‘Accepted.’ He read on. ‘Body language.’ He stared at the page for a moment and then at Ruby. ‘That’s all it says.’
‘Did you know that the words we use only account for seven per cent of how we communicate?’
‘Yes. That’s Albert Mehrabian’s theory.’
Of course he knew. ‘Right. But do you apply that theory?’
‘No. In my experience I’ve found if you are clear with the words you can interact effectively.’
‘That’s not going to work with Cordelia. Research by psychologists at Harvard University has shown that women are far more alert to body language than men.’
‘Harvard?’ For a moment there was a smile on his lips.
‘Yeah. The more I think about this one the more I think it’s important. Women have a sixth sense. We can tell when men are lying.’
Curtis pouted. ‘Can I refer my learned friend to the sperm donor in West Ham?’
Ruby thought for a moment. ‘If my initial conversation with Neil had been face to face and not by email I probably wouldn’t have gone ahead because I would have known he wasn’t telling the whole truth from his—’
‘Cardigan?’ suggested Curtis.
Ruby folded her arms abruptly. ‘No.’
Curtis narrowed his eyes in thought. ‘Height?’
‘No, his body language.’ She watched him roll up his shirt sleeves. ‘I think we’ve got a lot of work to do.’
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Curtis had unwittingly given Ruby a lot to think about. Why was she set on having a baby on her own? She’d thought she’d known the answer but now the waters were as muddy as if a herd of elephants had trampled through them. She’d been sure her motivation had been triggered by her mother’s last words and that she would achieve her dream of being a mother without the hassle of a useless man, but now Curtis had sown some different seeds.
Ruby had to admit it was uncomfortable to think that perhaps on some level she was lonely but she was pretty certain that wasn’t what was driving her need to be a mother. She checked the various dating apps she had previously subscribed to. One of them was offering a limited-time reduced membership and it was tempting. She chewed her lip while she thought about it. She was still vetting her options for a sperm donor. There was no reason why she couldn’t have a last little foray into the world of dating whilst also thinning down her donor options. She clicked on the app and began scrolling.
At the end of the day she was a romantic at heart. All the books she read told her that the man for her was out there somewhere and despite skip-loads of evidence to the contrary, she harboured the dream of finding someone who truly loved her. Maybe one last try in case her Prince Charming was lurking amongst the weirdos.
Ruby was due in early that Tuesday to finish the wreaths for a big funeral that morning. She knocked on the door and was met with frantic barking as Kim was dragged to the door by Boomer.
‘Come in quick,’ shouted Kim, flicking the latch and hanging on to the dog’s lead.
Ruby did as she was told and dropped to her knees inside the shop, which was an open invitation for Boomer to jump all over her. ‘How are you, gorgeous?’ The dog left a little trail of wee around her in response.
‘Someone’s excited to see you,’ said Kim, fetching the mop.
‘I have that effect on a lot of people.’ He jumped around Ruby like he’d been fitted with springs. ‘He’s still quite excitable.’
‘We’ve got our first training class tonight. It’s for difficult-to-train dogs.’
‘He’ll be fixed by tomorrow then,’ said Ruby.
‘You’re funny.’ Kim led Boomer into the back and gave him instructions to lie in his bed, which he ignored while she tied his lead to the bench leg. After some barking and whining, he eventually lay down and stared at them as they set to work.
They updated each other on what had been happening in their lives and the time soon ticked away while the wreaths stacked up.
‘Let me get this straight,’ said Kim, waving a yellow chrysanthemum in Ruby’s direction. ‘You are coaching Curtis in how to pull another woman?’
‘I’m helping him, yeah. What of it?’
Kim pouted. ‘You are willingly going to send gorgeous, tall, eligible Curtis and his grade-A quality sperm into the arms of another woman? More than that, you are actively orchestrating it?’
‘You missed out sensible and smart.’
‘Exactly. Curtis is a catch and you’re lobbing him at someone else without even considering him.’
‘I’m not not considering him.’ Ruby busied herself with finishing the ribbon on the large heart cushion arrangement she’d been working on.
