by Mindy Hayes
With Evan hounding me with kingdom business left and right, I was beginning to realize I didn’t know much history about the other kingdoms. I searched the scrolls as much as I could on my free time, but not a lot of it seemed relevant to us now. And as for bonding, either it was so sacred they didn’t want to document it, or I wasn’t looking through the right scrolls. All I’d been able to find so far was a small portion stating exactly what I already knew: that it couldn’t be broken or undone.
Even after the Awakening I didn’t feel any closer to knowing more about the other kingdoms, and knowing more about them would help me understand the way things were supposed to work. “Why did the Great Divide happen?”
Declan swallowed the food in his mouth. “Some opinions changed and other’s views began to differ, so a lot of distant Royals who knew they would never get their chance to reign decided to branch off, and those that agreed followed. Over a period of years and years, more and more broke away.”
“Just like that?”
“Just like that. Though it wasn’t exactly peaceful, there wasn’t some great battle, but the betrayal ran deep. It took quite a few years before amity was actually possible. It wasn’t until the Royals were created with the agreement of bonding with other kingdoms that we found peace. It helped to unite us as one. Even now we live civilly, and it may seem that all is forgiven, but that’s because we still need each other. They need the Oak, and we’ve all become accustomed to the supplies each kingdom can offer.”
“Faylinn survived without them under Favner. That has to be one good thing that came from him.”
“We survived, but at what cost? We didn’t thrive. Everyone had to work twice as hard, and we lost a lot of lives in the process.”
I nodded. “What was the initial divide about? Why did they first decide to leave?” Declan looked at me knowingly. Before he said it I knew. “Bonding.”
He nodded. “Elena began that rebellion. She was a Weaver, and she fell in love with a Keeper.”
“She’s the one that didn’t show at the Awakening right?” He nodded. “So she left to be with him?”
“She did and took all of those that had similar situations with her.”
“So not every kingdom bonds within their own colony.” He shook his head. “Then why do we?”
“To create stronger breeds within each colony. By mingling the colonies it lessons the powers and creates mixed fae. Yes, they carry both strengths, but they aren’t nearly as effective as a full bred colony.”
“You make us sound like animals. Having different kinds of breeds,” I said disdainfully.
“It’s simply what we are. Breed is merely another word for type. Would you feel better if I said a different type of faery?”
“Yes, I would actually.”
“Okay then.” Declan laughed lightly. “Think of it this way. In the world you grew up in, there were doctors and businessmen and chefs and people that were better at a certain types of vocations than others.”
“But they get to choose what they want to do with their lives. It’s not something that they are forced into.”
“Well then imagine this … what if someone was born with an incredible ability to heal people, but they decided to make food in a restaurant instead? Doesn’t that seem like a waste of a gift?”
“I guess, but it doesn’t change the fact that I believe the choice should be available. What if the healer was queasy at the sight of blood?” I countered. “What if making a delicious meal for others to enjoy brought them the most happiness?”
Declan let out a breath of amusement. “Touché. You make a valid point.”
I inhaled deep before proceeding. “What if I changed everything like Elena? What if I made it so that you had a choice? Would you want that?”
Declan pressed his lips firmly together and looked at me thoughtfully. I could see him contemplating his answer. I could see it was an internal struggle. He worried his answer could be disrespectful to his homeland, to their beliefs.
“Yes,” he finally confessed quietly. His eyes were a mix of hope and fear.
“I will make it happen, Declan. I don’t know when. I don’t know how. But if it’s the only thing I do in this kingdom, I’ll make it possible for the future to make their own decisions.”
“What kind of conversation are you both so rapt in?” Allura sauntered into the room. She made her way over to the table and plopped down next to Declan.
“Just kingdom politics,” Declan covered.
“Bor-ing.” She popped a pineberry in her mouth. It was like a mixture between a berry and a pineapple. I actually had no idea what it was called, but pineberry seemed to sum it up pretty well. “I just thought I’d pop in and say hi before heading to the Harvest Borough, but I thought I would stumble upon something much more interesting like what is going on between Brokk and Raina.”
“I don’t even know who Brokk and Raina are,” I answered.
“Brokk is a Keeper and Raina is a Weaver,” Declan clarified.
“Okay.” A deep unease began to plant itself in the pit of my stomach. “What about them?”
“They were placed as Nesters under Favner.” She paused, waiting for me to catch on. “And I don’t think they have been able to break their connection since things went back to normal,” Allura stated.
I had a feeling I knew where this was headed, but I suppressed the thought. I didn’t want to be put up against this situation yet. “Okay ...”
Allura pursed her lips. “I thought that might interest you, but I thought someone would have brought it to your attention before I did.”
“Why would someone tell me about them?”
“Because their relationship is obviously forbidden. They don’t belong to the same colony. The kingdom doesn’t tend to stay quiet when there are fae out of line.”
“How do you even know about it?” Declan asked.
“Because I’m observant, and because I overheard Rose and Fawn talking about it yesterday at the Harvest Borough. Raina can’t keep anything from those two.”
