by Jae
Regan loosened her white-knuckle grip on the table and rubbed the red lines where the edge had dug into her palms. “What do I do now?”
“You eat your panna cotta.” Her mom nudged the glass bowl toward her.
“No, I mean, what do I do about Ky? About us?”
“You knock on her door and ask her if she wants to have panna cotta with you for the next sixty-plus years.”
It sounded so simple. “That’s a lot of panna cotta.”
“Not if it’s your favorite dish and you share it with your favorite person,” her mother replied.
“But what if Ky doesn’t want to have panna cotta with me?”
Her mother let out a huff. “Please! That girl loves Italian dishes more than you do!”
“She’s not a girl, Mom, and we’re not really talking about panna cotta. What if Ky doesn’t think I’m the perfect person for her? She made me promise I wouldn’t…”
Her mother tilted her head. “Wouldn’t…what? Have panna cotta with her? Love her?”
“No. Yes. I don’t know.” What exactly had she promised Ky up at the reservoir? Her head was pounding. “That I wouldn’t risk our friendship for anything.” She lowered her voice to a whisper. “Not even for a chance at love.”
Her mom leaned across the table and gently took hold of Regan’s shoulders. “Are you sure that’s what she wants? Or is it just fear talking? I mean, it’s scary to have so much wrapped up in one person.”
Regan nodded. It was terrifying.
“And unlike you, Kylie has always been the cautious type, not someone who leaps into things without thinking,” her mom added. “Usually, she didn’t leap at all, unless you did it first.”
Regan jumped up. “Keep Mac and Robbie away from my panna cotta, okay?”
“Where are you going?” her mother asked.
“Outside. I need some time to clear my head.” Stepping onto the elevated deck for a moment wouldn’t be enough. Regan rushed downstairs, where tall firs grew right in her parents’ backyard, surrounding her with their familiar scent.
* * *
“Maybe this was a bad idea,” Ky mumbled as Denny safely navigated them up and down the hills of the Palisades neighborhood. Making impulsive decisions wasn’t her thing; it was what Regan did, and most of the time, it had gotten them into trouble.
But then again, all the shenanigans had helped forge their friendship into the most important relationship in Ky’s life.
“What was a bad idea?” Eliza asked from the passenger seat. “Having dinner with Regan and her folks?”
“Um, no.” Before Ky could decide whether she wanted to explain the real reason why she had asked them to drive her to Lake Oswego, Denny’s old Subaru Outback made it around the last bend.
They passed the house in which Ky had lived for the first sixteen years of her life. Usually, the sight of it made her insides clench into a knot, but today, she hardly paid it any attention.
Instead, she zeroed in on the Tudor-style home next door. Two cars were parked in front of the attached garage. Ky’s heartbeat sped up as she recognized one of them as Regan’s. She had to clear her throat before she could speak. “You can stop here. This is it.”
Denny whistled through her teeth. “I had no idea Regan is so…um…”
“Loaded,” Eliza finished with a good-natured laugh.
Ky’s hackles rose. “She’s not. It’s her parents’ money. Regan has never relied on the bank of Mommy and Daddy. Besides, the lot was much cheaper when they bought it in the early eighties.”
Eliza peered through the gap between the seats and gave her a curious look. “No need to get defensive. You know I couldn’t care less about how much money her family has or doesn’t have.”
“Sorry.” Ky swiped her fingers through her bangs. “I just…”
Eliza and Denny exchanged a long look, then Eliza turned back toward Ky. “It’s not really the thought of being late for meatballs or whatever they are having that is making you so anxious, is it?”
“No.” Ky took a deep breath.
Before she could spill her guts, the Romanos’ front door swung open. For a second, Ky clutched the seat belt, expecting to come face-to-face with Regan. But it was only her siblings who stepped outside, both loaded down with bags that, as Ky knew from experience, contained enough leftovers to last a week.
Since Denny’s car was blocking the driveway, they paused and peered inside.
