“You’re not?”
He smiled sadly. “No, I’m not.”
“Then what’s wrong?”
He dropped his head. “I realized tonight that I’m still ten steps ahead of where you are, that’s all.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I know you don’t.” He looked defeated and I hated that, but what I hated more was I caused that look on his face. “This is probably not the right time, but I’m just going to put it out there.”
“Okay.” I murmured.
He leaned down, his elbows resting on the wooden deck rail, his eyes on the yard, his voice quiet. “I don’t want you to leave, Kate. Ever.” He turned his face putting him eye-level with me. “I want you and Andy to live here, with me. I want to marry you, I want more kids with you. And it hit me tonight that it may all be one-sided.”
I shook my head. “It’s not, I promise.”
He angled his body so he could rest his forehead against mine and lay a hand on my hip. “I love you Kate. I fell in love with you the day you stood on your tip-toes and kissed me on the cheek after Andy got his first hit. And I fell in love with your son the day he reached up and grabbed my hand after we’d gotten ice cream.” He pulled back slightly, placing his hands on my cheeks. “I remember every moment, every feeling because I’ve been waiting a long time for you.”
I swallowed hard. “You scare me.”
He smiled sympathetically. “I know.”
“I’m trying.”
He touched his lips to mine before pulling back again to look in my eyes. “I know that too, baby.”
I laid my hands on his biceps. “Can’t you just wait for me to catch up?”
He grinned, this time his real grin and I smiled. “I can do that as long as you tell me you want to catch up.”
I pressed my body right up against his. “You haven’t been paying attention Luke or you would’ve noticed I’m almost there.”
He wrapped his arms around me and squeezed. I knew he loved me, he never had to say the words. I knew it by the way he is with me, the way he looks at me, the way he holds me, but it still felt freaking awesome to hear it.
“Can I ask you something?”
He ran his hand along my back. “Anything baby.”
“Grace said something before she left about the fire at my house.” I leaned back when I felt his body go solid. “Did you find something out?”
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
LUKE
Fuck. After all the heavy things we just talked about, I did not want to tell her the people who burned down her house weren’t actually after her, they were just using her to send me a message. I held her close to me, knowing at this moment, I could destroy any progress I’d made with her. I’d told her I loved her, but I knew she already knew that.
She’d already felt it.
I hadn’t exactly been trying to hide it. Just the opposite in fact. I wanted to show her, wanted her to feel it before the words ever left my mouth. Tonight, when she said what she said, I knew she hadn’t meant it to hurt me, hadn’t meant it as anything more than an observation because Lanie is in fact, Bray’s mom in all ways. I’d been surprised he wasn’t already calling her Mom. But when Grace told me Andy called me his Dad, something in me changed, something opened up and I realized in all my life, besides husband, Dad would be my proudest title.
Taking a deep breath, I pushed back from her, needing to see her face when I told her the truth. She tilted her head back, her eyes full of the trust I’d been working so hard to put there and now I was going to give her a reason to put her shield back up.
“What did Grace say?”
She rolled her lips together, her eyes searching mine. “I can’t remember exactly, but something like she was worried I’d leave you after I’d found out, but she was happy I’d stayed.” She dropped her eyes and twisted her fingers together before breathing deeply and looking back at me. “And that she thinks I’m good for you.”
My lips tipped up. “She’s right about that.”
She laid her hands along my chest and wrapped her fingers in my t-shirt, tugging gently. “Tell me what’s going on, Luke.”
I exhaled loudly. “The people who set the fire at your house weren’t after you, they were after me. They were using you to send me a message.”
She shook her head. “Sending you a message? What message? I don’t’ understand.”
How the hell did I explain this to her, when most of the time the jackasses I’ve been dealing with in this club didn’t make sense to me and I’ve had years of watching their behaviors. I thought for a moment before deciding where to start. “Remember when I told you I was shot by a man who’d been on my radar for years?”
She nodded. “I remember.”
I rested my hand along the side of her neck and squeezed gently. “The man who was after me and still is, is part of a local Motorcycle Club. I’ve arrested him more times than I can count for beating his girlfriend. Beating her to the point that she was unrecognizable.” I saw Kate flinch, but I continued. “Do you know anything about Motorcycle Clubs?”
She shook her head. “Not really. I mean, I know Bear and some of the guys from his club, but only to talk to at the bar when they come in.”
“I didn’t think so.” She wouldn’t have had any dealings with them in the past. For the most part, the clubs keep to themselves unless you’re involved in one of their businesses, which Kate wouldn’t have been.
I looked out at Cookie who was running aimlessly in the yard, wondering how much I could tell her and keep her safe at the same time. I gathered my thoughts and faced her again. “Motorcycle Clubs or MC’s as they’re usually called live by their own set of laws, their philosophy is they stay out of our world, we need to stay out of theirs.” She nodded so I continued. “There are good MC’s, ones that give back to the community and for the most part run a clean club, like Bear’s, but the club I’ve been dealing with, is not that type of club.”
“What type are they?”
