“Exactly,” I argued with a frown as I shook my head, thinking she had a long way to go. “You’re barely even showing, Jolie.”
“I feel like I’m as big as a cow,” she answered with a laugh. “But at least the morning sickness is a thing of the past.”
“Well, if it’s any consolation, you don’t look anything like a cow,” I said, loving the feel of the sand beneath my bare feet. “And as for Rand, that man loves you more than anything in the world. I can see it in his eyes whenever he looks at you.” Jolie immediately smiled and I could see her love for Rand clearly written all over her face. “Okay, enough of this sappy stuff. I’m not sure how much more I can take,” I finished with a shake of my head and a teasing smile.
“Are we that bad?”
I nodded immediately and then rolled my eyes at her to say they were that bad and then some. “The two of you together can be pretty gross sometimes.”
Jolie giggled as her cheeks colored with what I imagined was slight embarrassment. Then she inhaled deeply as she offered me a self-conscious smile. “I’m sure we are.”
“Yep, just a little,” I concurred with another big grin before I remembered the direction the conversation had been headed. “So, if you’re worried about being too big for the wedding, why not just get married now?”
Jolie nodded as if the thought had already occurred to her. “I would have agreed to get married sooner but Rand wants a big wedding and all the arrangements that go along with one take quite a while … I’m not even sure I can get everything wrapped up in four months!”
“Well, you know I’m always here to help?” I asked as I stopped walking and faced her. She paused as well, and her expression was one of curiosity. I didn’t say anything but settled my hands on her stomach. I could feel the energy of her unborn baby immediately. “She’s strong and healthy.”
“She?” Jolie responded with a laugh that said she wasn’t convinced of the baby’s sex. I didn’t know why but I was sure her baby was a girl. I always had been.
“The energy coming from her feels like a girl’s energy to me,” I explained and then shrugged as if to say it was just a hunch and that I had no evidence on which to base my opinion.
“I would love to have a little girl,” Jolie responded, a faraway expression taking control of her face as she looked out over the waves that crashed against the rocks. The sun was shining and warm even though a cold breeze billowed out from over the ocean. I pulled my hoodie tighter around myself and tried to ward away the chill in the air.
“You would love whatever sex you’re blessed with,” I responded with another smile as I reiterated the same thought to myself. The truth of the matter was that I was beyond excited to be an aunt. But it was an excitement that had to be tempered because I knew better. Even though the last three months had been blissful for me because I’d finally allowed myself to drop my defenses and actually get to know my sister, I knew my reasons for doing so weren’t happy ones. There was always the thought, in the back of my mind, that whatever burgeoning closeness I felt for Jolie, it wouldn’t and couldn’t last long. At the end of the day, we were still enemies and still fighting for opposite causes. And what was more, I was very much aware that I would still have to earn her trust and then use it against her. The thought made me sick to my stomach and had every day for the past three months.
You aren’t going to let anything happen to your sister, I thought to myself. No matter what Luce’s plans are, you will make sure Jolie and her baby are safe. It was the same sentiment I’d repeated to myself at least five times a day. It was the only way I could rationalize my actions.
But what of Rand? I asked myself for the umpteenth time. Luce probably is planning on attacking Kinloch Kirk at some point. So what will that mean for everyone you’ve gotten to know so well? Would you really be okay if Luce tried to kill Rand or Odran … or Sinjin?
The answer was no, I wouldn’t be okay with Rand, Odran or Sinjin dying. But I also didn’t know how to rectify the situation and it continued to eat at me day and night.
“Yes, that’s true, I would love a boy or a girl,” Jolie admitted as she nodded enthusiastically. “And going back to your comment about helping me,” she started and then eyed me knowingly.
“I’m happy to help however I can,” I said honestly. “Although I’ve never even seen a wedding before so I’m not sure how much help I’ll actually be …”
“I want you to be my maid of honor, Bryn,” Jolie interrupted.
I felt my stomach drop for the second time in the course of the last few minutes. “Jolie,” I started as I shook my head and immediately felt guilt choking me. It wouldn’t be right for me to accept her offer to be her maid of honor, not when I was still holding true to my loyalty to Luce. “What about Christa?” I asked in a hollow voice, searching for any argument against my playing the role of my sister’s maid of honor.
But Jolie shook her head and wore that stubborn expression of hers that said she wouldn’t be swayed. “You’re my twin sister, Bryn,” she announced matter-of-factly. “I know we haven’t known one another that long and the beginnings of our … relationship were rocky, but over the course of the time you’ve been here, I feel as if we’ve become close.” She took a deep breath and then expelled it. “I’m sure it’s been hard for you to come to terms with your people deserting you and I know you haven’t allied yourself with us yet,” she started.
“No, I haven’t,” I finished for her. Even though Luce had instructed me to earn Jolie’s trust and to get close to her, there was only so far I would go. Yes, I’d made up the story that I believed my people had deserted me but other than that mistruth, I hadn’t lied to my sister. Every conversation, every laugh we’d shared as well as all the time we’d spent together over the last three months had been real and genuine for me. And it hadn’t been a hard task to get close to my sister, because all along, I’d yearned to be close to her. She was the only family I had.
