Deciding I got what I came here for, I turn and exit the room.
Not really sure how to feel about what just happened, I run it over in my head at least a dozen times as I make my way out of the hospital and to my car.
How did everything shift so quickly? How did Gage go from being the biggest asshole in the world to showing me he actually does have a heart? How does Hudson go from being the center of my world to someone I can’t even think about without wanting to vomit?
How? How? How?
I’ve almost reached my car parked in the back of the lot when I feel the shift. I don’t know how to explain it, but whenever Hudson is near it’s like the atmosphere charges with energy and I can feel it.
Glancing up, my knees nearly buckle under my weight at the sight of him leaning against my car. Hair disheveled, dark aviators pulled down over his eyes. It’s enough to make me momentarily forget why I hate him so much right now.
Only I don’t hate him, not even a little. No matter how much I wish I could. Hating him would make this all so much easier.
I don’t even question how he found me. Clearly, like Gage, Hudson knew I would come here. Normally, I love that he knows me so well, but right now my feelings on the subject are on the other side of the playing field. I’m irritated and annoyed that my efforts to avoid him have failed.
Gathering my resolve, I quickly close the distance between us, not bothering to look at him again as I step past him and attempt to open the driver’s side door of my car.
Before I can pull the handle, Hudson shifts, pressing his weight against the door so I can’t open it.
“Lennon.” His voice is a soft rasp and damn near breaks me. “Lennon,” he repeats when I keep my gaze on the ground. “Fucking look at me.” His desperate plea has my eyes darting to his face even though it’s the last thing I want to do.
“Get out of my way, Hudson,” I grind out, managing to keep the water works that threaten to spill over at bay.
“Steph isn’t my wife.”
“Get out of my way,” I repeat.
“She hasn’t been for a very long time,” he continues as if I didn’t even speak.
“Get out of my way,” I lower my voice in warning.
“Not until you let me explain.”
“Explain what exactly?” I explode, everything I’ve been holding in for the past few hours bubbles over and pours out of me at rapid speed. “Explain how you lied to me? Explain how you conveniently neglected to tell me that you were married? I trusted you.” I shove at his chest. “I trusted you and you fucking lied. You are no better than Gage. Now get the fuck out of my way!” I scream in his face.
“I am nothing like him,” he says the word like it’s poison on his lips. “You’d know that if you’d stop for two fucking minutes and let me explain.”
“The time for explaining has passed.” I step to the side, attempting to pry open my door even though it won’t budge.
“Seriously?” He spins on me forcefully, causing me to stumble backward a couple of steps. “After everything, you’re just going to turn your back on me so easily?”
“Newsflash, asshole! You’re married!”
“Was married,” he counters just as loudly, stepping toward me. “As in not anymore.”
“So you just happened to be married this morning but not this afternoon.”
“Actually, yes.”
This catches my attention and I pause, trying to wrap my head around what he’s saying.
“Steph was at the courthouse to sign divorce papers. That’s why I called her. We haven’t been together for a long time but because of her family I never made it official. I never thought I’d find someone I’d care for enough that it would even matter. But I did. You, Lennon. I found you. And I knew I was going to have to tell you but every time I opened my mouth to say it the words wouldn’t come out.”
“Well how convenient for you,” I hiss.
“I wasn’t lying to you, Lennon.”
“Omission is the same thing as lying.”
“Maybe so, but the fact still remains that even though Steph and I are legally married, we haven’t actually been together in years.”
“And what about that night? Were you still with her then?” There’s a pause as confusion covers his face. “The weekend after we met. I saw you with her, Hudson. In Nashville. She was the girl you were kissing. So you what? Go on vacation and screw whoever you want before going home to your wife?”
“That’s not what happened.”
“Are you sure? Because it sure as hell seems that way to me.”
“Steph and I hadn’t been together in over two years at that point. That night you saw us together was the first time I had seen her since I moved to Nashville.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“Then ask Colton.”
“Right. I’m going to ask your best friend who’s already proven he’s willing to lie for you to give me the truth. God, how stupid do you think I am?”
“Steph is Colton’s younger sister.”
“What?” I take a step back, running a hand through my hair as I try to process this information.
“Do you really believe he would allow me to cheat on his sister?” he questions.
And while I don’t respond, I have to agree I don’t think Colton would turn a blind eye to something like that. At least not from what I know of him. “I told you that our families have been close my entire life. Stephanie and I started dating very young. I loved her, but I was never in love with her to the point that she was the only woman I could see myself with forever. With pressure from my parents and hers, I ignored what I really wanted and did what I thought everyone else wanted me to do. Things were never great between us. I think she knew my heart just wasn’t in it. After Colton and Steph’s dad died everything changed. Things between us deteriorated rapidly and within a few months I was done. I couldn’t pretend anymore. So, I packed everything I owned and moved to Nashville. She didn’t try to stop me and she certainly didn’t come after me.”
“But why not divorce her?” I ask.
