'What's the big deal? So I called him and he came here, he's your father, why is it such a big deal?' my shout.
'It's a big deal, because the last time I was in a room with my father, he almost beat me to death.'
'Don't be so dramatic.' I roll my eyes, because really, she expects me to believe that she was almost killed by her own father? I spoke to him, and he seemed perfectly nice, and besides, he's the chief of police. He enforces the law, he doesn't break it.
'I'm not being dramatic.' Libby shrieks.
'Libs calm down, it's ok. We'll go back to my place.' Charles speaks softly, kindly. His hand slides into her hand and she starts to follow him to the door. She stops though, and turns back to me, calmer now, but the tears are spilling down her face.
'Almost my entire life I lived in fear. I was repeatedly beaten, over and over again when I was a kid. Every time my dad got mad, I got hit. My mom got hit. We finally managed to get away from him, finally made it here and we had a good life. We were free from him, and then you do this, and suddenly he's turning up on my doorstep, and my mom becomes a punching bag again.'
'Did he...' I feel a quiver in my voice, 'did he really almost kill you?'
'He beat me until I was bleeding and could barely stand, and then he threw me down a flight of stairs.' Libby replies angrily, 'So yes, he almost killed me.'
'Libby,' I rush forwards, my throat clenching, 'I had no idea...I....'
'Of course you had no idea. I didn't want anyone to know because that part of my life was the worst part of my life. I was so scared all the time, I used to curl up while he was hitting me and wish I was dead. Then finally I came here, and for the first time in my entire life, I started to feel safe. I could go out without being scared that my dad would show up, I was finally able to live.' She laughs bitterly, 'Why couldn't you have just left it all alone?'
'Because I didn't know.' I grab her arm and Charles looks like he wants to pull her away from my viscous grip. How did he go from being in love with me, to giving me a look like that? 'Why didn't you ever tell me?'
'Julie,' she sighs tiredly, 'if your father had done to you what my father did to me, would you talk about it?'
'No, I suppose I wouldn't.' I hold onto her, I'm crying now. I know I've messed up, in a big way. What I've done is the worst thing I've ever done. It's worse than setting my father's office on fire. 'Libby I'm so sorry, I truly never meant for this to happen. I should have respected your privacy, you're right. I'm so, so sorry. Please.' I'm properly crying now.
'How could you do this?' She's crying too.
'I don't know, I thought I was doing you a favor.'
'Julie I have never wanted to talk about my father. I have never wanted to get in touch with him, I told you that. I've said those exact words to you in the past, and you still did this. Why? Because you wanted to find out what I wouldn't tell you? Because you wanted the glory of bringing us back together.'
'No, I don't know. I'm so sorry. Please, please don't be mad at me.' I beg.
'Julie I think you should just stop.' Charles warns.
'Libby,' I ignore him and cling to her arm, crying and begging, 'please, please forgive me.'
'I can't ever forgive you for this.' Libby pulls her arm back away from mine. I feel our friendship slipping from my grasp.
'Libby please, I'm so sorry.'
'No,' she's angry again now, 'you're selfish and I've tried to pretend that you're not, but this is who you are. You think that everyone you know are dolls that you can play with, but this time you've gone too far. You don't have the right to any piece of information you're curious about. You never think of other peoples feelings. You never respect their wishes, because you think you should get whatever you want. You just...you took it way too far. I can't ever forgive you for this.' She turns from me and runs out of the house. I try to follow, but Charles steps into my path.
'Don't.' He says with a kind of quiet authority that stops me in my tracks. 'Don't go after her, don't call her. She needs space.'
'But I...' I'm crying hard now, ugly crying and I'm sure my mascara is running down my face, but for the first time in my life, I don't care. I don't care about how I look, or what this is going to do to me. I'm worried about Libby and what I've done to her. I've thrown a grenade into our friendship and I don't know how to fix it.
'Julie stop, what you've done is unforgivable. So just give her time, and maybe, maybe someday she'll be able to forgive you. Maybe someday I will too.'
