Two silent steps into the room let her see what he found so captivating. It was a pencil drawing of him. Asleep and sprawled on her bed with nothing but a hastily drawn sheet to protect his dignity.
Of course, if he thumbed a dozen pages further he’d also find a detailed study of a particular part of his anatomy. Oh my god! She had to get that book out of his hands, stat!
“Invading my privacy, I see,” she teased. “Find my diary yet?”
He slammed the sketchbook shut and put it aside. Relief swamped her body. To her delight and amazement, he reached into his pocket, pulled out his wallet and tossed it to her. She caught it with one hand like a big league shortstop and earned some hearty applause.
“It’s hard to snoop when everything is out in the open, but you’re right. I didn’t realize,” he admitted to her with a funny face, “how personal the sketches would be.” He gestured to the wallet. “Your turn, lady. Go ahead. Have a look.”
She joined him on the bed when he patted the spot next to him and sat facing his side with one foot tucked under her butt and the other on the floor. Going through a man’s wallet seemed kind of fiendish in a way, so she proceeded cautiously.
Handling the soft leather warmed from his body heat, she turned it in her hands and gave an unimpressed shrug. “Damn. I expected a mysterious Illuminati symbol stamped in the leather.”
Roman shoved her playfully and snorted his amusement. “Illuminati. Good one.”
Opening the plain billfold, she counted the bills first. More than she imagined but less than obnoxious, so she gave him a pass for cash-on-hand.
One by one she pulled credit cards from their slots. A scowl marred her face when she saw that one of them was a business card for the Black Phoenix Group. BPG was Liam Ashforth’s kingdom. Shoving it away, she pulled out a blank blood red card with fancy gold-colored edges that showed nothing except a magnetic strip on one side.
“What’s this?”
Roman looked at the card, went still and then chuckled softly. “Uh, classified,” he muttered.
Interesting reaction. She put the card aside and arched a brow. There was more to it than a one-word answer. She made a mental note and moved on.
Next, she pulled out his driver’s license. Her annoyed growl was a reflex. “And of course your picture would be fine. Better than fine, great. Mine? I look like a redneck serial killer.”
There were some random business cards shoved into a pocket. She picked out the first one she saw, an engraved card with an interesting logo that looked like three flames.
“Justice? What’s that? A superheroes club?”
In a lowered voice she thought sounded awfully mocking, he drawled, “In a manner of speaking, yes.”
Smiling, she drank in his cheery reaction and slid the card away. That was when she saw the picture. Pulling the old photo from the jumble of cards, she put the wallet down and stared at what she held in her hands.
It was a picture of a smiling woman taken with the Eiffel Tower in the background. She looked like the rest of the tourists except for the fact that she was obviously pregnant.
Roman was silent. She could hear his ragged breathing. Kelly froze and then turned wide, searching eyes his way.
On a harsh sounding sigh, he told her, “That’s Vanessa. My wife.”
Her jaw fell open. “W-wife?”
“Yeah. She’s uh, dead.”
She slapped a hand over her mouth and stared through the tears gathering in her eyes.
He took the picture from her trembling hand, looked at it briefly and then put it back in his wallet.
“That was a long time ago, in a different life.”
She hated the flat, slow way he spoke—wanted to know more, but was afraid to ask.
“She was killed in a terror attack. Collateral damage was how the police report read. I was off fighting bad guys. Thought she and the baby would be safe. I was wrong.”
No! She couldn’t hear another word. While he was fighting the war on terror, his wife gets killed in the same war? No, no, no. Not Roman. Oh my god. It wasn’t right.
She swung onto his lap and grabbed his head. “I’m so sorry, so sorry,” she mumbled through desperate kisses pressed to his face.
“Kelly,” he grated out. “It’s okay. Really.”
“No it is not okay,” she growled forcefully. “Not at all. Did you love her very much?”
She wasn’t sure why she asked. The romantic lurking in her heart, perhaps. It was weird but at the moment? She just wanted him to have been happy. To be happy.
He took her hands in his and kissed them. Something skittered up and down her spine when he looked her in the eyes and held her gaze.
“There’s a time and a place for everything. We loved the child we made. I hoped that would be enough.”
What was the mechanism for swallowing? She couldn’t remember, so the big wedge of emotion lodged in her throat stayed uncomfortably put.
Now she understood why he was so adamant about them marrying if she got pregnant. Wow. Did this feel like déjà vu to him? Another woman he didn’t love.
The freakishly painful thought made her chomp down on her lip.
Love. Pfft. What was it anyway? Love baffled her, not that she’d had much practice.
Debbie withheld the emotion from her children and let fantasy-love chip away at her life until nothing was left.
She loved Sam and Ginny, so at least there was that. They were family.
But oh, how she loved Matty. Loved him desperately. Until he came along, she’d known nothing but soul-piercing loneliness and an unhappiness that clung to her skin like a damp, wool blanket.
Oh well. Pondering her lack of love and what it meant, if anything, was best left to another time.
“Why aren’t you angry?” she asked curiously.
She understood masks and how everyone wore one. What people saw and the reality of her inner life were very different things. The same was true of everyone.
