by Monica James
I feel like I’m deceiving him in some way, and I hope Quinn talks to him before dinner, because I don’t know how long I can keep this up.
Finally our shift ends, and because it’s Sunday, we close up early.
Tabitha and I are freshening up in the locker room, and she huffs when she hears me sighing while touching up my makeup.
“Spit it out.”
I’m only touching up my makeup as I don’t want my foundation to rub off, revealing the cause behind my shocking headache.
“Spit what out?” I say unconvincingly.
“Why are you so jumpy?” Tabitha asks, taking a step toward me.
With nowhere to hide, I snap my compact closed and think, fuck it.
“Quinn and I kissed last night and… I like him, Tabitha. He makes me feel… alive,” I confess, bashfully.
Tabitha’s eyes are wide, like she’s trying to decipher why that would be the reason behind my erratic behavior.
“So, what’s the problem then?”
“Tristan,” I reply, lowering my voice.
“Oh,” she nods in understanding.
“Quinn wants to talk to him before we… I dunno. I don’t even know what we are,” I confess, meeting her eyes.
“You guys don’t have to put a label on what’s going on between you. Just let nature take its course,” she says like this isn’t rocket science.
“I just don’t like lying to Tristan, that’s all,” I sigh, feeling like an ass.
“I know. But Quinn knows his brother, and if he thinks this is for the best, then I’d listen to him,” she replies sympathetically.
She’s right.
“Now tell me, did Quinn put that tongue ring to good use?” she half jokes, looking at me eagerly, rubbing her hands together, wanting all the juicy details.
I immediately blush and zip up my hoodie, ready to hightail it out of here before I start to reminisce.
***
Tabitha is seriously a lifesaver.
When we pick a table toward the back of the restaurant, Tristan goes to pull out the chair next to me, but Tabitha pats the seat near her.
“Come sit near me, my superhero,” she smiles innocently, giving him a small wink.
Tristan hesitates, but thankfully doesn’t argue and sits near her.
I give her thank you eyes, and she nods.
We’re waiting for Quinn, who I am afraid won’t turn up. But a part of me hopes he doesn’t, as I don’t know how I’m going to get through this meal without choking on it.
Looking over the menu, my mouth waters as the burgers sound pretty delicious, and also not too pricey, which is great, seeing as I’m running low on cash again. As I’m no longer working at the motel, but volunteering instead, I need to find another job. I could ask for more hours at the diner, but that would mean more time spent with Tristan, and I’m not sure how things will be between us after he finds out that Quinn and I are… whatever we are.
I scoff at the thought. It’s not like Tristan is in love with me. I’m sure he’ll be totally fine.
Well, I hope.
“Kids,” Quinn says, addressing the table while taking a seat near me.
As soon as his signature fragrance reaches my nostrils, my body starts doing a happy dance, and I bury my head further into the menu, fake studying it with acute awareness. I’m trying not to make a scene, but am failing terribly, especially when Quinn places his hand subtly on my knee under the table, squeezing it lightly.
“Hi,” I say, and it resembles the voice of a pubescent boy.
Quinn chuckles beside me, and I envy how calm he can be.
“How you feeling, Abi?” Quinn asks, reaching for a menu with his right hand, his left still torturing my knee.
“Better. Thank you for last night,” she replies sincerely. “If it wasn’t for you guys…” She leaves the sentence hanging.
Quinn shrugs it off, shaking his head. “I’m just glad you’re okay.”
I can’t meet Tristan’s eyes, and I know he can sense my weirdness from across the small table.
“Everything okay, Paige?” he asks, drumming his fingers on the tabletop.
Nodding quickly, I bury my nose further into the menu futilely, as I know what I want to order. Quinn senses my anxiety and rubs his fingers across my bare knee, as I’m wearing my denim short shorts.
A waitress zips over, taking our orders, and I don’t fail to notice her eyeing Quinn. Suddenly a wave of… something passes over me, and I want to punch her in the nose.
Quinn, being Quinn, flirts back, giving her a small wink when handing the menu back to her. Now I want to punch them both in the nose.
