When the creature showed up, he offered to take all of the bags and Jarl gratefully accepted the help, but it didn’t matter much. After about thirty minutes, the creature gave the bags back to Jarl and instead helped Keisha, assisting her over the many branches and rocks that barely gave Jarl pause but seemed to slow her down tremendously. When he and Arlen had been walking back, they had both easily been able to traverse the path. There had been no problems at all. In fact, he wasn’t even aware of how many obstacles there were when he took this path, but now he was keenly aware of all of them. As he walked, he tried to stretch his awareness to feel Arlen and to his delight, he felt a hint of a pulse that he knew was him. Arlen was tracking them, near them, but not showing himself. Jarl tried to move them faster so he could reach Arlen sooner, but it just didn’t help.
It was long past dark when he finally reached the point where he usually stopped on these trips. There were no specific markers as the landscape changed every year, but he had a good feel for it. He cursed Keisha for her slowness because it meant less time with Arlen. This night, she requested the creature stay with them and he was glad, because that made it slightly more likely that she would survive being drawn into the woods and it meant he could distract her if she woke up for some reason. As soon as she was asleep, he got up. The creature pointed into the woods in the direction he sensed Arlen and he nodded in thanks, then set out. He had only gone a short distance when Arlen appeared in the trees in front of him.
Arlen seemed different and he drew in a sharp breath. He was weak. His powerful form had grown thin, and he was breathing heavily. But his face was still beautiful, everything about him was still beautiful, and Jarl rushed forward to hug him. He took Arlen’s hand and placed it over his heart, pouring out his love and his sorrow and request for forgiveness for requesting that he stay away without an explanation. He could feel Arlen feeding deeply.
Arlen held him like that for nearly half an hour before his body began to recover its shape and he finally spoke.
“I thought you sent me away,” he said.
“I’m sorry,” Jarl said, holding his creature close and pouring more love into their connection. “I should have explained. I just didn’t want you near her.”
“I didn’t know love could hurt,” Arlen said, and Jarl winced.
“It can,” he said. “It’s called heartbreak. Love hurts worse than anything when it’s denied. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do it to you. I didn’t mean to weaken you.”
“Am I weakening you?” Arlen asked softly. “You’re still offering yourself to me. You’re not driven to do it, and I don’t want to force you.”
“I love you,” Jarl said. “My heart is always yours. The only way you’ll weaken me is if you hate me or leave me. As I did to you,” he added in a whisper, leaning against Arlen’s muscled chest. Arlen kissed the top of his head and he regretted that they couldn’t really kiss. His fangs didn’t frighten him anymore, but he didn’t like them for that one reason.
Arlen continued feeding on him another twenty minutes until sleep and exhaustion began to drag at his senses, but he wouldn’t stop before his creature was finished. Finally, Arlen stopped feeding on him and stroked his cheek instead of his chest. Jarl had hoped to offer his body as well, though not in the uncontrollable way he had offered it last time. He wanted to have sex with Arlen properly, when that siren song wasn’t driving him, but he was too tired now.
“You should rest,” Arlen said gently. “You need to return tomorrow.”
Jarl shivered. “I can’t go back,” he said.
“They need you. This girl can’t handle the path on her own.”
He sighed. It was true, unfortunately. But there had to be some way out of it.
“You’re assuming she survives,” Jarl pointed out. “Maybe they’ll find someone else to train.”
“Are you hoping she dies?” Arlen asked in surprise, and Jarl rushed to deny it.
“Of course not,” he said. “But she isn’t good for this path. We need someone with more endurance.”
“They need you,” Arlen said gently. “If you come alone next year, I’ll be with you the entire time.”
