“Open your eyes, Lady Julianne. He’s persuaded you I’m the devil incarnate, but he bases his opinion on events that took place more than a dozen years ago.”
Lady Boswood had said something similar about her son’s youthful past.
Julianne wet her lips. “The animosity is between you and him. I am powerless in this matter.”
“Before you cede more to him, you might want to consider what kind of man would refuse to shake my hand and let the past go,” he said.
“You almost refused to shake his hand after your fencing match,” she hissed. “So do not think to pull the wool over my eyes.”
He met her gaze. “Why do you think I hesitated?”
Chill bumps erupted on her arms. “What happened to cause the bad blood between you?”
Ramsey shook his head. “The specifics are irrelevant now. He deserved to be angry then, but to hold a grudge for more than twelve years is beyond all reason.”
“No one hates another without cause.”
He hesitated. “My friends and I tricked him. He was much younger and fell for the scheme.”
“There is something you’re not telling me. I want the truth.”
“You’ll have to ask him. And for the record, I don’t hate him. I only hate that he stands between us and does it to get revenge.”
“I don’t believe you,” she said. “You’re slanting the truth to make yourself appear in a better light.”
“You asked me what happened. Why did you not ask him?”
She stiffened.
Ramsey nodded. “You asked, and he refused to tell you, didn’t he?”
She knew her silence confirmed his suspicion.
“Perhaps it’s not me you should disbelieve.”
She shivered as he strode toward the ballroom.
The double doors opened and a noisy crowd of guests spilled out. Hundreds of people emerged and headed toward the staircase. Julianne stepped back and found herself trapped against the wall. Panic gripped her.
She started gulping for air. She felt suffocated.
Hawk. She wanted Hawk. Nothing else in the world mattered. Because after everyone had warned her about him this evening, she needed his reassurance.
She made herself push into the crowd. “Hawk!”
Chapter Seventeen
A Scoundrel’s Code of Conduct: The road to good intentions is paved with posies.
Hawk stood in the ballroom, craning his head trying to find Julianne. She’d promised to return promptly. He told himself something must have happened, but the denial made him angry. She’d manipulated him again.
He walked over to the nearly empty punch bowl, poured himself a cup, and downed it in two gulps. The brandy burned his throat. He set the cup aside and watched the crowd shuffle out the door. The laughter and din of voices grated on his nerves.
A stir erupted among the crowd. And her voice pierced through the hundreds of voices. “Hawk!” she cried.
He strode forward, pushing past people. “Julianne?”
Others were staring at him, but he didn’t care.
“Hawk, where are you?”
The crowd parted a little. “Hawk!”
“I’m here,” he called out, shoving past the other guests and ignoring their complaints.
She broke through. Her face was ghostly white. He threw his arm around her shoulders. “Let us pass,” he said. “She is unwell.”
A chorus of concerned voices erupted, but at last others stepped aside and let them pass. His heart was beating fast as he managed to withdraw her from the crowd. She was trembling.
He found an empty adjoining drawing room and took her to a sofa. Then he sat beside her with his arm around her shoulder. “Shhh. You’re safe now.”
“The doors opened. When all the people emerged, I got trapped against the wall.”
He nuzzled her hair. “You must have been frightened.”
“I couldn’t stand it, so I pushed through the crowd. It felt as if I were swimming upstream. I caused a scene, but I wanted you.”
I wanted you, too. “You were panicked, but it’s over now.”
“I wish I’d never left,” she whispered.
He smoothed an errant wisp of hair from her cheek. “Where are your friends?”
“I left them in the ladies’ retiring room,” she said in a miserable voice.
“Did you have a disagreement with them?”
She shrugged one shoulder.
“Do you want to tell me?” he asked.
She wet her lips. “You know what it is like when well-meaning people offer advice and try a bit too hard to influence you?”
He thought of his mother and sisters and nodded.
“I didn’t like it when they worked on me and persisted,” she said. “They made me angry, but just because we are friends does not give them the right to pry and poke.”
“I won’t pry or poke, but if you wish to discuss the matter, I will listen,” he said.
“No, there is a matter that is more critical,” she said.
The fine hairs on his neck stiffened.
“One of the reasons I got trapped was because Ramsey waylaid me.”
“He is spoiling for a fight,” Hawk said between gritted teeth.
“I started to walk away, but he said he’d seen us at the park.”
“What?” His heartbeat drummed in his ears.
She moistened her lips. “He claimed he walks there every day. He said his sister would confirm it, but I think he knows I cannot ask her without arousing suspicion.”
He inhaled. “Did he see us kiss?”
“Yes.”
He released her. God, he’d been an idiot.
“What can Ramsey do?” Julianne said.
“He can write your brother. Tristan will not take this lightly. I’m your guardian, for God’s sake.”
“Doesn’t my brother know Ramsey’s character? Tristan would not think well of a man who resorted to tattling like a schoolboy.”
“If Ramsey does inform him, your brother will ask me. I won’t lie to him.” He paused. “I should not have kissed you.”
“I should not have let you, but we’ve been partners in mischief for years.” She tilted her head slightly. “It was a natural evolution.”