I shift my knee away promptly and his hand slides off. I want no part of him touching me when he’s flirting with some bleached blonde bimbo.
This is getting really awkward, really quickly, and I know it’s my fault, but how do I put a lid on my feelings? I’ve never felt this way before, so I’m unsure how to deal with a situation such as this. I wish I did, because right now, I resemble a crazy person.
Tristan’s phone rings, and when he looks at the screen, he groans. “Great, it’s Amy. She better not call in sick tomorrow. I’ll be right back,” he says, excusing himself. He walks outside to take the call.
My shoulders depress as I exhale the breath I’ve been holding. Tabitha looks at me sympathetically and also excuses herself, faking a trip to the bathroom.
Great, now I’m alone with Mr. Flirty Pants.
I shuffle uncomfortably and fiddle with my silverware nervously. Quinn looks at me and my fidgeting hands, and stills them under his big palm.
“What’s the matter?” he asks in a hushed voice.
“Nothing,” I reply, my hand sweating under his.
“Don’t lie to me. Are you uncomfortable?”
I shrug, not really knowing what I feel.
“I’ll leave,” he says, making a move to stand.
“No!” I almost yell, and flinch when I realize how loud I’ve spoken.
“I just… have you spoken to Tristan?” I ask, turning to face him.
He just gets hotter and hotter each and every time I see him. He hasn’t shaved and has quite a heavy growth covering his face, and the darkness of it highlights the pinkness of his full lips. Of course my gaze falls to his lip ring, which I am obsessed with, more so now as I know how it feels moving against my lips.
Quinn sucks on his piercing before answering. “Not yet. I haven’t had a chance to. I’m sorry. I probably shouldn’t have agreed to come tonight. I just, well, I wanted to see you,” he confesses, making a face. “What a pussy, huh?” he adds with a smile.
I can’t stop the smile that spreads from cheek to cheek at his admission, and I almost forget his little flirty display with the waitress.
“Can you not… flirt in front of me? It makes me uncomfortable,” I confess, hoping I don’t sound like a jealous girlfriend.
Quinn looks guilty as he frowns. “I’m sorry, Red, I wasn’t thinking. I just, er, you know,” he says vaguely, scratching his brow.
I raise an eyebrow because I most certainly don’t know.
When he sees my confusion, he clarifies, “It’s just what I would usually do, and seeing as I don’t want Tristan knowing something is up…”
He’s going to behave like a man whore, I finish for him silently. It makes sense, but it doesn’t make me feel any less uncomfortable.
“Fine, whatever. But do you think you could refrain from fondling my knee while your brother is sitting opposite me?” I huff, annoyed we are even having this conversion.
“I could fondle something else if you like,” he says with a chuckle, leaning in subtly and kissing behind my ear.
My long hair shrouds him, and I try not to whimper as his hot lips sashay across my flesh with exact precision.
“Ha ha, very funny,” I reply breathlessly, trying not to combust.
“Who said I was joking?” he replies, his hand returning to my knee.
; This needs to stop now, before I blow my cover. Thankfully Tabitha clears her throat before sitting down, and Quinn pulls away quickly.
I look over at her guiltily, but Quinn, on the other hand, is Mr. Cool, Calm and Collected. Tristan arrives a second later, and I realize being around Quinn is hazardous to my health. It’s like no one else exists when I’m near him, and that in itself is dangerous, because what happens if I let my guard down and he finds out who I really am?
***
Dinner passes by smoothly enough, and I manage to keep my food down, as it’s delicious. Quinn thankfully stopped with the flirting, and Tristan didn’t seem to twig onto anything being off between Quinn and me. But after tonight, Quinn has to tell Tristan about whatever is going on between us, otherwise I will. I can’t lie to Tristan, who has been nothing but honest with me. I owe it to him. There are some things I can’t be honest about, but this, I can.
I’m sipping my bottle of water, trying to wash down my greasy burger and fries as we make our way to our cars. I automatically make my way to Tabitha’s car as I came with her, but Quinn stops me.
