Chapter Fourteen
I don’t remember much past running into Lev at lunch. The classes blur together, and the rest is hard to care about.
Bree and Shelly have picked up on the silent breaking within me but neither understands. They think it all has to do with Lev. During English, when we’re supposed to be writing a script for a commercial, they prattle on and on while I say nothing yet feel everything.
Mr. Maguire strides down the hall after school and stops right in front of my locker, leaving me no choice in whether or not I want to talk to him. As most of the students have already gone, I feel awkward just standing there, shuffling books. Besides, I know that Celia is waiting for me.
“Ms. Moon?” the teacher finally says, shoving his hands deep in his pocket.
“Yeah.” I grab my coat, hoping that will make him keep whatever he says short and sweet.
“Mr. Williams has briefed all of us teachers about your situation, and I’ve been thinking. I know you told the police that it was an accident when you fell over the falls, but is it possible that Gail and Griffin intentionally staged it?”
A shudder rips through me, and my shoulders tense. “You weren’t there, Mr. Maguire. Griffin did everything he could to keep me from falling.” I frown, suddenly unsure where all of this is going.
“Perhaps he did. But if he and Gail planned for you to go over the rail, it would be almost impossible to pull you up.”
I step back until I feel the locker pressing against my spine, telling me there is nowhere else to go. “I don’t think that’s what happened. I think Griffin tried his best. He’s not the one behind this.”
He shrugs. “Perhaps not. But I’ve still alerted the office of his potential involvement. It’s better just to be safe, Ms. Moon.” That said, he turns away and heads back down the hall, leaving me stunned.
Was it possible that Griffin was dangerous? Had I underestimated him?
On the way to meet Celia at her car, Lev and I brush past each other, and I wonder if those other lifetimes had been this hard. Had I loved him then, too, and was that why his memory refused to die? My feet seem to trip over themselves as I pass my open locker. The metal shelves have been cleaned, but I think of how blood traces glow with Luminol and ultraviolet light. Nothing can be hidden for long from those who seek it. The truth, they say, will set you free, but I don’t feel it. I suddenly think about me being stuffed in there, my limbs broken at odd angles to accommodate the space, a noose around my neck. And my blood stippling the cold metal like raindrops on leaves. Some freedom, I think and shudder. Sometimes freedom is just trading one prison for another.
I get into Celia’s car and she shakes her head. “Okay, Lizzie, things seem to be worse between you and Lev. I didn’t believe that was possible, but he’s not talking, and I’m thinking you’re not going to either.”
“It doesn’t matter.” I rake the hair from my face and pin it behind my ears. I want that to be true, but at the same time, more than anything I want Lev.
“It doesn’t matter?” She points outside where Lev walks. “You sure about that? Look closely because right now he’s suffocating under the guilt you smothered him with. “That’s why he wouldn’t let me sit with him?”
“Bingo.”
My stomach aches. I think it’s stress, and right now I’m wishing I didn’t know all the answers for all the good they’ve done, alienating me from the one person I truly care about.
“What do I do?” I lean against the seat as she pulls out. “Has it always been like this between Lev and me?”
“No, this is the first time he’s been so protective, and he’s taking a big risk. The closer he keeps you, the more he feels and the less able he is to keep his head on straight. It would be funny really if there weren’t so much at stake.”
“I’m scared,” I whisper, turning toward the window as the landscape blurs. “Because I wonder if he’ll change his mind at the last moment like in my dreams. But I can’t stand the thought of being without him either. It’s like my world doesn’t exist in his absence.”
“He’ll be there when you need him,” Celia argues. “I’ve known him for 350 years, and I can tell you what he’s going to do nine out of ten times.”
“What if I’m the tenth?” I whisper, closing my eyes.
“Then Lev may as well destroy himself because he won’t be able to take watching you die again.” She pulls into my housing addition, and we fall silent. By the time she accelerates into my driveway where both my Jeep and Jimmie’s truck sit, we’re each lost in our thoughts. I glance at our house and dread going inside because if Principal Williams actually did reach Jimmie, he’s going to be so angry. Not that Jimmie could have accomplished anything by going to the school except raising more of a ruckus.