‘So, you are considering him?’ Kim was leaning forward, trying to make eye contact.
Ruby titivated the bow while she thought. She didn’t like to admit that the more time she spent with him the more she liked him because that wasn’t helpful at all. ‘We have nothing in common. He’s way too clever for me. He’s not shown any interest in me like that and …’ She tailed off.
‘You once told me you were holding out for the full fairy tale. Is that still the case?’
‘I guess but it sounds ridiculous when you say it. I’m going to have one more shot at dating and then I’m going to do the sperm donor thing but properly this time.’
‘Curtis is lovely. Why isn’t he the fairy tale?’
‘Because he drives me crackers. He knows everything about everything but then he knows nothing about life or people. He is obsessed with spreadsheets and order. He dresses in the same suit, shirt and tie – he’s got, like, loads of identical outfits. He is consumed by his work – that’s literally all he does. He has no hobbies or outside interests. Curtis is so far from the fairy tale he’s a horror movie.’
‘Hmm,’ said Kim.
‘What do you mean “hmm”?’
Boomer started to whine and Kim inserted the last of the chrysanthemums with a flourish and went to give him a fuss. ‘Bloody hell, Boomer,’ said Kim.
‘What is it?’ asked Ruby but she could already see the problem. While they’d been talking Boomer had been happily munching on the strands of beads until they were a chewed, straggly mess.
Kim picked up the scissors and started giving the curtain a haircut. ‘Do you fancy going out for a drink sometime? My local has some … entertainment coming up.’
‘Yeah. Okay.’
‘Great,’ said Kim, looking pleased with herself.
Kim was delighted with how Boomer’s first couple of days at the shop had gone. Apart from an initial attempt at destroying the beaded curtain and some barking he’d been pretty good and the customers loved him. She was glad she’d got Boomer because he was keeping her occupied and that meant less time to think about Vince and Adrian. Although in reality Vince and Adrian were all she’d thought about. Vince kept messaging her to say he wasn’t pressuring her, which he obviously was by the multitude of messages and she hadn’t seen Adrian since he’d accused her of hitting Hayley and walked out. She couldn’t see a way to fix things with Adrian without calling his daughter a liar.
Her phone rang as she pulled into the car park near where the dog training was taking place. She didn’t need to look at the screen to know it was Vince. She switched it off. A rap on the window made Kim scream and Boomer barked furiously, triggering the woman to leap away.
Kim buzzed down her window and shouted over the din of Boomer’s barking. ‘Sorry!’
‘It’s okay. I was asking if this was where the dog training was but I think you’ve answered my question.’
The woman was well dressed, wearing full make-up and was chewing gum. Her French bulldog, Nelson, had the opposite problem to Boomer. Nelson was apparently scared of everything and everyone – apart from, it seemed, Boomer. They went inside and Kim started filling in the form she was given until she dropped the pen and Boomerang demolished it almost before it had hit the floor. She was pleased she’d already paid online, or he might
have eaten her credit card too.
Kim found it reassuring. As more and more dogs arrived, the volume increased and rather than all the perfectly behaved dogs that she had met on her walks, these were a bunch of misfits and tearaways. They did introductions and most were rescue animals. The woman she’d met in the car park was called Elaina.
There were a mixture of breeds including a couple of greyhounds, two other spaniels, a sausage dog, three that were something crossed with a poodle and a German shepherd with bladder issues and a very apologetic owner. There was also a couple who had inherited a spoilt yapping Shih Tzu when their grandad had died.
Elaina whispered in Kim’s ear. ‘That one fits his breed name, he’s a right little shi—’
‘Evening, everyone,’ said the good-looking organiser, bouncing a tennis ball and gaining the attention of anything with more than two legs. Sadly, one of the rescue greyhounds only had three. ‘Thanks for the introductions. I will try to learn your dogs’ names by the end of the course but rest assured I won’t remember yours.’ Everyone laughed.
‘Shame,’ said Elaina, ‘I was hoping he’d be screaming mine by the end of the course.’ She laughed at her own joke while her French bulldog relieved himself on the Shih Tzu.