My jaw hardened. I hated dealing with clubs like the Widows. At least the Sinners, the club Bear runs, are approachable, they want what’s best for their community. They may not like police involvement all the time, but they aren’t hostile. The Widows take hostile to a whole new level. “They run by the old club laws, they sell drugs, guns and women. They treat their own women however they want and that includes beating the hell out of them, especially for this one man I’ve been dealing with. My job, Kate, is to protect women and get them out of situations that are dangerous for them. This particular club is pissed that I didn’t back off, pissed that I don’t respect their club or their club laws and have been trying to make an example out of me.”
“They shot you for doing your job?” She concluded, but that was it in a nutshell.
“They don’t adhere to civilian laws, they dole out their own punishments, so the fact that I didn’t die did nothing but piss them off even more because their punishment didn’t work. They’re trying to send me a message and burning down your house was a message for me to get out of their business.”
“Can’t you just arrest them?” She asked the question I think most people wondered about, but the answer wasn’t as black and white as it should be.
“No.” I admitted. “We need evidence of their crimes and the world they live in, the people they deal with are too afraid to speak out against them or too involved and would essentially be incriminating themselves.”
“What about the girl that was beaten up?”
I frowned, thinking about Maggie, worried about the outcome for her in this shitshow. “She’s never actually called the police or agreed to file a report. The department has been on me to try to talk her into pressing charges every time she shows up at the hospital, but she’s never agreed, always told me she was happy with him, with the club. That they take care of her, which is complete bullshit.”
My jaw hardened remembering how she looked the last time I saw her in the hospit
al. The abuse was escalating. I’ve been afraid the next time I’m called by the hospital for her, it’ll be to tell me he killed her.
“Why does he let her go to the hospital? If they don’t like their business being known, how does she end up at the hospital.”
It was a good question with a pretty fucking sad answer. “Her boyfriend’s a loose cannon. I’m not sure what sets him off, but no matter where they are if he’s set off, she takes the beating. Every time he’s beaten her, he’s left her where she can be found and someone always calls an ambulance. At first, I thought he wanted to get her help, thought maybe there was hope for him, that he had a conscience or some love for her, but I’ve since realized after watching him that he believes he’s one hundred percent untouchable and this is his ‘fuck you’ to the cops. He knows she won’t talk, he’s convinced her she needs him to survive so she won’t ever press charges.” I shook my head thinking of the danger she’s recently put herself in without any explanation except hearing about the fire. I didn’t buy that story for a minute. She heard something else, something that made her decide to give her life because that’s exactly what she was doing.
By becoming an informant, she cemented her fate and she knows it. Her life in exchange for information she’s obtaining that scared the hell out of her.
“What are you going to do?”
Kate’s voice brought me out of my thoughts. “I’m out, Kate. I’ve handed everything I already have on the club over to other agencies and they’re taking the lead. Brody has set up house alarms for everyone in the family as protection, they’re ridiculously sensitive so nobody is getting by them.”
“So, everyone’s safe?”
Her eyes were pleading with me to assure her everyone was safe. I couldn’t lie to her and I wouldn’t. “No. Everyone is as safe as I can make them, for now. The hope is because I’ve backed off, they’ll think I got the message and leave my family alone.”
“And if they don’t?”
“I’m prepared to leave the force.” I said matter-of-factly.
Her jaw dropped in surprise. “You told me all you’ve ever wanted to be is a cop. You can’t just leave the force. Give up everything you’ve always wanted.”
I wasn’t surprised she wouldn’t want me to give up what I love, that’s who she is and in her experience with her douche of an ex, people don’t do for others only for themselves. “Being a cop is my job, Kate. And yes, it’s the only job I’ve ever seen myself doing but that was before. Before I had something else to wake up for every day.”
“What else would you do?”
I shrugged. “I’ll always have a job with any of my brothers, either in construction or security. I’m not worried about that. I’m worried about you.”
Her head jerked back, but I tightened my hands now resting on either side of her neck. “Me, why me?”
“I’m worried because I still don’t think you understand that I would do whatever it takes to make you and Andy happy and safe.”
“But what about your happiness?”
“I’ve never been happier in my life than I have been these last few months. It didn’t take me long to realize that I could be shoveling shit for a living, but if I got to come home to you every day, I’d be satisfied with my life.”
Kate averted her eyes. “You say that now, but—”
I gently squeezed her neck. “Kate, look at me.” I waited until her gaze met mine to continue. “I know words are just words to you and I understand why, so you’ll just have to stick around and be patient while I show you that everything I’m telling you is the truth.”
“I don’t want you to give up your job for me.”
I nodded my head. “I know you don’t and I’m not planning to leave my job right now, but if there ever is a time that my job brings any danger your way or if it comes down to the job or you, I’m picking you, every damn time.”
