“Are you a reader?” I asked.
“I was. Once. I miss it sometimes. I’ve been thinking about it more lately.”
“What do you like to read?”
Kathleen gave her answer some thought. “I’m not sure. It’s been so long. I’d like to read something that offers a bit of everything—good, evil, laughter, sadness, comfort, fear, love and hate. I’d like to be able to feel those things in one story.”
I moved to stand next to her and peered up at the shelf closest to us. I spotted one book and reached for it. I held the novel in my hands and showed the cover to Kathleen.
“The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon,” she read the title aloud and crossed her arms over her body. “What’s it about?”
“It’s about a young girl who gets lost in the woods.”
“How young?”
“Nine or ten. She has to rely on her own wits to survive, and she uses her Walkman to keep her company. She can listen to baseball games on the radio. Her hero, Tom Gordon, is a pitcher.”
“How did she get lost?”
“She was with her mother and her brother on a hike. The mother and brother argued a lot, and the girl got tired of listening to them. She wandered away and couldn’t get back to her family.”
A shadow of apprehension flickered across Kathleen’s face.
“It’s a good book,” I insisted. “It’s also a short read. You could borrow it if you like.”
Kathleen didn’t reach for the book, but she studied the cover again. “I’m not sure I’m brave enough for this one, but you have such great taste. I promise to think about it.” She offered a quick grin and placed her hand on the back of my shoulder. She massaged it for a few brief moments before retreating from the library. I registered Kathleen wandering back into my bedroom as I pondered the book in my hands.
Something about Kathleen’s demeanor had changed when I told her about the novel’s plot. She’d gone from being curious about a new read to feeling unsure. But even so, she’d offered me a kind compliment and a reassuring smile along with her delicate touch.
I hadn’t struck out. Yet.
I SET the book back on the shelf with a definitive and satisfied feeling. I’d taken bigger risks with Kathleen since our photo shoot, and she had been receptive to every one of my exploratory advances. This night was the first one we’d spent together outside the boundaries of the job, and it had been enjoyable. There was a trust and a chemistry between us and the more time I spent with her, the more confident I was of our mutual attraction. Now was as good a time as any to tell her I was interested in seeing her outside of work. And again. I was ready to move forward.
“Kathleen?” I called her name as I began to stroll back toward the bedroom door. “If it’s not too late, how about a glass of wine on the patio? I can light the fire pit and we can talk…”
My voice drifted away when she came back into view. Kathleen was sitting on my side of the mattress, her back to me. She was staring at the picture in a silver frame on my bedside table of Heide and me. Kathleen’s hands rested at her sides but clenched the edge of the bed.
It was odd to see her sitting on the very spot where I slept, and I couldn’t bring myself to disturb her. I wanted her to stay there for as long as possible, knowing I would think about this moment long after our impromptu date ended. As I continued to watch, I noticed her rigid posture—a sign that something wasn’t quite right. She also hadn’t responded to my offer to sit outside underneath the stars.
I didn’t understand what had gone wrong so quickly, and I struggled with my decision to approach her. As my uncertainty amplified, my heartbeat grew stronger. Despite my decisiveness, I’d had my fill of doubt for months. Maybe I was being overconfident. Maybe I had misread the evening. Maybe she was sitting on my bed, wondering how in the hell she had let things between us get to this point. With care, I walked around the mattress and stood beside her, albeit at a respectful distance.
Kathleen’s chest rose and fell as I approached, and she refused to move her eyes away from the picture. I looked at it as well. The photo was from Heide’s first birthday party, and I’d kept it nearby since the day my own mother had given it to me. Although the picture was a father’s priceless treasure, it was a surprise to see Kathleen so affected by it.
I wasn’t sure what to do. Or what to say. I looked from the photo to her. And then, a tear ran down her cheek.
Her emotion spurred me into action. I sat next to Kathleen on the mattress and brushed the pale skin underneath her chin with a single finger. She turned toward me in response, facing me and revealing that her tear was not a solitary one. I watched in mounting worry as another fell from her shiny, green gaze.