He started off by telling them there were no untrainable dogs, only untrainable humans. At which point Boomer slipped his lead and raced over to meet the German shepherd who promptly wet herself. ‘Sorry,’ said Kim as she and Boomer did the walk of shame back to their spot.
The group exercises were pretty hard with everyone trying to gain their dog’s attention. However, the parts where some past graduates stepped in to help were more effective as they were looking at the issues specific to each dog.
The trainers showed Kim that because Boomer was easily excited a silent approach with no eye contact was the quickest way to calm him down. It took a while but eventually he stopped jumping up and as soon as he sat down, they rewarded him with a morsel of food and praise.
The leader started bouncing the ball while Kim was distracted by the three-legged greyhound trying to mount the incontinent German shepherd, and Boomer was gone. He raced over with his lead trailing behind him, snatched the ball and destroyed it in record time.
‘New balls please!’ shouted Elaina and followed it with a screech of a laugh that was enough to stop even Boomer in his tracks.
‘Sorry,’ said Kim, finally wrestling what remained of the leader’s tennis ball from her dog’s jaws.
‘Not a problem.’ He turned his attention back to the group. ‘This is a great example of your dog attention-seeking. This is when you must ignore his behaviour until he presents you with behaviour you want to reward.’
If she did that at home Boomer would destroy the place in ten minutes flat. She figured she’d have to pick and choose the bits of the course that worked for her. The time flew by just like Boomer after a ball and generally she felt it had been very helpful. Granted, Boomer spent most of the session trying to make friends and destroy tennis balls but overall Kim felt it had been a positive session.
Elaina grabbed her arm as they left. ‘Don’t you get expelled for chewing someone’s balls?’
The man with the three-legged greyhound made a lewd comment, which they both ignored. ‘Apparently it’s okay so we’ll be back next week. Will you?’ asked Kim.
‘Maybe. Definite lack of fit blokes at this one though.’
Kim’s brain started to whirr. ‘You’ve been before?’ She glanced at Elaina’s French bulldog, sitting obediently next to her.
‘It’s our eighth course. Shhh.’ She put her finger to her lips, which did nothing to suppress the cackle of a laugh that escaped. ‘Take care.’ She waved as she walked back to her car.
Kim was desperate to share what had happened with someone else who’d find the evening funny. She bundled Boomer into the car and dialled Ruby’s number. It went straight to voicemail. She stared at her phone for a moment. Who else could she call? She dialled his number and waited.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
‘Welcome to Meadowhell!’ declared Ruby that Sunday.
‘It looks that way.’ Curtis swallowed hard as busy shoppers barged past him.
‘How can you not have been here before?’ Ruby asked Curtis. He was blinking rapidly at the sight of Meadowhall shopping centre.
‘I have clothes I like. I reorder more of the same online.’
It was hard to argue with his logic. ‘That is a little restrictive. Don’t freak out about the size of this place because we are targeting a few key stores. I wouldn’t be so cruel as to take you on a full-on browsing session. That’s the sort of thing you need to build up to.’
‘Or not.’
‘Or not,’ she agreed, registering his already obvious distress. ‘I’m thinking Hollister, Jack & Jones, Jack Wills and Levi’s to start.’
‘To start?’ His eyes pinged wide.
‘Trust me. I’m going to make this as painless as possible.’ She gave him her best smile to which he shook his head.
Ruby had thought through what Curtis’s casual style might be. She’d actually done extensive online research, which mainly consisted of googling Ryan Reynolds, Nicholas Hoult and Robert Pattinson. But it had helped her to carve out a style she thought would suit him. He was most definitely not a sweatpants and baseball cap kind of guy but short-sleeved shirts with tailored trousers or shorts might possibly work.
Their first stop was Levi’s. ‘If we can nail the jeans, the rest will flow.’
‘But, jeans.’ Curtis scanned the shop. ‘They’re all the same. Blue denim created for goldminers.’
