Chapter Ninety-Six
The officer outside the door nodded at Gardner as he walked into Helen’s room. She was on her side, facing the wall, but he noticed her eyes move towards him when he walked in. For a moment he stood at the foot of the bed looking at her. She was quite a tall woman but lying in that hospital bed she seemed tiny. Maybe hospital had that effect on everyone, making them seem vulnerable and small. But staring down at her it seemed impossible that this woman had caused so much pain to so many people.
He walked to the side of the bed to face her and she closed her eyes, blocking him out. After a while he pulled up a chair and sat beside her like he was just another visitor. The room was quiet. There were no monitors beeping or other patients crying out for help. Just the sound of movement outside the room and the both of them breathing inside of it, waiting each other out.
‘Where is she?’ she said.
Gardner was surprised she’d given in first but he’d guessed what her first question would be. He didn’t think she’d intended to cause Beth any harm. She was the only person he believed she wouldn’t harm. Maybe she thought keeping her sedated would mean she was safe while Helen left her alone. She’d booked them into several B&B’s, trying to keep them all guessing. He didn’t know how long Beth had been left by herself. He debated whether he should tell her anything about the girl; maybe make her suffer like Abby had all these years, but he needed her to talk. ‘She’s being taken care of,’ he said. ‘Kids aren’t supposed to be given sedatives.’
‘I know how to take care of my daughter,’ Helen said and opened her eyes. ‘Is she here?’
‘No,’ Gardner lied. ‘She’s at another hospital.’
Helen eyed him up, probably knowing he was lying. Not that it mattered, she wouldn’t be allowed anywhere near her. Gardner thought he should feel good about that but when you thought about it from the Beth’s perspective it wasn’t as sweet. For better or worse, Beth thought that Helen was her mother. She was all she’d ever known and that was going to be ripped away from her.
‘I want to see her. She’ll be scared on her own,’ Helen said. ‘When can I see her? I’m her mother. They have no right keeping me away from her. She should be here with me.’
He wanted to tell her to stop lying, that it was over. But he wondered how much of it she truly believed, whether she’d convinced herself that Beth was really her daughter. ‘What happened Helen?’ he asked her.
‘We were in an accident,’ Helen said.
‘Who?’
‘Me and Casey.’
‘She was in the car with you?’
‘Yes. Of course she was. Where else would she be?’ Helen said and Gardner sat back.
‘Why were you out on that road? Can you remember?’
‘We were going out for the day. A trip to the seaside,’ Helen said.
‘Sounds fun,’ Gardner said. ‘And what about the day before? Did you do anything?’
Helen narrowed her eyes at him, pausing before answering. ‘We saw Casey’s dad,’ she said eventually.
Gardner gave her a little smile. Oh she was good. Keeping it close enough to the truth but not admitting anything. The perfect way to play the insanity card. But Gardner could see the light behind her eyes, the calculating. He had no doubt she was crazy but she wasn’t totally unaccountable.
‘How was he?’ Gardner asked. ‘Did you have a good time?’
She paused again. ‘He was fine,’ she said.
‘Did you kill him?’
Helen’s eyes hardened. ‘Of course not.’
‘The eleventh of November,’ Gardner said. ‘Does that mean anything to you?’
‘It’s Casey’s birthday,’ Helen said.
He paused. ‘What about the fifteenth of December?’ Helen froze and he knew he’d struck a nerve. ‘That was the day she died, wasn’t it?’
Helen threw herself from the bed, clawing at his face, screaming. Gardner grabbed her wrists, trying to restrain her. The door swung open and a nurse and the officer who’d been outside ran in. Between the three of them they got Helen back onto the bed and managed to restrain her. Helen was still screaming and for a second Gardner felt a stab of regret. But at least he now knew that Helen hadn’t blocked out the death of her child. She knew what had happened, what she’d been doing. And she would be held accountable.
Gardner walked out into the corridor and felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. ‘Gardner,’ he said, turning away from the disapproving looks of a passing nurse.