“Thanks,” I murmur, grabbing my backpack and getting out. Taking a deep breath, I walk to the front door. As I slip inside, I hear Jimmie playing the Playstation 2, and while most guys like sports games, Jimmie prefers old video games like Joust and Missile Command. I pause for a second and listen. The flapping sound tells me it’s Joust this time. Part of me is relieved because if Principal Williams had gotten ahold of Jimmie, playing video games would have been the last thing on his mind, and right now Jimmie really needs to unwind.
I smile, glad to see some semblance of the old Jimmie. I don’t know for how long, but since we relocated here, he hasn’t acted right. Maybe he suspected this move would be really bad, but he could never have anticipated this. I hang my coat in the closet before heading into the living room where Jimmie intently hunches over his controller, his eyes narrowed in concentration. Yet as I watch, a dragon launches at Jimmie’s ostrich. At least I think it’s an ostrich, and it kills him.
“Hey, Lizzie,” he says, smiling. “You want to play? I have your favorite, Centipede.” He waves the rental case at me.
“Where did you get that?” I pluck the box from his fingers. “I absolutely love this game.” Okay, okay, a little of Jimmie’s old game obsession wore off on me. I’m a Centipede fanatic, and when we lost this game in the move, I was really upset. It’s pretty much the only one I like.
“So,” Jimmie says, “You got time?”
“Sure.” I sink into the couch as he takes the game and puts it on. Then he sits beside me to watch as I shoot little bugs and get pounced on by dancing spiders. As much as everything weighs me down, this light moment helps as Jimmie and I sit together. Right now all I have to do is remember to breathe and forget everything else.
But, as my mind is quick to point out, Lev will never be easy to forget.
Jimmie and I play the Playstation the rest of the afternoon. He beats me, but only twice. Maybe he was letting me win. Once he decides that it’s time to get ready for work, I heft my backpack over my shoulder and trudge upstairs to write an essay over the role of female characters in Hamlet. While the topic is really no trouble because I’m one of the few kids who actually likes the play, trying to stay focused is another matter altogether.
No matter if my eyelids are open or closed, I see Lev’s face, his deep blue eyes reminding me of a stormy sea. I see the shimmer surrounding his body. I remember what it’s like to be cradled in his arms and to feel his lips brush my skin. It’s like we’re now a part of each other and I’ll never be free. Even now, knowing that our paths have crossed before, I don’t want to erase his presence from my life even if that could take away the future danger.
I struggle through three paragraphs, wondering if anything I’m writing makes sense, let alone covers the topic. Frustrated, I close the book. Stepping to the window, I look out into the darkness and up at the full moon. My breath fogs the cold glass, leaving a muted blur.
Without thinking, I raise my hand and scribble ‘Lev’ into the mist. I lean against the glass, as though a windowpane is all that separates us. It’s almost laughable. After all, why couldn’t I be like every other girl and fall for somebody like Griffin? He might be a jerk sometimes, true, but at least he’s
a human jerk. At least there’s no big, drawn-out reason why our lives would be entangled. Nothing that a simple biology lesson wouldn’t answer.
But that question is just one in a long list. Why couldn’t I be Caucasian or Indian but not both? Why did my parents have to leave me—my mother through death and my father through God only knows what? There’s no end to the questions, and I’m sure even if I get the answers, I’ll think of more questions.
Sighing, I turn and go back to my bed. I grab the monstrous lit book and plop it onto my rolling chair so I can lie back in bed. I’m definitely feeling the first tugging of sleep, and I know it’s not the safest thing for me to drift off because of the nightmares, but at this point, what does it matter? I think about the turkey in my locker. My nightmares have bled into my daily life where I can’t escape. It doesn’t matter if I’m awake or asleep. It’s all the same to my very confused little brain.