'Charles please, I didn't mean for this to happen.'
'You never mean for anything bad to happen. You didn't mean to burn down your father's office, but you lit the fires. You didn't mean to do this to Libs, but you spent weeks searching for her father, when you knew that it wasn't what she wanted. You don't think about anyone else, and this is what you get.' He lifts his hands up and then drops them to his sides.
'Please Charles, I'm sorry.' I feel him slipping away. If breaking up with him hadn't broken our friendship for good, then this just might.
'Enough.' He shouts. 'I've had enough.' He follows Libby out of the house, and by the time I've regained enough sense to follow, they're pulling out of the drive.
For two days I ignore Charles warning to give Libby space, and I call her pretty much once an hour, every single hour for two days straight. I hardly sleep, I don't eat and I feel like the worst person in the world.
All the information I get about her is second hand. Gossip around town because Charles won't talk to me either. The one time I went to her house, Pippa screamed at me and told me to get away before she called the cops on me. I haven't tried to go back.
From what I've heard, I know that her father, after being shown a video that Pippa took of him hitting Mrs Reid, and after being told of the statements that Libby, Pippa and their mom gave, has pleaded guilty to all of the crimes.
Four days after Libby's dad showed up, I hear that he's been sent back to Oregon and will be sentenced to several years in jail. It's over quickly and I'm glad that he's being punished for what he's done. I only wish that I didn't have to put Libby and her family through so much.
I want desperately to go over to Libby's house and tell her how sorry I am, beg her to forgive me, but I'm starting to realize that I shouldn't.
So now, it's four days before the end of July, and it's eighteen days since I last spoke to Libby or Charles, and I feel awful.
I'm lying on my bed, staring up at the ceiling and wondering how I could have done something so awful.
'Julie, your friend is here to see you.' My mom comes into my room, placing a hand on my forehead.
'Friend?' I shake her hand away and sit upright quickly. Maybe now that her dad is gone and in jail, Libby's decided to forgive me and she's here to talk it out.
'Yes,' my mom smiles, 'Carly.'
'Oh.' I drop back down and roll onto my side.
'Are you still feeling unwell?'
'Yes.' I reach for the covers, but they've been kicked onto the floor.
'Would you like me to ask Carly to leave?'
'No, it's fine, send her up.' I've sort of been avoiding Carly ever since everything blew up, and that's not fair on her. All of this was my idea, she just did what I asked her to do.
I pull myself into a sitting position again, and brush my hair into a top knot. I haven't put make-up on in days, and my tan is fading. My hair is unwashed, and I'm dressed simply in black pajama pants, and a black tank. All of my clothes feel like a costume now, a showy collection that screams look at me. Yesterday, I pulled everything out of my closet, bagged it up and drove it all to the local thrift store. All gone, now all I have left are a few pairs of jeans, a few plain shirts and what I'm wearing now.
'Julie.' Carly shrieks when she walks into the room. 'What on earth happened to you?'
'What do you mean?' I flop back against my pillows. She doesn't answer verbally, instead she pulls her purse off her shoulder, rummages around for a minute, and then pulls out a compact mir
ror made from silver, with little pearls around the rim. I have a matching one in my dresser. She opens it up and holds it in front of me.
'You look ghastly.' She says. I push the mirror away.
'Carly two of my best friends hate me, and I wouldn't be surprised if they never talk to me again.'
'You had no way of knowing what kind of guy he was.' Carly says, putting the mirror back in her purse. 'How could you? She never said anything.'
'She said enough for me to know that she didn't want me snooping around and finding him. I knew what I was doing was wrong, if I didn't then I would have told her or I would have mentioned it to Charles. I didn't, because I knew that it would make them mad. I just kept going anyway because I was too stubborn to stop. Even when we found that article and the possibility of it being dangerous to contact him arose. I still did it, because it's what I wanted to do. Charles and Libby were right about me. I'm selfish.'