“I hope you don’t think I’m insinuating that I do want you to ally yourself with us,” Jolie said and started worrying her lower lip. “I mean, of course I want that more than anything in the world, but I also don’t expect it of you. I know we’ve both grown up to believe such different things …”
“I think it’s better that we leave this conversation alone,” I responded, not able to shake the guilt from within myself. There were moments when I felt like I was a ticking time bomb disguised as Jolie’s sister, just waiting to go off and destroy everything she’d worked so hard for.
Jolie nodded but looked slightly disappointed. “You’re probably right,” she admitted and then smiled at me reassuringly.
But I shook my head. “The other thing to consider here is that certain people won’t be happy about me being your maid of honor at all. To many, I’m still your prisoner.” I was referring to Mercedes.
“I don’t care what the prophetess thinks about this, Bryn,” Jolie responded, her lips set in a tight line. “This is my life so I’m going to live it the way I see fit.”
“But, I am still your prisoner, Jolie,” I argued, shaking my head as I tried to beat the point home. I didn’t want Jolie to blindly trust me because I knew how this was going to end. And it wasn’t going to be happily ever after. “You were right when you said that we both believe in vastly different things, things that are irreconcilable.”
“You aren’t my prisoner, not anymore, Bryn. You are my sister,” she rebutted, her jaw tight. “Regardless of where you and I stand on the topic of our belief systems, I love you. I love you because you’re my sister and I’m hopeful that someday we can put our differences aside.” She paused for a moment or two while I tried to come to terms with the fact that I was a horrible person. “I feel like we’ve made such strides to drop the walls between us and every day I spend with you, I love you more than I did the previous one.” She beamed at me and I felt like I was going to cry. “You are the only family I have left, Bryn,” she said as she took my hand and cover
ed it with her other one. “And regardless of our past, I want you to be a huge part of my future.” She glanced down at her belly. “And the future of my baby.” She smiled up at me again. “It’s for that reason that I’m asking you to do me the favor of being my maid of honor at my wedding.”
I couldn’t look at her any longer and dropped my focus to the sand below my feet because I didn’t want her to see the tears that were starting in my eyes. I suddenly felt like a traitor and I was choking on the guilt. When I felt like I was finally able to talk my tears into submission, I glanced up at her again and smiled sadly. “Do you know that’s the first time anyone has ever told me that they love me?” I asked, my voice cracking.
There was a brief moment of shock on Jolie’s face before she remembered herself. “I’m sorry to hear that,” she said softly and offered me another sweet smile as she tightened her hold on my hand.
I inhaled deeply and blinked a few determined tears away. “It’s, um, strangely, not easy to hear,” I explained in a mere whisper as I fought to keep it together.
“I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable,” Jolie started but I immediately shook my head.
“You didn’t make me uncomfortable,” I said before realizing that I needed to explain myself. “I, uh, just was taken by surprise a bit. That’s all.”
And I knew that even though I felt the same feelings for my sister, that is that I loved her, I would never be able to get the words out. I just wasn’t one of those people who found being in touch with her emotions easy. Jolie fell silent as she studied me, a whisper of a smile still residing on her lips. “I know this sort of stuff is hard for you,” she announced. “Hopefully it will get easier.”
“I hope so,” I admitted, still unable to look her in the eyes. I hated the feeling of showing weakness in front of someone and with the tears still residing in my eyes, I felt utterly and completely weak.
“Will you do it, Bryn?” Jolie persisted. “Will you be my maid of honor?”
I made the mistake of looking into her bottomless blue eyes and knew I couldn’t disappoint her. “Of course I will,” I said with a half-hearted smile because inside, I felt as if I were crumbling.
My sister gripped both of my hands and that familiar energy that connected us suddenly sprouted up as if to remind me that it was still present. “Thank you,” Jolie said with genuine happiness beaming from her face.
“I’m happy to,” I answered sadly before silence began to reign between the two of us. Pretty soon the only sounds were those of our feet as they crunched the sand.
“So tell me how things have been going for you,” Jolie said in a determined tone of voice.
I shrugged and allowed my eyebrows to knot together to say I wasn’t following her. “How things have been going for me?” I repeated.
“Yes,” she nodded. “I mean with Sinjin and Odran,” she further explained with a broad smile. “Mainly with Sinjin.”
I shrugged as I wondered why she was following this path of conversation because it definitely wasn’t one that I wanted to discuss. “There isn’t really much to say … about either of them. Things are fine.”
“Well, are they both treating you well?” she asked, but it was simply another attempt to dig into the subject because she’d already asked me this same question nearly every week. I was never quite sure what answer she was hoping for.
“Yes, they both treat me very well,” I responded with a shrug. “I can’t complain.”
She nodded but was quiet for a few seconds. “I’ve seen the way Sinjin looks at you,” she started.
But I immediately shook my head because that was one conversation I wanted nothing to do with. What had happened between Sinjin and me was filed away in the annals of my head in an area titled “Not for revisiting.” “There’s nothing to say where Sinjin is concerned,” I said with no amount of hesitation.
