Ties That Bind, Ties That Break

by Lensey Namioka

  At our family school we spent most of our time memorizing passages from the classics, even the older boys. ‘‘What else do you learn in science?’’ I asked, fascinated.

  ‘‘We study astronomy,’’ answered Hanwei. ‘‘That’s all about the sun, the moon, and the stars.’’ He proceeded to tell me about eclipses, how the moon got between the sun and the earth. My amah had told me that an eclipse was caused by the Heavenly Dog trying to eat up the sun, and that we had to beat gongs loudly to scare it away. Hanwei’s explanation was utterly enthralling. I couldn’t imagine one of my male cousins having the patience to talk to me like this. About the only thing they did was jeer at me for being a useless girl.

  ‘‘Besides science, we learn English,’’ continued Hanwei. ‘‘Some of my teachers are Big Noses, and English is the language they speak.’’

  Big Noses were the foreign people who came from across the ocean. ‘‘What are they like, these Big Noses?’’ I asked.

  Hanwei’s brows climbed even farther as he thought. ‘‘Well, their skin gets very pink when they’re hot. Also, they’re quite hairy. The hair on the backs of their hands can get an inch long!’’ He lowered his voice. ‘‘One of my friends told me he saw a Big Nose with his sleeves rolled up. There was hair all the way up his arms!’’

  I shuddered. ‘‘They must be part monkey, those Big Noses. I’ve never seen a human with so much hair.’’

  Hanwei shook his head. ‘‘They’re human, all right. Once you get to know them, you tend to forget how funny they look. Anyway, I have to work so hard in school that I don’t have time to worry about my teacher’s big nose or hairy arms.’’

  Of all the things Hanwei studied in school, I was most interested in the foreigners’ language. ‘‘Can you speak this . . . this . . . English . . . even if you don’t have a big nose?’’ I asked.

  ‘‘Of course,’’ said Hanwei. He opened and shut his mouth a few times as he prepared himself. I smiled, because he reminded me of the golden carp in our fishpond. Hanwei probably thought I was admiring him, because he smiled back. Finally he managed to deliver his English words, which sounded very strange, different from anything I had ever heard before.

  I did my best to repeat them after him. I’m good at repeating sounds, and I infuriate some of my cousins by imitating the way they talk.

  ‘‘Hey, that’s not bad!’’ said Hanwei. ‘‘I’ll teach you some more English, if you want.’’

  I was touched by his offer. ‘‘That’s nice of you. But why should you bother?’’

  ‘‘Didn’t they tell you?’’ asked Hanwei. He glanced over at his mother, who was still talking in a low voice to Grandmother. Then he turned back to me and smiled. ‘‘I’m going to be your husband one of these days.’’

  CHAPTER TWO

  Two days after the visit from Mrs. Liu and Hanwei, Mother told Father that I had to have my feet bound as soon as possible.

  We were sitting in our courtyard, enjoying the colorful pots of bronze chrysanthemums in full bloom. I was playing with Little Brother, who was almost one year old and just learning to walk.

  ‘‘Isn’t she still too young?’’ said Father. He put down his cup of tea and turned to look at me. I was frightened by the sadness I saw in his eyes.

  ‘‘She’ll be five soon,’’ said Mother. ‘‘Most girls have it done even earlier. When Mrs. Liu saw Ailin the other day, she was shocked that her feet were still unbound. She also remarked on how spirited Ailin was. In other words, she found her spoiled and uncontrollable. Having Ailin’s feet bound would stop her from running around like a boy.’’

  I looked at Little Brother, who was tottering up to a pot of chrysanthemums. In a few years he would be able to run around just like my cousins. Why was it all right for boys to run around but not for me?

  Father sighed. ‘‘Why can’t we wait a few years before deciding on the match with the Lius? I’ve never been keen on these early engagements.’’ He smiled. ‘‘Our marriage wasn’t arranged until you were fourteen, and it hasn’t turned out so badly, has it?’’

  Mother didn’t smile back. ‘‘I had the definite impression that unless Ailin had her feet bound, and soon, the Lius might find another girl for Hanwei. Lots of families would be eager to offer their daughters, since the Lius are so well connected.’’ She lowered her voice. ‘‘They’re also willing to have a very modest exchange of gifts. With our heavy losses from the farm’s . . .’’

