'I won't be late, and I'll use the front door.' Libby smiles at her mom and starts heading up my path, and with another quick thank you to Mrs Reid, I follow Libby.
'Listen,' I catch up to her and drop my hand onto her elbow, 'about the whole possible plans for the future...custody...dropping out of school...I haven't told Julie yet or anyone for that matter...'
'Say no more.' Libby presses a finger against her lips and then smiles at me.
The door opens before I even have my key in the lock, and Lewis looks up at me with wide eyes. April is in his arms and she's screaming her head off.
'I don't know how to do it, and she's hungry and she won't stop screaming. I tried to do it like you do, but I couldn't. I tried to make up her milk, but it just went wrong, and she needed her diaper changed and I didn't know how, and she won't stop screaming.' Lewis' words come out in a rush, and I have a hard time keeping up. I usher him inside and he grabs hold of my arm, pulling me into the kitchen.
Libby follows closely behind. In the kitchen we find Sean and Georgia fighting over a pop tart, which if their argument is to be believed, is the last pop tart. I head to them first and pluck it from their hands. It's obviously been dropped on the floor a few times, and little pieces of dust and fuzz stick to it. I drop it into the trash.
'Hey.' The both exclaim together, suddenly on the same side.
'Why are you two fighting over that?' I ask, looking around me. No sign of Julie, she must be up in the bathroom.
'We're hungry. We never got our dinner because Libby had to leave.' Georgia replies, and she's right. The dinner that Libby had been planning is still left on the counters, everything prepared to be cooked, but not yet cooked.
'Ok, calm down.' I search through the cupboards and pull out two bananas. I pass one to each of them, which seems to calm them for now. I turn back to Lewis to get April, who has thankfully stopped crying, but instead I see that Libby's already cradling her, and fixing a bottle for her. I breathe out and smile at her. 'Thanks.'
'No problem.' Libby shrugs like it's no big deal, but to me it is. 'I'll get April sorted and then I'll cook up the dinner.'
'You don't have to.'
'Yes, I do.' She smiles again and it's like a weight has been lifted. I'm not doing this alone. She's here and helping, and Julie will be down any moment, and together we'll have things sorted. I don't know why Julie hasn't fed the kids yet, but at least now they'll get something to eat and then we can get them all into bed.
'Thanks.' I smile again at her, hoping she knows just how much I appreciate her help. Once Libby is busy feeding April, I turn back to Lewis. 'Where's Julie? Is she upstairs?'
'April spat up over Julie.' Lewis replies.
'Oh.' I sigh, 'So she's upstairs cleaning off?'
'No.' Lewis shakes his head, 'She put April in her crib and then she walked out.'
'No.' I shake my head because that's not possible. There's no way she left a thirteen year old in charge of two five year old kids and a four month old baby. I turn and walk back outside. Julie's car isn't there anymore. I don't know how I didn't notice when we pulled up.
I go back inside and join everyone in the kitchen. It's obvious that Katie isn't home either.
Things have already settled down. April is sucking on her bottle while being held gently by Libby. While Lewis, Sean and Georgia are sitting at the table, calmly waiting for their dinner.
'Is she gone?' Libby asks quietly. I nod my head and lean my back against the counter.
'How could she just walk out?' I ask. 'She agreed to watch them and then she just...' I shake my head and then my phone buzzes. I let out a sigh as I read the message.
'Everything ok?' Libby asks.
'It's Katie. She's at some party and her ride bailed, so she needs me to go get her.'
'Go. I have things under control here. I'll get April fed, changed and put to bed. Then I'll feed the others and get them to bed as well. Go get Katie and call Julie.' She knows me too well, knows that I need to talk to Julie. 'Or,' she adds, 'better still, go to her place and talk to her face to face. She needs to know that this is not ok.' Libby seems almost as angry as I am, but just like me she's keeping it quiet so she doesn't upset the kids.
'I think you're right.' I nod, 'Face to face. I need her to explain to me what she was thinking. So...I'll get Katie and then go over there, I'll be as quick as I can.'
