by Lexie Ray
Casey got me up to the apartment, dragging me along at points.
“It’s going to be okay,” she kept chanting.
She tucked me into her bed and laid beside me, stroking my hair as I sobbed. My well of tears seemed endless, my body wracked with unimaginable pain. Why did it hurt so much?
“You were brave enough to open yourself up to love,” Casey said. I didn’t realize I’d sobbed my thoughts aloud. “It’s hard to make yourself vulnerable because it hurts so badly when your heart is betrayed.”
“You sound like you’re speaking from experience,” I said, my voice shot from all the crying.
“Of course I am,” Casey said. “Everyone gets their heart broken at least once in their lifetime. You just have to keep on loving. You can’t stop. It’s impossible to stop. Humans are wired to fall in love. So one day, when you find the right guy — or girl, no judgment — you’re going to have to be brave again so you can love.”
“Liam is the right guy,” I said, starting to cry again. “I know he is. Why can’t he see?”
Casey shushed me, hugging me to her. She provided physical comfort, but no one could fill the hole in my heart.
I spent two whole days in bed, crying on and off, before Casey made me get up.
“That’s enough, now,” she said. “Life has to go on.”
I knew she was right, but I felt like I had to drag myself from minute to minute. I got ready to go to the strip club with Casey that night, but she shook her head.
“No one likes a sad stripper, honey,” she said. “I’ll let you know when you’re ready to start stripping again, if that’s what you want to do.”
I shrugged and settled on the couch to lose myself to the TV. The flickering images, the constant dialogue, just the buzz of the sound drowned out my thoughts. It was a mindless comfort, but it was all I had.
Casey got back in what seemed like minutes and picked up my phone, frowning.
“I’ve been texting you,” she said. “I got worried when you didn’t answer.”
“Didn’t you just leave?” I asked. “What time is it?”
“It’s almost three in the morning,” Casey said, cocking her head at me. “I’ve been gone for six hours.”
Six hours lost, I thought. Good.
“I wanted to know if you wanted takeout or something, but you never answered,” she said, tossing the phone at me. “That meant I picked up takeout, of course.”
She settled on the couch next to me and handed me a steaming box of noodles. Casey dug in while I picked at mine, scrolling through the text messages I’d missed.
Two were from Liam. I didn’t want to look at them, but my fingers opened them of their own accord.
“I need to talk to you,” the first one read.
“Cocoa, we have to talk,” was the second one.
A flashing indicator also told me I’d missed no less than five calls from him. I dropped the phone in my lap in surprise as it buzzed, his name and number illuminating the screen.
Casey was watching me. “It’s him calling, isn’t it?” she asked. She always made a conscious effort not to say “Liam.”
I nodded, looking at the screen until my phone stopped buzzing.
“Probably wants that ring back,” Casey said, pointing at my finger.
I hadn’t been able to bring myself to take it off. That would make everything too real.
“We should hock it,” Casey said. “Then go on vacation somewhere awesome.”
I tried to smile at her and failed. Both of us jumped when the door buzzer sounded.
Glancing down at my phone, I opened another message from Liam. “I’m outside,” it read. “Please talk to me.”
“It’s him,” I said.
“I’ll handle this,” Casey said, setting her takeout aside and stalking toward the door. She cleared her throat and pressed the speaker button. “State your business.”
“It’s me, Liam,” came the tinny response. “Can I speak to Cocoa, please?”
His voice was like a knife to my heart. I hadn’t realized I’d missed hearing it so much. It was so hard to sit there and listen. I had to resist several urges all at once — the urge to start crying again, the urge to bury my head in pillows to never hear that voice again, the urge to run down the seven flights of stairs to see him again.
“No, you cannot,” Casey said. “You’re a vile person, Liam. You broke her heart.”
There was silence from the speaker for a few moments, just the dull hiss of someone pressing the button and not having anything to say.
“I know I did,” he said. “And I’m sorry for it. I wanted her to know that. I wanted to tell her myself.”
“You can tell me, and maybe I’ll think about letting her know,” Casey said. “I told you to never come near her. Your balls are going to get flattened, rich boy.”
“It was a chance I had to take,” Liam said. “I need to talk to her, Casey.”
“If it’s about the ring, you’re out of luck,” she said. “We gave it to a bum a couple blocks from here. Made her pretty happy. Made Cocoa happier to be rid of it.”
“It’s not about the ring,” Liam said. “I don’t care about that. I just — can I just talk to Cocoa?”
“You lost those privileges when you refused to stand by her,” Casey said, her voice icy.
“Please,” Liam said, his voice breaking. “Please let me talk to her.”
“She’s not here,” Casey lied. “She’s out on a date. I fixed her up with someone from the strip joint — really nice guy. A lot better than you. She was excited about it.”
