“Jordan!” Rachael yells.
I try to call out to her, but nothing comes out. My heart thumps against my chest as Michael’s mouth presses harder into my neck.
I hear a crash. Cold water slaps my face and pulls at my body. Michael draws back and another wave crashes across, snapping me out of my stupor.
“Jordan!” I see Rachael slipping on the wet rocks as she tries to make her way over. “I’m coming!”
Michael swears and tries to pull me in again. I can’t let him get close to me. I push against his chest as hard as I can. My right leg slips, hot pain shooting up through my calf, but I wedge my left heel between some rocks and shove him away.
“Quick,” Rachael says, extending a hand. I reach up for her, but Michael is too fast.
He strikes Rachael across the face “God, you’re a pain in my ass!” he snarls.
Rachael stumbles, and I cry out as the stake clatters on the wet rocks. I run my fingers through the seaweed until I feel the point and latch on to it. Michael pulls me up and twists my arm behind my back. “Tell me you loved me,” he says, twisting harder. It takes every ounce of energy I have to hold on to the stake.
“Tell me!”
“I never loved you,” I say, and he yanks my arm so far back I’m afraid it’s going to break.
I slam my free elbow as hard as I can back into his stomach. He releases my arm and I turn toward him, the stake raised high. “I never loved you!”
I plunge the stake into his chest, and Michael’s mouth forms a shocked O — like he can’t believe a “meaningless little shit” like me could take him on. He reaches up and touches the wood protruding from his chest. “Jo?”
His eyes meet mine, and I shake my head. “I never loved you, and that is why I broke up with you!”
I go to push him away, but before I can, Michael Green shatters into a million pieces that catch the wind and blow out across water.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
It’s one of those warm afternoons when you get fooled into thinking winter’s over and then the next day some ass-kicking Canadian air blows in and dumps a crapload of snow on top of the bulbs stupid enough to start poking through. But right now with the sun on my cheeks, I can pretend the worst is over.
No, I know it’s over.
I check my watch. Danny will be here soon and we’ll take care of the new number-one item on my list of things to do.
“Any word about when Lisa’s getting out of the hospital?” Rachael asks.
I stretch my stiff leg out. “Not yet, but Mrs. Dolan said they’re getting her symptoms under control. Oh, did you read in the paper about how she and Mr. Dolan are harassing the animal control people to round up all the stray dogs so no one else has to ‘suffer the horror of a wild-dog attack’?”
Rachael laughs and blows her pink-and-blond bangs out of her eyes. I have to admit the color works on her. “I did, and all I can say is, you and Lisa were damn lucky they found some poor mutt near the beach, and it came up rabies-free!”
“Yeah, I wasn’t looking forward to a series of shots on top of everything else. But I still think the dog guy knows what really happened — I mean, why else would he have kept the dog under observation instead of putting it to sleep and then testing it?”
“You gotta wonder how many people know what’s really out there.”
I tap my cane on the front steps. “Hey, you never said how things went last night with that guy from the health food store,” I say.
“Marshall was okay, I guess, but — don’t be mad.”
“What?”
Rachael gives me a guilty smile. “We got pretty wasted.”
“Rachael!”
“Hey, I never said I was being good forever — and I wasn’t the one getting faced in my room every night.”
“I know, but I was dealing with Michael, and, well…”I shake my head. “I guess I was doing it regardless. But thanks for sticking with it as long as you did.”
Ninety-six days. I’ve been clean for ninety-six days.
“Well, I don’t think I’m going to see Marshall again. He’s a little too natural — as in ‘deodorant is evil’ — natural. Let’s just say he was kind of ripe. And not just his pits! Besides,” she pauses and blushes, “I think something’s starting to cook with Matt.”
“Matt? As in Danny’s brother, Matt?”
Rachael smacks her lips. “Yup! We’ve been talking a lot while we’ve been working on the sets.”
“I should’ve figured something was up. He doesn’t usually help out, and you’ve been overly interested in tagging along when I go to Danny’s.”
“I wasn’t being a tag-along, I was just trying to keep you from being one of those girls who ditches her friends whenever she’s hooking up with a guy!”
I tilt my head and smirk. “Like you?”
“I’m reformed.”
