As long as he lived he’d never be able to erase the memory of Meghan shuddering on top of him as she came. The way they’d propelled so quickly into an earth-shattering climax by the strength of her powerful inner muscles alone. Not even the daunting task of fucking her on the seat of his truck had made any difference.
Unfortunately, reality blazed with a vengeance in his head as every haunting thought that made him into an emotional recluse came hurtling home. The face of a soldier bubbled up from deep in his memory and tore at his soul as images of Meghan making love to her young fiancé made him sick to his stomach. He’d taken that from her and replaced it with his sex buried in her sweet body. It felt like the ultimate betrayal to a man who lost his life on Alex’s watch.
Something ripped open inside him and a feral howl of pain erupted from his throat. “Oh God, no. No.” A savage despair had him in its merciless grip. He couldn’t breathe, couldn’t believe what he’d done. He was beyond damned.
The atmosphere inside the truck changed in an instant as he struggled to lift her off his lap in his frantic haste to get some air and dial back the revulsion threatening to take him down. Meghan shot from his lap like a cannonball when his tortured roar split the air.
Suddenly, the door flew open and she scrambled away from him in such haste that she fell from the truck onto the dry desert ground, landing awkwardly on her knees. The sight of the exquisite beauty crawling to get away from him with her ass in the air and her naked breasts swaying with every movement damned him to hell.
Releasing an endless stream of self-castigating words, he slid from the truck, pulling up his jeans as he moved. It should be him on his knees in the dust, not her. What in holy fuck had he done?
Meghan couldn’t believe what was happening. One second she’d been lying spent and happy on Alex’s broad chest, listening to the pounding of his heart, blissfully wrapped in a cocoon of contentment and the next her heart was being brutally ripped from her chest. His tortured cry and the “no” that shattered her euphoria brought her crashing back to earth with a violent thud. It was his frantic efforts to throw her body off his that was the topper. She thought she might be sick.
When she fell out of the truck and pitched forward as her knees came in contact with the ground, she tried to right herself with her hands only to have them scrape painfully against the dirt and stones. With her dress bunched around her stomach she felt exposed and vulnerable, a far cry from moments earlier when she thought she’d touched a piece of paradise.
She felt him trying to help her up but the humiliation of her position and the dawning realization that he’d instantly regretted what happened made her desperate to get away from him. Far away. She wouldn’t cry in front of him but that didn’t stop Meghan from the howling wails of agony sounding in her soul.
Slapping his hands away she flipped onto her bottom, horrified that her naked ass was sitting on the desert floor while her scraped knees and hands shot starbursts of pain along her nerve endings. Distraught, she yanked the smocked bodice of her dress over exposed breasts, wincing from the mangled flesh on her hands. Could this horrible moment get any worse?
Alex crouched down and quickly pulled her into his arms, picking her up from the dirt. She heard a shallow grunt that sounded a lot like discomfort rumble from his chest followed by a definite limp in his gait as he walked her to the side of the truck and placed her gently on the seat. She was no lightweight and despite his hard muscled body she knew the effort of moving her off the ground had caused pain to flare from his old wounds. Good, she thought. I hope carrying me cripples the son-of-a-bitch. It was what he deserved.
Your knees are scraped,” he muttered as his hands slid down her legs to inspect her injuries. Taking her hands in his he turned her palms up and grimaced at the sight of torn flesh that greeted his eyes. She was furious. And hurt. And she didn’t mean physically.
Brushing away some dirt and tiny pieces of stone stuck to her flesh, he lifted one of her hands to his mouth as if he was going to kiss the abrasions away, but she snatched it back and snarled at him with shock and disillusionment dripping from her words. “Leave me alone. Get away. You’ve done enough.” She didn’t care when his expression registered a pained look at her reaction. Fuck him, she thought.
“Meghan,” he began, but she didn’t want to hear whatever he was going to say. His actions spoke louder than any words ever could.