“Because her family had already been through so much and I wanted to give them time. I wanted to give her time. It was a very fragile situation, and to be completely honest, at the time I didn’t really think it mattered one way or the other.” He blows out a slow breath. “The night you and Emma came to Nashville was the first time I had seen her in nearly two years. She was there visiting Colton. She had a little too much to drink that night. She sat in my lap, kissing me one minute, then sobbing on my shoulder about how much she missed me the next.”
“Did you sleep with her that night?” I don’t know why I can’t leave it alone, but want to know.
“I almost did,” he admits. “She was familiar and comfortable and a part of me will always love her but nothing about it felt right. I stopped it. She left angry. And that was it. Five years ago. Nothing has happened between us since. Hell, I’ve only seen her maybe twice since.”
“And now you’re not married anymore?” I’m still trying to break all this down and digest it.
“We signed papers today. Our marriage will officially be over once the judge signs off which should be in the next few weeks.”
“Did she know she was here for that?” I ask, suddenly feeling a little bad for her.
“No.” He shakes his head. “I was afraid if I told her the truth she wouldn’t come and I needed her to come. I needed to close that chapter of my life so I can move forward with you.” He takes a step toward me and I don’t step away. “This isn’t how I wanted to do any of this, but Steph’s a Florida resident, so it worked. She’s only a couple hours west of here so I called her to come. The attorney the label sent was more than happy to help. I saw my opportunity to kill two birds with one stone and I took it. I only wish I could have explained everything to you before you were standing face to face with a woman who introduced herself as Mrs. Hudson Demasi.”
“Colton told you.”
“I’m so fucking sorry, Lennon. I know I’ve made a mess of all of this but you have to know I never truly lied to you. Yes, I kept the legal aspect of my marriage from you, but Steph and I have been separated for years. I planned to tell you everything today after the papers were filed with the court.”
“Why would she introduce herself as your wife?”
“Because she found out who you were and decided to take a shot. Stephanie has always been very possessive of me. I made it very clear today that I do not belong to her.”
“And what about Gage?” I completely shift gears. “Were you cleared?”
“Based on the fact that he decided not to press charges.”
“Because you paid him off.”
“That was the label, Lennon. Not me. Since he chose not to press charges and your statement to the police, they had no choice but to let me go.”
“So you lie about being married, beat my ex-boyfriend half to death, and you get to walk away. Must be nice to be you.”
“Were you hoping for a different outcome?” Hurt flashes across his face and I instantly feel guilty.
“I don’t know what I was hoping for,” I admit, shuffling my feet.
“I’m sorry about last night.” He reaches out, his hand touching lightly against the side of my neck. I jump at the contact and he pulls away.
“I still don’t understand why.”
“Why what?”
“Why you beat him the way you did.”
“Honestly, I wish I had a good explanation.” He blows out a breath, pushing his sunglasses up into his hair so he can meet my gaze. “I saw his lips on you and I fucking lost it. I know that’s no excuse but if you understood how I feel about you, then why I did this would make perfect sense.”
“You thought he was hurting me.” It’s a statement, not a question.
He nods once and reaches for my hand, wrapping his fingers tightly around mine. “I’m so sorry, Lennon. For everything. Please tell me I haven’t lost you over this.”
I stare into his eyes for a long moment, gauging the fear and doubt that swim behind them as I try to figure out how to respond. A part of me wants to launch myself into his arms and never let him go. The other part of me isn’t sure I know what I want anymore.
“I love you,” he continues when I haven’t said anything. “I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness but I’m hoping you’ll choose to give it to me anyway, because you are the one I can see forever with. You fucking own me.” He pulls my hand upward and presses my palm flat against his chest directly over his heart, resting his hand on top of mine. “This is yours. I. Am. Yours.”
Wrapping his other hand around the back of my neck, he pulls me close, dropping his forehead to mine.
“Please tell me I haven’t lost you.”
“You haven’t lost me.” My voice breaks slightly with my admission. An admission I didn’t even mean to make but came out all on its own. And yet oddly enough I know it’s true.
He hasn’t lost me over this. Deep down I know it would never have been over, no matter how prepared I was to wash my hands of him. And while I’m still in shock and upset to learn what I did today, I understand his hesitance to tell me, especially after learning everything I went through with Gage. I don’t dismiss it, but I understand it.
“Thank fuck,” he says, his shoulders sagging as a rush of relief leaves him seconds before his lips press to mine.
I stiffen, not sure if I’m ready to let him back in, but within seconds my body melts against his the way it always has. Even in my anger and confusion, my need for him still outweighs everything else.
“Come on.” Hudson pulls back slightly. “Let’s get out of here, yeah?”
“Yeah,” I agree, allowing Hudson to take my keys before guiding me around to the passenger side of my car. “How did you get here anyway?” I ask.
“Colton.” He smiles, opening the car door and waiting until I slide inside before shutting it and crossing to the driver’s side.
“He probably hates me after today,” I tell him once he’s settled into the seat next to me.