  Mother was still talking, but I didn’t wait to hear any more. I ran to find Second Sister. I had to know exactly what it was like to have my feet bound, and Second Sister was the only one I could count on to tell me the truth. Mother and my amah would only say things that would make me do what they wanted.

  I found Second Sister in the courtyard, looking over her tray of silkworms. The worms had already spun their cocoons, and all I could see were little fuzzy balls shaped like pigeon eggs, only smaller. ‘‘Look!’’ said Second Sister. ‘‘Here’s one that’s pale green! Too bad we don’t have more of the same color. We could have beautiful green silk thread without having to dye.’’

  Second Sister had given me some silkworm eggs once and showed me how to raise them in a tray. But I was starting the family school just then, and I forgot to feed the silkworms mulberry leaves. By the time I remembered them, they were stiff and dead.

  I was so fascinated looking at Second Sister’s cocoons that I almost forgot what I was going to ask. ‘‘How many of these cocoons do you need to make a beautiful jacket?’’

  Second Sister laughed. ‘‘I’d need hundreds— maybe thousands! I’m not raising these worms for the silk, only for a hobby.’’ She looked at me. ‘‘What’s the matter? Is something wrong?’’

  I glanced down at Second Sister’s feet and didn’t know what to say. As long as I could remember, both my sisters had had tiny, wedge-shaped feet. ‘‘How did you get your feet small enough to squeeze into those pointy shoes?’’ I blurted out finally.

  After a long moment Second Sister sighed. ‘‘I see. Mother is talking about having your feet bound, isn’t she? For you, it’s almost too late. Mine were done before I was four years old.’’

  ‘‘Did it hurt? Did you cry?’’

  Second Sister quickly smoothed her face, but I had already seen her grimace. ‘‘It was bad, wasn’t it?’’ I asked, hoping desperately that Second Sister would deny it.

  But she only sighed again. Then she pulled me close and stroked my cheek. ‘‘We women all have had to go through this ordeal: Mother, Grandmother, Eldest Sister, Mrs. Liu, your amah. Life is hard on women. In a few years you’ll also find out that you’ll be bleeding once a month.’’

  I already knew about the monthly bleeding, since I had caught sight of my amah’s bloody napkins. Then I remembered something. ‘‘Not all the women have bound feet! My wet nurse had feet like a man’s, and she didn’t have to hobble around.’’ I looked up at Second Sister. ‘‘Is that why Mother sent her away? Because she had big feet?’’

  Second Sister laughed. ‘‘Of course not! You ask too many questions.’’ She lowered her head and thoughtfully fingered some of her silk cocoons. Then she seemed to come to a decision. ‘‘You can come into my room tonight when I’m washing my feet. Then you’ll see how I manage to squeeze my feet into my shoes.’’

  I saw the same sorrow in Second Sister’s eyes that had been in Father’s. It made me so nervous that I didn’t feel hungry at dinner that night.

  Often, when Father had male guests for company, my sisters and I ate separately with Mother or Grandmother. Tonight Big Uncle was joining my parents for dinner, but since he counted as family, we womenfolk could eat with them.

  Big Uncle seemed to dislike children, especially girls. I tried to keep quiet when he was around, but sometimes I forgot myself and spoke out. Then I got the feeling that he wanted to squash me like a bed-bug.

  The sight of Big Uncle’s stern face at the dinner table took away the rest of my appetite. He glanced at me on
ce during the meal and then turned to Father. ‘‘Have Ailin and the Liu boy met each other yet?’’

  ‘‘Mrs. Liu brought her son over the day before yesterday,’’ said Father. ‘‘They seemed to get on well enough, Mother tells me.’’ He smiled at me. ‘‘You liked Hanwei, didn’t you?’’

  I was too embarrassed to speak and just mumbled something.

  ‘‘Speak up!’’ ordered Big Uncle. He rolled his eyes. ‘‘Young people can’t even talk properly these days!’’

  It was impossible to satisfy Big Uncle. When I really spoke up, he scolded me for being too bold. And now he was scolding me for speaking too softly!

  ‘‘Besides, what’s the point of having those children meet, anyway?’’ continued Big Uncle. ‘‘My first wife and I had our first look at each other when I lifted her red bridal veil at the wedding!’’