'No you're not.' Carly shakes her head, 'You were trying to do something nice for her.'
'For all the wrong reasons. Think about it, why did I really do it? Because I was curious, because I was annoyed that she wouldn't tell me about her dad, and because I wanted her to think I was amazing for bringing her dad back to her. I'm not stupid Carly. I knew what I was doing, and I knew that she wouldn't want me to do it.' I get up out of bed and push open the doors to my balcony. It's too hot in here. 'I was selfish.'
'Ok, you need to stop with the pity thing. Get dressed, we're going out.'
'I don't want to go out.' I sigh.
'Too bad.' She walks towards my closet, pulls open the doors and then shrieks loudly, 'Julie what happened to your clothes?'
'I was done with them.' I say, walking back over to the bed.
'Done with them?' She turns back and narrows her eyes at me, 'Ok, enough. This has gone on long enough. You made a mistake and you apologized, no need to keep punishing yourself until they decide to forgive you. Now, go take a shower because frankly, there's a smell in here, and I'm fairly certain it's coming from you. I'll try and find you something to wear,' she turns her nose up at the few items left in my closet, 'and then we're going shopping. You need clothes for France, because you cannot turn up like a... a... whatever it is you're dressed like right now.'
'Carly I really don't feel like going to the mall.'
'Shopping,' she takes me by the shoulders and leads me towards my bathroom, 'fixes all problems, so get in the shower and we'll fix this.'
I can't be bothered to fight her on it, so I go into the bathroom and take a shower, and prepare myself for a day of shopping.
Forty Three – Libby
'I don't understand.' I look at my mom and then Matt, who's sat next to her, holding her hand. 'I thought that we'd been told we would need to fly out and give evidence at the trial.'
'I know.' My mom looks as though she's aged ten years after all of this, there's a streak of gray in her blonde hair which wasn't there a few weeks ago. She looks closer to fifty than forty and it's painful to see. The bruise on her eye is starting to fade, but we all still get reminded of him whenever we see it.
'So what happened?' I ask, 'Something must have happened. First, they tell us that just a written statement will do. Then he gets moved back to Oregon, and we're told that there will be a trial and we'll have to speak at it, and now, we don't.'
'Libby, your father worked in the police force for several years. He knows how to work the system. I don't know all of the specifics, but he worked out a deal. Basically, he confessed to the crimes that we charged him with, and he's worked out a deal. There won't be a trial, which means that we won't need to fly out and testify.'
'But...is he going to jail?' I ask, curling myself up tighter on the couch. I take Pippa's hand.
'He will,' Matt replies, 'he just managed to get a deal which knocked the time he'll spend in jail down. He was looking at twenty years in jail for a first degree assault charge after what he did to you Libby. However, he's managed to strike a deal, so he'll have a fifteen year sentence, with the option to get out after ten years for good behavior. He's also agreed to have weekly anger management counselling, while he's in jail.'
'That's not right.' Pippa shakes her head, 'He could get out after ten years? He almost kills Libby and he manages to get himself a deal. He doesn't even have to go to trial. It's not right. He should be up on an attempted murder charge.'
'Pippa, at the time of the...attack...your sister and I both gave a statement saying that there was a break-in. Now, it's years later and there's not evidence left tying him to that. If he'd gone to trial, it could have very possibly ended with him getting no time in jail, or just being charged for what he did here that you got on camera. It may not seem like it, but him confessing and making a deal to avoid trial, is actually a good thing.'
'Even with all three of us speaking up at his trial, he might have gotten less than what he has now?' Pippa asks, while I'm just sitting here feeling frozen.
'It might have persuaded the jury that we were telling the truth,' my mom says, 'but we didn't speak up at the time, and now it's been years and there's no evidence. We don't have bruises we can show from that night, Libby has a few scars, but there's no way to prove that he caused them.' My mom sighs heavily, 'I know that it's really tough, and it's not what we were hoping for, but ten years minimum is good.'