“That’s true,” he said, leaning against his creature. He didn’t have a scent, he realized. He had never noticed that before, but Arlen didn’t smell of anything. He didn’t want to go back to the humans with their smell, the humans that some made him queasy even though there was no reason for it. He didn’t want to leave Arlen like this for another year. Would Arlen survive another year without feeding on him? He wasn’t sure. He couldn’t risk his creature coming to the colony again. They had gotten away with it once; that wouldn’t happen again. Ender had never said anything and their relationship was stable now, without any of the fights that the others in the colony had worried about. The president had even pulled him aside and asked if he was comfortable with Ender as a partner and he had reassured her that he was. He wasn’t sure what would have happened if he hadn’t, but he suspected Ender would have been kept away from him. And Ender would have talked. So he kept Ender close and he did enjoy their time together, but every time Ender entered him, he wished it was Arlen. He could not go back to that.
“I don’t want to go,” he whispered. “You can’t make me go back two years in a row. You can’t.”
“They need you,” Arlen repeated, though he sounded just as torn about this as Jarl felt. At least he didn’t like the fact that Jarl had to return. Why did both of them need to keep sacrificing? Why did it matter so much that the other humans survive and adapt?
“They’ll live without me,” Jarl said. “And if they don’t, they don’t.”
Arlen drew in a sharp breath. “You would abandon your fellow humans?”
“I’ve done everything in my power to help them adapt,” he said. “I’ve helped Keisha get used to the creature here so she’ll survive when she’s drawn out here again. If she survives, if she adapts, why do you need me?”
Arlen was silent, and then he felt a pulse of music in his mind. A summons. He led Jarl a little farther into the woods and he felt exhaustion beginning to creep over him. Even if he stayed here, he had to get Keisha back tomorrow. She couldn’t manage on her own. And for that, he needed sleep. But he didn’t want to sleep if staying awake might get him what he truly wanted: staying with Arlen.
Only a couple of minutes passed before other creatures surrounded them and he shivered, clinging to Arlen. He had forgotten how frightening some of them were. Then a large figure approached slowly and he recognized the tree who must be in charge of all the creatures. He wondered if it was drawn from someone’s dreams and nightmares. Whoever it was had a broad imagination if that were the case, and he couldn’t tell if a dream or nightmare had inspired it.
“He wants to stay,” Arlen said without preamble. “We can’t make him go back a second time.”
“The humans need him,” the tree said in a deep voice. “We need him. He’s the only thing helping them survive.”
“Keisha might adapt the way I did,” Jarl said. “And all I do to help them survive is look at the moon. I can do that out here just as easily.”
There were murmurs from the creatures and he felt a buzz of notes in his mind, though he couldn’t interpret it.
“You wanted to part from us when you first returned,” the tree said. “You tried to sever the link between you and our planet. Perhaps you will feel the same this time and be content with the humans again.”
It took a second to remember what had happened for him to want to end his connection with the planet, but not too long. His sorrow for Kandor and his lost friendship hit him again, as did rage that the very creatures around him were responsible for his death.
“You killed my friend,” he hissed. “Of course I didn’t want to be connected with you.”
“We must feed,” the tree said gently. “We feed on what you humans offer us. You know that. We aren’t able to spare their lives unless they stop offering to us, and the
y only do that when you intercede.”
He was silent, because he knew that was true. Arlen would have killed him if the moon hadn’t prevented it, and he knew Arlen didn’t want to kill him. The creature with Keisha didn’t want to kill her, but would do it if she offered herself in a way that hurt her. They weren’t intentional killers but they did still kill, and the grief from Kandor’s death that he had successfully buried over the past year was seeping back into his mind despite the knowledge that whoever killed him wouldn’t have been able to stop themselves. And people weren’t dying anymore, he knew. Oh, they sometimes died, but being lured to the woods was no longer a death sentence.
“I can help the humans survive from here,” Jarl said slowly.
“You would have to live with us, and you fear us.”
He shivered and looked around at them. He did not want to be around them any more than necessary, but he did want to be around Arlen. The creatures seemed to be everywhere in the woods, though. It was probably too much to expect that they all stay away from him, though it was what he wanted. Could he live with these nightmares who killed his friends?
“I don’t care,” he said firmly. “I don’t want to go back. You have another who might survive this year. You don’t need me anymore.”