'Take as long as you need.' Libby stands up and places her hand on my arm. 'We're good here.'
'Thank you.' I smile tiredly, grab my car keys and head out the door. As I make my way to the car, I'm trying desperately to think of a way to handle this without shouting at Julie until I'm out of words. Right now, shouting is the only thing I feel like doing when I get to her house.
Fifteen – Julie
I have two showers in a row, with plenty of lavender scented body wash. Then wash my hair twice, change my clothes and throw out the ones that April threw up on, and still I feel utterly disgusted.
As soon as she did it, I felt as though I was going to be sick as well, and I just had to get out of there. The thought of staying in my baby vomit covered clothes made me feel physically sick, and so I had no choice. I had to come home. Besides, it's not like I left April on her own. Lewis was there and he's plenty old enough to watch the younger ones.
I shiver at the memory of holding Georgia in my arms, already feeling uncomfortable as she kept crying. Screaming really. She cried so hard that she ended up being sick, and all because I accidentally knocked her arm into the lounge door. How bad could that really have hurt? I didn't hit her arm that hard.
I consider getting back into the shower, but before I can make up my mind the doorbell rings. Thank goodness. It must be the Chinese food I ordered. They're quick tonight, since I only called them about ten minutes ago.
My stomach rumbles as I grab my wallet and race towards the door. I fling it open impatiently, and instead of the much hoped for delivery guy, it's Charles standing on my doorstep, and he looks angrier than I have ever seen him before.
'Tell me you're not really standing in your house.' He pushes his way into the foyer, without waiting for me to invite him in. Glaring at me as he comes to a stop a few feet away from me.
'Excuse me?' I cross my arms over my chest, keeping the door open but turning to him.
'It's just that I'm having a really hard time believing that you're actually here. Considering that you're supposed to be at my house.' A vein twitches in his neck, 'You promised that you'd watch the kids while I was at the hospital with my mom. You said you'd do that for me and yet here you are, in your mansion while my thirteen year old brother was left in charge of three kids.' His voice gets a little louder, 'He had to clean April up, because you left her covered in vomit in her crib, he told me that as I was walking to my car and I didn't want to believe him, but he wouldn't lie about something like that.' His face is getting red, eyes wide and the fact that he needs a shave because of the stubble on his chin, makes him look ever worse. 'Honestly Julie, of all the self-obsessed, irresponsible things you've ever done in your life, this one is way up there.'
'Are you seriously mad at me right now?' I narrow my eyes, take a half step back from him and let out a short humorless laugh. This is so not my fault and yet he's yelling at me.
'I'm sorry didn't I make it clear that I was mad at you?' His sarcasm grates on my nerves. I have to mentally remind myself that I need to stay with him. If I didn't need my parents on my side to make sure I remain ungrounded this summer, and if Charles wasn't a way to do that, then I'd end things right here. Still, that doesn't mean I'm going to stand here and take this from him.
'I had vomit all over me.' I shriek.
'Oh poor you, a four month old baby spat up on you. How awful.' He sneers, it's so unlike him to act this way that it throws me off guard for a moment. 'I was at the hospital with my mom who has cancer. I spend everyday taking care of her and my five siblings, because my father walked out on us and my mom can't ma
nage alone. I'm having to drop out of school and give up college, because my family need me. Libby had to come home from her extremely hard to get into and expensive camp, because you messed up and forced her to come back. Now she's back at my house looking after the kids that you were supposed to be watching, but of course none of that is important because April was sick over you.'
'You're dropping out of school?' My head snaps to him and my mouth stays slightly open. I can't catch my breath entirely.
'Great.' He throws his arms up in the air, and though his tone is back to normal. I know that I've said something wrong. His shoulders are slumped, his head bent just a little and he's not looking at me. He's frustrated. 'I say all of that and the one thing you pick up on is that I'm not going back to school in the fall. Not exactly the point I was trying to make.'
'Charles, why aren't you going back to school?'
