by Sandra Lee
21
Chapter One
Eva smiled brightly up at the sun, breathing in the crisp morning air before resuming her walk to the small catering business she owned. Today was the first day of spring and in the small coastal town in northern California, it was everything it ought to be. The weather was warm, yet still held a hint of the past winter. The trees were once again dressing themselves in their own vibrant colors; birds’ chirping could be heard from all around and the first flowers of the season were shyly blossoming. A new cycle of life was beginning. Spring was time for new life, new opportunities and that was just what was happening to her. She did an imaginary jig as she recalled her meeting yesterday, the meeting where she signed on the dotted line, therefore accepting the biggest contract she had ever taken on, the town charity ball. It would mean long hours and a lot of work, but she welcomed the challenge. Since her and her best friend had opened the business two years ago, they had been able to stay afloat, to break even, but now with that new contract, they would finally be able to get ahead. Her dream was finally coming true, her life was finally starting to get in order, about time too. Unable to restrain herself any longer, she stopped, lifted her face to the sun and unconsciously giggled. There was nothing like the smell of a spring morning. She pushed her hair off her face, just to have it blown right back. She inhaled deeply, a smile on her face. Everything would be all right!
He stood there transfixed for what seemed to be an eternity. She looked so beautiful, so free. For a moment he felt the full effect of the smile illuminating her face. The sparkling eyes, the rosy cheeks, the full lips spread in a mischievous grin, and that giggle, he never had forgotten that sound. Something akin to regret gripped him and before he could stop himself, before he could think, or evaluate the consequences of his actions, he purposely bumped into her. The second he felt her soft body against his, he knew he shouldn’t have, knew he should have just turned and walked away. Painful memories flooded his mind, but once again, against his better judgment, he grabbed her around the waist, not so much so she wouldn’t fall, but as an excuse to hold her a moment longer. He knew that as soon as she realized who he was he would never get this opportunity again; strangely he felt a pang of regret at the thought. He groaned inwardly, he really must be some kind of closet masochist. He remembered the kind of hell she could put him through if only he gave her the power to do so, yet…yet he still wanted to enjoy every short seconds he had to hold her against him.
Eva was startled back to reality by the hard body that slammed into hers. She could feel the warmth of his, it had to be a man’s, body, hard and unyielding. His hands had automatically grabbed her around the waist to prevent her from falling; she blushed as she realized she was enjoying the way he felt, how aware she was of his embrace. Laughing a little self-consciously, unsettled by the feeling of longing she was experiencing; she turned around to apologize about her sudden stop. She lifted her eyes to a set of green ones that looked oddly familiar. Her jaw dropped and her smile froze. She stepped back as if burnt, her friendly eyes hardening as she took a defensive stance. Recognition was immediate; pain and anger were quick to follow. Annoyed, she unsuccessfully tried to disengage herself from his grip, but he, however, didn’t seem ready to let her go. She couldn’t bear for him to hold her, to touch her. She refused to analyze the contrasting emotions battling within her, those of crying with joy or screaming in anger. She steeled herself against all feelings. She wouldn’t give him the pleasure of thinking he still had any effect on her.
A feeling of loss overwhelmed him when her bright eyes met his and all happiness and laughter seemed to wash out of them. He couldn’t remember ever seeing her as cold and contemptuous as she was now, not even that night…long ago; nor could he stop the stab of pain that followed. He tried to remember how much she had hurt him, forced himself to remember how cruel she really was, just so he wouldn’t succumb to the temptation of gathering her in his arms and never letting go. Finally, he forced himself to get a grip on his feelings and he was able to reign in the errant emotions, he trusted himself to speak.
“Hello Eva, it’s been a long time. How have you been?" He was relieved to hear his voice was calm.