It was pure lust, but he thought better of admitting it. “Nevertheless, I am your guardian, and it was wrong of me.”
“Hawk, it was a kiss. We put our toes on the boundaries, but we didn’t step over them.” She paused and added, “If Tristan finds out, we will act sheepish and say we made a mistake.”
“Your brother is likely to plant his fist in my face.”
“I’ll tell him not to be ridiculous. Besides, I suspect he and Tessa did more than talk all those times he called upon her.”
Hawk kept his mouth shut, but he recalled the night he’d caught Tristan and Tessa alone in the dark library at Ashdown House. The memory gave him an idea. “I’ll tell your brother I apologized profusely. He’ll probably still try to beat me to a pulp, but I’ll live.”
“Don’t worry. Tessa won’t let him.”
Hawk drew in his breath. “I apologize profusely for kissing you, but not for stealing your bonnet. There, it’s official.”
She laughed, but her expression sobered. “There is another matter Ramsey brought up.”
Every muscle in his body tensed. “What did he say?”
“He said you hang on to a grudge against him for something that happened a dozen years ago. When I questioned him, he admitted that he and his friends tricked you.”
He’d kill Ramsey if he’d told her about that sordid house party. “What else did he say?”
“He said if I wanted to know more, I should ask you.”
His stomach clenched. He’d demanded honesty of her, but he could not divulge what had happened all those years ago.
She cupped his cheek. “Tonight, my friends badgered me, but I will not follow their example. Whatever happened to you long ago must have been
awful or you would not despise him. I know you have scars, but the past is gone. No matter what transpired, it does not change who you are to me.”
He covered her hand with his own. There were no words for his feelings. She believed in him unconditionally. “Ramsey manipulated me, but I am responsible for my actions,” he said.
“You made a mistake when you were very young,” she said. “It’s time to forgive yourself.”
How could he? Ramsey and his friends had tricked him, but he made the choice to stay. He could have walked away. Instead, he’d let them pressure him because of his damnable pride. He didn’t like to think about that night. The consequences had been bad. His own father had denounced him and then set about paying a bloody fortune to save his sorry hide.
“Hawk,” she whispered. “I can see you are haunted by what happened, but you cannot let this shadow you forever.”
“I cannot undo the damage,” he said in a hoarse voice.
“No, but you can prevent further damage—to yourself. The boy who made that mistake is now a grown man, a good man.”
He scoffed.
“My brother asked you to be my guardian because he believes you are a good man,” Julianne said. “And so do I.”
He met her gaze. “My reputation is well deserved.”
“Not any longer.” She grinned. “I reformed you.”
The dark clouds still hovered, but she managed to make him smile a little. He helped her rise. “We’d better go downstairs and find my aunt.”
She squeezed his arm. “I cannot wait to return to Gatewick Park for the christening so I can tell your mother and sisters that I reformed you. They will be so delighted.”
He didn’t want to think about that house party, because when it ended, he would have to let her go.
Hawk felt a bit abashed and more than a little guilty as he set the two posies on the seat beside him and drove to his aunt’s house.
He’d stayed away for three days, claiming parliament and estate matters called him. In truth, he’d needed time to think clearly about Julianne and the friendship they had reestablished.
She’d spoken of an invisible boundary and treated their kiss as if it were just another lark. Temptation had loomed, stronger than ever. He’d told himself flirting and stealing kisses were harmless enough.
That day at the park, she’d enchanted him. They had fallen into old patterns, teasing and taunting each other. He’d been so relieved when she’d refused Beaufort’s suit that he’d not stopped to think about the implications. All he’d thought about was the moment. But when he’d kissed her, one word had echoed in his brain: Mine, mine, mine.
He wanted her badly, as a friend and a lover. She was never far from his thoughts or his erotic dreams. He realized she’d bewitched him, and that had put the fear of the devil in him.
She didn’t understand, but he knew how easily a kiss could spark a fire that could rage out of control. He couldn’t take any more chances with her, because he didn’t trust himself. If he made a mistake, the consequences would cost him his oldest friend and rip apart their families.
He’d sobered the day after their discussion in that empty drawing room at the ball. She’d told him to forgive himself and called him a good man. But he knew differently.
Men like you never change.
His father had believed that it was bad blood passed on from his late, dissolute uncle’s side of the family. Hawk knew it wasn’t an innate character trait, but rather one bad decision, one stupid youthful mistake.
He’d pay for his transgression with a lifetime of regret, but he wouldn’t add marrying a woman under false pretense to his list of sins.
If he were a different sort of man, he could walk away from his past and count himself lucky. Most men would go on with their lives and never lose a wink of sleep.
He’d lost a lot of sleep over the years, wondering and worrying because he had no control. No information. No contact at all. He’d signed the agreement more than twelve years ago. A devil’s bargain. His life in exchange for staying away and keeping his mouth shut.
His aunt’s square came into view. Today he meant to treat Julianne as his ward and avoid flirting. He must distance himself before he did something stupid—again.
