“What’s up, Katrina? You won’t answer my calls. There is a for-sale sign in the yard! Weren’t you going to even tell me?” he asked, his voice rising in volume. “Don’t you think you owe me more than that?”
She watched him struggle with his temper. Hell, she hadn’t known he had one. He stood before her looking tired, angry, and hurt. That part she could tell from his eyes. He turned away from her abruptly and sat on her couch. She closed the door and followed him in.
“So that’s it, Katrina? I don’t even warrant a call? I’m sorry, Will, I’m moving on. This isn’t what I want,” he said.
“I’m sorry, Will,” she said, realizing she had made a huge mistake.
He sat there looking at her, not saying a word, his face set in stone. He stood up, too angry to talk, and left the way he’d entered, closing the door firmly behind him.
She walked over to the door, cracking it a little to watch him walk home. When he disappeared from view, she walked back to her couch and sat down. She hadn’t meant for him to find out this way, but really, what had she expected? He didn’t deserve to be treated that way.
She started crying again. What was with these tears? She’d cried lately like she’d been assigned rain-replacement duty. What a dufus. The only thing she could say in her defense was that she’d been in turmoil, had been since he’d left two weeks ago. She was scared of her need for him, and Uncle C’s condition had amplified her fear.
She’d taken the coward’s way out instead of facing him, using her Uncle C as an excuse to not stick it out. Bad move, Katrina, her heart said.
***
Later that evening Will pulled into the driveway of his sister’s home. The garage door was down; he hoped they were home. He needed to talk to someone he knew cared about him. He rang the doorbell and waited. Maybe no one was home. He waited a minute longer and it opened. It was Jennifer. Just seeing her made him feel calmer, more in control.
“Hey, Will, you back from overseas, huh?” she asked, stepping away from the door to let him enter. “Your brother-in-law took the kids to their practices today. They just left. I was working out in the yard. Come on back,” she said, leading him outside and moving to sit on the sofa.
He sat across from her, his back to the house, and looked out over the yard. Beautiful, he thought. His sister’s gardening style was more like Katrina’s than his.
“You okay?” she asked.
“Not really. It’s been a long two weeks.”
“Your trip wasn’t productive?”
“No, it was. I cut it short, though. It’s Katrina. I returned early for her. One of her godfathers became ill, had a heart attack.”
“Is he all right?”
“Yes, better now, and at home.”
“And how is Katrina?”
“She’s fine,” Will said, placing his arms on his thighs and leaning forward, looking out over the yard, restless and angry. “She’s selling her home in the neighborhood and is going to work with her godfathers. She quit her job. She’s ready to pull back into that shell of hers at the slightest sign of trouble. Tell me that I’m better off without her.”
Jennifer was silent, letting him talk, sensing that he needed to.
“Here I was thinking I was going to ask her to marry me. Again. Turned me down once. What am I, stupid?” he said, turning to face her, hurt evident on his face.
She felt bad for him.
“I must not have meant as much to her as I thought.”
“I’m sure you do. She’s probably going crazy, and this is her way of taking control. You told me she lost her parents, right? Lost her adopted parents, too?”
“Yes.”
“I’m sure this is tough for her. You were young when our father died. I was the oldest and knew more than you did. You’re the baby boy, remember?”
“As if you’d let me forget,” he said, smiling weakly.
“I was scared, too. I know our mother was. Thankfully, we had Grandfather, who was not so old that he couldn’t help. He took control and steered us until Mom could get it together. Losing someone you love is painful, and Katrina has gone through that twice. She lived in foster care until she was adopted, and then she lost her parents. It has to be tough for her right now. Just continue to be patient and support her.”
“I know. I have been, or I thought I had been, but why, if she believes in me, does she up and make all these changes while I was away?”
“Those changes worry you?”
“Yes, because she’s given serious thought to giving up on us. I’m a patient man, more than even I’d realized, but what if she can’t overcome her fears? What if I end up without her?”
“Are you willing to quit now?”
“She’s not giving me much choice.”
“You know, I’ve watched you climb mountains, ride bikes, surf, ski, anything to test yourself against life. You did those things, but you weren’t really afraid. They were small risks for you. You have always been a fearless kid, and now you’re a fearless young man. So now life throws you a real curve ball. You’ve finally, truly found something that you fear losing. It’s Katrina. She is your test. Can you keep going, unsure of the outcome, knowing you may be hurt, really hurt?”
Will didn’t say anything for a while. He took comfort in his sister’s presence, his second mother’s wisdom. Here he’d thought he was different from Katrina, less fearful. He had always known that he’d been loved, so he could challenge life and its risks by plunging headlong into each new conquest, one after another, while Katrina stayed close, doing what she considered safe.
Could he, risk this one thing that really mattered to him? Could he quit, cut his potential losses? He knew he would continue on. His heart wouldn’t let him stop; not yet, anyway. He blew out a deep breath and turned to look at his sister. She smiled and put her hand on Will’s knee, a silent show of support. They sat a while longer next to each other, letting the garden’s calm and beauty soothe and refresh their spirits.