His voice was harder and colder then she remembered, that is if she chose to forget that night long ago, the night that changed her whole life, that changed her, the night she grew up and realized fairy tells were for little girls. Yet, as cold as his voice sounded now, she couldn’t stop the familiar longing spreading through her as she heard it. It was as if he had left only yesterday as opposed to the eight long years it had been. She closed her eyes, unwilling to let him read her thoughts, trying to push back down memories, until she remembered he had asked her a question.” How have you been?” How had she been? The nerve of the man! She refused to acknowledge him or his question. How would he have been if she had been the one to ignore his pleas, had she been the one to refuse to listen to him, to trust him? How would he have been if she had been the one to break his heart? How would he have been if everybody at school had pitied him, if some people had laughed openly at him or made derogative comments behind his back? How would he have been then? It had taken her a long time for her to get over that cold winter evening; it had taken even longer for her to stop thinking about him. In fact, she was just barely starting to get her life as she had always wanted it. What right had he to come back now? What the hell was he doing here? Reluctantly, she turned back to face him.
“Jake! Can’t say I expected to run into you here. What brought you back? Never thought you’d be back in this part of the world.” Inwardly she added “I so hoped you would never set foot in MY town again”
She forced herself to sound calm and detached. She refused to acknowledge the feelings of pain and humiliation rushing back. She hated that man, hated him with a passion. She balled her fist, trying to look nonchalant as she waited his answer.
Jake looked at her, drinking in the sight if her shorter yet still thick and shiny black hair, hanging straight just below her shoulders, the large blue eyes, the full red lips…those lips, the same he had dreamt about for months after the night. He shrugged mentally. Forget about her lips buddy, he told himself. Forget about all of her. He knew from experience it was much easier said then done, since forgetting her was something he had never managed to achieve completely; even when she was thousands of miles away. It had been easier to blame and hate her from afar, now that she was inches away from him, he couldn’t bring back the anger and disdain he so needed. She still had the power to twist his insides, still made him yearn for something that could never be. He had to forget. That was something he just had to do, for the sake of his sanity and peace of mind, if not for his happiness. Trying to ignore her eyes, her lips, he concentrated on the rest of her. He noticed she was dressed casually, yet her jeans, the red of her sweater hidden by a light leather jacket screamed elegance. She was as beautiful as ever, no she was even more so then she had been at eighteen, her beauty had blossomed and what had once been a promised was now a reality, a very attractive reality. Shaking his head, he reminded himself her physical attributes had not been the reason he had been crushed and disillusioned. The rest of her however was a whole different story. His jaw clenched but he fought it with a lazy smile. She was never to know how much he had suffered because of her, because of what she was, of what she had done. She had proven him right when he had needed her to prove him wrong.
“This part of the world?” He chuckled lightly.” Did you think that our little, how shall I put it delicately; incident eight years ago would keep me away? You, as always, give yourself too much importance.” He smiled indulgently.” I happen to be here on business, I was hired full time and I just bought a house on the edge of town. It looks like I am here to
stay!”
Her spirits fell; he was going to live here, in her town. She would run into him, see him and hear about him…she didn’t know how she was going to be able to manage it.
“Our little incident?” she managed to ask; hoping he wouldn’t notice how strangled her voice sounded.” You certainly don’t mean to say you still think about that episode in our lives do you? It had totally slipped my mind until you reminded me. Silly children weren’t we?” She laughed a little too loudly.” Well, I must be going to work; I have a lot to do. Have a…well have a life.” She finished, adding to herself “Oh and if you could stop existing, it would be great. Just disappear from this earth and go haunt someone else.” A hint of a smile softened her face at the thought of him being engulfed by the cement sidewalk right in front of her. She turned around and walked away, her back erect, her head held high. She was, however, very aware of his footsteps following hers. She tried ignoring them until, annoyed, she jerked around and looked him straight in the eyes.
“Why are you following me?” she uttered angrily
“Me? Follow you?” he asked innocently.“ I happen to have business to attend to in that direction, sorry to burst your bubble little girl, but everything is really not about you. And as much as I enjoy watching your cute behind, I do have better things to do.” He added, ignoring the red devil on his shoulder telling him otherwise.
