He took out another bottle and walked back to the table. He was going to find Chelsea Davies and get her back to her mother. What happened before or after that wasn’t his concern. And he would help Abby. He would look into this woman she believed had her daughter. And he would look into the next one and the one after that. That was his job.
He sat down again and started re-reading the statements before noticing his dad’s birthday card on the table, still unwritten.
Chapter Forty-Eight
Abby came through the back door, stopping when she saw Simon perched on the worktop. They looked at each other for a while and then Abby closed the door. Simon slipped down and crossed the floor to Abby. He pulled her into an embrace and kissed the top of her head.
‘I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘I shouldn’t have said that.’ Abby said nothing. ‘But we need to talk.’
Leading Abby to the kitchen table he pulled out a chair for her and sat opposite, looking her over. Her hair was lank, her eyes sunken and dull. The clothes hung from her slight frame, making her look like a child dressed up in her mother’s clothes. ‘You’re making yourself ill,’ he said. Abby kept eye contact but said nothing. ‘You can’t keep on like this. You can’t spend the rest of your life like this.’
Abby shrugged. ‘Like what?’
Simon let out a sigh and waved his hand in front of Abby. ‘Like this. You don’t eat properly. You barely sleep. You look like shit.’
‘Well I’m sorry I repulse you but I’ve got more important things to worry about.’
Simon rubbed his eyes. ‘You know what I mean. If you can’t take care of yourself how would you ever take care of Beth?’
Abby looked at him like he’d slapped her this time. ‘Fuck you,’ she said, the chair groaning on the lino as she stood up to leave.
‘I’m sorry,’ he said, catching her arm. ‘Please. Sit down.’ Abby sat, staring past his head. ‘I want Beth back as much as you do. I know you don’t believe that, but I do.’ Abby fidgeted with the buttons on her shirt. ‘It’s been five years, Abby. Five years.’
‘So you think I should give up? Forget about her?’
‘No. That’s not what I’m saying. You shouldn’t give up hope. But maybe it’s time to stop with this.’
‘With what?’
‘With this charade. Pretending that it helps to go out there every day. It doesn’t help. It doesn’t help find Beth and it doesn’t help you.’
‘How do you know what helps?’
‘Well does it?’ Simon shifted himself into her eyeline, forcing Abby to look at him. The defiance drained from her face.
‘What else am I supposed to do?’ she asked.
‘Move on,’ he said and tightened his grip on her when she started to pull away. ‘I’m not saying give up. I’m not saying forget about her. But you need to move on and start living again.’
‘I can’t.’
‘Why not? Because you feel guilty? Because you think people will assume you don’t care about Beth anymore? Do you think Beth will think that?’
Abby nodded through her tears. ‘I need to know that I did everything. That I never gave up on her. I need her to know that.’
Simon cupped her face. ‘You have done everything. I know that. Everyone knows that. And I think you know it too.’
‘What about Beth? Does she know?’
Simon averted his eyes. There was no answer for that. He could tell her what she already knew but was unwilling to admit. Beth probably never knew that Abby even existed; that her real mother was out there searching for her. She never would.
They sat there for a long time, not speaking. When it finally became too dark to see Abby’s face clearly, Simon made a move, certain that the conversation was over and his wish for a semi-normal life would never come true. At least not any time soon.
He released Abby’s hand and stood. At first he was unsure who was speaking. Her voice was low but firmer and surer than it had been in a long time.
‘Come and see her with me,’ she said.
Simon froze. As he became used to the dark he could make out her eyes in the dingy light. They were no longer wet with tears but exhibiting a spark that had been long missing.
‘Come and see for yourself. If you don’t think that that little girl is Beth then I’ll stop. I’ll do whatever you want.’
‘Abby–’
‘Just look at her. If you can tell me truthfully it’s not her, I’ll stop. I promise.’
Simon sat again and studied her face as best he could in the dim light. ‘How? How will you find her again?’
Abby sat forward. ‘The street they turned onto was a dead end. They must live around there.’
‘Maybe she was just trying to lose you,’ Simon said.
‘No, she must’ve lived in that area. If we go and wait we’ll see her.’
Simon sighed. ‘We can’t just start following her again. You’ll end up in bloody prison.’
‘I’m not saying we follow them, I’m saying we just go there and you take a look for yourself. That’s it.’
Simon leaned back in his chair and considered her proposal. He knew it was ridiculous and wasn’t even sure he believed her promise of giving up. But if it was the only option he had to help her, then he’d have to go along with it. ‘So if I think it’s not Beth, you’re just going to stop searching?’ Abby nodded. ‘And if I do think it’s her?’
Abby smiled. ‘Then we’ve found her.’
Chapter Forty-Nine
Abby was waiting for Simon to come back from the studio. He said he’d be half an hour but it’d been almost forty minutes and she was itching to go. Maybe he wasn’t coming back, and had no intention of going with her to see Beth. She couldn’t understand why he didn’t feel the excitement she felt, that they could actually be getting their daughter back.
The doorbell rang and Abby jumped up, thinking he’d forgotten his keys. She opened the door and found Jen standing there.