“Kathleen?” I spoke her beautiful name again, my concerned gaze holding her weepy one. “What is it?”
She didn’t answer me. Her breathing was shaky as though she was struggling to rein in her sadness. I watched as a third tear dropped from the corner of her eye. As it ran down her cheek, I lost all ability to resist her.
I leaned forward with determination and rested my mouth against her cheekbone, capturing the tear. Once it was secured, I ran my lips slowly with gentle accuracy along her skin, following the salty trail to the corner of her eye. I pulled back just long enough to move over to the corner of her other eye, where I caught another drop of moisture just as it slipped from her eye. With that tear smothered, I moved my lips down her other cheek, doing my best to remove any traces of her crying with tender kisses. As I approached the corner of her mouth, I halted my chase but did not pull back from her.
Instead of retreating from my touch, Kathleen’s warm breath caressed my own. She tilted her head in a way that brought our lips together. I didn’t question her decision and rejoiced as the tip of her tongue slid from her mouth. She licked my lips with a delicate but deliberate stroke. I opened my mouth to her. She pushed forward, twisting her tongue around mine without fear.
The gentleman in me wanted to pull back and ask if she was all right. I didn’t want to take advantage of her emotional state while still trying to process what had set her off. Kathleen was a composed woman, not prone to submitting to her emotions and desires. She’d never let her guard down enough to expose them. Logic told me I should slow things down and check on her well-being, but curiosity was in control tonight.
Kathleen rested her palm in the center of my chest, establishing more intimate contact between us. I lifted my hand to cover hers, and she pushed forward, deepening the kiss. We knew so little about one another, but in this moment, she was seeking comfort. After months of admiring her from a respectful distance, I was more than eager to give myself over to her. Whatever she wanted from me, she would get.
I cupped her cheek, stroking my thumb along her high cheekbone. Her skin was soft, and her hair tickled my fingers whenever a stray lock brushed against them. The intoxicating scent of her floral perfume drifted around us. Her lips were full and so warm. Her tongue moved in a glorious and erotic dance with mine.
Our first kiss was a perfection I’d never known.
Kathleen should have felt like a stranger within my arms, but that wasn’t the case. Everything about this moment was new, but it also felt like fate. I’d spent a considerable amount of time second-guessing many of my decisions when it came to my relationship with Allison. With Kathleen’s mouth against mine, I experienced an awakening.
I had blindly pursued a profound life change and insisted upon it at the expense of my own marriage. Perhaps Allison had been right all along. Perhaps Kathleen was the reason I’d opted to stay in Oregon rather than cutting my losses and returning to Maryland. Perhaps I’d known it from the moment I first met her in the conference room, and I just hadn’t acknowledged it.
The intensity of the kiss eased only when we paused to catch our breath. Kathleen didn’t pull away from me. She lowered her head to my shoulder with her mouth close to my throat. I yearned for her tongue to taste my neck, but she held still. We had reached a crossro
ads. We would either break apart for the evening or we would keep going. After months of celibacy, I craved her body, but I would follow her wishes.
My hands drifted to her upper arms where I took gentle hold of her, while she cradled the back of my head with both hands. Her fingers weaved through my hair, offering me an unexpected bit of pleasure during our intermission.
“Tell me what you want.” No sooner had the words left my mouth than she lifted her head and covered my lips again.
I’d allowed Kathleen to control our first kiss, but now it was my turn. I thrust my tongue into her mouth with resolve and she moaned in response. Her grip on my hair tightened and I pushed my weight forward. Our chests pressed together but even this new and magical contact wasn’t enough to satisfy me. I leaned forward, and her body relaxed as she fell back on the mattress. I rolled on top of her and delighted in the feel of her body pressed against mine. With Kathleen snugly positioned underneath me, I pulled back from her mouth and dropped my lips to her neck.
“Are you all right?” I asked between kisses.
“Yes,” she whispered the word laden with desire, and just like that, I knew how she would sound when I made her come.