“Argh” She felt like tapping her foot in frustration, just like she used to do as a little girl, but she reigned the need in. She sighed; the day that had started so well was now ruined. She no longer noticed the fresh air, or the warm rays of the sun; in fact she was barely aware they even existed. Her brain was close to overload; anger, rage, annoyance, betrayal, regret and something else she refused to name fought for the spotlight. Trying hard to ignore his footsteps and proximity, she made her way to the door of “A bite of paradise”. On a normal day, she would look at the sign and smile proudly; no matter how many times she saw it, the blue lettering on white background. Regardless of how many days she spent in the kitchen, every time she saw what she had accomplished, a sense of wonder and pride filled her. Not so today. She didn’t care; the thought of being proud or happy didn’t even cross her mind. Her subconscious was too full of Jake. Her business laid forgotten in the far recesses or her mind.
“Is that where you work?” Jake asked.
He didn’t sound curious, or even interested. Damn him, he sounded bored. Eva lifted her chin, challenging him to criticize. His green eyes were mocking, taunting. She lost it; she couldn’t keep a handle on her emotions. The next thing she knew, she was staring at a large angry red handprint on his right left cheek. At least his eyes were no longer mocking she thought with satisfaction, although maybe the narrowed furious eyes now glaring at her were no better. She backed off, her hands on the door handle, ready to retreat. Expecting him to lash at her, she was surprised with his unexpected reaction. His angry reaction quickly changed to one of wonder, even amazement at her boldness. His face suddenly looked more relaxed, more approachable, just like the one she remembered. He laughed, the laugh she had come to love so much as a girl, in another life.
“I see you remember more then you would admit,” He said winking at her. He then bowed, tipped an imaginary hat and started across the street.
She was still as spirited as ever. Damn! He had not expected bumping into her on his first day back. He had hoped to avoid her for a little while, at least a month, until he had gotten settled down and used to the idea that she was near and that he ran the chance of running into her at any moment. He had thought it definitely possible although the town wasn’t very large it was still fair sized. Damn, damn, triple damn! HE couldn’t resist smiling at the thought of her fiery personality. Then, suddenly, his expression turned sad, almost defeated. A sad smile for what could have been, had she been…had he been…had they been different. He sighed and raked his hand slowly through his hair. She was going to be hard to ignore but he couldn’t afford to fall for her…again. He refused to ever fall for anyone…again, that is. He had seen love destroy his father, seen how the betrayal of one person can drain someone’s hopes, can suck the desire to live right out of them. The same feeling of despair and helplessness filled him as he remembered that long ago morning…He stopped walking for a moment and forced himself to look around, trying to concentrate on something else, trying to forget the demons plaguing him. He would have to stay away, he would have to make her stay away, and that was the only way. He would have to make sure she kept on hating him and stayed away on her own volition. But damn, how he wished things had been different. He pasted a smile on his face as he approached the door of the office building he worked in. He gave the pretty receptionist an upbeat greeting as if he had not a care in the world, he did it so well that no one would have ever guessed that just a moment before he had been rehashing the worst moments of his life.
She stared long after he had entered the building, a couple of blocks away, analyzing her reaction to his sudden reappearance in her life. She tried convincing herself that the only reason why she had reacted so strongly was because she had been surprised. Had she been prepared, she would have been calmer and wouldn’t have cared as much. It was just the shock. Truth be told, she had never expected to see him again, never thought she would lay her eyes on his broad shoulders, his deep green eyes, his arrogant smile. She shook her head confused and out of sort. She had to stop it, stop thinking about Jake, about the night she had to forget Jake Deverall. She thought she had, but now she knew she had only been fooling herself. As soon as she had seen him, the pain, the resentment, the confusion, uncertainty, all had rushed back; those emotions as familiar to her today as they had been eight years ago. Balling her fist and biting her lower lip, she reined in the tears that threatened to slip past her defenses and hoped that the busy day ahead would help her take her mind off things. Off of him!
