling grey powder on to the white porcelain. ‘Whose car?’ There was a coolness in her tone.
‘Ben’s.’ The number on the car she’d seen was personalized, not random, and proudly boasted its owner: B5H 5TK, aka brushstroke. Sam’s comment just now – ‘That boy can conjure more passion with a single brushstroke’ – had triggered the association. He was the man Rob had been referring to, when he’d told Laura he knew about the affair. Alex had been right. They had been talking at cross-purposes – not simply because he knew nothing about Alex, but because he had no idea whatsoever that things with Ben had been rekindled. He thought the affair was a dusty and cold relic of the past, his wife haunted by the weight of harbouring her guilty secret. But as Laura stood before her, Ben’s name drifting like a feather to the ground between them, she knew it wasn’t memories that haunted Cat, but panting anticipation and yearning for a passion that was alive and pulsing and threatened at any moment to break her heart all over again. Rob thought the future of his marriage lay in forgiving the past. But would he feel the same when he discovered it was living with them in the present?
Without a word, Cat opened her make-up bag and began dusting her face lightly with bronzer, pulling that particular ‘blank’ look that women the world over pull when applying make-up.
‘Well, why didn’t I see you?’ she asked after a moment.
‘I was behind a pillar.’
A ghost of a smile washed over Cat’s face at the ridiculous image. ‘You were hiding from me?’
‘I was shocked to see you with another man like that. I panicked.’
Cat stared at her for a long moment. ‘Laura, I’m afraid your overactive imagination has run away with you. It’s not what you think. Ben’s a friend.’
‘He’s anything but that,’ Laura repudiated. ‘I saw the way you were when he came over on Friday night. You couldn’t look at him, you couldn’t speak – you were completely thrown. It’s why you insisted on upstaging him by walking out in the middle of his lot. It’s why you ridiculed him in front of the entire room. It’s why you had to get high. He’s the one you told me about at Scott’s. I assumed you were referring to someone from university or further back in your past, before you met Rob, but he’s the one who broke your heart, isn’t he?’
Cat fell silent, and Laura could see the quiver of self-control rippling down her skin. ‘Well, let’s not be bourgeois about it, Laura – people have affairs all the time. A lot of marriages only stay together because of them. It doesn’t have to mean anything.’
‘It doesn’t have to, no,’ Laura agreed. ‘Your affair with Alex, for example, is classic rebound. Even he knows it.’ She saw the utter surprise cross Cat’s features. ‘But it’s not like that with Ben. It means everything to you.’
A long moment stretched out and Laura wondered what the next round of denials would bring. But they didn’t come. Instead Cat crumpled, literally folded in on herself as hoarse, angry sobs racked her frame. She tried to shield her face with a hand, but the convulsions were too strong and she rested herself against the mirror on two locked arms, the hot tears falling smoky and black, straight from her mascaraed lashes, to mix with the charcoal powder scattered in the basin.
‘I’m not judging you, Cat,’ Laura said, moving over to her and resting an arm gently on her shoulders. ‘I’m your friend. Talk to me. Let me help.’
‘How? How can you help? How can you help me? You don’t know what it’s like to love someone you can’t have.’ The words were like individual stabs and the irony made Laura want to laugh out loud – or scream. ‘Anyway, there’s nothing to do about it. You heard what Sam said out there – he was chasing her tail too the other week. He doesn’t care about me. He just enjoyed the fight.’ She gave a small hiccup. ‘It excited him, me treating him like that in front of everyone. He thought it meant I’d be more of a challenge . . . but I was a big disappointment on that score.’
Laura flinched. ‘He doesn’t deserve you. You’re worth more than that.’
‘It doesn’t work like that, though, does it? We don’t get to choose who we love. Your ex-boyfriend knows that only too well,’ she added bitterly, her mood as volatile as the wind.
Laura refused to rise to the provocation. ‘Rob loves you so much. He could make you far happier than Ben if you’d let him. He loves you unconditionally.’
Cat stared at her. ‘Why would you say that?’
‘Because it’s true.’
Cat turned to face her, her expression intent. ‘Have you told him?’
‘No.’
‘But you’re going to.’
‘I don’t have to.’ Laura took a deep breath. ‘He already knows.’ She watched as Cat – in spite of the fresh bronzer – paled before her.
‘What?’
‘He knows you had an affair with Ben and he forgives you.’
Laura watched for the relief to seep through Cat’s bones as she learnt that she was so truly and wholly loved. But it never came.
‘And what am I supposed to make of that?’ Cat asked finally, contempt dripping from her words. ‘What kind of man tolerates being married to a woman who loves someone else? How can he want to stay married to me when every breath without Ben is like a fire that scorches my lungs? I don’t even know how to get through the days without him. My body hurts unless he’s touching it. Has Rob got no self-respect?’
Laura felt a sudden flash of anger burst through her at Cat’s response. ‘I don’t know, Cat. I guess he sees the affair as surmountable. But then he doesn’t know about the baby. Maybe that would change things.’
The mention of the baby made Cat crumple like balled-up paper, and she sagged forwards, clutching the basin again. Laura instantly regretted her outburst.