“Hmmm. Well, seeing as you’re Mrs. Douglas’ new best friend—”
“Hey,” she says, interrupting me. “She needed help with her midlife crisis! At least I’ve finally found someone who appreciates my advice!” She laughs and blows her bangs aside. “It’s actually kind of sad; she can’t get enough of the books. She plowed through My Mother, My Self in one day, and she was all bummed yesterday when I forgot to bring over Awakening the Goddess Within. I ordered a couple of new books, and I’m hoping they’ll encourage her to let up on the guys a bit. I mean, it’s obvious she’s controlling them because her own life is out of control. And if Matt and I hook up, this ten-thirty curfew crap has got to go!”
I nod. “The sooner the better. Going to the early shows and passing people from school in the line to go in while we’re on our way home is getting old. Their nights are just starting and Danny’s got to drop me off.”
“Don’t worry, a few more sessions with yours truly and I guarantee Mrs. Douglas will be bending over backward to avoid making her boys into ‘adults incapable of making life decisions.’”
“You’re kidding, right?”
“Nope, that’s what it said on Amazon under Freedom to Make Mistakes.”
I lean on my cane and stand up. “Let’s hope it works.” I steady myself on the porch rail and stretch my right leg out behind me. I’d hoped the physical therapy would have done more to get my leg back in shape, but the doctor says I may always have a limp — an eternal reminder of Michael’s nails cutting through the muscles in my calf.
“Gabby and Janine were at the movies last night,” I say.
“Is Gabby still in the deep freeze?”
“Yeah, when I waved to them she barely acknowledged my existence. At least Janine waved back. She even calls every once in a while to say hello. I can’t believe Gabby is being such an asshole about this.”
Rachael shakes her head. “I can. She’s a classic toxic person. Those kinds of people aren’t happy unless everyone around them is miserable. And she’s just pissed off because you staying clean is a constant reminder that she’s still got a problem. Anyway, it’s been a lot easier to digest my lunch without having to listen to her daily binge-and-purge routine.”
“Yeah, I don’t miss that.”
“Plus sitting across the table from Matt is a lot easier on my eyes!”
“Well, let’s go out back and make sure the area is clear. Steve will have my head if anything gets wrecked.”
We walk around the side of the house to the backyard and Rachael drags some lawn chairs toward the deck.
“How’d you convince them to let you cut it down?”
I look up into the branches and focus on the spot where Michael used to sit. “My mother is terrified of rabid raccoons. I told her they had a nest up there. Plus, Danny said he’d do it for free, and even stack the wood. And it’ll make way for this French revival brick patio with built-in grill she’s all hot for.”
“Do you think it will work?” Rachael asks, plopping into a chair.
“The grill?” I half-hop, half-walk over and sit down next to her.
“No, cutting down the tree. Do you think it will make the nightmares go away?”
In my dream, crashing waves surround the tree. I crawl out my window, and climb through the branches to pull away the old grackle nests. When I lower myself down toward the water, Michael reaches out and sinks his fingers into my leg, dragging me down into the black waves. There’s no noise underwater, and when his teeth pierce my neck, I can’t hear myself scream.
Goosebumps break out on my arms. “I hope so, but I don’t think I’ll ever get over being scared of the dark after all this.”
“Yeah, the night is definitely a lot scarier now that we know what’s out there.” Rachael laughs. “My mom is still bugging me about wearing a cross all the time — she totally didn’t buy it when I told her it was just a new fashion thing. She’s all worried I’ve secretly converted or something.”
Danny’s truck pulls up and he honks the horn twice.
I push myself up, cursing as the cane sinks into a muddy spot.
Danny gets out and waves. “Don’t get up.”
He swings his backpack over his shoulder, reaches into the truck bed, and brings out a black plastic case. “Who needs ear plugs?” he asks, heading toward us.
“Are they used?” Rachael asks.
Danny laughs. “Yeah, but my uncle’s ears are more hairy than dirty.”
Rachael rolls her eyes. “I’m so glad Matt doesn’t have your sense of humor.”
Danny puts the chain saw case down and leans over to give me a kiss. It’s been three months and his kisses still send a tingle down my spine.
“Is there something going on with Matt that I should know about?” he asks.
“Why, does he talk about me?” Rachael asks, her cheeks flushing.
Danny sits down at the end of my lawn chair and places a hand on my calf, kneading my tight muscles. “Let’s just say he seemed disappointed when he got home yesterday and you’d already left.”