The glimpse behind Roman’s mask triggered an unusual response from her. It would be stupid to pretend she didn’t like the man. He was easy on the eyes and had a sexual hotness factor that boiled water.
He rubbed her arms up and down. The warmth from his casual touch moved her in a different way than before. As their unexpected relationship played out, she dragged her feet but reached a conclusion none-the-less. She cared for him. The admission meant every simple touch and smile struck chords of emotion hidden away deep inside.
His head ducked for a moment, and then he met her gaze. “There’s enough anger in the world without me adding to it.”
“I don’t know what to say,” she told him. “And I just want to…”
Pressing hands to her heated cheeks, she shook her head with frustration when the words failed her.
“What do you want, Kelly? Tell me.”
Oh, my. How to explain the jumble of feelings that she didn’t fully understand?
“I um,” she grimaced slightly. What she had to say wasn’t like her at all but the words were clamoring to be said, so she did. “I want to make the sadness go away. I want you to be happy, Roman.”
He seemed startled and let out a harsh breath. Undoing her ponytail, he spread his fingers into her hair and shook it out. With his hands buried and holding fast to her head, he pulled her toward him.
“You already have, and I am, Carina. For the first time in forever, I am.”
She rushed headlong into the swirling deluge of need his lips inspired when he took her mouth by storm.
Was he saying that she helped his sadness go away? That she brought happiness to his life?
She gave the kiss her all.
He grabbed her hips and held her tight against him. Nothing quite compared to a good man-straddle. Not that she’d straddled any man except the one on whose lap she was gyrating.
They went at it like that for a few minutes before Roman took her hair and gently yanked her back far enough for their mouths to separate. Th
ey remained briefly connected through a ribbon of saliva.
“Matty,” he ground out. His chest rose and fell with deep, rapid breaths.
Panting and desperate for air, she sucked in a huge lungful of oxygen, held and then blew it out. He kneaded her shoulder softly and pushed her hair away. His smile melted into a knowing smirk.
“Shut up,” she said, laughing.
“I didn’t say a word,” he quipped.
“This parenting thing sucks sometimes.”
Shocked eyes met shocked eyes, and then they dissolved into a fit of giggles that she tried to quiet by pressing her face into his neck. His big, solid chest vibrated with laughter.
“Well shit,” he eventually croaked. “If I’m up for the role of dad the least the kid could do is let me call him Matty. The Matthew thing is getting old.”
She caressed his bearded jaw and chuckled. “You need me to explain this? Really? I mean, after all, I’m just a girl.”
“Just a girl? For real? Oh, we’re definitely revisiting the spanking thing,” he drawled. “So tell me oh wise one, what am I missing?”
She tugged his earlobe. “Think, fancy man. What was the very first thing he said to you?”
Roman scratched his beard and thought. “Uh, he declared himself man of the house.”
“Right. So a kid that never spoke to strangers takes one look at you and promptly states his status. He’s the m-a-n. Got it yet?”
“Not really.”
She jokingly smacked her forehead. “Unbelievable. Okay, big guy. Here goes. He’s marking his territory. Isn’t that what happens when a new alpha appears? I mean it’s obvious the kid likes you. Shit. It’s all Roman all the time since you showed up. But he has a responsibility as man of the house, right? Maybe when he’s sure, you’ll get the pass.”
“What’s he need to be sure of?”
Only an idiot wouldn’t see this for what it was. “That you aren’t going to hurt me.”
“Ohhh.”
Kelly folded onto his broad chest and snuggled close. “We have to tell him what’s coming. Sam shooed him away, so he didn’t hear us making arrangements with Bobby to take over the land.”
It felt so good when he wrapped her in a fierce hug. “The timing is one hundred percent your call, love. I told you. Nothing happens without you being on board. You’ll tell him when you’re ready.”
She heard what he wasn’t saying. Roman was a patient man. He was giving her all the time and space she needed to come to grips with everything on her plate. She was his priority and Matty, while important, was secondary.
It occurred to her that a ruthless man would have used Matty to manipulate the reaction he wanted.
This Roman Bishop was…an unusual man.
She made a snap decision.
“I don’t want to drag things out. The decision is made. Lingering only creates doubt. And fear.”
Very very quietly, he explained what would happen once she gave the go-ahead.
“We’ll drive to Amarillo from here and spend the night in a hotel. Liam is arranging a private jet.”
“What? Why? No!”
“I know, I know,” he groused. “But here’s why. Both of you are a security nightmare. Your paperwork is a mess. No fucking way are we getting on a commercial flight without iron-clad identification. And driving will take forever. Matty might like the adventure on day one or two but five or six days in and he’ll be bouncing off the walls.”
“I don’t like it,” she snapped. Pursing her lips, she flipped her hair and bit a nail. “The expense makes me uncomfortable.”
“I’m sorry babe, but it can’t be helped. The bottom line is this. Liam doesn’t live in a world of price checks, and once we clean up your legal status, you’ll be in the same boat. Resisting facts creates unnecessary struggle.”
She huffed out an angry breath and wiggled off his lap. “Why the hell do you always have to make sense?”