Another buzz of notes and he realized it was the creatures talking to each other and deliberately leaving him out. They didn’t want him to know what they were saying as they consulted with each other and with the planet. Carefully, he tried to send his longing to stay with Arlen to them and the notes paused as the creatures looked at him. They had heard the message, then. The notes started up again and Arlen held him close. He shut his eyes for a moment as weakness struck him. He needed sleep.
“You are weak, human,” the tree said suddenly. “Are you still hurt by Arlen feeding on you?”
“No, I’m just exhausted from walking all day, and the past four days,” he said. “Arlen doesn’t hurt me.”
There was a slow pulse from the planet and he finally understood it. It was a pulse of compassion and acceptance, and agreement. He could stay. He didn’t have to go back. But he would need to assist the other human first, because the colony wouldn’t survive without the pollen. And he would have to do everything in his power to ensure that she adapted.
“Thank you,” he whispered, tears filling his eyes. The creatures dispersed and Arlen brought him back to the camp. He tried to push him away as they drew near but Arlen ignored him and led him into the camp itself, helping him into the hollow where he would sleep. Arlen kissed his forehead, keeping his fangs to himself as he always did when he kissed Jarl now.
“Sleep, Jarl,” he said softly. “When it’s safe to leave this girl, come find me. I’ll be waiting.”
Jarl was too tired to reply and sank into a deep sleep with dreams of joy and satisfaction. When he woke up, he still felt exhausted but now he was filled with resolve. It was the last day of the peace, and his last day with humans.
Chapter 15
They were going to make it, but it would be close, Jarl thought grimly as he urged Keisha to greater speeds. He hadn’t decided where to leave her yet. He had planned on leaving earlier in the day but as the afternoon stretched on and they still hadn’t reached the safe area where other humans worked to cut down the trees, he knew he needed to stay with her and keep her going. He wondered how Kandor’s replacement had been and if he had this many problems. Seeing Keisha’s difficulty was making him reconsider his request to leave. He didn’t want to be alone among the humans but the plants were important and it was unlikely Keisha could handle this on her own. Finally, they reached the edge of the zone where they would definitely reach safety in time. He came to a stop and she looked at him in surprise.
“You need a break? You never need breaks.”
“You need to carry everything the rest of the way,” he said, passing her all of the bags he had been carrying. She didn’t look pleased, but she took them. “Tell Doss that you need to improve your endurance, speed, and ability to wake up on time.”
She scowled. “You don’t need to tell me how badly I did. Just tell him.”
“I can’t,” Jarl said. “I’m not going back with you.”
“What do you mean?” she asked, genuinely perplexed. He took a deep breath.
“I’m staying out here,” he said.
“You’re killing yourself?” she asked in shock. “You can’t, Jarl. We need you. I can’t do this on my own. You can’t just kill yourself like this.”
“I’m not killing myself,” he said, though he didn’t know how to explain it to her. If she survived being drawn into the woods then she would understand, but not until then. “I know how to survive out here now.”
“But why are you staying here? Don’t you know what lives in these woods?”
“I thought you weren’t frightened of the creatures anymore,” he said, and she shook her head.
“Not that creature,” she said. “You’re right. He’s like an older brother and he’s been helpful. But he’s not the only creature. There are others.”
“If you came out here, do you think your creature would protect you?”
She hesitated and looked into the woods for a moment. “When you’re drawn out here, you’re not in control, are you? He said he would draw me out here after I returned, but I guess if it’s him, I don’t really mind. But you don’t have a creature to protect you. You’ll go insane out here.”
“I do have a creature,” he said. “I told you. I met him last year. He’ll protect me.”
“But what will you do when the wind picks up? You can’t look at the moon every second of every night, Jarl. And why would you want to? Why don’t you want to come back to the colony? Do you not like it there?”
“It’s complicated,” he said with a sigh. “But I’ll survive. And I can’t go back.”
“Well, what am I supposed to tell them? That you just decided to stay out here? They’ll try to search for you and then a bunch of people will get caught in the night. You’re too important.”