I returned my devotion to her neck but brought my lips up to her ear when I felt her hands drift over my ass.
“You’re making it impossible for me to quit.”
“I don’t want you to quit.”
I rose up enough to look into her glistening eyes. We stared at one another, each accepting the weight of what was happening between us. She smiled at me with a bit of amusement.
“What is it?” I asked, grinning back.
“You’re an amazing kisser.” She said this with no small amount of wonder.
I absorbed her awe while offering a quick retort. “Don’t act so surprised.”
Kathleen laughed, and I relished in the sound. Her tears were concerning, and it wasn’t lost on me that her emotions had swung back to happiness. I didn’t know if I’d been responsible for making her cry, but I was responsible for keeping her happy for the rest of the evening.
“It isn’t the only thing I’m good at,” I said, kissing her more aggressively. She squeezed my ass with delightful pressure, and I responded by pushing my body against hers. Even through our clothes, the intimate contact caused us both to moan.
I slid my hand down to Kathleen’s chest and massaged her breast over her blouse, causing her to tighten her hold on me. Perhaps it was selfish, but I feared breaking our kiss would mean the other touches would end as well. I pressed my mouth to hers as hard as I dared, and my excitement multiplied when she swirled her tongue around mine with equal tenacity.
Our grinding movements along one another persisted. I was very aware of how rock hard I was and wondered if she would allow me to discover just how wet she might be.
The clunk of one of Kathleen’s high heels reverberating on the bedroom floor, followed quickly by the other, was an answer to my inner thoughts. She pulled her legs up on either side of me, adding pressure against my hips in tandem with her strengthening hold on my ass. She seemed to be making her intentions clear, but I had to be sure. I slowed our kiss, removing my hand from Kathleen’s breast. I rose above her again and brushed my thumb over her swollen lips.
“I’m not hurting you, am I?”
Kathleen smiled and shook her head.
“It’s been quite a while for me,” I confessed. “I may be overeager.”
“I like what you’re doing.”
“Have I gone too far at all?”
“No.”
“How far is too far?”
She lifted her head and kissed me gently as she guided us back to a sitting position. Perhaps we had reached our limits for the evening, but I didn’t experience rejection from her as I would have from Allison. As turned on as I was, these moments in Kathleen’s arms were some of the most satisfying I’d ever experienced.
When Kathleen ended the kiss, I ran my fingers through her hair. I couldn’t stop myself from touching her while I racked my brain for a few adequate words.
“What do you want?” I asked more out of tenderness than fear. “Anything that happens tonight is up to you. Let me give you anything you need. Let me do whatever I can to make you happy, even if you need to go home.”
“What about you?” Her eyes focused on my lips. “What do you need, Jack?”
I couldn’t stop myself from smiling over her sweetness. She leaned forward and rested her soft mouth against mine. This time her kiss was chaste, her closed lips drifting lovingly over my own. I sat still, savoring what I believed would be our last contact during this magical evening. When she pulled away from me, she rose from the bed without a word, but her eyes never left mine.
She stepped backward until she found the corner of the mattress. I’d just told her how paramount her happiness was, but I experienced a flicker of fear when she withdrew. I couldn’t blame her if she wanted to stop. We’d gone from pleasant talk in my home office to kissing and groping one another on my bed in a dizzying succession of mutual impulses.
She didn’t keep me waiting long. She began undoing the buttons of her blouse, one at a time. She slid the material down her back, dropping her shirt to the floor and revealing an elegant lace bra. The undergarment covered the most beautiful breasts I’d ever seen. I’d felt her nipples harden as we’d groped each other, and now I could see them straining against the fabric.
I recalled the plump weight of them in the palm of my hand. She had fit perfectly in my grasp and I hungered to take hold of her again. I was so entranced with her breasts I missed the moment when she reached behind her back and unzipped her skirt. When it fell to the floor, I took in the sight of her garter, stockings and panties.