In the fog of sleep, dreams curl around me. Lev and I stand together at the Falls. Despite the cold that freezes my breath into wispy funnels, Lev doesn’t even wear a shirt. His blond hair shines like pure light. We’re together, but our bodies don’t touch, and I feel tension rising like the fine mist from the falls just ahead.
“I have to go, Elizabeth.” Lev’s voice is barely audible over the rushing water, and he won’t meet my eyes. It’s as though he’s rehearsed his words, and I’m of no consequence to him.
“Why?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“It does to me.” I try to grab his arm but he shrugs away my touch. I feel myself starting to cry. “Stay with me!”
Lev doesn’t answer. Instead he raises his arms and his massive wings shimmer into being. He climbs the rail. I gasp, watching him begin what appears to be a straight dive, at least until his wings flap and lift him. Each mighty wave of whiteness takes him farther and farther until I can’t see him anymore.
I hear leaves crackle distantly, and I whirl, knowing they’re coming. It’s just a matter of time before my death in this time. Except Lev won’t be here either to stop my killers or guide my soul.
More noises. I can’t see them, but I know they are present. So I scream.
Hands touch my face and someone whispers, “Shhhh. It’s just a bad dream.”
In my sleep-drugged mind I think, “What’s Jimmie doing here?” That makes me struggle from the black undertow toward consciousness. My eyelids flutter open, and I see the soft glow of light radiating from Lev. Once again h’s wrapped me in his wings. His blue eyes seem to peer down into my soul.
“Am I dreaming or are you real?” My hand touches the plane of his muscular chest.
“Which would you prefer?” His warm quiet voice settles over me. One hand strokes the bangs from my eyes.
“That you’re here.”
“Then I guess it’s your lucky day.” He kisses me. “I was giving you space until I heard you crying out.” His arms drape my body.
“Where were you that you heard me?” I feel my heart race.
“It doesn’t matter. I could be halfway across the world and I would still hear your dreams. I told you, we’re linked.”
I take a deep breath. “I’m sorry about what I said earlier. I didn’t mean it.” I gently stroke his collarbone. “I really didn’t.”
“You don’t say things you don’t mean but it came from fear. You mistook my actions for selfishness, Elizabeth. It’s understandable.”
I feel something digging into my back, and I grasp his hand to find the offending item is his bracelet. I trace the silver plate. “Why do you wear that?”
“To remind me of why I’m here.” He looks down at it and then gently pulls it off. “But I want you to have it.” His warm fingers slip the metal around my wrist. “I don’t need it anymore.”
“Why?”
“Because I love you, Elizabeth. It just took me a long time to figure that out.”
“How will I know when it’s…time?” My voice falters and my whole body tenses.
“You won’t.” His hand brushes the hair from my face. “To you it will seem like every other day that has gone on before.” He bends low and kisses my forehead.
“Will you know?” I keep staring into his eyes, wanting to swim in them forever. I’ve never seen a shade that pure and deep.
“Not entirely. I’ll recognize the signs. That doesn’t mean I’ll know precise details, which is why no matter where you are, I won’t be that far behind.” His voice is soothing. “Worrying isn’t going to help, Elizabeth.” Glancing down, he lays his hand flat on my chest where my heart is, and I feel a warmth seep into my skin, slowing the crazy beat of my heart so that I’m not bordering on panic.
“What…what are you doing?”
“Helping.” His eyelids slowly open more until he takes in my face. “That’s better. Your heart doesn’t sound like a galloping horse anymore.”
“How did you do that?” I whisper.
“Never ask an angel to reveal his secrets.” An inviting grin spreads across his face, and it’s contagious because despite the fear, I find myself laughing.
“So what other extraordinary abilities do you have?”
“Nothing much.” Again, he teases me as he slips his palm against mine and laces our fingers together. He bends over and gently presses his lips to mine.
I savor his touch, feeling my body spinning beside him. It takes a few seconds after he has withdrawn to realize it and open my eyes. He’s still staring.
“Welcome back to the land of the living,” he muses. “I thought I might have lost you.”
“Still here,” I whisper.
