She attempted to calm her rapid heartbeat by taking slow, measured breaths, but his masculine scent filled her nostrils, derailing any chance at peace. “I’m happy in my own way.”
“Are you?” He turned, pressing against her legs and looming over her. “Spending your life desperate for a male to give you praise? That can’t possibly fill you up inside. I’m surprised you’re not working your way through this race on your back, hoping to replace the lost daddy-love.”
Her stomach ached as if he’d physically kicked her. Was that how she appeared to him? Her chin trembled. No way would she cry. “Oh, like having sex with any female who’ll spread her legs will replace a family’s love for you?” She wrapped her arms around her middle and averted her face from his intense gaze. “Take your own advice, Stratton. Get happy with who you are, because I don’t think it’s happened yet.”
“Woman, how many times do I need to say it?” He gripped her shoulders, pulling her upright. The sheet began a slow slide over his hips. “I don’t want anything else from my life. Why should I? I have money, women and everything else those two things can give me. Most men would kill to be me.”
“No.” Her knees wobbled, but she remembered to hold up her towel. “Most men try to kill you because you steal everything they have.” She peered into his eyes, hating the confusion and rage she found there. Willa wanted to draw him out, force him to confront what he’d denied, for years probably.
“You have no idea who I am.”
“You’re right, I don’t.” The fact that she wanted to know him on a personal level, beyond a race partner, worried her. Never had she cared about anyone on that level before. She had to find out how far she could push before he cracked. “You have nothing, so you take stuff that’s not yours. Everything you’ve come by is stolen or illegal, earned by the sweat of someone else’s back. When you do achieve a goal and think about how good it feels, you bail and run, because you don’t want the responsibility.”
When he remained silent, Willa continued. “You have nothing to call your own, yet you refuse to rest on your own accomplishments.” Hurt sprang into his expression. She gave a small smile, knowing she’d finally touched a nerve, broken through his unaffected attitude. It made him less of a legend and more human. “Don’t preach to me about happiness when you’ve never had any.”
“Are you finished?” His fingers dug into her shoulders.
For the moment, since she refused to acknowledge how off kilter he made her feel. She shrugged. “I guess so. It’s not like you’ll bare your soul. At least not now.”
“You want to know something about me? Fine. I don’t have parents anymore and, yes, I am alone in this world. Why? Because some jackass with a laser gun took them out right in front of me.”
“Oh, I—”
“Happy now, or do you want me to keep talking?” Unknown emotion roughened his voice. “If you don’t like who I am now, you’ll never like me. I’m not the sort of guy who’ll change. I scheme and weasel my way around until I get my bounty. I cheat, drink and sleep with toxic women. On occasion, I kill a few people. It is what it is.” He held her gaze, intensely searching. “Got it?”
What did he think she’d do, fall on her knees and beg him to change, to stay with her? That would never happen. She didn’t need him, and there was no way she’d ever become a woman codependent on a man who treated her… She gasped. A man who treated her like her father and brothers. They really didn’t care. Why should she align herself with a carbon copy?
One of his eyebrows quirked. “Care to share that aha moment?”
She shook her head. “Don’t expect me to change either, especially not overnight just because you say I should. I’ll work on it, though.” Willa ignored the spirals of need heating her stomach, but her legs refused her brain’s command to move as his eyes darkened. “You may not like the woman I am, and I can’t help that.” She swallowed. “I’m in a constant state of flux.”
“That’s exactly where I like my women.” Stratton leaned into her, his lips mere millimeters from hers. His warm breath whispered over her mouth, tasting slightly of the fruit he’d eaten at breakfast. She could discern every individual hair in his thin, sculpted beard. “You’re stubborn as hell. That means trouble.”
Willa’s throat grew dry. “I guess you’re not up to the task?” Her knees knocked together as he ground his hips into hers. His clean scent, the feel of his hard body against hers, the fact he was aroused even through his anger, sent her equilibrium into a tailspin. Why was she having this conversation with him? Hadn’t she made her mind up to go her own way after the race?