‘Hey, babe,’ Jen said and leaned forward to hug Abby. Abby moved out of the way to let Jen in and closed the door. Jen walked straight through to the living room and Abby slowly followed. ‘Is this a good time?’ Jen asked.
‘Actually–’ Abby started.
‘It’s been ages since we talked properly,’ Jen said. ‘I keep missing you.’ Jen sat down and kicked off her impossibly high heels. Abby stayed by the door. Jen patted the seat beside her. ‘I’ve got so much to tell you. I’ve got a new publisher. It’s so exciting. I think this guy actually really likes my work. And he says I’ll be his number one priority.’
‘Great,’ Abby said, still standing.
‘And I’ve got something to show you. Where’s your laptop? Paul’s set up this website selling books but he also promotes writers he likes, so I’m thinking,’ she said, framing her face with her hands. ‘Perfect, right?’
‘Look, Jen, I’m just waiting for Simon. He’ll be back any minute. We’ve got an appointment.’ Abby didn’t want to tell Jen about Beth. Not yet. There was a time she’d be the first person she’d call about anything, big or small. But now?
‘Oh,’ Jen said. ‘No problem, we can do it another time.’
The doorbell went again and Abby prayed it was Simon this time. ‘Excuse me,’ she said and left Jen sitting there.
Abby opened the door to Gardner and another man she’d never seen before. Her stomach tightened. ‘Hi,’ she said.
‘Hi,’ Gardner said. Abby glanced at the other man. ‘Oh, this is DC Carl Harrington.’
Harrington stuck his hand out for Abby to shake. A thick, gold chain round his wrist rattled as he did. She looked at his hair as they shook hands and wondered if he’d used the full tub of gel or just most of it.
Abby looked back at Gardner and let them in. ‘What’s going on?
’ she asked.
‘We were just in the area so I thought I’d pop in and let you know we checked the flyer for prints,’ Gardner said, as Abby led them through to the living room. He stopped when he saw Jen. ‘Sorry if we’re intruding.’
‘It’s fine,’ Jen said and stood up, slipping her heels back on. ‘Can I get you anything? Tea, coffee?’
‘No, thanks. It’s just a flying visit,’ Gardner said. ‘Abby, can we?’ He indicated towards the kitchen. Abby nodded and they walked away from the others.
‘Did you find something?’ Abby asked.
‘We found some prints, two sets actually, other than yours, but nothing that matches anything in our database.’
‘So what now?’ Abby said.
Gardner cleared his throat. ‘There’s not much else we can do. We have no way of tracing this woman who gave you the note. I could contact the company who made the flyers, the promoters of the event, see if a woman with red hair works for them. But... it’s a long shot. We don’t even know if it’s relevant.’
‘But it could be,’ Abby said. ‘We have to try.’
Gardner nodded. ‘I’ll see what I can do.’
They walked back into the living room to find Jen giggling, her hand on Harrington’s knee. She glanced at Gardner and moved her hand, standing up.
‘I was just telling Carl about my new publishing deal,’ Jen said and walked over to Gardner, putting her hand on his arm. ‘I’ve got this great–’
‘They need to go,’ Abby said. No one said anything for a moment.
Finally Gardner nodded towards the door. ‘Harrington,’ he said and the other detective stood up.
‘Nice to meet you,’ he said looking at Jen, before walking towards the front door. ‘Both of you,’ he added as he passed Abby.
‘Congratulations,’ Gardner said to Jen before turning to Abby. ‘I’ll be in touch.’ Abby went to follow him but he stopped her. ‘We can let ourselves out.’
‘What was that?’ Jen said once the door had closed.
‘What?’ Abby asked.
‘That!’ Jen said. ‘I was trying to talk to him and you practically pushed him out the door.’
‘He had work to do. Important work. In case you hadn’t heard there’s a little girl missing. My little girl is still missing.’
Jen shook her head at Abby. ‘Why are you being like this?’
Abby looked away, trying to count to ten. She got to three and turned back to her friend. ‘Why did you come here? Why have you been here three times in one week when I haven’t seen you for months?’
‘Because I haven’t seen you in months,’ Jen said.
‘But you came to see Simon, not me, the other day. Why?’ Abby said. Jen looked stunned. ‘You told him I was seeing Paul again. Why would you do that?’
‘I never said that,’ Jen said. ‘I asked him. I thought I saw Paul the other day when I came to see you. I just wondered if you were speaking again.’
‘So why didn’t you ask me?’ Abby said. ‘I haven’t seen Paul since the day he left me. Why would you go straight to Simon and say something like that?’
‘You’re right, I’m sorry. I should’ve asked you.’
‘But you chose to tell Simon. It’s like you’re trying to get between us like you try to get between me and Gardner.’
Jen looked at her, eyes wide. ‘Well, first of all, I’m sorry, I didn’t realise there was a you and Gardner.’
Abby felt her face starting to burn. ‘That’s not what I mean and you know it. I mean he’s a professional. He’s trying to find my daughter and every time you see him you start fawning all over him like a teenager. It’s pathetic. It’s embarrassing.’