  Personally, I thought that if First Auntie had seen Big Uncle’s face beforehand, she would have run away screaming instead of going on with the wedding.

  ‘‘Well, things are changing these days, Elder Brother,’’ Father said soothingly. ‘‘We can’t stick to the old ways forever.’’

  ‘‘You’re always talking about how things are changing!’’ said Big Uncle. ‘‘It’s the result of your job at the customs office. You come in contact with all sorts of strange people, including foreigners, and you get strange new ideas!’’

  ‘‘Not all new ideas are strange,’’ said Father.

  Big Uncle frowned. ‘‘Now you sound like one of those revolutionary types! I’ve heard a lot of dangerous talk about toppling the empire and setting up a republic!’’

  ‘‘We can’t shut our eyes to what’s happening in the rest of the world,’’ said Father. ‘‘For thousands of years, we called ourselves the Middle Kingdom and refused to learn from anyone outside.’’

  ‘‘We haven’t done so badly!’’ said Big Uncle.

  ‘‘But we have done badly!’’ said Father. ‘‘We’ve been defeated many times by foreign powers. At the moment, we’re ruled by an alien people, the Manchus.’’

  Big Uncle looked around and lowered his usually loud voice. ‘‘Be careful of what you say. The empire may seem weak, but it still has teeth.’’

  ‘‘Rotten teeth,’’ said Father. I giggled, although I didn’t quite get the joke.

  Big Uncle frowned darkly but didn’t contradict Father. I had noticed that he listened more to Father than to anyone else. I was proud of Father. His manner was mild toward everyone, but I knew he was very wise. In my eyes he was the perfect Chinese gentleman. Big Uncle, with his loud bluster, didn’t fit our teacher’s description of the classical ideal. I wanted to point this out every time Big Uncle went on and on about young people not paying attention to the classics. But so far I hadn’t had the nerve.

  ‘‘Take the Opium War of 1839,’’ Father went on. ‘‘Losing that war forced us to hand over Hong Kong to the British.’’

  The Opium War was such a humiliation for our country that even the teacher in our family school had told us all about it, although he had been hired to teach only the classics. He told us that the British wanted to sell opium to China, but our government refused to allow its importation, whereupon Britain went to war against us. Our defeat opened our country to the drug and made opium addicts out of thousands of our people.

  ‘‘We lost the Opium War because of Governor Lin Zexu’s incompetence!’’ growled Big Uncle.

  ‘‘Lin Zexu was not incompetent,’’ said Father. ‘‘He just didn’t have the support he needed from the central government. Furthermore, his forces had no defense against the superior weapons of the British.’’

  ‘‘Those greedy foreign devils!’’ spat Big Uncle. He sounded so angry that I half expected him to get up and stalk from the room. Dinner would be a lot pleasanter without him. But he just slammed his rice bowl down angrily. A maid rushed over and hurriedly refilled it.

  ‘‘We don’t have to reject everything brought by the foreign devils,’’ said Father. ‘‘The Lius are pretty conservative, and they are sending their sons to a public school run by the foreigners.’’

  Big Uncle’s voice resumed its normal volume as he started a tirade on public schools and useless lessons in astronomy and trigonometry, subjects no gentleman should have to study.

  I had been trying to shut my ears to Big Uncle’s booming voice, but the mention of the public school caught my attention. I remembered Hanwei’s telling me about his studies. If Big Uncle disliked those subjects, they were sure to be fascinating.

  Thinking about Hanwei reminded me of something. ‘‘Mrs. Liu wore a skirt when she was visiting Grandma,’’ I said brightly. ‘‘That’s a foreign fashion.’’

  ‘‘Little girls shouldn’t interrupt their elders!’’ shouted Big Uncle. ‘‘Who wants to hear your stupid jabber about skirts and fashions?’’

  For a moment I was afraid he would slam his rice bowl down hard enough to crack it. We lost a lot of dishes when Big Uncle came to eat with us. Fortunately the cook chose that moment to bring out a big bowl of eight-jewel rice, which we all loved.

  The sweet dish helped to soothe Big Uncle’s temper, and the conversation turned to other things. Then the subject of imported, machine-woven cloth came up, and this made Big Uncle furious again. ‘‘Everybody is buying imported cloth, and our weavers can’t sell their handwoven cloth!’’