“Shut up Alex. Just shut the hell up and let me be.”
He nodded, looking like a man who had just been handed a jail sentence but told her, “It’s not what you think.”
She freaked. “You don’t know what I think you dick!” Her voice was overly loud in the silence around them but she didn’t give a shit about any of that.
Her hysteria rising with each second she hurled the only accusation she could think of at him. “My mother always told me, a woman could have any man she wants because a man will fuck any woman who’s willing. Looks like I learned that lesson a day late and a dollar short.”
“No,” he barked. “That’s not what just happened here. Please don’t think that.”
She pushed him away with a strength that surprised her. “Um, I think you saying, fuck me Meghan, describes exactly what just happened. Don’t worry, Major. You’re off the hook. I started it, and I finished it.”
Scooting across the seat until she was plastered against the passenger side door, she did what she could to rearrange her clothing and restore some dignity to her situation.
“I want to go back to the house. Now.”
Alex looked at her with dark eyes but didn’t argue or say anything else. He grabbed the t-shirt she’d ripped off him and pulled it back over his head before turning toward the rear of the truck where Zeus still lazed. She heard the tailgate slam shut and a second later the big dog climbed into the cab and hesitated.
In one of those unbelievably surreal moments, the dog moved away from Alex and came to rest against Meghan’s side, placing a paw upon her thigh and licking her face. It was sweet and protective and made a statement of female solidarity that had an in your face quality directed at the man left gaping at the side of the truck. She loved that big dumb dog with a vengeance from that second forward.
The long drive back to the Villa happened in complete silence with Meghan huddled against the side of the truck, as far away from Alex as she could get and Zeus acting as a buffer. She sensed the dog staring at her master with what she hoped was doggie disgust. Girl power indeed.
When the truck pulled into the driveway at last, Meghan scrambled hastily from her seat; vigorously slamming the passenger door after Zeus jumped down at her side. Shooting Alex a damning look before whirling away, she was so lost in fury she barely registered the people standing around watching the strange scene unfold.
With Zeus trotting protectively alongside, she stomped furiously past the startled onlookers and stormed into the house making sure to slam the front door as she did. The fact that her dress was barely staying up, courtesy of the torn straps, or that her underwear was God knows where made her angry retreat all the more dramatic.
Back in the driveway, Tori who had been unloading a stack of cowboy hats from the back of an electric cart for the agency’s visiting clients, watched Meghan stomp away and saw the defeated expression on Alex’s face.
Well, that hadn’t taken long, she thought. Judging by the angry hurt emanating off the woman who just ignored everyone standing around and by the fact that Zeus had clearly defected told her a hell of a lot.
These Justice boys had an uncanny ability to fuck up the best thing that ever happened to them. It had only taken forty-eight hours for Alex to put his foot in it. Tori sighed knowing she and Lacey had their work cut out for them if they were going to save the situation.
Catching her husband’s gaze as he stood silently slack-jawed watching the scene play out in front of them, she rolled her eyes and shook her head. When Alex turned away and stormed off in the direction of the pool,
she noted his pained limp and saw how he clutched his hands into fists at his side.
Carmen, who had been helping her with the dozens of western hats, also watched what happened; only her face registered pained concern tinged with displeasure at the man whose back was quickly moving away from them. He hadn’t said a single word to any of them. In fact, he seemed to barely register that they were even on the same planet as he.
With raised eyebrows Tori gestured with her head to Draegyn who nodded in silent response before following after his brother. She knew her boss well enough to know he wasn’t going to share whatever had gone on between him and the angry redhead but he’d need the support of her husband.
She hesitated, considering what her best move was, then asked Carmen to finish with the hats before putting a hand on her bump for support as she scurried after Meghan. Somehow she knew that letting the situation cool off wasn’t in everyone’s best interest. Going by the pained fury on Irish’s face, she wouldn’t be all that surprised to find her throwing shit into a suitcase. She needed to act fast to keep that from happening.