“Quite the opposite actually. He was pretty impressed with how you stuck to your guns when he tried to keep you away from the courthouse.” He smirks, sliding his aviators back onto his face.
“Really?” I question, snapping my seatbelt in place seconds before Hudson pulls my car out of its parking spot.
“I believe his exact words were – that girl really loves the hell out of you.”
“I gave him a pretty hard time,” I admit.
“You had a right to. I put you both in an impossible situation. I promise it won’t happen again.” He glances my way briefly before turning his gaze back to the road.
“I just want to go home and forget the last twenty-four hours ever happened. Do you think we could do that?”
“I think that can be arranged. First food, then sleep. You look exhausted.”
“Me?” I question dramatically. “Have you looked in the mirror lately?” Even though he couldn’t look more handsome if he tried.
It’s clear he’s had one hell of a night, but damn if he doesn’t still look like absolute perfection.
“Is that your way of saying I look like shit?” He chuckles, reaching across the center console to take my hand, entwining his fingers with mine.
“I don’t think it’s possible for you to look like shit.” I roll my eyes, turning my gaze out the window.
“Lennon.” Hudson’s soft voice pulls my attention back to him. “I really am sorry. For everything.”
“I know.” I squeeze his hand. “I am too. For Gage, for running off, for not allowing you to explain...”
“You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for.” He lifts our connected hands and lays a soft kiss to the back of mine. “This was all on me. All you did was stop me from committing murder, stayed at the police station all night to make sure I was okay, and then refused to let anyone stop you from being there when a judge decided my fate. You fought for me, Lennon. You fought for me in a way I should have fought for you. In a way I will always fight for you in the future.”
“I like the sound of that.” I sigh, settling back into my seat.
Chapter Three
HUDSON
I trail my hand up and down Lennon’s arm, loving the way her soft skin prickles under my touch while she sleeps.
It’s been quite possibly the longest fucking day of my life and yet I can’t seem to bring myself to close my eyes.
Lennon dosed off not long after I got her home. She was exhausted. That much was clear when she crawled into bed, curled into my side, and was sound asleep five minutes later.
I thought for sure I’d be out by now, yet here I lay nearly an hour later staring down at the beautiful blonde waves that fall down Lennon’s back, not able to stop thinking about how I nearly lost her today.
When I walked out of that courtroom and learned what had transpired, I don’t think I’ve ever felt so terrified in my entire life.
Lennon wouldn’t answer my calls or texts. Then I showed up at her condo and she wasn’t home. I had Colton take me to the hospital next. I had a gut feeling she’d be there. Sure enough, I spotted her car seconds after pulling into the hospital parking lot.
I was prepared for a lot of things but seeing the clear indication that Lennon had been crying wasn’t one of them. I took one look at her face and it felt like my insides were being ripped from my body. I don’t ever want to see that again. I don’t ever want to feel what I felt earlier today ever again.
I fucked up with the Steph thing. I know I did. I should have come right out and told her in the beginning. But I was afraid of how she would react. Unfortunately keeping it from her this long and having her find out the way she did made the situation so much worse than it should have been.
I try to imagine what Lennon felt in that moment. Having a woman introduce herself as my wife. If roles were reversed I think I would have quite literally lost m
y fucking mind. I hate that I put her in that position to begin with. She didn’t deserve it and Colton didn’t deserve to be put in the middle of the woman I love and his own sister.
“I don’t understand why now,” Steph had said, sitting across the table from me looking more wounded than I expected her too.
“Because I want to spend the rest of my life with her.”
“You can’t possibly know that after a few short weeks. Besides, she’s all wrong for you. You have to know that. She’s only with you because...”
“Don’t,” I’d cut her off, refusing to hear her say one bad thing about Lennon. “You don’t know anything about her, Steph, so don’t sit there and act like you see it all so clearly. You and I had our shot and it didn’t work. That’s all this needs to be about.”
“What if I’m still in love with you?”
“We both know you’re not.”
I wasn’t sure how the whole process would play out. Steph and I have always been something much deeper than a couple. We’ve been family since we were children. We still are. I was hoping that would be the thing that would carry us through today.
No matter how badly Steph may not have wanted to sign those papers, at the end of the day she did it because we mean more to each other than a failed marriage. Even if our relationship didn’t work, it doesn’t mean that I don’t still love her in the way you love family. I will always care about her as I’m sure she will me. I could tell she wanted to make it hard for me, but because our past runs so deep and she could see how much this meant to me, she opted not to. For that I’ll forever be grateful.
Lennon shifts slightly in my arms and I take it as an opportunity to pull her closer, breathing in her sweet scent.
I’ve made an incredible mess of things over the last twenty four hours but I’m determined to make it right. I only have six weeks before I leave on tour and I can’t leave knowing any part of her doesn’t trust me. I may not deserve it, but if we have any hope of making this work while I’m on the road we both have to trust each other completely.
And there’s no way I’ll accept anything less.
Tequila Burn Page 2