He stroked his fingers along her cheek and down the side of her neck. Her new resolve started to crumble like a child’s sandcastle in the oncoming tide. “I’m not looking to add trouble. I travel light.”
She bit back a moan, waiting for him to kiss her. If he wanted it, he’d have to take it. She wouldn’t give in. Stratton held his position for endless seconds, his gaze boring into hers, his expression unreadable. Then, with a shake of his head, he reared back. Willa couldn’t understand why he hadn’t gone ahead and kissed her. Did he value the upper hand in their partnership more than the connection? Did she?
She tried to look around him, over his shoulder, anywhere other than him, to cover her confusion, but Stratton seemed to fill all available space. The silence grew deafening. “Um, we should—“
“Sorry, kita, but we have a course to plot.”
Willa wouldn’t let him change the subject. The man was too damned interesting to let the conversation end. She had to know more. “What about your fear of the Caringa?”
“What about it? Sharing time is over.” He bent and retrieved the sheet, wrapping it around his waist as if he had no other care in the world. “Do you realize we’re ready to enter the last leg of this race? Next stop is a planet, an ice planet at that. Treachin Houth. Do you know anything about it?”
Tucking the towel more firmly around her, she sighed but let the previous subject drop. “I visited there once when I was very young. It was on a family outing. My brothers enjoyed the snow sports the planet offered. All I remember was the snow. It was blue, and it sparkled in the dual moonlight.”
“And? Is there more to this lovely story?” Sarcasm mixed with his words.
“My father told me we were there to conquer the slopes, not make castles. But to my little-girl self, it was magical, and I enjoyed it. Later, after I became a pilot, I took a brief vacation there, to see if I could recapture that feeling.”
“Did you?”
“No.” The damned tightness returned to her throat. She ignored it, like everything else. There’d be time later to analyze her feelings. “It was only another tourist trap after all. I guess my imagination had created something else in those long-ago days.” The childhood dreams were no more foolish than the secrets of her womanly heart she wouldn’t allow anyone else to know.
He snatched the datapad from the bed, scrolling through screens as if his life depended on it, but he didn’t comment on her statement. “Says here the marker is hidden somewhere in a city, near the commerce district. It mentions to look for a narwhal, an animal that some legends say has never existed on this planet or any other. Maybe at one time, it did live on Earth, but not now.”
“Not my problem, Ace. As of this moment, I’ll be the pilot for the rest of this mission. You’re the nav. You figure it out.” She brushed past him, her limbs shaking from strain as she checked on their uniforms that hung on the back of the door. Almost dry. “Find something to do until the door unlocks. As you said, sharing time is over.” She retreated into the bathroom. The prospect of spending enforced proximity with a pissed off and emotionally constipated Stratton didn’t sound too appealing at the moment.
Once the door to their room had been unsealed and they’d departed the asteroid without incident, Stratton sat in the navigator’s seat, boots propped on the scratched and scarred console, watching Willa through half-closed ey
es. They’d been underway for a good three hours, and for most of that time, neither of them had spoken. Stratton dozed on and off, sleep deprived since sharing a bed with her. Having to behave himself kept him from slumber. Now, he was unsure of how to handle a situation for the first time in his life.
She’d never know, but her constant questions this morning had dredged up old hurts he’d thought long buried. Of course it stung to think of not having roots, which was exactly the reason he didn’t think about it. As long as he kept moving, kept busy with his bounty work and taking comfort where he could find it in the arms of transient women, he’d never think about his past.
Hadn’t he promised himself not to remember? To be better than where he’d come from and never to be left behind or feel unwanted again?