'Why do you think? Julie my mom doesn't have the flu, she's got cancer. It's not going away after a week of resting up and drinking fluids. She may not get better, and I have to be around to help her. To watch the kids. To cook and clean and work to pay the bills. She can't manage alone and I won't let her try.'
'But you need to graduate.' I say. There's no way I'm going to date a high school drop out, that's too humiliating. And then it hits me. My ticket out. If he drops out of school, my parents approval rating of him will go down. I mean, sure they'll respect him for looking out for his mom, admire him for the difficult choice and sacrifice he's making, but they won't want me dating him. They want what's best for me, for my future, and that won't be staying with someone who doesn't even graduate from public school.
'What I need to do is take care of my family, and in order to do that I need to know that I can rely on the people around me, the people who say they're going to help. Tonight I relied on you and you really let me down.'
'That's rich coming from you.' I roll my eyes and try to keep myself from getting too excited. He's dropping out of school, which means I no longer need to be with him.
'Meaning?' He raises an eyebrow.
'You're constantly letting me down. We've been best friends so long that it just seemed like we were meant to start dating. Honestly though, recently I've been trying to work out why exactly we're together. We don't enjoy any of the same things. I enjoy going out and you know...having fun. While you like... well honestly, I don't even know what you like. When I do get you to actually come out with me, you're constantly checking in at home, or it's clear that you don't want to be out with me.' I say with just the right balance of annoyance and sadness. The sadness is fake, but I am annoyed. I expect him to explode at me again, but he doesn't. He sighs, running a hand through his hair.
'Julie I know I things haven't been easy these past few months, and I'm sorry that I haven't been the best boyfriend. I'm trying to do the best I can, but I'm being pulled in a lot of different directions. I want to make you happy, you know I do.' He shakes his head again, 'Is that why you left tonight? Because you were mad at me?'
'No.' My turn to shake my head. 'I left because your sister threw up on me.'
'I know, but you could have stayed and cleaned yourself up at my house. Julie don't you see that you shouldn't have left? Lewis is only thirteen, he shouldn't be left in charge of three young kids. None of them were fed. April hadn't been changed, I just...don't you see that what you did wasn't ok?'
'Don't make such a big deal out of this.' I snap, 'I couldn't stay there. I needed to shower and change and I couldn't do that at your place. I didn't have anything to change into.'
'Ok,' he sighs, 'you know what forget it, this is pointless. I'm going to head home, Katie's waiting in the car anyway, so...we'll just talk in the morning. We could both use some time to cool off, clear our heads. I should get back anyway, I left Libby in charge so...'
'So then I guess you don't have anything to worry about, since clearly she's so much more trustworthy than me.' I sulk.
'What is your problem tonight Julie? Are you really that mad at me?'
'I'm not mad at you. I'm bored of you. Of us.' I roll my eyes, and then focus on him. He looks shocked. His mouth opening and then shutting, before he takes a deep breath.
'Bored?' His eyebrows crease together. 'Ok, fine. You're bored. What can I do to make things more exciting for you?'
'There's nothing you can do.' I shrug. 'We're just not headed in the same direction. You have other priorities and I don't feel like being dragged down by your emotional baggage. It's too much. I just want to have fun this summer. I think...you know what I don't think, I know that it would be better if we just went back to being friends.'
'You...you want to break up?' He sputters.
'I think it's for the best.' I look down at my nails. I have to remember to book myself in for a manicure tomorrow. They're starting to look a bit shabby.
'Julie I don't understand. What did I do? One minute you love me and the next you're pulling the rip cord on our relationship.'
'Things haven't been right for a while, not for me. I'm just over us.' I wait for him to say something, but he doesn't. He just stares at me and I keep my features neutral. I don't want to hurt him, but I don't know a better way to end things, and I did need to end things.
'Things haven't been right for a while?' He asks finally. His voice is so quiet now. His eyes don't leave me, so I turn away from him.
'No they haven't, not for quite a long while.'
'And yet you were still saying that you love me?'