The truth was that Sinjin hadn’t acted the same since our … encounter. Whereas before it had seemed as if he sought my company, now it seemed like he wanted little to do with me. He was very polite and friendly but distant. It was more than obvious to me that, for whatever reason, Sinjin didn’t like the idea of my virginity and it was now acting as a barrier between the two of us. And, really, it was just as well because I didn’t want to develop feelings for the son of a bitch anyway.
“I think he,” Jolie continued but I interrupted her with a firm shake of my head.
“Sinjin doesn’t look at me in any way, Jolie. There’s nothing going on between us and there never will be,” I said with finality.
“How would you know how he does or doesn’t look at you?” Jolie demanded as she threw her hands up in frustration. “Last I checked, you didn’t have eyes in the back of your head that enabled you to see Sinjin when you aren’t looking at him!”
“Ha-ha, funny,” I rebutted as we both glanced out at the ocean. Anxiety was beginning to bubble up within my stomach. It was the same feeling I always got whenever I thought about the vampire. “I just know that Sinjin isn’t interested in me, that’s all,” I said in a softer voice as I focused on my sister’s pretty face again. “And the sooner you realize that, the better,” I finished, eyeing her skeptically because I wanted to put an end to the conversation.
“Why?”
“Because that’s exactly how I want it,” I answered. “It would make things really uncomfortable and awkward if my babysitter had something for me.”
“He’s hardly your babysitter,” Jolie scoffed at me and waved away my concerns dismissively.
“Okay, he’s more like my roommate,” I clarified.
“Or your friend?” Jolie asked and sounded hopeful.
“No, more like my roommate,” I corrected. Sinjin and I weren’t really friends by any stretch of the imagination. I was more than sure that there were a million things he’d rather be doing and places he’d rather be going than being stuck at Kinloch Kirk, keeping an eye on me. And even though I was convinced in the truth of my statement, I couldn’t help the twinge of pain that accompanied the thought.
Jolie nodded but wore the expression of someone who wasn’t finished with her inquisition. “Are you attracted to him?” she asked. I couldn’t help my surprise because our conversations had never ventured into such personal territory before.
“Um,” I started and then cleared my throat. “I would say it’s impossible for a heterosexual woman not to notice that Sinjin Sinclair is a strikingly handsome man,” I answered, feeling as if I’d successfully avoided revealing my true feelings.
Jolie nodded immediately. “I couldn’t agree more. Sinjin is beautiful.”
I didn’t say anything but simply nodded, noticing the quiet as it continued to stretch between us, finally becoming uncomfortable. “Um, why are we talking about this?” I asked, turning to face her as I stopped walking and she followed suit.
“Because I think Sinjin has the hots for you and I’m curious to find out where you stand on the subject,” Jolie announced with a little smirk. “And I happen to think you both would be great together which is why I ordered him to keep you company to begin with.”
I shook my head and sighed, feeling suddenly exasperated. “While I appreciate your interest,” I started and offered her a wry smile, “it’s pointless, Jolie. If Sinjin has the hots for me, it’s only because I look so much like you.” I took a deep breath. “And, what’s more, I have no interest in him and I have zero interest in you playing matchmaker where I’m concerned.”
“There was a time when I thought Sinjin had feelings for me,” Jolie started, clearly ignoring the last thing I’d said. “And there was a time when I definitely had feelings for him, but that time has long since passed.” Then she smiled. “I mean, I’m sure there will be a part of me that will always love him because once you get to know him, you can’t help but to love him.”
“I don’t love him,” I argued and then shrugged.
Jolie glanced over at me and smiled. “You must not know him well enough yet,
” she responded with a laugh.
“Regardless,” I said quickly, “Sinjin is still as in love with you as he always has been and that is just fine by me.”
But she shook her head. “He’s not. Maybe once upon a time he was, but that time has long since passed.” She glanced down at her stomach and nodded as if it held proof for her of the fact that she no longer possessed Sinjin’s love. “Every day that he sees me, it must be a good reminder of the fact that my heart belongs to another man.”
“And you think just because Sinjin knows you love Rand, that that makes him love you any less?” I asked and shook my head, obviously not buying her explanation. “I am the first person to admit that I don’t know anything about men or relationships or love in general, but I do have a feeling that love doesn’t work like that. Just because you’re in love with Rand doesn’t mean that Sinjin can just turn his feelings for you off like a light switch.”
“I guess on this subject we will have to agree to disagree,” Jolie said with a smile before her gaze narrowed on me. “What I’m more interested in is why you don’t know anything about relationships?”
I cleared my throat and felt uncomfortable under her proverbial magnifying glass. “Because I’ve never been in one.”
“You’ve never been in one?” she scoffed and gave me an expression that said she didn’t believe me and then some.
“Things like that aren’t the same where I’m from,” I explained. “There are no love unions and it’s predetermined as to who will be a warrior and who will be in a pair bond.” Then, figuring Jolie would have a myriad of questions for me on the pair bond subject, I explained how they worked and how my people placed no importance on love at all.
Sinjin Page 15