“Red, I’ll take you back to Hank’s.”
Everyone turns to look at Quinn, no doubt thinking, ‘what the fuck?’
But Quinn is blessed with brains as well as beauty as he nonchalantly explains, “We were going to talk about the plans for Night Cats, remember?”
I look at him, my mouth slightly agape, but I nod, “Oh yeah, of course. I forgot.”
Tristan looks just as confused as I.
“What plans?” he asks, turning to look at Quinn.
“Hank is gonna lose the motel if he doesn’t come up with some serious money. So Red and I have come up with a genius plan to stop that from happening.”
Tristan looks stunned, his eyes widening. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
Quinn shrugs. “I just did.”
I feel like stomping on Quinn’s foot as he doesn’t have to be so rude to his brother. Tristan huffs and I can tell he’s not happy at the prospect of me being alone with Quinn. But seeing as it’s got to do with Hank, he’ll let it slide.
“What do you guys have planned?” he asks, and Tabitha also listens eagerly, slipping a piece of gum into her mouth.
Quinn explains, our (his) plan, and when he’s done, both Tabitha and Tristan want in.
“I’m in.”
“Me too,” pipes Tabitha, the small frown on her freckled face a sign of how devastated she is to hear the news. “I wish I could give it to him, cause God knows, my family can afford it, but…”
“No one expects you to, Abi,” I say, giving her a gentle smile. “Wanting to help is generous enough.”
“So when do you wanna do this?” Tristan asks.
“Tomorrow,” Quinn replies, “so on that note, goodnight.” He places a hand on my arm, directing me to his truck.
I practically dig my feet into the pavement and lightly remove my arm from Quinn’s grip, glaring at him. I turn around and give Tabitha a hug goodbye.
“Goodnight, Abi. I’ll give you a call tomorrow and let you know what’s going on.”
Tabitha nods and pulls away with a wink.
“Have fun.” I know she’s not referring to this alleged planning Quinn and I are supposed to be discussing.
“Goodnight, Tristan,” I say, feeling stupidly awkward.
He gives me a small smile, and just like usual, pulls me in for a hug. I hug him back loosely, as it almost feels like a betrayal to Quinn, which is ridiculous as it’s just a hug.
Tristan’s arm tightens around my back as he murmurs, “Goodnight.”
I subtly pull out of his embrace when he holds on for a little too long, and the look reflected in his eyes is that of uncertainty. I feel awful, and a pang of guilt stabs me in the chest. I hope I never see that look mirrored on his face ever again.
Quinn waits for me to reach his side, and mercifully doesn’t make a grab for me as we walk to his truck in silence. We both get in and Quinn adjusts the heater, seeming to know I’m always cold.
The silence continues for the next few minutes, me looking out the window, deep in thought, while Quinn drives, wordlessly. The only noise is the heater blowing softly, warming the truck. But somehow, it can’t thaw through the sudden coldness between Quinn and me.
We pull up at Night Cats and I unbuckle my seatbelt, as this silence is suffocating me.
Quinn kills the engine and opens his door, stepping out. Unsure as to what he’s doing, I too step out and he meets me as I turn to shut my door. I meet him face first, and he stands in front of me, watching me closely. Feeling self-conscious, I squirm, pulling the sleeves of my hoodie down over my arms, covering my fingers.
I need to say something. Anything. But what? I know the silence between us is because of Tristan, and how we’re going to tell him, but the question is; what are we going to tell him? It’s not as if Quinn has declared his undying love for me, he got me off—once, and I’m behaving like he asked me to bear his first born son.
Deep in thought and still standing motionlessly, Quinn slowly reaches forward and links his fingers around my waist, pulling me toward him. I don’t resist and follow with the movement, and before I know it, I’m wrapped in his arms.
This is the first time I have been in arms this way, and it feels different to when I am in Tristan’s embrace.
It feels effortless. And it feels right.