***
Katrina wanted Will back, wanted to risk whatever life had to throw her way with him. She had panicked, plain and simple. Katrina needed Lola.
Lola stood in her backyard watching Syd and one of the Sheppard boys play in her sandbox. Oh, to be four again.
“Hey, girl, what’s up? How’s the house selling business going?”
“Good, I guess,” she said.
“I’ve got to tell you, you surprised me. I didn’t peg you for the type that quit. You stuck around when John would have driven any sane person away, you’re always around taking care of those godfathers of yours.”
“This conversation is leading to Will, I can tell. And before you get going, I agree with you. It was a dumb move on my part,” she said, tears starting to form in her eyes.
“Have you told this to Will?” Lola asked.
“Nope. I don’t know where he is or what to do.”
“Grovel. It works like magic. He’s at home; he just pulled up. But before you go, take this,” Lola said holding out her hand, palm up, which was empty.
“What?”
“Take it.”
“Take what?” Katrina asked, looking at Lola’s empty palm.
“It’s your big girl pill. Take it in the name of all the great women in the world who have come before you. Take it and be strong,” she said. Katrina grunted but complied, taking the pretend pill from Lola’s hand and pretending to swallow it.
“Okay, now step into these,” she said, holding her hands out in front of her body.
“Okay, what is that?” she asked, looking skeptically at Lola’s hands and the emptiness surrounding them.
“These are your big girl panties. You need to put them on.”
Katrina rolled her eyes, but lifted one leg at a time and stepped into Lola’s pretend panties. She laughed at Lola, who pretended to yank them up.
“I think your butt is too big,” she said, and they both started to laugh.
“Let’s go, girl,” she sai
d, turning Katrina toward her back gate and pushing her out.
***
Will sat in his yard, in the misting area, his back against the wall. The door leading into the room was open, affording him a view of his home. The lights were on inside. He just didn’t want to be there. He closed his eyes and listened to the chimes, trying to understand Katrina, and better yet, what he needed to do for her.
So far, he’d come up empty. How do you make someone choose you? He knew the answer to that one—you couldn’t. She chose fear over him. He thought that she’d come around in time, if he gave her enough room and didn’t crowd her. He’d continue with that for a while. He was not ready to quit.
He heard a sound and opened his eyes to see her standing in front of him, her back to him, peering into his home. She stood for a moment looking in, eyes moving from the kitchen and over to his bedroom, before she turned around to leave. She stopped when she saw him and stood there staring for a minute before she walked over.
“What are you doing out here?” she asked.
“Nothing. Trying to relax,” he said, watching as she entered and sat down next to him.
“I’m sorry,” she said, reaching for his hand.
“For what?” he asked.
“To start with, I’m sorry for not answering your calls and not telling you what was going on with me.”
“How are the godfathers?” he asked, taking her hand in his.
“They’re fine. Charles was discharged last weekend. Colburn and I got him settled. He is walking; the doctors expect a complete recovery. In a couple of months, he should be back to normal. He has to make some changes in his life. C’s going to have to give up smoking, and he finally realizes that. He and Colburn both have to make changes in their lives. I’ve hired someone to cook healthier meals for them, and someone to clean.”
“I thought you were going to do that. Figured that was why you were selling your home and moving away from me.”
“I’m sorry,” she said again, looking into eyes that were still hurt. “I thought so at first, but maybe it’s not such a good idea. I’ve been thinking about getting a small apartment instead, just to make sure that I work well with the godfathers. Plus they gave me grief about you, so I’ve been forbidden to move in with them even if I wanted to. They like you more than me, it seems,” she said, smiling.
“So you’ve quit your job.”
“Yep. My last day is next week. I gave notice the day after I spoke to you on the phone.”
He nodded. “I see. So why are you selling your home still?”
“I’ve had several offers. You would not believe the profit I’ll make. I can use the money as a cushion while I work with the godfathers and start the landscaping part of the business.”
“I see,” he said, taking a deep breath.
“So now the million dollar question? What happens to us? You could have answered my telephone calls, Katrina. I at least deserved that.”
“You’re right, I panicked, and I’m sorry,” she said, looking into his eyes and squeezing his hands. “I thought it would be easier to leave you behind. It seemed like a good idea at the time, when I was consumed with fear. I’ve got to stop doing that, letting fear dictate my actions. It’s hard, though. Sometimes I don’t even recognize it as fear, it is so ingrained.
“Anyway, I thought it would be easier to leave you when you were out of the country, but the minute I saw you at my home I realized I’d made a huge mistake. Seeing you again washed all of those fears away,” she said, turning her body to face him. “I don’t know where this will end, and it’s the ending that scares me so much. I don’t want to quit yet, but I’m still scared.”
“Would you believe I am, too?”
“You? You’ve never met a risk you didn’t like.”
He pulled her over to sit on his lap. “You’re my big gamble, the one I’m most frightened of. It’s risky business loving you, Katrina Jones. But I can’t let go or give in, at least not yet. Not when there is still hope. Is there still hope, Katrina?” he asked.