'How?' Pippa shouts, her hand slipping from mine as she leaps off the couch to her feet, 'In what universe could this be considered a good outcome? He managed to settle out of court.'
'We're finally free.' I say quietly.
'What?' Pippa turns her head to me.
'How we lived before, even after we moved here, there was always a little doubt. We always worried that he'd show up, find us. Now, though, he's in jail for at least the next ten years, and because he pleaded guilty to domestic violence and first degree assault, we can get a court order saying that he can't have contact with us, right?' I look at my mom and Matt.
'Right.' Matt nods.
'So then,' I look at Pippa and give her the most confident smile I can muster, 'this is actually a good outcome, because it's far better than what we had before. All those other times dad tracked us down, we just ran. We started our lives over and over again, and we were always afraid. We don't have to run this time. He didn't expect us to call the police when he came here, because we never had before.'
'We should have called them a long time ago.' I say, 'Before it got to the point of us running.'
'I am so sorry that I wasn't strong enough to stop it back then.' My mom's tears start rolling down her face fast. Matt squeezes her hand.
'None of us were.' I reply.
'But I was your mother, and I couldn't protect you. I should have spoken up the first time he hit you. You were just a child. I should have done something.'
'We can't look back on it.' I dash away my own tears. 'It's over now. We need to move past this.'
'How?' My mom asks. 'What do you need to do to be able to move past this?'
'We all need to move past it.' I say quietly.
'Libby,' Pippa sits back at my side and takes my hand, 'I saw some awful things while we were living with dad, but besides one or two slaps, he never hurt me. Mom was hit a lot of the time, but there's no doubting that even before that night when he...when you ended up in the hospital. You always got the worst of his anger.' Pippa's tearful words break something in me, and I start sobbing uncontrollably. Pippa's arms wrap around me, and my mom moves to my other side, encasing me in her arms.
'Pippa's right,' my mom says softly, 'you were hurt the most, and I've found a way to put all of it in my past. I found Matt, and we created this life. What do you need?'
'I...' My voice comes out choked. 'I just can't be here, right now.'
'Here?' My mom asks.
'This town, this house. Seeing him here, I just...I love our life here, and I don't want to leave. I don't want him to have enough power to make us uproot our lives again. I just need to get aw
ay from here and Julie for a while.'
'Ok.' Mom rubs my back, 'ok, we'll sort something out.'
By the time evening rolls around, I'm feeling completely drained. I spent the afternoon sitting with Charles in his back yard, talking over everything that had happened with my dad's trial being cancelled. He sat and listened, and comforted until he had to leave to take his mom to her hospital appointment. More test results coming in today.
I stayed at his house, watching the kids, and now as the sky starts to dip into darkness, I'm up on the roof waiting for Charles to join me.
He got home about an hour ago, but since then he's been talking to his mom and my mom, and I'm guessing they're talking about the events that happened after my father was moved back to Oregon. I'm just not up to going through that again. So I climbed up here and told Charles that I'd wait for him.
When he joins me, he looks tired, but there's something else in his expression. Something swimming in his eyes. Defeat.
All my own worries and problems that have arisen since the shock of seeing my father, slip away in a few seconds and I turn so I'm facing Charles.
'What happened?' I ask him.
'You're too good at reading me.' He laughs. His laugh is low and dark. He's not happy enough to be joking around.
'I'm good at reading your emotions, I can't read your mind though,' I smile gently, 'What's the matter?'
'Libs,' he shakes his head and his eyes fill with tears, 'the cancer has spread. It's become more aggressive than they expected it would. They're putting her on different medications to try and deal with the spread, but they've told us...' His voice breaks and he's weeping now. I pull myself towards him and take him in my arms, letting him sob into my shoulder. 'They've told us that any treatments now, all they're going to do is prolong her life, they won't...they can't save her.'
'Oh Char.' My heart breaks for him and my own tears come now.
'They've given her weeks, she's...she's not expected to make it until the end of summer.'
Between Now and Goodbye Page 25