Chapter 2
“Gawd! Are you trying to be the new Jack the Ripper? What have these poor veggies ever done to you?”
Eva had been busy violently slicing vegetables and hadn’t heard James, her best friend and business partner, come in. She looked up at him confused by his question. He smiled and with a movement of his head indicated where the poor tomatoes laid, gutted and pitiful.
“Don’t worry doll, maybe the tomatoes and carrots don’t mind having a shot at being immortalized in history, what with you being the vegetable ripper and all” he said winking. “Dare I hope your present mood can be attributed to someone of the male specie?”
James was always trying to convince her to go out more, to date, get involved with men. If only for sexual gratification if that’s all she wanted. Eva didn’t date much and never dated the same man more then a couple of times, never got serious about anyone. James guessed her behavior was dictated by fear, by a past experience but he never knew whom what or why. So, to see her that rattled, he entertained the hope that maybe she was letting herself get emotional about things other then her catering business. He never understood how such a pretty young woman was so afraid and so closed up about personal relationship. It made him sad to see her waste her youth on nothing but her business. Sometimes he wished he could have liked her in more then just a friend’s kind of way just so he could have shown her what she was missing. But life wasn’t perfect and all he could do really, was be there for her if she ever came out of the emotional deep freeze she was stuck in, which he believe might be happening. He smiled a secret smile.
Unaware of the direction of James’ thoughts, Eva resumed the slicing and the cutting, easing off slightly on the violence and forcing out a laugh, that even to her own ears sounded fake and hollow. She was somewhat aware of her friend’s concern for her, and she felt the need to reassure him (if only she could reassure herself as well) she sighed. Finally she looked up and shrugged airily.
“Just trying new slicing methods,” she said, cleaning up the entrails of yet another tomato, poor victim of circumstances beyon
d its control.
“Are you sure you aren’t imagining some fellow’s heart being ripped apart?”
It always amazed her how well he could read her, she could never put anything pass him.
“Of course not! Why on earth would I do that?” she asked not quite meeting his eyes for fear he would realize how close he was to the truth.
“Indeed, why would you ever want to do that?” He answered her softly.
James had been her friend since culinary school. They had been paired off in the sauce class and had hit it off right away. James was… well James was James; it really was the only way to describe him. He was tall and although quite muscular, he had a grace of movement that reminded her of a big cat. He changed his hairstyle, not to mention his hair color every other week. Today his messy spikes were black and blue, a style that on anyone else would have looked overdone but that somehow worked on him. Back in school, she had even started to develop a crush on him until she figured out he was not interested in the fairer sex. If she had told that to her shrink friend, the diagnosis would have been that his homosexuality was the reason why she had felt a stirring of attraction towards him, because she knew she would never have to act on it, that unconsciously she had known from the beginning he would always be unavailable. Personally, she thought it was because although James was different, he was also very good looking and she felt extremely comfortable with him; to her psychoanalysis was just a bunch of BS. Not that she would ever say that to her friend. After the things have been straight and known between her and James, they had gotten very close, and he had started to assume the role of not only a friend but also an overprotective older brother, yeah as if she needed another one of those! However close they were; she had never told James about Jake, she never saw any reasons to do so, never had wanted to relive the entire humiliating and spirit-crushing episode. It was supposed to be the past, as in buried an unable to come and haunt you. Well the past sure had awakened and had come to bit her in the ass (oups, she was a lady, in her posterior). Damn arrogant bastard. (Guess maybe after all she wasn’t that much of a lady) Why did he have to move here? There were thousands of other place, why this one? Why now? She continued talking to herself, asking questions she had no answer for, forgetting all about the tall man standing by her, looking uncertain and more then just a little worried.