Meghan made for her room in haste with Zeus right by her side. The minute the door slammed behind her she flung herself on the bed, letting loose the tears she’d been holding back. She wasn’t normally a crier but the waves of conflicting emotion battering her erupted in a torrent of hiccupping sobs that seemed to be endless.
Foolish romantic fantasies aside, no woman wanted to hear ugly regret coming out of the mouth of a man whose body was still deep inside her own. When she told him how her mother had always said a man would fuck anyone who let him, she hadn’t been kidding. And that was pretty much how she felt.
He hadn’t tried to take more than she was willing to give. No. That had been her. She’d practically forced herself upon him. God, what an idiot she’d been. Once he’d come inside her, he reacted so quickly that she’d been stunned. What had she done?
Zeus hopped up on the bed and curled against her shaking body as she sobbed uncontrollably. There was something comforting about the dog’s head lying on her back as she shook and cried her eyes out. At least someone cared.
A quiet knock sounded at her door that she chose to ignore, fearing it was Alex come to make nice. She was so devastated that nice was permanently off the agenda.
After a minute, the knock came again only this time she heard Tori’s voice. “Sweetie, can I come in?”
She nodded but no sound came from her mouth. Meghan felt empty and scared. Feeling as though she’d behaved like a right royal slut was messing with her mind. Thankfully, Tori didn’t wait to be let in and slowly opened the door to peek inside. Finding Meghan sprawled on the bed was enough to get her moving quickly to her side, concern etched on her face.
“Oh, dammit Irish. Are you okay? Why the tears sweetie?”
Meghan sat up and furiously wiped the tears away. “I made such an unbelievable fool of myself Tori,” she wailed.
Shooing the dog from the bed, Tori climbed onto the mattress and handed her a box of tissues from the nightstand.
“I highly doubt that, Meghan” she murmured, a thoughtful look shining from her eyes. Reaching out, she pulled on one of the torn straps that were supposed to be holding up her bodice and smirked.
Meghan blew her nose with a stuffy sounding honk and tried to get it together. “I need a shower,” she eventually moaned, aware that she looked like hell and still wore the evidence of their sweaty sexually charged encounter on her skin.
Tori snorted out a half laugh and said, “That bad is it?”
“Well, my dress is torn, and I’m sitting here without any underwear so you do the math.”
The last thing Meghan expected was the grin that broke out across the other woman’s face.
“Two questions Irish and then you can run to the shower.”
Meghan sniffed and shrugged her shoulders. “Why not? Everyone might as well know what a slut I am.”
Tori smiled and patted her shoulder reassuringly. “Believe me when I tell you that nobody is going to think that. Not anyone who knows Alex anyway. That distinction is his if I’m correct.”
She nodded and looked away, wishing a sinkhole would open up and swallow her whole.
“Okay. First. Was there a condom anywhere in this situation?”
Meghan gaped at her with wide, horrified eyes at how irresponsible she’d been but managed to croak out, “It’s okay. I’m on the pill.”
Tori visibly loosened up. “Second. Does Alex know this?”
The horror only deepened as she offered a negative nod. “Uh, it didn’t exactly come up in conversation.”
“Sooooo what… he had his head up his ass? That’s not like him at all.”
“Oh my fucking God Tori!” she wailed as a new wave off misery washed over her and the tears started up again. “It was all me. I started it and believe me – even if I wasn’t on the pill, it would have happened anyway. What’s wrong with me?”
Tori rubbed her back as she cried it out, then pulled a couple of tissues from the box and handed them to her.
“I can tell you what’s wrong, Irish. You fell hard and incredibly fast for a Justice Brother. Welcome to the club sweetie.”
“It was my fault,” she whispered. “He’s made it abundantly clear that he didn’t really want me. In fact he’s been trying awfully hard to make me back off.”