“Tell them I tripped and broke my leg, and wanted you to return without me,” he said.
“You want me to lie?”
“I’m not going back with you and I don’t want them searching for me,” he said, because he honestly hadn’t thought anyone would search for him. Thinking about it now, though, of course they would search for him. He was the only one able to do the long path. That was clear now.
“Look, you can tell them what you want, but if you tell them I was injured, no one else gets hurt,” he said. “You’re bringing back the harvest and that’s what they’ll care about most. But tell Doss. You need more training before next year.”
“You can’t seriously expect me to do this path alone,” she said. “I barely survived it with you and my creature helping me. Look, it’s starting to get late. Let’s just go back to the colony and talk about things there.”
“I’m not going back,” he said firmly. “I don’t want anyone looking for me. I won’t die.”
She looked hesitant and he pointed to the sun lowering in the sky. “You’ll have time to make it to the colony carrying all those bags if you leave right now. You can’t wait or you won’t make it. I’m not going with you, and you can’t talk me into it.”
“Jarl,” she said, voice catching. She didn’t seem to know what to say. “Thank you,” she finally said in a soft voice. “If you’re still alive when I’m drawn out here, I hope I see you.”
“Maybe you will,” he said, then gestured. She started heading down the path, looking back at him several times. He could sense Arlen nearby and as soon as he was sure she was going fast enough to make it in time, he headed into the woods in the direction he could tell Arlen was waiting. He walked for only a few minutes when a chill fell over him and he whirled. The female creature who had tried to feed on him when he was lured out here stood behind him and he edged backwards, hoping Arlen would risk coming close to the colony to help him.
>
“You belong to the woods now, human,” she said in a cold voice. “You’d better get used to us.”
She bared her fangs and hissed at him, then darted towards him. He stumbled backwards, falling to the ground and barely cushioning himself as he fell into a patch of spined ferns. He winced as they pierced his hands but he had caught himself in time. The creature hissed again but didn’t attack. She just loomed over him for a moment as his heart trembled in his chest, then she turned and left. He took a deep breath and stood up. What was she even doing out here, he wondered. They were close enough to the colony that she shouldn’t have risked it during the day. Arlen was waiting farther in the woods where it was safe. Why had she come out here? Just to threaten him? It had worked, he admitted. He was terrified of her and many of the other creatures. He didn’t especially want to live out here with them but he did not want to return to the colony and be locked away from Arlen.
He wiped his bloody palms on a nearby leaf, not wanting to get it on his pants. He realized with a start that he had nothing with him, only the outfit he was currently wearing. He had been wearing it for five days now and normally shedding his sweat and scent filled clothing and taking a bath was one of the joys of returning from the harvest. He wouldn’t get that this year and shivered. What was he going to do? And what was he going to eat? Were there other plants he could eat that the original colonists hadn’t know about, or that were too far away for the humans to get to them? He should have thought of all of this before making this decision, he realized. Should he go back? He turned to the colony. If he went back right now, he could make it. If Keisha were smart and said he had been injured, then he could just say that he recovered and made it back on his own. He could still make it back.
But he would be trapped. He remembered the last year, feeling like an alien among his people, unable to participate in his life as fully as he once had because he was missing Arlen. He knew that Arlen fed on him, but he almost felt like he fed on Arlen, too. He needed him. The world only became real around him. In the colony it was like moving through a dream and he needed reality. But maybe he would prefer a dream. Now that he was no longer plagued by nightmares, he had realized that dreams could be pleasant. Reality was harsh and violent. Wouldn’t he rather be in the dream of the colony than out here with these creatures who killed without a thought and lured innocent humans to their deaths every night? He took a step towards the colony. The sun was sinking rapidly. Keisha should have arrived by now, to at least gotten close enough that someone would have seen her and helped her get the final stretch. They would be watching for her, he knew. He took another step towards the colony. He might be able to make it. If he ran, he could certainly make it. But did he want it?
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