When he steered into the square, he found carriages lining the street. Hell. Hester was entertaining. He finally found a place for his rig, jumped down, and grasped the posies. A few minutes later, he entered his aunt’s drawing room to find a veritable crowd. To his surprise, Lady Georgette and Miss Hardwick smiled genially at him. Usually, Georgette treated him with disdain, and Miss Hardwick regarded him as if he were Satan himself. Sally Shepherd had joined the group today and fluttered her lashes at him.
He ignored Sally and delivered the posies to his aunt and Julianne. When all the ladies made a to-do about it, his face heated. A maid arrived shortly thereafter with two vases.
At least he wasn’t the only man present. Peckham and three of the cubs had called. Portfrey, Benton, and Caruthers were wolfing down cake. The dogs sat before them, whining.
Julianne brought Hawk a cup of tea and a slice of cake. When their fingers accidentally brushed, he inhaled. He called himself an idiot for letting a momentary touch affect him.
The dogs, having long ago decided he was a soft touch, abandoned the cubs and scampered over to him. To give himself some occupation, he held up crumbs, setting the spaniels off to barking.
“Marc, stop teasing them,” Hester said. “Their barking is making an awful racket.”
He devoured his cake and set the plate of crumbs on the floor.
Sally Shepherd fluttered her lashes at him again. “It’s too bad you missed Lady Durmont’s musicale last evening.”
“Let me guess,” he said. “Henrietta finally learned how to carry a tune.”
Sally twittered like a bird. “Oh, no. One of the hunting dogs got loose, ran inside, and started howling.”
“I laughed so hard my stomach hurt,” Caruthers said.
“It was truly dreadful,” Julianne said. “I almost felt sorry for Henrietta.”
“Elizabeth threw a temper tantrum,” Georgette said. “When she started wailing, her fiancé told her to clap her mouth shut.”
“Mrs. Bancroft had to be revived with smelling salts,” Portfrey said.
“But Hester came to the rescue,” Julianne said.
Hawk regarded his aunt with lifted brows.
“I swatted my fan on the dog’s rump,” Hester said, “and Mr. Peckham chased him out.”
He smiled at his aunt but said nothing. Keeping his distance from Julianne the past three days had been harder than he’d expected. But that had only strengthened his resolve. He’d be giving her up forever in the near future. Now was the time to ease back gradually, until he was no longer spending every afternoon and evening with her.
The butler arrived and announced Beaufort. A strained silence hung over the drawing room as the young man entered carrying a posy. He strolled over to Julianne and offered her the flowers. “Friends?” he said.
She smiled. “Friends it is.”
After Beaufort took a seat near the other cubs, Hawk regarded the young man with respect. Beaufort had swallowed his pride and chosen to do the right thing. He was young and a bit cocky, but his father had obviously instilled good principles in him.
Once again, the beleaguered maid arrived with a vase. Benton followed her progress with his eyes and then turned to Julianne. “You’re growing a regular flower garden today.”
“I am fortunate to have so many thoughtful friends,” she said. “The flowers remind me of our gardens at home. My brother kept the formal landscaping in place. It’s not fashionable, but I love it, especially Mama’s roses in summer.”
The conversation drifted to the myriad parties and soirées for the upcoming week. “What entertainment are you attending tonight, Lady Julianne?” Caruthers asked.
“We’re planning to attend the opera,” Hester answered. “You are wel
come to join our party. Mr. Peckham already agreed to accompany us as well.”
Within a few minutes, all of Julianne’s friends decided to attend. When she looked inquiringly at him, he drew in his breath. “I’ve other plans this evening.”
He meant to visit the theater and proposition a willing actress. With any luck, he’d share his bed with a mistress at the love nest tonight and slake his lust. He would gradually return to his old life.
Julianne’s smile disappeared. She rose and took her cup over to the tea tray. “May I refresh anyone’s cup?”
Hawk felt like a devil. She’d expected him to attend. But he’d made up his mind. It was for the best. At the moment, what was for the best didn’t set too well with him.
He’d decided to take his leave when the butler announced Charles Osgood.
Osgood strolled inside, leaving a stinky smoke trail in his wake. The ladies whipped out their fans. Ever oblivious, the bad poet went to sit with his friends.
“Egad, Osgood,” Beaufort said. “Did someone try to set you on fire?”
“No, I got stuck at a book burning in Piccadilly.”
Hawk seriously wondered how Osgood had managed to make it this far in life.
Mr. Peckham whipped his gaze to Osgood. “A book burning? Why, that is practically sacrilegious.”
“Actually it was a pamphlet burning.”
Julianne gasped.
Hester grasped her hand. “It is a shocking report, but perhaps there is some mistake.”
Caruthers pulled a face. “Osgood, the proprietor was probably burning some moth-eaten tracts.”
“No,” Osgood said. “It was that pamphlet. The Secrets of Seduction.”
Hawk regarded his aunt and suspicion grew inside him. It would be just like her to pen some ridiculous advice for young ladies.
“What do you know about this pamphlet?” he asked her.
“Well, all the ladies gathered to discuss it recently,” she said.
He narrowed his eyes. “I heard there was a petition to have it banned.”
“It didn’t work,” Osgood said. “Lady Georgette, your brother was at the book burning.”
“What?” Georgette cried.
How to Seduce a Scoundrel Page 23