The other woman snorted in amusement again. “Let me guess – he tried to make you back off in a push me pull me sort of way, right?”
“Yeah. How did you know?”
She smiled and stuck out her hand as if they were meeting for the first time. “Hi. I’m Victoria St. John. That’s how I know. Do you think it was any different for me? Or Lacey? You will never meet three more extraordinary men than Draegyn, Cameron, and Alex but oh my lord are they one fucked up unit. But you need to talk to him about this. If I know my boss, he’s probably wallowing in remorse and wondering how the hell to bring it up.”
“This is unfamiliar territory for me. I don’t have any experience in these matters. Plus, I’m embarrassed by how out of control I got.”
“Well, I’m kinda glad to hear that. The experience thing, I mean. Look,” Tori said, “my husband told me a little bit about how you came to know our fearless Big Daddy. I’m really sorry Irish. Losing someone that way must have been terrible. The Justice Brothers are unusual men. Alex is like the conscience of the group while Draegyn is the intellect and Cameron the soulful brooding heart. Ever see the Wizard of Oz?”
Meghan nodded and tried to wrap her mind around the unusual reference.
“My hunky husband is the Scarecrow with the brain. Cam is the Tin Man searching for his heart and Alex, well Alex is the Lion. His challenge is finding the courage to overcome what he sees as a shit ton of failings. The kind that haunt you. Is this starting to make sense?”
Oh God, it was. Why hadn’t she seen it before? He felt responsible for David’s death and had tried to say so a bunch of times. Making love to her was something his soldier’s conscience couldn’t handle. That was what the pained no had been about. He’d disrespected the memory of one of his men by being with her. Plus, he wouldn’t know that their lack of precaution wouldn’t turn in to a shit show.
“Tori. You said Draegyn told you how Alex and I met. I want you to know that no matter what Alex thinks now, I was never going to marry David. I can’t tell you why, but I swear. It wasn’t going to happen. I cared for him, yes. Maybe even loved him. I knew him most of my life and despite what appearances may suggest, our so-called engagement was a moment in time spurred on by a war and something else.”
“Does Alex know this?”
“I’ve tried to tell him but he won’t listen. It’s like he has this picture carved in stone inside his head where David’s dead, somehow he’s responsible, and being attracted to me is like pissing on a dead man’s grave.”
Tori thought about that for a moment and told her, “Maybe you should try and find out what that so
mehow means and go from there. I’m thinking that’s what is driving him to keep you at arm’s length.” Taking in how she looked, the other woman smiled. “Doesn’t look like he was all that successful at it either and before you say another word,” she insisted as she put up her hand to stop whatever Meghan had been about to say. “There’s no possible way you made a fool of yourself and if you think you seduced an unwilling man, think again. I knew that first night we met from watching him track your every movement that he was a goner.”
Meghan sniffed again and gave her a watery smile. “Really?”
“Yes, sweetie. Really truly really. Now go get your shower and put on something pretty. Ria and Ben have a cookout planned and you don’t want to show up looking like someone ran over your dog. And speaking of dogs, what’s up with Zeus?”
Meghan looked at the big dog that sat by the bed watching them and giggled. “I think she’s mad at him.”
Tori scuttled off the bed and scratched the dog behind the ears. “I always did like her. She knows what’s up.”
They both laughed at that, and Meghan felt a measure of calm return to her senses. She was done crying, and she wasn’t going to run. Tori was right. She had to find out why her hesitant lover was so damn conflicted. Maybe if she told him her truth, he’d share his.
“Don’t say a fucking word Drae,” Alex muttered darkly when he came up for air to find the man standing at the end of the pool where Alex had flung himself after retreating from the scene with Meghan in the driveway.
Drae snickered and crossed his arms over his chest fixing Alex with a mocking look. “Dude. Your clothes are in a pile; I find you naked and swimming like you’re trying to escape the devil. Not saying anything isn’t an option.”
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