Ky undid her seat belt. “Thanks so much for driving me. I owe you. I’ll take you out for a thank-you dinner sometime soon.”
“I’ll never say no to dinner, but you don’t owe us a thing,” Denny said. “Are you sure you don’t want us to wait? We could take a walk through town or go down to the lake, then come back for you.”
“It’s fine. I’ll ride back with Regan.” God, she really hoped she would and that the trip back wouldn’t be spent in awkward silence. With another “thanks,” she slipped from the car and then waved as they drove off.
“Kylie!” Mac rushed over and gave her a hug so tight any boa constrictor would have been proud.
Robbie followed suit, and Ky found herself engulfed in one of the Romano family hugs. She had missed this. It was the closest she had ever come to having siblings.
“I thought you weren’t coming,” Robbie said when he let go.
Ky rubbed her neck. “Um, yeah, it was kind of a last-minute change of plans.”
“Are we going back in with her?” Robbie gave his sister a hopeful look.
“No, I told you I have a date. I need to drop you off and get ready. Besides…” Mac glanced from Ky to the house. “I have a feeling Kylie isn’t here to see us.”
“Huh? Why else would she—?”
“I’ll explain in the car.” Mac gave her another hug and whispered, “Good luck.”
“What for?” Robbie chuckled. “You aren’t here to propose to our baby sister…” His laughter trailed off. “Are you?”
Ky’s cheeks and ears burned. “Uh, no.”
“Too bad.” He hugged her before opening the door on the passenger side.
Ky waved, then stood in the driveway until Mac’s car had disappeared around the bend. Slowly, she turned toward the front door behind the arched entryway. Her finger shook as she raised it to the doorbell. Great. Now she felt as if she were really here to propose!
The door was opened within seconds, as if someone on the other side had been waiting for her.
“Kylie! Come on in!” Tammy hugged her, then dragged her to the kitchen.
Joe looked up from a dozen different containers. He instantly put down the serving spoon and engulfed her in a hearty embrace. “I was just packing up the leftovers. Sit and I’ll heat up a plate for you.”
“No, thanks.” If she tried to eat even one bite, she would probably be sick. “I, um… Is Regan here?” The moment she said it, she wanted to slap herself. Her car’s in the driveway. Where else would she be?
But it was weird that Regan was nowhere to be seen and no sounds came from other parts of the house.
“She’s outside, clearing her head,” Tammy said.
Ky instantly knew what that meant. “May I…?”
“Of course.” Tammy patted her shoulder. “Go.”
Ky knew the house as well as her own apartment. Her heart pounded twice for each step she took as she made her way down the stairs. She pushed open the sliding glass door and crossed the patio.
Except for a couple of birds singing overhead, everything was quiet. Ky stepped out from beneath the deck of the main floor, which formed a roof over the patio, and walked over to the tall Douglas fir at the edge of the property.
Their tree house looked a bit weathered but, overall, in good shape. Its little porch, eight feet up from the ground, was empty, and the rope ladder that led through a hole in the platform dangled down. As kids, they had always pulled up the ladder so Regan’s siblings wouldn’t be able to follow them.
Was Regan really up there?
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Something kept Ky from calling out. With sweaty palms, she reached for the rungs of the rope ladder, hoping that Tammy still checked the tree house and the ladder for necessary repairs every summer. One deep breath, then she started to climb.
* * *
Regan lay on the wooden platform, her legs propped up against the wall to help her think, and stared up through the plexiglass skylight her mom had built into the roof.
She had lost count of how many times she and Ky had lain like this while she had made up wild tales about ships and pirates and, later, had dreamed about them going to college together.
As much as the stories and conversations had changed over the years, they all had one thing in common: it was always the two of them together, braving every adventure.
Now she was up here alone—which felt wrong beyond words—and neither of them had been brave.
For once, it hadn’t been Regan talking Ky into taking a risk. This time, it had been the other way around—Ky had talked her into playing it safe.
But the more Regan thought about it, the more she realized she didn’t want safe. She wanted Ky.