“Why are you telling me about it?” Why couldn’t I stay oblivious? After I questioned it, I knew why. I knew why and I wished that we could rewind the last five minutes, and Allura had never shown her face this morning. I wanted to un-hear everything she just told me.
“Because you have to break it up,” Allura said forlornly. “There has to be consequences for their actions. They can’t carry on the relationship any longer.”
My eyes pleaded with Declan. He now knew where I stood. I couldn’t break them apart. Everything inside of me was shouting obscenities at me for even thinking about it.
“Can’t I just wait?”
“Wait?” Allura’s exasperated expression said it all. “As in until it becomes more public so you’re forced to do something about it, and everyone is appalled that you weren’t more observant to act on it when you should have?”
Declan cleared his throat. “She’s right, Calliope.” His voice was cautious, apologetic even. “Even if it comes to using your Supremacy. You have to forbid them from being together.”
No. I don’t want her to be right. She couldn’t be right. I was working to rectify this exact problem. I couldn’t use my Supremacy for something this cruel. No one could make me.
I could feel the tears mounting behind my eyes, pressing on my chest, and clogging my throat as I tried to breathe. All Declan and Allura could do was look at me with pity.
Please don’t make me do this.
Declan could see my silent plea. “It must be done,” he uttered with the deepest form of regret.
I fought it over and over in my mind, but they knew better than I did. If I didn’t do something about it now, I may be crucified later.
“As Queen you will have to do things you don’t want to do, Calliope. The right decision isn’t always easy.”
“But it’s not the right decision, Declan, and you know it,” I said weakly through my unshed tears.
A
llura’s sad eyes turned to understanding. “You wouldn’t be the first to have to do it, Queeny. I doubt very many of your ancestors enjoyed this part, but Brokk and Raina know the law. They must be expecting this.”
“I need a minute.” I pushed away from the table and retreated to the atrium before they could argue. I couldn’t be a part of this for one more second.
Chapter Twelve
For the rest of the day I sat in the atrium battling with the decision. The sky dimmed overhead as if it was imitating my mood. When Evan showed earlier I made him leave and told him we’d have to meet tomorrow. He would only make the decision worse, and he’d tell me what to do without any sympathy. To him, this would simply be business.
Declan excused himself late that evening, and Kai took his post outside my door.
“Kai,” I called from the table. He stepped into the doorway. “I need you to get Brokk and Raina for me.”
“Brokk and Raina?” His confusion was expected. “Why?”
I didn’t think Declan would have explained it to him. I hadn’t confided in Kai with the changes I wanted to make. And I didn’t want to admit what I was about to do, even to him. “It’s kingdom business.”
He lifted his eyes skeptically, waiting for more than I was willing to give him.
“It’s not your business, Kai. Will you just go and get them please?”
At the tone in my voice he lifted his hands in surrender. “All right, all right. I’ll be back in a little bit.”
I dreaded every footstep I knew they were taking to get to me. Every minute that passed was like dying a slow, painful death. I could almost hear the heavy tentative pace that they had set until their anxious figures stood in the doorway of the atrium.
Kai escorted Raina and Brokk into the room. “Thanks, Kai. Will you give us a minute please?”
He nodded and closed the door behind him.
“Brokk, Raina … I don’t think we’ve had the chance to meet yet. I’m Calliope.” I stepped around to the front of the table.
“We know who you are, Your Majesty,” Brokk murmured as they bowed.
“Right. Well ...” I felt like I was impersonating a parent who was just about to scold their children. But this was worse. So much worse. Their nerves were emitting like rays of heat, lashing me repeatedly until I knew I was just as nervous and anxious as they were.
I took a deep breath, trying to buy some time to figure out how I was going to approach this. I’d played several different versions in my head, but they all either came out sounding hollow or condescending. But staying silent wasn’t going to help anything either.
“I don’t want to have this conversation as much as you don’t. But I think you both know why you’re here—why I had to ask you to come.”
The alarm was apparent in their eyes, but they kept silent, waiting for the hammer to drop.
“There’s been a bit of talk going around that you two—” I swallowed. I could barely get through the sentence. “That you two are having a relationship that doesn’t line up with Faylinn’s ruling.”
Raina’s eyes glazed with unshed tears, confirming what Allura had told me.
“I can promise you that I don’t want to be the one to tell you that you can’t be together. But you can’t.”
“Your Majesty,” Brokk approached respectfully. “Those that were not Nesters can’t possibly understand what we went through. We forged a bond that is stronger than anyone could understand. It’s not about desire or even forbidden love. There’s a devotion I feel to Raina. We not only experienced something intimate with one another, but we had to endure sharing that intimate moment with fae we didn’t know. No one understands what it’s like to be forced to experience something that private—repeatedly—for years. But Raina and I do. Please don’t take her away from me.”
His earnest plea nearly made me change my mind. I didn’t want to separate them as much as they didn’t want to be separated.
I clenched my jaw and swallowed back the tears that rose. “Brokk, I didn’t create the laws that make up Faylinn and if I keep making exceptions, what do I have left as Queen? Everyone will think they can walk all over me.” I sounded so trite. Someone just punch me. “We can do this quietly. This will stay between us. I’m not going to make an example out of you so people will fear me. But I have to draw a line somewhere. This is a line, that as much as it hurts me, I have to draw.”