‘Cat, I—’
‘I’ll bet you were stunned when Jack turned round and said he didn’t want you to have his baby,’ Cat whispered coldly. ‘Just like I was when Ben said it to me. He was glad I lost it. Did you know that? He knew the baby would mean I had a piece of him, even if he didn’t come back to me. He knew it would have made everything bearable.’ Tears flooded her haunted eyes.
Laura recoiled in shock. ‘Are . . . are you saying you would have let Rob think the baby was his?’
‘Why not? He wants a baby. Tons of babies. It was the ultimate win-win situation,’ she replied blankly. ‘Don’t assume you know me because we went shopping, Laura. I won’t bring a baby into the world for the wrong reasons, like my parents did. For me more than anyone, a baby has to come from love or nothing at all.’
Laura looked back at her sympathetically. Cat wouldn’t realize how very much Laura did know and understand about her until she received the necklace. ‘If you’re saying you won’t give Rob
a child, you have to tell him. You owe him that much.’
Cat straightened up. ‘But I am going to give him a child. We’ve been trying for a while now. I’ve moved on. Ben is in the past.’
Laura stared at her in disbelief. Cat was such an elegant liar – no wonder Rob had been fooled. Laura leant in closer, her hand accidentally knocking the make-up bag off the edge of the sink as she did so. ‘No he’s not. I saw you getting out of his car today.’ She crouched down to replace the contents.
‘It’s just a fling. I’m not stupid, Laura. I don’t harbour any expectations that it’ll ever be more than that.’
‘I don’t believe you. I know you’re still in love with Ben. I saw what you were like with him.’
Cat shifted her weight, arms folded across her chest as she watched Laura scoop numerous bronzers and highlighters into the bag. ‘What is this? What are you trying to do here?’
Laura looked up. ‘I’m just trying to help. You have to be honest with Rob about everything if the two of you are going to move forward.’
‘No. You’re trying to split us up. You know Rob would leave me if he knew about the baby. You know he’ll leave me if he finds out I’m seeing Ben again. You want me to press the self-destruct button on my own marriage so that you can have him for yourself.’
‘What? No!’ Laura stood up quickly.
‘You really must think I’m blind. I’ve seen you bonding – going on your dawn skiing trips together, holding him just that bit too tight on the skidoo, dancing just that bit too close at the auction, getting him to take you back, alone, to the hotel.’
‘Nothing happened.’
‘Maybe not yet. But you want it to, don’t you?’
‘No!’
‘Don’t lie, Laura. You’re not very good at it. This becoming blush gives you away every time,’ she murmured, running a finger along Laura’s cheek. ‘I can almost see why it’s worked such a treat on him. He’s properly rattled by you – always trying to work you out and know what you’ve said, as though he thinks I believe that we’re all “just friends”. Bless him, I think he really does believe it himself.’
‘My loyalty is to you.’
A beat passed between them. ‘Well then, if that’s true, you’ll make sure Rob never finds out any of this.’ Cat stared back at her reflection, smoothing her ponytail as if it was a pet.
Laura felt her heart thumping wildly. This was it – the moment when she had to choose. ‘Does anybody else know? Sam? Orlando?’
‘It’s just you and me.’ Cat’s eyes met hers in unison.
You and me. She was part of a unit again. Not alone after all. Laura looked down despairingly, her eyes falling on a small purple packet by Cat’s foot. She automatically picked it up to return it to the make-up bag when she noticed the short row of white pills still sitting in the foil. Aghast, she looked back at Cat. ‘You’re trying for a baby, are you?’ she asked sarcastically.
‘Give me that!’ Cat tried to snatch the pills out of her hand, but Laura was too fast and pulled her arm away.
‘You’ve got no intention of giving Rob a baby. Unless . . .’ She looked at the packet closer – none of the pills had been taken since Friday, the day of the auction. The night she’d reignited the affair with Ben. Laura started to laugh, a dry, brittle, joyless sound more like a cough. ‘You just stood here and told me you don’t harbour any expectations that this will be anything more than a fling. But you’re doing it all over again. You’re trying to get pregnant with Ben’s baby.’
‘Don’t try to take the moral high ground with me,’ Cat hissed, grabbing the pills suddenly and pushing them into her bra. ‘You couldn’t have Jack’s baby, and I can’t have Rob’s.’
‘If you won’t tell him, I will. He deserves to know.’
Cat’s hand dropped to her side, her eyes icy. ‘Funny. Isn’t that just what Fee said when she told Jack you were pregnant? You told me yourself it was your body, your call. You’ve been in my shoes, Laura, and you took exactly the same stance. We’re the same, you and me.’
Laura stared at the beautiful face, so similar to hers they’d been mistaken for sisters. But the woman staring back at her was a stranger. ‘No we’re not,’ she murmured. ‘We’re nothing alike. I was going to tell Jack about the pregnancy. I only needed time. I could never do what you’re doing.’