'I say a lot of things.' I shrug. 'They're just words Charles. Listen, I'm sorry ok? I know the timing of this could have been better, but I guess tonight I just really saw what my life would be like if I stayed with you. I don't want to have to handle it. I shouldn't have to handle all of that stuff that you have going on. I'm only seventeen, and I want to have fun, especially now that I'm probably leaving for boarding school at the end of summer.'
'So that's it?' He asks, 'We're over?'
'Yeah.' I nod. 'I do really want to keep you as a friend you know.' Again I wait for a response, but this time he just walks out of the house.
I breathe a steady, even breath. I feel like a weight has been lifted and I'm finally free from the responsibility of being his girlfriend. I don't have to worry about doing or saying the right thing. I don't have to hold his hand while he talks about his mom.
I'm free.
Sixteen – Libby
Two hours pass. I fed the kids, make sure they brush their teeth and get changed for bed. Then read the younger ones a bedtime story and get everyone off to sleep. Which took a little extra convincing to get Lewis to go to bed, and a lot of lullaby's to get April to sleep.
Now I'm cleaning up the kitchen. It's late, but I called my mom to let her know that Charles needs me to stay a while. I didn't go into details about Julie leaving the kids here alone. I figure I should wait and see what Charles says when he gets back. Only I hadn't expected it to take this long, not that I mind sticking around. I'm just getting worried.
I wipe down the counter. The cleaning fluid is one that I know my mom recommended when Charles was having trouble figuring out which one he was meant to buy. It's a lemon scented one which cleans really well, but it always gives me a headache.
I move onto unloading the dishwasher, and just as I'm putting the last glass away, I hear a key turning in the lock. A minute later, Charles walks in.
'I am so sorry.' He says immediately. 'I lost track of time and I didn't mean to leave you here to handle everything and...did you clean?'
'I had some spare time.' I reply, closing the door of the dishwasher.
'Wow.' He stares at me for a moment, and then for the second time in the span of a few hours, he starts crying in front of me.
'Hey, what is it?' I move over to him and give him a hug. 'Did it go badly with Julie?'
'You could say that.' He laughs in a humorless way and pulls away from my arms. 'Where are the kids?' He asks.
'In bed.' I reply, 'Katie?'
'Just sent her up to bed, she was upset about mom being in the hospital and guilty over leaving tonight, especially when she found out Julie had walked out. Uh...did everyone eat?'
'Everyone's fed, cleaned up, changed and put to bed.' I reply.
'Those super powers must come in handy.' He's not crying anymore and instead he's looking embarrassed that he started crying in the first place, even though the tears only lasted a minute or so.
'Oh, you know,' I shrug, 'they come in handy now and again.'
'I'm sorry you got dumped with all of this tonight.'
'Don't worry about it, that's what friends are for. So...were you at Julie's this whole time? I mean, other than picking Katie up?'
'No.' He laughs but it's bitter, it falls flat and makes me ache for him. 'No, I was in and out of Julie's in less than twenty minutes.'
'Oh.'
'It turns out it doesn't take long for her to break-up with me.'
'She did what?' I go cold all over and I have to lean against the counter to steady myself.
'She said that she's bored of our relationship, and that she's felt that way for quite a while.' He replies, 'And here I was stupidly thinking she actually wanted to be with me.'
'I'm so sorry Char.'
'I just don't get it. Did she give you any indication that she wasn't happy?' He asks. My stomach drops, because there's no way I can lie to him. He's one of my best friends, and I'm not going to lie to him. Besides, Julie asked me not to tell him anything while she was making up her mind, and clearly, she's come to a decision.
'She did mention something.' I reply, 'Just a few days ago, though, while I was in New York. I didn't have any idea before that.'
'Ah.' He drops down onto one of the chairs at the kitchen table. His hands resting on the sides of his head, elbows on the tabletop. 'So you knew?'
'No!' I rush forward and sit opposite him. 'Char I didn't. She said that she was possibly thinking about ending things, she mentioned that she was a bit bored, but I honestly thought that she still loved you.'
Between Now and Goodbye Page 8