“As long as she’s happy,” Liam said, his voice dull even through the speaker. “That’s all I wanted to know. I won’t bother you anymore.”
“Stop!” I cried, jumping up from the couch. “Stop!”
The speaker remained quiet. I ripped the front door open and ran for the stairwell. Barefooted, I dashed down the steps, urging myself to go faster and faster. I was out of breath when I reached the bottom, but I still forced myself to sprint through the lobby. I had to find him. I had to talk to him. I had to tell him that I still — God, it hurt — that I still loved him.
I had to be brave enough to do so, even as my heart was hurting.
I spotted a lone figure walking down the sidewalk, almost going around the corner.
“Liam!” I cried, the scream ripped from my throat, echoing down the empty street and sidewalks. A lone dog barked a block away. “Liam!”
The figure stopped and turned. After half a heartbeat, it started walking back toward me. Of course it was Liam. I could spot that blond hair half the city away.
I started walking to him, forgetting my bare feet, not caring about the coldness of the concrete beneath them. He started jogging the moment I started sprinting again. He was so close to me, too close to believe. We stopped just short of each other.
“I wasn’t on a date,” I said, breathless from my hurrying. “And I didn’t give your ring to a bum. See? It’s here. I haven’t been able to take it off.”
“Is it stuck?” Liam asked, looking at the hand I was holding out.
“No,” I said, gulping. My hopeful, shattered heart beat inside of my chest. How could we live with such a thing inside us? Why wouldn’t we be expected to throw up walls around it, to protect it from hurt at all costs?
Now was the time to be brave, I knew. I had to be braver if I wanted to be with the man standing in front of me. And I did want to be with him, I knew, in spite of everything — in spite of the hurt, the pain, the rejection, everything. I loved him, and love overcame all.
“I haven’t been able to take it off,” I said, “because I didn’t want to. Because I love you.”
Liam took my hand. “I don’t want you to ever take it off,” he said, kissing my hand. “I love you. I’m so sorry about all of this. I don’t care about your past. You’re the woman I love. All I care about is spending the future with you.”
I threw my arms around him and
he held me close. My heart was whole again.
Liam held me at arm’s length, drinking in the sight of me before crushing me to his body again.
“I haven’t been able to think of anything but you,” Liam said. “I don’t care whether the media finds out. I don’t care what they’d say if they do. I don’t care about money, or my business, or my reputation. All of it is ash without you. You make me brave enough to forget about all of it.”
“I was so horrified,” I said, crying again. “I never wanted you to find out about me like that. I just wanted to leave it behind. I didn’t want to mix our beautiful love with that dark place.”
“I don’t want there to be secrets between us,” Liam said, “but I understand why you didn’t say anything.”
“I’ll tell you everything, if you want,” I said. “But I’m done with that life.”
“I know you are,” he said. “I know. And I’m done with my brother.”
I covered my mouth with my hand. I had never wanted to come in between his family, or cause trouble in anyway like that.
“It’s okay,” Liam said. “He’s always been the black sheep of the family. You’ll never have to see him again. I’m sorry for what he did to you. I am.”
I had to smile. “Did you see his face when Casey kicked him in the balls?” I asked.
Liam laughed outright. “I’ll never forget it,” he said. “Your friend’s scary.”
“She’s a good person,” I said, “but she was downright terrifying that day.”
“Cocoa Bell,” Liam said, dropping to his knee in the middle of the sidewalk. “I am sorry for everything that happened. I love you and only you. You are my life and I want to spend the rest of it with you. Will you forgive me and marry me?”
“Of course I will,” I said, pulling him to his feet and kissing him. “I always will.”
Epilogue
“Package for you, Blue,” Shimmy said, tossing a small box to her.
“Thanks, baby,” Blue said, rattling the package next to her ear. What could it be?
Blue had lots of pen pals, but she hardly ever got packages unless it was her birthday or Christmas.
She set it aside and finished wrapping the last strand of hair around the hot curler. There. By the time it was time for work, she’d have bouncy, luscious curls. Or at least that’s what the box to the hot curlers had promised.
Blue danced around the room at a song that came on the television, shaking it alongside Shimmy. Shimmy was the better dancer, but no one would deny who was having more fun.
“Open it!” Shimmy said, once the song was done and the music program had switched to a commercial.
“Jeez, I almost forgot,” she said, reaching for the package. It wasn’t too heavy, but it was solid. Something was in there.
Blue opened the box and tipped it above her hand. A sleek phone tumbled out.
“Sweet!” Shimmy exclaimed. None of the girls had their own cell phone. It was just as easy — and free — to make calls on the phone at the end of the hall.