  ‘‘Machine-woven cloth is cheaper,’’ Father pointed out. ‘‘That means our poorer people can afford new clothes more often.’’

  ‘‘We might become poorer people soon,’’ said Big Uncle. ‘‘An important part of our income comes from the women and their looms on our farms, and this year it’s less than a quarter of what it was last year!’’

  I was bored by all this talk of machine- and handwoven cloth. My thoughts went back to the prospect of visiting Second Sister’s room and watching her wash her feet. My stomach began to churn.

  A family supper didn’t last long, since most of the dishes were served all at once, not one at a time. There was still a little bit of daylight left in the autumn sky when we young people were dismissed, and water pipes were brought in for the grown-ups.

  Out in the courtyard the huge golden ball of the autumn moon had just risen and seemed to be resting on top of the curved roof of Second Sister’s room. She took me by the hand. ‘‘Come on, let’s go in.’’

  I hung back. ‘‘It’s still bright enough to play outside.’’

  ‘‘Very well, you can play outside if you want to,’’ said Second Sister, quickly dropping my hand. She sounded relieved. ‘‘I’m not forcing you to watch anything.’’

  I took a deep breath. I had to know. ‘‘No, I’m coming in to watch you.’’

  Inside the room the maid was already pouring hot water into a basin. Eldest Sister was away, visiting one of her sisters-in-law. She was sixteen, and she was going to be married in two months. Since she had a lot to learn, she spent every minute she could with one of the young wives.

  When the maid finished pouring the water, Second Sister sat down on a stool and began to unwrap the strips of white cotton cloth around her feet. The strips were long, and the unwrapping seemed to take forever. As one of Second Sister’s feet was being uncovered, I noticed an unpleasant smell.

  ‘‘Disgusting, isn’t it?’’ said Second Sister. ‘‘The smell comes from the sweat that gets trapped in the folds of the skin.’’

  ‘‘Don’t you wash your feet every day?’’ I just couldn’t imagine my fastidious sister with smelly feet.

  Second Sister made a face. ‘‘I try to wash my feet as often as I can, but the cloth is bound so tightly that no air can reach the skin. It’s especially bad in this warm weather.’’

  When both strips of cloth were completely unwound, Second Sister stretched out her legs and placed her feet in the hot water. She gave a sigh, and I couldn’t tell whether it was from pain or relief.

  I stared at the pitiful stumps at the ends of Second Sister’s
legs. The sight made me sick. I had expected to see miniature toes at the ends of Second Sister’s feet, because how else would they fit into the pointed ends of her tiny shoes?

  Now I saw how her foot had been squeezed into a wedge: The big toe had been left undeformed, but the rest of the foot with the other toes had been forced down under the sole of her foot, like a piece of bread folded over. The only way the toes could have been folded over was for the bones to have been broken.

  Having bound feet must have been agony for Second Sister, Eldest Sister, Mother, Grandmother, and generations of other women. What was more, they didn’t suffer just for an instant. The pain must have gone on and on for weeks, months, and years.

  I’ll never let them do this to me, I vowed to myself. Never! Never!

  CHAPTER THREE

  They came for me three days later. I had gone to our family school early in the morning as usual. I didn’t find the schoolwork particularly hard, but it was sometimes boring. We were working on the Three Word Classic, a rhymed reader, which opened with the statement that human nature was good. The book then went on to outline Chinese history. Although the reader was meant for children, we couldn’t understand it very well because it had been written in the thirteenth century and its language was very different from ours.

  As usual the teacher didn’t try to explain the meaning but just ordered us to memorize the text. We droned on and on in unison, reciting the text without understanding it.

  Next came the part I enjoyed: brush writing. I loved the smell as I rubbed the ink stick in the little pool of water to make a thick black ink. My cousin, Big Uncle’s youngest son, spilled ink on his work sheet and tried to hide the puddle by putting his sleeve over it. Of course, that just made the mess worse. Big Uncle was so harsh toward his children that they always tried to hide whatever they did. That made them sly, which was the reason I didn’t like them very much.

  When school was over I played in our courtyard and watched a beetle crawling around in a pot of chrysanthemums. Mother, my amah, and two maids moved in very quietly, and I didn’t hear their approach. They caught me before I had a chance to run and hide.