‘Where are you?’ Atherton said.
‘Whitby. I’ve just spoken to Helen Deal. I think-’
‘I need you back here.’
‘What for? Chelsea Davies?’
‘No. The mother admitted her part in it this morning. She’s been charged. DC Harrington spoke to her,’ Atherton said. ‘There’s a girl missing. No one’s seen her for three days. Dad thought she was with mum, mum thought she was with dad.’
‘How old?’ Gardner asked.
‘Fourteen,’ Atherton said.
‘History?’
‘Nothing they’ve cared to share so far,’ Atherton said. ‘I want you on this one. This Henshaw story will be all over the news shortly. We could use a little positive press even for just a little while. Get back up here.’
‘On my way,’ Gardner sighed but Atherton had already hung up. Gardner leaned back against the wall. It’s over, he thought. Time to move on. So why wasn’t he happy?
He slid his phone back into his pocket and headed down to the children’s ward.
Chapter Ninety-Seven
Abby lifted her head from Simon’s shoulder as Gardner walked into the waiting room.
‘Have you heard anything?’ Abby asked.
Gardner shook his head. ‘Not about Beth. Helen’s been charged though,’ he said and got himself a cup of water from the cooler.
Abby just nodded. Whatever they did to Helen wouldn’t be enough. ‘Where is she?’ Abby asked.
Gardner took a long sip and looked over the rim of the plastic cup at Abby. He didn’t seem surprised by her question, as if he’d been waiting for it. ‘She’s here,’ he said. ‘She’ll be taken into custody as soon as she’s fit to leave the hospital.’
‘Have you spoken to her?’
‘Yes,’ he said. He leaned his head back on the chair and closed his eyes. ‘She didn’t say much but she’s been charged with abducting Beth, what she did to you, Paul’s murder.’ Gardner shook his head at it all. ‘They’re getting a psychiatric consult.’
‘I’m sure she’ll pass it with flying colours,’ Simon said.
Abby watched Gardner. He looked shattered. She wondered if he had to stay with them. If he was legally obliged just in case they tried to take Beth with them. Just in case she tried to steal her own daughter. She laughed briefly to herself. No one noticed.
Standing, Abby got some water from the cooler. She looked at Simon; he’d closed his eyes again. She wondered how long it would take him to drop off. For some reason she felt wide awake. More awake than she had felt since... She couldn’t remember when.
She leant back into her chair and looked up at the pictures on the walls. Various cartoon animals and characters from books and films adorned them. She wondered what Beth was into. What was her favourite story? What was her favourite film? Food? Game? Would they have all changed by the time Abby was allowed to take her home?
Abby knew in her head that the system was right, but in her heart? She didn’t know what to expect from the next few weeks, or months, but it didn’t seem fair. It wasn’t fair. None of it was fair. Having her daughter stolen from her. Her husband betraying her in the worst way imaginable. Being unable to take her daughter home now they’d found her at long last. Having her own daughter ask her where her mummy was.
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sp; She pinched her eyes shut to stop the tears from falling. She thought about that day. About how she’d lied. About how she’d betrayed Paul first. She thought about what Helen said. That she was a terrible mother. That she never wanted a baby. It wasn’t true.
But was she to blame? If only she hadn’t cheated on Paul. If only she’d told the truth. But “if only” never works. We make our choices and live with the consequences. Maybe no one is to blame.
She thought about Paul. She always regretted what she’d done to him. She wondered how life would have gone if he’d never found out about the affair and none of this had happened. Could she have gone on lying forever? She wondered if she’d ever forgive him. She still hadn’t quite taken it in that he was gone.
She thought about Jen. She hadn’t done anything wrong. She had seen Paul that day. She wasn’t being malicious. She should know they’d found Beth. Abby took out her phone but stopped. She’d tell her in person. She owed her that. No matter what had happened she was still her friend. In her own way she’d stuck by her through it all. Maybe now this was over there’d be room for Jen in her life again.