“Mmmm.” He squeezes my hand lightly. “So you still want to know what angels can do?”
“Yes.” I touch his skin, awed by the glow radiating from the flesh. It’s like the sun itself radiates through him.
“I’ll have to show you.” His wings slowly unfurl from around us, letting the light bathe us, but comparing that light to Lev’s glow, it’s a dirty illumination. Then their brightness evaporates, leaving only the telltale shimmer I always see. He rises from the bed.
“Has anyone else ever recognized you as an angel?” I ask, thinking of his wings.
“No. In 700 years, you’re the only person who wasn’t dying who spotted my wings.” He rakes his hand through his blond hair. “But I don’t know if that’s due to our connection or just an anomaly.”
“Anomaly?” Words like that tell me Lev is from a different time and place.
“Something out of the norm.”
Together we walk downstairs, his hand on the small of my back, guiding me to the closet where I grab my favorite wool coat. I look at him. “Don’t you need a coat?”
He shakes his head, grinning. “I don’t feel temperatures the way you do. I’ll be fine.” He starts toward the front door, but I grab his arm and gesture toward the sliding glass door leading to the back yard.
“I don’t know if the neighbors are watching, but it’s probably easier if we go out this way.”
“All right.” He waits for me to lead, and as I open the door, I feel a cold breeze blowing in. Freezing temperatures have come with the night, and I zip my coat to keep out the wind.
We step out to the back porch and I close the door. I feel Lev’s arms wrap around me tightly from behind. He bends slightly so he can nestle his head on my shoulder right beside my face.
“Are you ready?”
“Yes,” I say, breathless.
Still, I shiver when he suddenly leaps into the air, his strong arms gripping me. The full moon dances off his white wings, and I stare at their graceful movement, mesmerized.
“Won’t people see us?” Although I know he’s holding on tightly, I rest my hands atop his, taking comfort in his sure grip.
“No one can see us right now, Elizabeth. And you can relax. I’m not going to drop you.” Although I expect the air to be cold, it feels like Lev is generating his own heat and wrapping me in it. His silver bracelet dangles from my wrist
and I watch the moonlight flash off it.
“Where are we going?” I ask, leaning my head against his shoulder as his long graceful body ascends.
“To play in the sky.” He grins mischievously. Then his wings pump harder, faster, taking us higher toward the lazy clouds. “Ever seen a cloud up close?”
“No.” But one looms right ahead, and although I start to brace for contact, Lev chuckles and looks down.
“You’ll feel nothing. I’ve shielded you from everything, including the cold.” His gaze snaps forward and we hurtle toward the grey mass just ahead. I cringe, expecting impact. Instead, we sail through it. Lev gently releases me with one hand and at first I panic and try to grab for his arm.
“I’ve got you. Trust me.” Then he reaches out into the clouds and runs his fingers through the grey steamy tufts.
A moment later we emerge above the cloudbank into a midnight sky clearer than I remember seeing in a long time. Above us, a black canopy with light twinkling overhead greets us. The only sound I hear is my own heartbeat and the rustle of Lev’s wings in the still air, and at once, Lev’s wings stop flapping, stranding us in this bit of the heavens, hovering over the world I know.
“This is beautiful,” I murmur, awed by starlight.
“Yes, it is.” Lev kisses my temple. “It’s where I come when the rest of the world is out of harmony, and I feel as though I’ve lost my way in the madness of human life. It restores me.” He slowly wraps his free arm back around me.
“Is this where you came when we argued?”
“Yes. I wanted to be alone, then Celia told me about the mess in your locker, and I knew that I had to watch over you. I just thought I could do it from a distance.”
“So you thought it wouldn’t hurt not to have you in my life?” I whisper, remembering the last nightmare. My eyes close but I can’t drive the memory away.
“I knew you’d eventually get over my absence.”
“You’re wrong.” I shake my head. “If you think that, you really don’t know me.”
Although Lev’s embrace tightens, he doesn’t answer, and I just have to hope the way he is holding me is enough of an answer for us both.
Sojourner Page 14