We stay hugging for a few moments, and as I nestle closer to his chest, surrounded by his smell, I know that I’m in trouble. I have feelings for someone who is going to be really, really hard to say goodbye to when the time comes. But when did this happen? When was the exact moment my world got tipped on its axis, and shaken up beyond repair? I should have stopped it, but who am I to stand in the way of something that was inevitable?
The sound of Quinn’s heart beating steadily against my ear is comforting, and if I close my eyes really tight, I can pretend that I’m just a normal girl, being wrapped up in the arms of her normal… boyfriend? But make believe is for dreamers, and I’m a realist. I will enjoy the here and now because I don’t know what tomorrow holds.
Quinn pulls away first, but he reaches for my hand, interlacing his fingers through mine while silently leading me toward the hill we climbed all those nights ago. The terrain is still rocky and steep, but this time, Quinn is behind me the whole way, steadying me so I don’t fall, and I don’t fail to see the significance behind his gesture.
As we reach the top, the incredible view before me still takes my breath away.
With my hand still enclosed in Quinn’s, he lowers me down onto his lap as he sits on the grassy terrain. I don’t hesitate, I let him lead me, and for once, it is nice having someone I trust make the decisions for me.
We sit unmoving, both enjoying this stillness, as opposed to the one between us earlier. It isn’t until Quinn leans forward, kissing my neck, that I snap out of my daze.
“Quinn, I’m… when I leave, what happens then?” I whisper, afraid of his reply.
He takes a moment to answer, his heavy breathing an indication of him weighing up his response.
“Red, no one knows what happens next. That’s the mystery of life and all that philosophical shit. But the here and now, that’s what we can control. Each day is a test, it’s a lesson, and it’s a future memory we will return to when we feel sad or lost.” He takes a deep breath, and continues. “I can’t promise you flowers or romance, but I can promise you loyalty, honesty, and most of all…” He pauses, brushing my hair off my shoulder, skimming his fingertips along my exposed neck. “I can promise you me, the real me. I won’t hide from you because I know there’s no point. Behind those intelligent, beautiful eyes, lies a gifted, remarkable woman who sees past my bullshit, and still wants to be around me. Still wants me, and I can’t figure out why.”
My heart breaks hearing Quinn confess his insecurities, because under his punch lines and wit lies a wounded, insecure being—just like me.
&
nbsp; I want more than anything to confess my sins, to be upfront with him, but I just can’t.
“Quinn, I have secrets. And the things I have done… I can’t take back. Things that I wish I could, but I can’t. So if anything, I can’t figure out why you want me,” I admit, being as honest as I can without divulging too much.
Quinn’s chest rises on an exhalation, and he draws me back so I’m lying flush with his chest.
“I don’t care what you’ve done,” he whispers into my ear, my body shivering as his lips graze my outer shell. “We both have secrets, things we both wish we could take back, but can’t. And that’s okay, because when I’m with you, those secrets don’t rule me, they don’t define me. And I hope you feel the same with me.”
I pause. How can it be? How can someone illustrate the daily battle I fight within myself so articulately, and so accurately? Could it be that I have found someone who understands me better than I do myself?
“I do,” I reply sincerely.
And that’s the reason why I find myself slipping further and further under Quinn’s spell, and I’m scared it’s only a matter of time before I’m fully bewitched.
“Then just ride it,” he says into my ear. “We both have a past, but let’s not let it rule our future.”
I nod, my eyes slipping closed as his lips embark on kissing my neck, focusing on my rapid pulse fluttering under his mouth.
“You’re unlike anyone I have ever met before, Red,” he says, his hands tightening around my middle, holding me close, but it’s still not close enough. “We’re both broken, attempting to become unbroken, but somehow, together, we fit.”
And he tilts my chin, smashing his eager lips to mine, kissing me with a passion that steals my breath away.
This is the beginning of the end.
The end of Paige Cassidy because Mia Lee is back.
The real Mia Lee.
The real me.
Chapter 27
Forever
The next few days, Tabitha, Tristan, Quinn and I sweat our butts off, working at the motel day and night, and that’s because it’s going to take a team effort to get the motel back into business.