Cat was on her in an instant, slamming Laura against the wall, her face so close their noses almost touched. ‘Understand this,’ Cat hissed. ‘If you say one word out there, I will come back fighting. I’ll leave them all in no doubt about your creeping intentions towards my husband. And who do you think they’ll believe?’ A small, cruel smile played upon her lips. ‘Who do you think they’ll choose?’
Laura didn’t respond. She couldn’t. She felt numb. She had walked into this room wanting to help a friend in need, and was walking out pitched as an enemy. She watched as Cat calmly zipped up the make-up bag, checking herself in the mirror one final time before stalking out. Laura slumped against the wall, deeply shocked.
She vaguely heard the doorbell ring and then Olive’s clipped voice in the hall.
Everybody was here now and Rob would be coming to find her any moment to ask for the necklace. It was the moment he’d been waiting for, the moment he got his wife back. Cat was his golden girl, and now, thanks to Laura, had had her entire life cast in gold to prove it. But it was all a sham. Far from representing Rob’s love and forgiveness, the necklace was going to confirm Cat’s lies.
And there was nothing Laura could do about it.
Chapter Forty-Six
Laura shuffled into the boot room. Her suitcase was behind the door, bulging. Carefully she tipped it over and unzipped it, lifting out the champagne suede box that was next to the stackable trays inside. She peered in at the necklace, so beautiful and so untrue – just like the woman it was intended for. Of the seven charms, only five could be deemed to be accurate: Rob’s, Olive’s, Kitty’s, Sam’s and Orlando’s. But Alex’s and Min’s? They were connected by the same lie, a vein of poison that tainted everything.
She heard the conversation level rise and a small round of applause come from the drawing room, and realized Kitty had reappeared as herself again. They were all just waiting for her now – or, more specifically, the necklace. The reason for entering Cat’s life was upon her, and within the hour, all reason for staying in it would have gone. As much as she loved Kitty (and even Joe, for she saw what lay behind his gruffness now); as much as Orlando made her laugh and even Sam made her smile; and as much as Rob found in her the passion and vitality she tried so hard to suppress, they all belonged to Cat, and always would. Deciding between her and Cat wouldn’t even be a choice.
She glimpsed a glint in the crease of her folded jeans and pulled out a stray charm that had escaped one of the trays. She rolled it in her palm. It was one of her favourites – enigmatic, with multiple meanings . . . She gasped and quickly rummaged in her tools.
Suddenly, she knew exactly what she had to do.
Rob met her at the door as she walked back in, and she wordlessly handed the box to him. Everyone fell silent as they saw it in his hands. Cat’s eyes flickered to hers as she saw her gift, understanding instantly what she was getting and exactly why Laura had come into her life; and Laura saw in that instant the disappointment register in Cat, that deep down she had always known she would find. It wasn’t enough for her, but the difference was that now Laura knew nothing ever would be. What Cat really wanted, money couldn’t buy and Rob couldn’t give her.
‘Cat,’ Rob began, a tentative smile on his face, his hand over the top of the box, even though its contents couldn’t possibly be a surprise. ‘You’re a hard woman to buy for. Every year I drive myself to the edge of insanity trying to find the one thing that will show you exactly what you mean to me, and every year I never quite make it. But this year, I know I’ve pulled it off.’ He tapped the box. ‘A month ago, I asked Laura to create a charm for every one of us here – with the
exception of one absent friend – that encapsulated what each person meant to you. She’s worked incredibly hard interviewing us all to get the stories and memories that we’ve each made with you, and although I haven’t seen it myself yet – secretive much?’ he joked at Laura, ‘– inside here there’s a visual landscape of your entire life. A shorthand, if you like, of everything that matters to you. It includes the highs as well as the lows because I’ve always believed it’s not fortune that shapes us but adversity – and I do love your shape!’ he grinned, prompting wolf whistles from Orlando and David.
‘Seriously, though, I specifically asked Laura not to airbrush what she learnt about you and your relationships, not because I want to hold a light up to your faults—’
‘What faults?’ Orlando interjected loyally.
Rob grinned. ‘. . . But because there’s nothing I could hear about you that could ever change the way I feel.’ His expression became more serious. ‘I don’t love you because you’re perfect; I love you because you’re not. I know many people look at you and see you in a certain way – they think you’ve got it all – but the people in this room know you’ve been through hard times like anyone else: your crazy childhood, your parents’ divorce . . . You know what it is to have your heart broken.’ His voice cracked and he paused as Cat’s eyes locked with his. Laura caught the current of recognition that flashed between them – they both knew what he was really saying. ‘But nothing can diminish you. You’re complicated and exciting and I wouldn’t have you any other way. So I want you to wear this knowing that it’s made with full awareness of who you are in your entirety, and given with the entirety of my love. Happy birthday, darling.’
A single tear slid down Cat’s curved cheek. ‘Oh, Rob,’ she whispered, placing a hand on his chest and looking up at him. ‘I don’t deserve you.’
‘Never say that,’ he murmured, bending down to kiss her lightly on the lips. Laura stared into the fire as everyone clapped and cheered, apart from Sam, who was shaking her head and saying to David, ‘What’s wrong with Cartier?’