Who would have sent Blue a phone? She had no idea. Blue pressed the power button and was surprised to watch the phone come to life. It had already been charged.
There were two messages already blinking on the screen. Blue opened the first one. The contact read “Cocoa.”
“It’s me, Cocoa,” the text read. “I sent you this phone so we could always stay in contact. Don’t worry about the bills or anything. It’s the least I can do for what you did for me.”
“Who is it?” Shimmy asked, craning her neck to see the screen.
Blue swallowed. “Can I have some privacy for a little bit, baby?” she asked.
Shimmy held her hands up. “Of course,” she said, backing out of the room and closing the door.
The nightclub hadn’t been the same since Cocoa’s departure. All of the girls felt it keenly, having lost a genuine mother figure, but none more so than Blue. Blue’s heart had stopped when Cocoa went flying from the window, sure that she’d see her friend crumpled on the asphalt below.
Mama had never recovered from it. She still ran the show, but with an iron fist. Many of the girls had started squirreling away money, all of them frightened of the nightclub owner.
Blue had never breathed a word about what she’d seen, but she didn’t have to. The bullet holes in the hallway, the broken window, Cocoa missing. The girls weren’t stupid. They pieced everything together.
Blue’s own relationship with Mama had been shaky ever since. Mama might act nice toward her, if they had a chance to cross paths, but Blue knew Mama would never forget that she’d been the one to get Cocoa out of there.
It made Blue very wary.
Blue had been corresponding with Casey, keeping track of Cocoa’s life at a distance. But having the phone, this direct line with Cocoa, was so precious. On a whim, Blue brought the phone to her lips and kissed it.
She opened the second message, which was also from Cocoa. It contained a picture that took a few seconds to load. Blue’s eyes widened. It was the biggest diamond ring she’d ever seen.
“I’m getting hitched!” the text read. “I’ll expect you at the wedding, of course!”
Blue grinned. Cocoa getting married — who would’ve thought? And it had to be someone rich with a rock that size. Good for Cocoa. Getting out of here and getting a husband in the deal.
“Congrats,” Blue texted back. “I hope I’ll catch the bouquet.”
She sent it and waited, thinking of all of Mama’s girls. How much longer would the façade of the nightclub hold? Nothing could ever be the same without Cocoa. She was an emotional cornerstone of the place. More and more girls were coming to Blue for advice. She realized with a start that she was now the most senior of the girls, since Cocoa had left.
The phone buzzed. A new text message.
“I’ll throw the bouquet right to you, no catching necessary,” Cocoa typed. “How is everything?”
Everything? Mama getting crazier by the day and the girls getting more terrified? Blue didn’t know what to put. Something had to be done, of course, about the situation before it exploded. Blue had a feeling that she would play a large part in it. She was already neck deep.
She didn’t want to worry Cocoa. She’d take care of the problems at Mama’s nightclub, in time.
“Everything is better now that I know you’re okay,” Blue typed. “Everything can only get better.”
~ END of BRAVER ~
WISER
Chapter One
They say if you can make it in New York City, you can make it anywhere.
They say that the people who live here are dreamers, that there’s an “empire state of mind.”
They say lots of things about New York City—the Big Apple—but no one really knows what it’s all about until they’re here.
And here I was, a 25-year-old masquerading as a hip bartender called Blue in one of the hottest nightclubs in the entire city.
Only it wasn’t a nightclub. And my name wasn’t Blue.
“Blue! For God’s sake! You’ve been in there for a half hour, at least!”
The pounding on the stall door made me jump before gritting my teeth and pounding back.
“You’re a freak for counting, Shimmy!” I hollered. “I’m done when I’m done. Use one of the other ones!”
“But Blue ….”
Shimmy’s whine made me grin despite my tough words. Of the three toilet stalls, the one I was occupying was the only one that worked properly. The one to my left had been clogged for three solid days. The one on my right didn’t have a door. So if you wanted privacy while you were doing your business, it had to be done in the one I had been shamelessly hogging.
It was hard to get a moment’s privacy when there was only one functional toilet stall for thirty girls.
It wasn’t fair for me to occupy the stall, especially when I’d completed my business a solid ten minutes ago, but it seemed to be the only place I could think. I brought the little j
ournal that doubled as my sketchpad and a pencil along with me, jotting down ideas alongside doodles. It was usually the most relaxed I was, but not with other girls beating down the door.
“Gimme a sec,” I grumbled good-naturedly, flushing the toilet and stuffing the journal in the waistband of my sweatpants.
As I unlocked and opened the door, Shimmy pushed past me, yanking her pants down.
“Seriously?” I exclaimed, laughing and covering my eyes.
“Girl, I had to go,” she said with an enormous sigh of relief. “When are these stalls gonna get fixed?”