He glided a finger along the smooth edge of the datapad. Should he mention their mattress aerobics or leave the incident alone? Should he apologize? Shit, why was dealing with this female so difficult, and why the hell was he worried about it? He’d never allowed a relationship to form after sex with any other woman. Why would she be any different? Again, his gaze drifted to Willa’s profile. She didn’t seem outwardly annoyed about their coupling or the silence. If anything, one corner of her mouth was lifted in a half smile.
That little gesture sent unfamiliar sensations prickling through his heart, causing him to blurt out, “You know, my parents survived the initial attack all those years ago.” Stratton slammed his feet to the floor and straightened in his seat. He needed to hear her voice, if only to assure himself he’d made the right decisions.
Willa pressed a few buttons, and two glowed yellow on the console. She swiveled around to face him. “The ship’s on autopilot for a few minutes.” In the dim glow of the interior lights, curiosity showed in her expression. “What happened?”
In the face of her interest, Stratton struggled with sharing too much. Eventually, he gave up a bit of the fight. “They, uh, died trying to board one of the escape transports a few hours later.” He tugged on the suddenly too-tight collar of his slick gear. “A group of invaders got wind of the evacuees, I guess. I remember feeling my mom’s hand slip from mine as she shoved me into the ship. It was crowded, and people were jostling all over the place, hoping to be taken. As I turned to make sure her and Dad followed, everyone behind me on the ramp was mowed down by laser fire.” A swallow pushed an unexpected lump down his throat. “The pilot took off, and the cargo door shut. I never saw my parents again.”
Silence in the cabin closed in on him from all sides. While he reeled from sharing the memory, he felt a sliver of relief, despite everything. At least he’d gotten it off his chest. Now he could be rid of it and move forward—not that he hadn’t already done that, but the simple fact someone else knew the story brought him comfort.
“Well?” He couldn’t take much more of the quiet.
“I’m sorry for your loss. Losing both of them at the same time is terrible.”
“It was, but…” He took a deep breath and released it. “When I think back on that time, I can’t remember their faces or what they looked like. It’s a bitch of a problem, I guess.” Some nights, when the walls or his thoughts pressed in on him, he attempted to remember his parents’ faces and always came up blank. It had been too long. Nothing would bring them back physically, and since he couldn’t remember, it was almost as if they’d never existed at all.
Which was why he didn’t want to stop long enough to build a life—it could be taken away all too soon before anyone was ready.
“That makes it more difficult. Don’t beat yourself up about it. You were just a kid.” Compassion shadowed her blue eyes as she gazed at him. “That must have been terrifying for you, though. A young boy, suddenly without parents, not to mention the horrific memories of seeing them gunned down. What happened after that?”
Stratton shrugged. He’d kept his reaction to that event locked away for so long, he didn’t know how to feel about it now. “I was sent to live with my uncle. After a few months, he got antsy and said it was too dangerous for me to stay there, that the aliens might have recognized me and might come back to finish the job.” He turned his seat in order to block the pity he saw in her eyes. “It didn’t make sense. Still doesn’t, yet it was the second character-building exercise in my life. So began the long trek of bouncing between families and foster areas.”
“How old were you when you started looking after yourself?”
“Fifteen. I stumbled into a territory populated with bounty hunters and others who skirt the edge of the law or make up their own. I guess you could say I started an internship of sorts.” He swiveled around to face her again, surprised she appeared to hang on his every word. “I had a knack for it. On my first mission, I caused a…kerfuffle inside one of the Alliance’s offices. As punishment, the government kicked me off Earth and set my ass on a transport bound for a penal colony.”
“Where did you end up?”
“It’s more a question of where didn’t I.” He shifted his gaze from her face. “I bribed the pilot of the transport with the last money I had. Once he made his drop on Mars, we hit hyper-light and sailed into this galaxy. Here, no one knew me or my history. I started over and gravitated to the seedy side of life. I resumed learning the ropes of taking a bounty. At least they wanted me or actually had use of my services.” He shuffled through screens on the datapad, unwilling to admit it didn’t come close to replacing love. “The rest, as they say, is history.”