And it was up to her to make that happen. Her mom was right: Ky was too scared, and she wasn’t one to take risks. Even if she felt the same, she would never tell her. Ky would do anything not to lose her, including denying herself a chance at love.
Regan couldn’t allow that. Ky’s happiness had always been the most important thing in the world to her, and that meant she had to break her promise. Somehow, Regan had to find a way to talk her into going on the biggest adventure of their lives—provided Ky wanted it too. Wanted her.
Only one way to find out.
She swung her legs down from the wall, jumped up, and rushed to the hole in the platform.
* * *
Ky peered upward. One more rung, then she could pull herself up. She still had no idea what she’d say or do once she found Regan, but she tried not to think about that.
A sneaker-covered foot appeared through the square opening in the platform, aiming for one of the rungs.
Ky tried to duck out of the way, but unless she let go of the ladder, there was nowhere to go. Shit, was all she had time to think before the heel hit her just above her left eye.
Pain flared through her forehead. Her feet slipped, and only her desperate grip on the rung kept her from plummeting down farther. She grunted as her entire weight hung on her sweaty palms.
For a moment, she dangled helplessly while she fumbled to find a rung with her feet.
The sneaker above her disappeared. A second later, Regan’s pale face loomed above her. “Oh my God, Ky!”
Ky finally managed to slide one foot onto a rung, followed by the other.
Regan reached down, clutched a handful of Ky’s shirt in a death grip, and helped pull her up.
As soon as she made it through the hole, they both collapsed onto the platform, with Ky resting half on top of Regan.
Her heart pounded wildly, and she wasn’t sure if it was from the near fall or from Regan’s sudden closeness. She tried to roll off, knowing she was heavier, but Regan held tight.
“God, Ky! I nearly kicked you off the ladder! Are you hurt?” She ran her hands along Ky’s back and shoulders.
The sensations trailing through Ky’s body were definitely not pain. She struggled to suppress a moan. “Uh, no, I don’t think so.” Then, as Regan stopped moving her hands over her body, Ky became aware of the mild pounding in her head. “Ouch. I take that back. I think you managed to kick my eyebrow. The one with the scar.”
“Let me see.” Regan pulled her into the back of the tree house, away from the opening, carefully guided her into a sitting position, and knelt next to her. Despite a light tremor, her fingers were incredibly gentle as she ran them over Ky’s forehead and traced her eyebrow. “Here?”
“Uh.” Ky had no idea. All she could feel was Regan’s tender touch.
“Thank God it’s not bleeding. It’s just a bit red. Let me get some ice from the kitchen.” Regan moved toward the ladder.
“No!” Ky took hold of her ankle, preventing her from leaving. “I don’t need ice.”
“Are you sure?”
Ky nodded. “It barely hurts.” She ran one finger along her eyebrow to prove it, then couldn’t stop herself from flinching.
“God, I’m sorry, Ky. I had no idea you were down there.”
Ky waved her hand to stop her. “You don’t have to apologize. I do. I shouldn’t have left this morning.”
Regan sat with her arms wrapped around her knees. “Is that why you’re here? To apologize?”
“Yes. No. I…I think we need to talk.”
“Yeah, I think so too. That’s why I was climbing down. Ky, I…” Regan buried her face against her arm, then peered at her over the top of her knees. She spoke so quietly that Ky had to strain to make out the words over the birdsong in the trees around them. “I’m not sure I can…or want to…keep the promise I made you.”
Ky’s heart slammed against her ribs. Oh my God. That sounded like a breakup speech…when they weren’t even together!
“I realized that my mom is right. Everyone’s right.” Regan cleared her throat. “I want your toothbrush in my cup holder.”
Either Ky’s brain had been scrambled too hard from the kick to her head, or this was the weirdest friendship breakup speech ever. She stared at Regan openmouthed. “What?”
“Oh damn.” Regan let out a sound that was half giggle, half groan. “Is it just me, or did that come out like a euphemism? That sounded so much better in my head. I swear I didn’t mean it like that.” Then she paused and, in a breathless mumble, added something that sounded like, “Or maybe I did.”