She put her arms around his neck and kissed him, and then pulled away and looked into his eyes.
“There is always hope. I love you,” she said.
He kissed her again. “I love you, too.”
CHAPTER 16
“Want to take a look at the gardens with me?” Will asked, pulling the hair from around Katrina’s head as she tried to wake up the following morning. “We’ve got one full month. May is a few days away.”
“Sure,” she said, “I haven’t been by since this whole thing with C started. John has taken over. He called to tell me how he walks through the garden reviewing the plans daily. Scary thought, him in charge,” she said, sitting up and looking around the room for her shirt. It was on the floor next to the bed. She pulled it over her head, but not before Will kissed one of her breasts. She yelped and he chuckled.
“Let me shower first. Meet me at my house in ten,” she said.
She stood, put the rest of her clothes on and walked by Will’s mirror, glancing at her hair in fright. She made a face and he laughed.
“See you in ten,” he said, pushing her out of the bedroom, down the hall, and out the back door, still grinning.
He gave her fifteen minutes to be safe and drove over to her house. He had barely stopped before she walked out of her house in form-fitting shorts and a T-shirt. It didn’t matter what she wore, but he loved her slim body in those. She gave him a kiss as she climbed into the jeep.
“Ready?” she asked, smiling.
He returned the smile, and backed out. They arrived at the gardens within five minutes. They weren’t the only ones who wanted to see the gardens. It was crowded. Will parked and they hopped out and walked in. He reached for her hand, which she gave gladly.
It was beautiful here. The last feature, a fence with an oval-shaped opening, would separate the two sides of the garden from each other and create an enclosure for the right side. Tucked behind it was a secret garden. They’d left the larger shrubs in place, and natives were starting to bloom. They had all of May to make the finishing touches. So far, everything was as it should be.
“Well, good morning, you two.”
John stood near the entrance, looking down at their entwined hands.
“The gardens are really filling in, and I must say, it’s beautiful. I have a really strong feeling about our chances of winning this year, but there is nothing different in that. I feel the same way every year,” he said, smiling. “What a great idea to combine Will’s design with Katrina’s organization and gardening knowledge. Who came up with it, I wonder?” he asked, smiling at them.
“Who knew,” Will responded, smiling and winking at Katrina.
“Yeah, who knew,” she said, smiling.
“So, Katrina, I saw a for sale sign in your yard, I believe. Is that true?” John asked.
“Yes, it is, I’m moving to an apartment and taking a job with my godfathers over at Abernathy and Co.”
“Yes, I heard about Charles. Is he doing well?”
“Yes, he is.”
“We will hate to lose you, but perhaps our Will can talk you into staying,” he said, giving them an enigmatic smile. “Well, I’ll let you two look around. You know you will have the volunteers the last two weekends in May for any finishing touches or extra assistance you may need. They will be here both days.”
“Yes, I’ll make sure to have things here for them to do,” she said.
“Have a nice day,” John said, walking away.
They walked over all the gardens, specifically checking the pavilion, the streams, and the pond and waterfalls. All were working nicely. They headed back to the jeep.
She paused a minute, standing next to the passenger door. “You should be proud of your work here,” she said.
“That’s high praise from you, and I’ll take it. Thanks,” he said, walking over to kiss her. “It would have gotten done, but I’m sure it would not have been half as entertaining wi
thout you. I’m the one who’s better for it, right? I now have you and the gardens.”
“I won’t argue with that,” she said, smiling and kissing him back, her hands moving around his back to pull him in close and to hold on tight. She didn’t want to let him go ever again.
***
The second week of May
Katrina pulled on to her street. She was meeting her agent this afternoon to sign the contract officially selling her home to a family moving down from California, two kids and their parents; one of the kids was in college and the other would start in the fall. In essence, she was selling her home to empty nesters. But the idea of their family appealed to her. She’d been giving more thought to family lately as she asked herself what she wanted from life.
The godfathers were good. She loved playing in the dirt, as Lola liked to call her gardening work. No longer at the bank, her days were filled now with all things she loved. Will, the godfathers, and dirt.
She had gone with the godfathers to their attorney and worked through the details of a business arrangement, forcing them to agree on an amount that she would give them. She was using some of the proceeds from the sale of her home, technically buying into the business. She wouldn’t hear of it any other way, and they’d reluctantly agreed, stipulating that her additional funding would be used as seed money to start the landscaping arm of the business, which she would manage. Good all around. She’d found an apartment, a small efficiency that she would move into by the end of May if she wanted to.
The buyers of her home had been pre-approved for financing and in a hurry to get to town and into their new home, so she needed to move out quickly. She might not end up needing the apartment; she practically lived at Will’s house now. She rationalized that it would be easier to sleep over at Will’s since her house needed to be kept clean and neat for showings. She just wanted to be around her patient and loving Will. For the first time, she was giving serious thought to agreeing to make their relationship more permanent.
The name “Steady” suited him much more than her these days. What other way could she describe someone who stuck with her even when she tried to get rid of him, who always loved her and was there for her?
Steady (Indigo) Page 30