“Please don’t,” Raina cried.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered as I blinked back my own tears.
“Please, Your Grace,” Brokk plead.
Before I could change my mind I reined in my power, all the while my heart shattered for these two and the betrayal I felt to myself. “The relationship that has carried over from your time as Nesters has to come to an end. You can no longer meet in private, and eventually you will have to find someone from your True colony to bond with.”
Raina dropped to her knees, sobbing uncontrollably. Brokk dropped to her side, wrapping his arms around her for what was most likely the last time. I doubled over from the pain that struck my stomach.
Kai came in then and escorted them out. Raina repeatedly cried, “Please,” through her tears. I turned away—unable to continue to watch them fall a part in front of me.
I heard the door shut. “My Queen?” Kai hovered near the doorway. “I know that it may—”
“Kai, I want to be alone.”
“Calliope—”
“I mean it.” I gritted my teeth against the tears already streaming down my cheeks.
“You did what you had to,” he said softly, but somehow firmly.
“At what cost?” I spun around with liquid blurring my vision. “How could what I just did be right when it feels this agonizing? I abused my power. I tore apart a couple who loves just as Desmond and Cora, maybe more. I destroyed that. And for what? To appease a kingdom that hates me anyway?”
He stepped toward me. “They don’t all hate you. You have to give this time.”
“I don’t want this. I can’t do this anymore,” I uttered, shaking my head. “This isn’t what I signed up for.” The tears took hold of me then, racking my body. I was in his arms, and there was no calming me down. He shushed my hair and ran his hands up and down my back, soothing me in a way he never had before.
I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive myself. I shouldn’t have done that. I should have just dealt with the consequences whatever they would have been. This wasn’t me. This wasn’t what I believed in. I just shot my moral code to hell.
A greater sense of distress consumed me. What if commands through the Supremacy were permanent? If things ever changed, what if I could never take back anything I ever said through Supremacy? I clung tighter, to Kai and he held me back just as closely.
“I’ll never use my Supremacy again,” I vowed. I wailed and felt my body shaking, but Kai never wavered. His head pressed against mine as he repeatedly whispered my name. He didn’t whisper reassurances. I had a feeling he knew nothing he said would make this okay, and he was right.
I’m not sure how long he held me before my embarrassing meltdown began to break through the fog in my brain, and I pulled away, humiliated for snotting all over him and losing it like a little girl with scraped knees.
“I’m sorry.” I patted Kai’s soaked chest, unable to meet his eyes. “Give your shirt to Evette so she can clean it for you. I’m sure she could have it done within the hour. It’s amazing the speed that woman possesses.”
“I can clean it myself,” he said softly, staying in place.
“You shouldn’t have to. I’m the one that made a mess of it.” I wiped my hands across my eyes and under my nose.
“It’s okay.” I could feel his eyes on me, which had never moved.
“It’s not, but thank you for trying to make me feel better about it.” I finally lifted my eyes to his.
“Will you be okay?” The tenderness in his eyes was killing me. I didn’t deserve compassion. I should be sl
apped. I’d feel better with that reaction.
“No, but I’ll have to be,” I answered honestly.
“I’ll check on you in a little bit.”
“Don’t worry about it.” I shook my head. “I’ll be fine.”
“Don’t give me that crap, Calliope,” he murmured. I saw him lift his hand almost reflexively as if to comfort me. Just before he touched my cheek, he hesitated, coming back to himself and dropping it. “I’ll give you your space now, and I’ll be back later.” He stepped away from me.
I smiled weakly at his assertive tone. “Thank you, Kai.”
He nodded once before swiftly leaving the room. And our moment was gone. Like every other moment we’d ever shared. In the blink of an eye, it came and went.
Chapter Thirteen
I should have cancelled my meeting with Evan again this morning. I needed more time. It was hard enough to drag myself out of bed, and now I had to hear Evan ramble on and on about kingdom rulings and trading, and business I could care less about currently. If it hadn’t been for Adelaide and Evette this morning I would have been satisfied to lie in bed all day.
“What you need now is a strong companion. Having someone at your side to support you and your decisions would make all the difference. Have you made a choice about any of the Royals yet, Your Grace?” Evan had picked the worst day to hound me about bonding. I was still recovering from my destruction of Raina and Brokk. Couldn’t he see it written all over my face? I was miserable.
“Evan,” I sighed. “I’ve already told you. Please just call me Calliope. Even Queen Calliope if you have to, but drop the Your Majesty, Grace, Highness … all of the above, please,” I nearly begged.
“My apologies, Calliope. I am still trying to adapt to your formalities. It may take me a little longer.”
“It’s fine.” I waved away his apology. My mind circled back to the question he had asked. Had I thought about who was best for my kingdom? Yeah, simple answer there. No. Every time I thought I was confident with my answer, a sinking feeling would set in the pit of my stomach. My gut instincts were telling me I needed to hold off.