“Was it the Caringa nation who made the attack on Earth? I vaguely remember hearing about the battle while in universal history classes, although the details didn’t stick.” A genuine grin lit her face. “I was more interested in besting my brothers at flight training and seeing how far I could go on my own power.”
He shoved the surge of jealousy away as stupid. For a few seconds, he wished he’d known her back then, seen the competitive spirit as it had grown and shaped her into the woman she was now. Steady, Sin. “No. I didn’t come across the Caringa until years later.”
“That’s why you’re afraid of them?” Her smile never wavered.
“Yes.” He forced the word out between clenched teeth.
“And?”
He hated how pushy she was, yet under her steady prodding, the memories poured out of him, seeking a balm. “A group I was with angered a few of them in a bar fight years ago. In less time than it took to go through the motions of getting out a peaceful overture, they’d drawn weapons and killed every being in the bar. I escaped with a buddy seconds before the wall where we stood exploded. He and I went our separate ways after that.” Stratton shivered. “I’d never seen such complete destruction and disregard for life of any kind before, especially over something as stupid as a misunderstanding.”
“There’s more and more of that going on. Common decency and respect are becoming rare, not only in this galaxy but in others.” She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “I can see why you’re afraid, but sometimes it’s good to face that fear and conquer it.”
“Conquer it, ignore it, it’s all the same.” He drew a fingertip along his goatee. “Might take some time, although the fear is dying after the whole thief incident.”
“You did a great job back there despite your hangups. If I didn’t despise you so much, I’d say I was impressed.” She swiveled to face the windscreen once more. “Here’s the bottom line, Ace.”
Stratton waited, and when it became apparent she wouldn’t be rushed, he propped his boots on the console and settled in. “Anytime. I’d like to know this great statement of truth sometime before we arrive on the planet.”
“I’ll let that one slide since you actually shared something personal with me.” She pressed the autopilot buttons and resumed manually steering the ship. “I’m actually glad you didn’t let life’s circumstances beat you down. It’s something I can relate to, oddly enough.” The small smirk returned. “You might be an arrogant jerk, but I can’t imagine you as anything else. For what it
’s worth, you did a good job with what you had.”
That was probably the nicest thing anyone had ever said to him, and the fact it came from Willa made the words sweeter. Clearing his throat, he kept his gaze on the datapad in his lap. “Right back at you, kita. Now, if you could do something about that cool control, I’d appreciate it. It’s not exactly man bait.”
“Didn’t know I was trying to attract you.” The smile vanished and was replaced by her customary scowl.
“Good, because when I go fishing, it’s not your type I’m trying to attract.” He grinned as the atmosphere returned to congenial dislike. Keeping her on the defensive was the only way he could deal with being confined with her for the duration of the race. “If you can manage to keep your gushing, feminine emotions to yourself, I’m going to start on the course corrections and plot out the rest of our path.”
“Do what you want. Why should I care?”
Oh, she would—eventually. His propped-up feet and the datapad on his lap blocked his movements from her, should she get nosy. He’d do the GCCs, but the more important issue at hand was analyzing the information he’d filched from Chaf’s onboard computer. After the mandatory checkpoint on the planet, it appeared the incomparable Chaf would not be racing for the finish line. Instead, his coordinates indicated he’d break for the far section of the galaxy. Stratton assumed Chaf would attempt to hide out on a lesser planet, try to blend in. If not caught, he could easily melt into any crowd, essentially disappearing.
For the better part of the month, he’d been tracking Chaf. He’d also been mentally spending the bounty money he’d get for the humanoid hybrid’s capture. Yet there was the problem of Willa now. A furtive glance showed her squinting at something on the console. He closed his eyes as the debate raged in his mind.
His whole life he’d lived for his own survival, his own gain, his own pleasure. The money had always been the goal, the reward for getting the job done. Why was this time any different?
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