Rachael claps her hands together. “You know, I have a book for your mother. Maybe I’ll bring it by later!”
“Well, be careful. I think my dad’s considering placing a bounty on your head for turning my mother on to her self-improvement kick.”
“There’s always room for improvement, Danny-boy!”
“Yeah, well, he keeps asking her how much all the Pilates and yoga classes are costing him. But she seems to be relaxing a bit, so I’m all for it.”
Rachael and I smile at each other. “The liberation of the Douglas boys is at hand,” I say.
Danny looks at both of us. “Uh, you know, I’m not even going to ask. But what do you say we get busy and take this bad boy down.”
I rub my hands together. “I’m ready!”
“I thought you were going to sit back and let me be manly.”
“No, way. This tree is going down and I’m going to do it.”
“What about your leg?”
I flex my leg out as far as it will go. I still can’t get it totally straight. “How about we do it together?”
Danny raises his eyebrows. “I like that idea.”
“Ew!” Rachael stands up. “I think I’ll wait inside.”
“But I brought you safety glasses,” he calls after her, waving a large plastic set of glasses over his head.
Danny reaches into his backpack and pulls out a small round container and another pair of large plastic goggles. “If you’re going to do this, you have to look pretty.”
I open the container and slip the two mushy foam pieces into my ears. I strap the goggles around my head and turn to face him.
Danny smirks. “This is a good look on you. It’s, uh, very industrial.”
I roll my eyes. “Come on.”
We walk over to the tree and Danny goes through the process again. I’m not really listening because he’s already told me about twenty times. First a cut on the far side of the tree, then one the opposite side. If all goes as planned, the tree falls in the right direction without taking out the back fence.
I gently run my hand on the ax marks he made to show Steve where he was going to make the cuts. Sap is dripping out from the wounds, and for a second I feel guilty for wanting the tree gone. None of what happened was the tree’s fault, but I know I need to do this.
“Okay,” Danny says. “Any last-minute change of heart?”
I look up into the tree again. Three old grackle nests hang in tatters. “Let’s do it!”
“Okay.” Danny picks up the chain saw. “It’s going to be loud and it’s going to shake you up a bit, but I’ll be holding it, too. Just let me guide you.”
I nod.
Danny starts the chain saw. I put my hands next to his, and we bring it up to the first mark. Pieces of wood fly out and hit my chest and face. My arms rattle as Danny moves the blade deeper and deeper into the tree. It’s harder than I thought it would be, and my arms start to ache as the saw cuts into the wood.
“Okay, the other side,” Danny yells.
We walk slowly around and lift the saw up higher to the second cut. The noise is deafening, even with the plugs. Danny suddenly turns the saw off, and I see the tree start to move.
“Get back,” he says, pulling me into his arms.
An enormous crack echoes out as the tree thunders to the ground, shaking my whole body.
Rachael comes running out and lets out a whoop. She jumps up on the trunk and starts picking her way over branches, toward the top. “You know, I hate to say it, what with me being a tree hugger and all, but that was cool. And the symbolism totally blows me away. I mean, we had this massive thing overpowering us, eating away at us, and we fought back and cut it down, and, well” — she jumps up and down, waving her arms around to keep her balance — “that was just totally cool.”
Danny looks at me with raised eyebrows. “Uh, is she talking about the tree?”
I shrug. “You know Rachael, gotta analyze everything.” I pull out the earplugs and pop them into their case.
“Uh, right. Well, at least the fence is in one piece,”
Danny says, looking enormously relieved. He turns to me expectantly. “Aren’t you going to check out your room? See how it looks? That was the whole point, right?”
“Oh, right. I forgot.” I reach down for my cane and wipe off the sawdust.
I head into the house. I hear Rachael singing Little Red Riding Hood’s song from the show we’re doing. “Mother said straight ahead, not to delay or be misled. I should have heeded her advice, but he seemed so nice.”
I’m out of breath by the time I get to my bed. Rachael helped me move it back to the window this morning. I take the large cross I bought off the sill and push the window up.
I stick my head out. The yard feels big and open now. I’m awed by how much space and energy the tree took up.
“I know the leaves aren’t out yet or anything, but do you think it worked?” Danny asks.
I nod. “Yeah, it’s amazing how much light is coming in through the window now. Amazing.”
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