He grinned. “Because I’m the m-a-n.”
“Oh great,” she laughed. “Outnumbered.”
“Don’t worry,” Roman said with a huge smile. “Just wait till you meet Rhiann. Being outnumbered is child’s play to her!”
Things were changing at an unbelievably fast pace. Worry unleashed a dull ache in her middle. She arched slightly for relief. More than anything she hoped she didn’t disappoint.
This was Matty’s chance at a real life. Whatever doubts and fears she clung to had to take a back seat to what was best for him.
They left three days later. When it was time to drive away from the house, she didn’t look back.
Knowing what her limitations were, she asked Sam and Bobby to wait until they’d cleared the county before heading to the property. An emotional farewell with Sam and turning the keys over to Bobby were both things she’d rather not deal with, and she absolutely didn’t want Matty to see her break down.
In the end, it was a tense morning made worse by the universe having a laugh at their expense the night before.
Long after Matty was packed and asleep, dreaming of the glorious adventure ahead, she and Roman made love long into the night.
Not the energetic, raunchy fuck-a-thons they were so good at. On that occasion they clung to each other in the darkness, sharing their feelings and emotions. It was beautiful and heartfelt.
Until…until after a particularly draining coupling when she felt like she’d given him everything plus some, Roman was busy being his wonderful self in the aftermath when he lost his shit in spectacular fashion.
After throwing the covers back, he stood up and let loose with a horrified sounding gasp. “Oh my god, Kelly. Look.”
She lifted her head and glanced his way. His body looked like a crime scene. Seeing splotches of blood made her shoot up in bed so fast her head swam for a second. Her initial thought was, ‘What the?’ followed by, ‘Oh wait.’
After some quick math, she gave a dismissive, no big deal wave and told him, “Guess I got my period.”
His stunned expression was going to stay with her forever. Did he not know about things like periods? Men were so thick. She had no way of backing the thought up, but she was pretty sure there wasn’t a female alive who hadn’t been awakened unexpectedly by cramps or found herself washing bloody sheets.
For a guy who survived a war, his horrified reaction was all sorts of funny.
It didn’t get better from there.
For her, it was a simple practical matter. Clean up and move on. He, on the other hand, was in full male-meltdown within minutes. She had to wonder if he’d ever been around a woman who had her period. He didn’t act like a guy with much experience with these things. Mostly he ran around trying to make things better. Jesus. She got her period. She hadn’t lost a limb.
And now he was nothing short of a major grump.
“We should stop for lunch,” Roman muttered at the same time Matty announced from the back of the extended truck cab that he had to pee.
Looking at Roman, she told him, “I need to dig around in my bag.”
“What do you need?” he asked.
“Oh, you know,” she answered. “Girl stuff.”
“Where’s your purse?”
“What? Purse?” She laughed. “Never had one. Don’t need to lug around anything that won’t fit in a pocket.”
A solid wall of uncomfortable silence greeted her remark.
Pulling into a McDonald’s, he found a parking spot on the right side of the building and explained in that professorial way he had that all McDonald’s bathrooms were always on the right.
Matty, who was just learning the difference between left and right, found this tidbit of information highly illuminating.
“Kiki makes me use the girl’s room when we go to the diner.”
With an uncomfortable blank expression, he told Matty not to worry, that he’d escort him to the men’s room.
She was pawing through her duffle and mumbling to herself when Roman came to her side. A quick look aroun
d showed her that Matty was patiently waiting at the door to the fast food place.
“Can I help?” he asked.
“Back off,” she snarled.
The more she thought about it, the pissier she got. He’d been a huge dick about what happened, and the only conclusion she could piece together was that he was annoyed that his sex life just got put on hold.
Jerk.
“Hey! What the hell, lady. Lighten up why don’t you?”
“Stuff it, fancy man. You’ve been a horse’s ass all morning. I’m sorry that your pussy privileges got yanked but boo fucking hoo. Don’t take it out on me and news flash buster. I feel like shit so how ‘bout you be the one to lighten up.”
He stomped away, took Matty’s hand and led him into the restaurant.
She found what she was searching for, shoved it into the pocket of her jeans and followed them.
Not only did she have back cramps and a headache, but she also hated fast food.
Great.
Roman studied his reflection in the restroom mirror. He looked the same but man he sure didn’t feel like himself.
Taking Kelly and Matty away from the only life they’d ever known, even though the leaving was inevitable, was harder than he’d thought it’d be. For him. The time he’d spent in the tiny house tucked far from the bustling civilization he was accustomed to ended up transforming his life. He’d been enjoying himself, dammit.
But once the clock ticked all the way down and it was time to leave, it was him who faltered. The weight of everyone else’s expectations drove him to his knees.
Liam.
Rhiann.
Kelly.
Matty.
Even Sam and Ginny.
Was he doing the right thing? For her? Maybe Liam was out-of-line for insisting they were family. His family.
That’s part of what was bothering him. Even though it made no rational sense at all, Kelly and Matty had become his family. Not Liam’s. He wasn’t an idiot. This simple fact was going to be something of a problem.
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