I undid my trousers, and Kathleen’s eyes darted to my unrestrained response. I’d been fighting the urge to adjust myself even before she revealed her sexy underwear. The sight of her gorgeous body in lingerie erased any remnant of social politeness. I reached inside my slacks and straightened myself in much-needed relief. As I did, she stripped away each piece of her underwear, one item at a time. Convinced that I was being rewarded for sitting patiently in front of her, I watched in awestruck calm. Once Kathleen was naked, she lifted her head and locked her heated gaze with mine. To my astonishment, every trace of shyness in Kathleen disappeared along with her clothes. She reclaimed the distance between us, and when she was close enough to take my hand, she guided me to stand in front of her. I obeyed her unspoken command, and she unbuttoned my dress shirt and discarded it. She slid her hand over my exposed boxer briefs. When her fingers settled over me, I found the ability to speak.
“Condoms.” I glanced at the bathroom over my shoulder. “Should I get one?” Secretly, I hoped she’d tell me to go and retrieve the entire box.
“You can if you want,” she murmured as she moved her other hand along my bare chest, “but we don’t need one if you’d rather not.”
“Why?” I furrowed my brow.
“We don’t need a condom for birth control, but I’ll leave it up to you.” She rose up on her toes and kissed me.
My logic battled my lust as her naked breasts touched my body for the first time. “Maybe I should,” I offered without breaking our newfound connection. “Nothing is one hundred percent.”
Kathleen stilled and fell quiet. I wasn’t interested in explaining to Kathleen that I’d been down that road. As delightful as my daughter was, Heide was an unplanned surprise.
“Sorry, I’m just trying to be responsible. I don’t want you to worry about anything unexpected.”
She looked surprised but recovered and offered me a smile. “It’s your choice,” she reiterated, tapping the skin above my heart with a gentle finger, “but I promise you that birth control is covered.”
She pushed the remaining clothes down my legs.
The anticipation began to burn inside. “I’m clean,” I rambled. “I promise you that.”
“You look very healthy,” s
he said as she wrapped her hand around me.
I gasped from the contact of a woman’s touch after such a long time. Kathleen began moving her hand up and down as she pulled me forward for a searing kiss. I allowed a few teasing strokes before resting my hand over hers.
She looked at me curiously, and I smiled at her.
“Let’s lie down. I want to take our time.” Yet again, she had initiated the moment, but I was now intent on controlling the pace. “I want you to be comfortable,” I confessed. “I want you to know how much I desire you.”
I wanted to do far more with Kathleen than service one another, and I wanted to do it without a barrier between our bodies. It had been such a long time since I made love to a woman who was as turned on as I was. I wondered how long I would last once I was inside her. With this on the forefront of my mind, I found no reason to rush the act. We weren’t in a hurry. There were no pressing appointments, my daughter was asleep in her own room and there wasn’t work for either of us the next morning. The whole night was ahead of us.
ONCE WE were in bed, I explored Kathleen, holding her close and gauging her responses to my touch. She scratched my back whenever our mouths met, and she welcomed every kiss, every caress, everywhere. I soon discovered my favorite spot was her breasts. Whenever my mouth closed over her nipple, her fingers slid into my hair, pulling me closer to her soft, agile body. I made no effort to guide her hands, but eventually she pushed me onto my back and rolled onto her side, facing me.
She took her time, resting her lips against mine before moving them along my neck and down to my chest. When she placed a kiss over my heart, her hand closed around me again. She began pumping with confident strokes, demanding my full attention.
“Feels so good,” I murmured.
The tickle of her hair dropped farther down my stomach. Knowing I would erupt the second her delicious lips wrapped around me, I made a split-second decision. I pulled Kathleen back up my body and rolled her onto her back.
“You first,” I said. Kathleen lay still, and I reached between her legs. My fingers began to circle eagerly, and she reacted to my movements at once, opening her legs wider, grasping my forearm and angling her body closer to mine. Watching her come undone beneath my hand was addictive. Her breathing grew louder, her body tensed, the air between us filled with her scent, and then in one glorious moment, her pleasure overtook her.
Chaos (Constellation Book 2) Page 20