Jen looked at her with tears in her eyes and then bent down to pick up her handbag. ‘Well I’m sorry I embarrass you,’ she said. ‘And I’m sorry I keep trying to be part of your life. I thought I saw him, that’s all. It was just a mistake. A big mistake.’
Abby watched Jen stomp to the door and waited for it to slam before letting her own tears fall. Today was supposed to be a good day. She was going to find Beth. She was going to make Simon believe her. She was going to make Gardner believe her.
She wiped her face. She wasn’t going to cry over Jen. She didn’t deserve it.
Abby waited another hour for Simon to come home. The longer she sat there the more she thought she’d been too hard on Jen. Maybe she really did think she’d seen Paul. A while back she’d bumped into an ex-colleague in Tesco who told her she’d seen Paul with a kid. It’d hurt knowing Paul had moved on. That he’d rebuilt his life. That she wasn’t a part of it anymore. Maybe Jen wasn’t being malicious, wasn’t trying to take Simon away from her. As long as she’d known Jen she’d flirted with anything that moved. It didn’t mean she’d act on it. Maybe it was just a mistake.
And why should she care if Jen wanted to pursue Gardner? Maybe he wanted her to. He wasn’t married. Didn’t have a girlfriend. Why wouldn’t he be interested in Jen? She was beautiful. She didn’t have any baggage. What difference did it make to Abby?
Chapter Fifty
Simon followed Abby’s directions and parked at the end of the cul-de-sac Sara and Casey had disappeared down. The sun was slow getting started and the late-morning air was cool. A thin veil of wispy grey mist surrounded the car.
Abby sat silently, eyes focused on the small street, as she chewed on a fingernail. She’d been quiet since he came back. She was probably pissed off that he’d taken so long.
Simon leaned across the steering wheel and stifled a yawn whilst trying not to think too much about what he was doing there. He’d barely slept, the consequences of what he had agreed to playing on his mind all night. If the girl he saw wasn’t Beth, would that be it? Would Abby really stop? Did he even have the right to tell her to? Maybe quitting would lead to Abby giving up on life completely. If he thought about it, her endless searching at least gave her a reason to get out of bed. Was he being naive to think she could move on just because he said she should? Pick up where she left off and get a job, live a normal life. Before she had Beth her career was everything. She loved her job, couldn’t wait to get back to it. But that was then. A lifetime ago. Abby wasn’t the same person, how could she be? Maybe he was just being selfish, trying to force Abby into a life that he considered normal.
But what was more frightening was the possibility he actually thought this little girl was his daughter. Then what? How would they prove it? If he agreed with Abby but they were unable to get her back, what would happen to Abby then?
And how was he supposed to know anyway? He didn’t understand how Abby could be so sure about recognising her daughter. The last time they’d seen her she was just a baby, not even a year old. Was it possible to know her five years later? Maybe it was a mother’s instinct. Simon worried that his lack of intuition could lead to serious consequences. If he wasn’t sure, how could he say yes or no? His decision could either mean that he and Abby walked away from their own daughter or tore someone else’s family apart.
What did he really want to happen today?
Abby’s fidgeting in her seat shook Simon from his thoughts. The air was beginning to clear and the sun poked its head out of the clouds. A group of women with a gaggle of noisy children emerged from the street a little further down the road. The activity caused Abby to sit forward and search the group for Sara and Casey. Simon watched her, unsure of what or who to be on the lookout for. The sag of her shoulders told him everything he needed to know.
Simon wound down his window and shrugged off his jacket. He was just settling into his seat again when Abby shot forwards, eyes wide.
‘That’s her,’ she said.
Simon sat up and followed Abby’s gaze. Turning out of the cul-de-sac onto the main road, a young blonde woman walked leisurely along holding the hand of a lit
tle dark-haired girl. The girl was skipping and staring up at the woman, a grin spreading across her face. He stole a glance at Abby and noticed a single tear trickling down her face. He looked back at Sara and Casey, who were almost at the end of the road.
Without a word Simon opened the car door and got out. Abby opened her door and looked expectantly at him.
‘I can’t see her properly,’ he said. ‘I’ll go after them. Wait here.’
‘No,’ Abby said and walked around to his side of the car. ‘I want to come.’
‘You can’t,’ he said, keeping an eye on Casey. ‘If they see you, you’ll get arrested.’ He started to cross the road. ‘Wait here, I’ll call you and let you know where I am.’
Before she could argue, Simon crossed the road, following Sara and Casey, leaving Abby standing alone beside the car.
He barely noticed as Abby approached and sat down on the bench next to him. He could still see Casey twirling round and round on the roundabout but her face was a blur of movement and distance. Abby took his hand but he didn’t avert his eyes to look at her. He was mesmerised by the sight of the little girl.
His head twisted around as Abby cupped his face. She wiped a tear from his cheek that he didn’t even know had fallen. She was almost smiling at him.
‘Well?’ she asked.
Simon thought about everything that had crossed his mind the night before. He didn’t want to rush into things. He made decisions with his head, not his heart. And yet the minute he’d seen that girl, he knew. He knew that he was looking at the little girl who was taken from him five years ago.
Simon looked into Abby’s eyes. He opened his mouth and said, ‘I don’t know.’
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