I pressed my lips to hers, kissing her deeply before pulling back and resting my forehead against hers. “Every. Damn. Time.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
LUKE
I pressed the button for the elevator and waited, my teeth grinding together so hard my jaw hurt. Not even an hour ago I received the call I’d been expecting, but dreading. The hospital. She was back and the staff has been informed any time she’s admitted, I’m to be called. For the first time in my career I didn’t want to answer the call, didn’t want to see the damage he’d caused again and I certainly didn’t want to have the conversation I would have with her, already knowing the answer.
Even though I’m off the case as far as the public knows, the captain felt it would be best if I kept up the pretense that I would visit her like always and she’d refuse help, as always. They’re afraid of waving any red flags at the MC if we change our protocol too much. I wouldn’t follow up, that would be the difference and in doing so, show the MC that I’ve backed off.
It sounded good in theory, but I wasn’t sure it was the best plan. It felt like it could backfire on all of us.
I rode the elevator to the sixth floor, stepped off and made my way down the all too familiar hallway to the nurse’s station. Stopping at the counter, I waited until the nurse hung up the phone and smiled sadly at me.
“Hey Detective.”
“Hey Mary. How bad this time?”
She shook her head. “Bad. I really wish you were able to convince her to get out of her living situation.”
I ran a hand through my hair, frustrated. “Me too.”
“She’s in room 610.”
I tapped my hand against the counter. “Thanks Mary.”
“Let me know if you need anything.”
I nodded and made my way down the hall, until I was standing outside room 610. Taking a deep breath, I pushed open the door and braced for what I would see.
Maggie’s eyes flicked towards the door, but when she saw me she looked away. I walked towards her bed and pulled up the large pink chair from the corner, sitting down. I steepled my hands and rested my chin on top of my fingers taking in the sadness before me. Maggie’s light blond hair was pulled away from her face, a cut along her temple stitched and bandaged. I recognized it from all the other times she’s had stitches.
Maggie told me in the past that Snake wears silver rings, some of which have sharp edges so they tear her skin. Her left eye was black and blue, as was her jaw and I saw fingerprint bruises all along her neck. He had a tendency towards choking, I knew that as well. Her arm was in a cast this time, which wasn’t always the case, but also wasn’t the first time and I could tell the way she’d shifted in the bed before I sat down that she had at least a few broken ribs. That was also not new.
I fucking hated that I’d seen all of this with her before.
I ran my palms over my face and leaned forward, resting my forearms along the bedrail. “How are you Maggie?”
She wouldn’t look at me, but she answered in her quiet voice. “I’m okay.”
I took a deep breath and exhaled. I usually came in here, full of ideas, new ways to convince her to leave him, to let me help her, to keep her safe, but I knew those would be wasted efforts today. “What can I do?”
Her eyes flicked to mine, filled with surprise. She was expecting me to do what I’ve always done. “Umm…. nothing.”
I dropped my forehead against the rail between my arms and took a minute. I had nothing to lose by asking what I really wanted to know. Lifting my head, I saw her head turn quickly back to face straight ahead. “Why are you doing it?”
Her eyes flicked to mine again, but this time they held. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Bear told me.” I held up my hand when she seemed like she might deny it. “I know it’s the truth. I know you went to them, somehow, and told them you wanted to be their informant, but what I don’t know is why.”
“It doesn’t matter why.” She shut me down quickly.
“It does to me.”
She swallowed hard and couldn’
t hide the pain that caused her. Her voice sounded raspy and I could only guess, like the pain, it was from him choking her. I reached out and laid my hand over hers, watching her eyes fill with tears. “Talk to me Maggie. I know I’m not going to convince you to walk away from him, so I’m not going to try, but I can at least help you work out your plan in all of this.”
“I don’t have a plan.” She admitted quietly.
I squeezed her hand. “Maggie the only way you’re going to stay safe is by having a plan and a backup plan.”
“I’m not going to stay safe.”
I looked into her eyes for a long minute before blinking slowly. “You’re not planning to survive this, are you?”
A tear leaked from the corner of her eye and trailed down her cheek. “I’m tired Luke. I can’t beat him and I can’t survive there much longer.”
“I can get you out, find a safe place for you.”
She continued speaking like I hadn’t. “I started thinking if I could help someone, anyone, not lose my life for nothing, then that’s what I wanted to do.”
The light in my mind dawned. “You heard about the fire?”
“I overheard them bragging about it and they said it was the cop’s woman.” She looked down at our hands, still joined. “I knew that meant you. And you’re the only person besides my mom who’s been nice to me, who’s wanted to keep me safe. I couldn’t let them hurt the woman who has you to protect her all the time.” She pulled her hand from mine to wipe the tears on her cheeks.
“Let me help you.” I begged.
She shook her head. “No. I want to do this.”
“They’ll kill you, Maggie.”
“I know.” Her eyes found mine again, hers filled with tears and sadness. “Life’s too hard for me, Luke.”
“You can’t just give up.” I said, my voice rising.
“Nobody would miss me. I’m not sure anyone would even notice I was gone.”
I grabbed her hand in mine again. “I would, Maggie. I would notice and I would care.”
Kate (The Dimarco Series Book 5) Page 26