Every word only increased Ky’s confusion. She held up both hands. “Let me say something here before I chicken out. I ran this morning because I wanted to stay more than anything.”
Regan lifted her head from where she had buried it against her arm. “I wanted you to stay too.”
Ky’s heart gave a happy thump. But she needed to make sure because too many things had remained unsaid between them in the past few weeks. She filled her lungs with the soothing scent of the trees, then asked, “You wanted me to stay like I stayed before? For a sleepover between friends?”
Regan took an audible breath as if she had to brace herself for what she was about to say. The seconds she took to answer seemed to tick by in slow motion. “No.” Her voice came out raspy. “I’ll never stop being your friend if that’s all you want, but if…maybe…you could imagine staying for something more…something different.” She searched Ky’s face with an intensity that made Ky’s heartbeat quicken.
“I can.” Distantly, Ky realized she was whispering. “That’s the reason I wanted to stay too.”
“Then why did you run?”
“Because I was so afraid of messing it all up and losing you. Still am.” She paused to peek at Regan.
“I know,” Regan said, understanding in her dark brown eyes. “Me too.” She slid over to Ky’s side of the tree house and took her hand. Their fingers instantly settled into that familiar tangle. “But that’s the thing. We’ve both been operating under the assumption that things won’t work out. That we’re risking destroying what we have if we try to turn it into something it wasn’t before.”
Imagining it hurt more than the kick to the head. She gripped Regan’s hand tightly. “Yeah.”
“But that’s not how chemical reactions work,” Regan said with her passionate science geek expression. “Sure, some of the old bonds might be broken, but new ones form, and no atoms are destroyed.” As if to demonstrate, she disentangled their fingers, then laced them again in a new position that had Regan’s instead of Ky’s thumb resting on top. It felt different, but just as wonderful. “We wouldn’t be destroying our friendship. We’d be building on it.”
Despite her tension, Ky couldn’t help cracking a smile at how adorable she was. “When you use chemistry to explain something, I
know you mean it.”
Regan held her gaze. “I’ve never meant anything more.”
Ky pulled her closer by their joined hands until they were both kneeling in the middle of the tree house. She drank in Regan’s familiar features, her eyes that looked so deeply into her own. Then her attention was drawn to the beautiful curve of Regan’s mouth. “Are you sure?” she asked in a husky whisper. “Once we cross that line, we can’t go back.”
“I don’t want to go back.” Regan’s voice was quiet but intense. She didn’t break their eye contact, not even to blink. “Do you?”
Ky sucked in a breath, then blew it out, imagining she was toppling over that fragile house of cards so she could build something stronger. “No. I want to go forward.” So she did—right into Regan’s arms. Still on her knees, she slid one hand onto Regan’s hip while keeping hold of Regan’s fingers with the other.
Regan wrapped her free arm around Ky’s shoulder and pressed closer until her body heat engulfed Ky.
Ky’s breathing sped up, but none of the oxygen seemed to end up in her lungs. She felt a little dizzy. Tunnel vision set in, and the only thing she could see was Regan’s face. Her eyes. Her lips. “Can I—?”
“Yes,” Regan breathed.
Ky raised their joined hands and pressed a kiss to Regan’s knuckles, almost like a test to see what it would be like. It wasn’t weird; it was electric. It made her want more, and now, for the first time, she allowed herself to have it. She disentangled their fingers and brought her hand to Regan’s cheek as she slowly leaned forward.
Regan let out a shuddery breath and met her halfway.
Warm air caressed Ky’s mouth, only to be replaced by Regan’s lips.
The birds stopped singing, or maybe Ky was no longer aware of them because all she could hear was her own heartbeat, and all she could feel was the slide of their lips against each other.
At first, it was slow and careful, a tentative exploration, with neither of them taking possession of the kiss but sharing it as they’d shared everything else—as equals. Maybe this was really building on their friendship rather than destroying it, Ky thought.