Ruby gasped. ‘The same? Oh boy do you have a lot to learn.’ Having already obtained his sizes she went along the shelves and rails, pulling out styles she thought might suit him and adding them to the ever-growing pile in his arms. When at last she was happy they had at least one pair of each of the key cuts she shooed him into the changing rooms. ‘Try them on, but can you come out to show me?’
Curtis raised an eyebrow. ‘This is like school uniform all over again.’
‘I promise you won’t have to grow into these though. Go on.’ She waved him into the changing rooms and he reluctantly retreated.
The first few pairs were a bit too fitted, which was apparent by the level of squirming Curtis was doing. It was no good if he was going to be uncomfortable. The next were too baggy. He had a nice bum – it would be a shame not to frame it in well-fitting denim. On the fifth pair he trudged out looking like a broken man.
‘Stand up straight.’
‘It really is like school.’
‘Stop moaning. I think these could be the ones.’ She circled him like a lioness eyeing a tasty gazelle. They looked good – slim on the leg, grazing the top of his shoes and nicely cut over his backside but not tight.
‘Does that mean we can stop?’ he asked, straightening his body and showing off the jeans.
‘Yeah.’
‘Wonderful,’ said Curtis.
‘We can stop looking for jeans, but we need lots of other things.’ Curtis began to droop again. ‘Uh-huh,’ she said, waving her arms and he reluctantly straightened up. ‘Sold,’ she said, clapping her hands together. ‘We’ll have a coffee break because I’m kind like that – and then the real fun begins.’
‘I’m not even going to ask,’ muttered Curtis and he traipsed back into the changing rooms.
After a quick coffee and Coke break, they set off again. They didn’t last long in Hollister – the noise and smell were too much for Curtis – but she did manage to get him to try on a couple of nicely fitted plain T-shirts before she admitted defeat. He was a lot more at home in Jack Wills, the slightly formal side of casual was right up his street. Ruby found a few things she wanted him to try and he offered up a couple more. She felt a small drop of pride as he presented her with a striped shirt.
‘That would look amazing with these.’ She pulled some navy chinos off a rail, ushered him over to a mirror and held
the clothes against him.
Curtis stared at his reflection. ‘I like them,’ he said at last and Ruby wanted to hug him.
‘Try them on. That’s my top tip. Always try clothes on and remember the sizing is just a guide. Don’t get hung up on it. If you need a size bigger then go bigger.’ She heard her mum’s voice in her own.
Curtis didn’t look like he fully understood but he said okay and took the bundle they’d acquired off to the changing rooms. This time when he came out, he looked different and not merely because of the clothes. The way he held himself, the comments and critique he made about the fit showed his interest. On his third change he came out in a logo’d T-shirt and tailored shorts.
‘I’m thinking yes to the shorts but no to the T-shirt,’ he said, leaning forward as if seeking her approval.
‘Totally agree. Try the pink T-shirt, with those shorts.’
‘Pink.’ He didn’t look sure. ‘Okay,’ he said, nodding his head vigorously as if he needed to psych himself up.
When he emerged, Ruby felt a little emotional. ‘Look at my little boy all grown up,’ she joked.
‘Is it all right?’ He turned to check himself in the large mirror.
‘You look great.’ He looked more than great. He looked amazing. Gone were the formal suits and shirts and with it the crusty hard edges of Curtis. The man before her was like the male equivalent of the caterpillar to butterfly transformation. He definitely looked fanciable now and she was proud of the part she’d played in his metamorphosis.
‘And you think Cordelia will approve?’
Hearing her name brought Ruby back to reality. They were doing all this for another woman. ‘Of course, she’ll love you. I mean it. She’ll love it.’ How could she not?
It was a busy Friday in the shop and Ruby was finding it hard to concentrate. Unhelpful images of Curtis in a variety of new outfits kept popping up in her mind, especially the one of him trying on a pair of swimming shorts. They’d been in the sale, so she’d added them to the pile and he’d come out of the changing rooms to show her, like for all the other outfits, only on this occasion he had been topless.
The Promise of Summer, Part 3 Page 6