Abby looked at Simon and touched his hand. She loved him. In the end maybe she would have gone to him anyway. How could she ever know? Life had pushed them down a different path.
She thought about Helen. Helen who’d lost her baby. She would never forgive her. She thought about the tragedy of losing a baby. She didn’t need to imagine what it was like. Helen had shared that with her. But in the end Abby would get her daughter back. What would Helen get? She deserved to lose everything after what she did. What kind of person would take someone else’s child away? She didn’t know. Maybe everyone was that kind of person. If you were pushed enough, who knew what you could do? What you were capable of.
She thought about Beth. She was the only truly innocent one in all of this and however hard this was for her and Simon it’d be worse for Beth. How do you tell a child that her mother isn’t her mother? How do you tell her that her name isn’t her name? It was enough to break her heart all over again. And yet... she would have her back. That was all that really mattered.
Abby looked at Gardner and wondered how she could ever thank him for what he had done for her. She wondered if she would see him again when this was all over and done with. She hoped she would. She still needed him to guide her through what was ahead.
The door opened behind her. Abby stood up and faced the nurse. Gardner opened his eyes.
‘Just to let you know that she’s being discharged soon,’ the nurse said.
Abby turned to Gardner who stood. Simon rubbed his eyes and looked about the room before noticing the others were standing. Gardner left with the nurse. Abby looked through the narrow pane of glass at Gardner as he talked to a middle-aged woman in a tartan skirt. The woman looked up at Abby and smiled before Gardner turned and opened the door, stepping back through.
‘Abby, Simon,’ he said, ‘this is Margaret McLachlan. She’s the social worker who’ll be taking Beth. She’ll be working with you a lot over the next few weeks.’
Margaret held out her hand and Abby and Simon shook it. ‘It’s nice to meet you,’ she said. ‘I’m about to take her home.’ She coughed as she said this. ‘It’ll be a few days at least to get her settled. Feel free to call me,’ she said and handed over a card to Abby. ‘I’m afraid you won’t be able to see her just yet but I can keep you up to date. I’ll have to come and speak to you both sometime over the next few days. I realise how hard this is, but go home and get some rest and we’ll take it from there.’
She smiled again and turned to Gardner. Gardner smiled at Abby and then held the door for Margaret.
‘Can we see her before she goes?’ Abby asked.
‘I’m afraid not,’ Margaret said and turned to leave the room.
Abby nodded. ‘But she’s okay?’
Margaret smiled again. ‘She’s just fine.’
‘Hang on here and I’ll give you a lift home,’ Gardner said.
He left Abby and Simon alone. Abby stood by the door and felt Simon step close to her. He rested his chin on her head. They both gazed through the window. Eventually the door to the ward opened. Gardner held it open as the nurse wheeled Beth, who was sitting in a tiny wheelchair, out towards the lift, Margaret by her side.
The nurse turned backwards, pulling Beth’s chair into the lift. Abby felt Simon’s breath in her hair. She put her fingers to the glass.
Seeing the movement, Beth looked up. She smiled at Abby and, just before the lift doors closed, she waved hello.
You couldn’t know what it felt like to have something stolen from you. The one thing that meant more to you than anything else. One minute it was there. The next it was gone.
Think of your most prized possession. Think of the one thing you love more than anything else. Think of the one thing you would die for. And then think of losing it.
Think of the words of comfort given by others and how useless they are. Think of how the world keeps going on and on but how yours would stop, just like that. Think of the emptiness and the gaping hole where love once was.
Maybe you’d feel numb. Maybe it hurt too much to even contemplate. Maybe you couldn’t bear to think about it and so you buried your head in the sand and pretended everything was okay.
I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t let it go. I couldn’t grieve and move on. I didn’t want to face the rest of my days with that emptiness.
I chose to do something. I chose to be a mother. Her mother. I chose her. I wouldn’t stop until I had a daughter again.
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