by Ivy Jordan
When he righted himself, standing by my side, his eyes widened with surprise, and a smile spread across his face. Do I know him? Does he know me?
“Glad to see you’re awake. Don’t try to talk. Let your body slowly wake up; it’s been through a lot,” he instructed.
My body has been through a lot? What has it been through?
Another shadow towered over me, a tall man, wearing a nice white dress shirt. His green eyes filled with tears as he pushed his face against my chest. I felt him sobbing as his grip tightened around my aching body. “Ooooh,” I managed to moan, burning my throat as the sound escaped.
The man lifted, apologized, and leaned out of view as the first man reached for something inside my mouth. I struggled not to hurl as he removed what felt like a long tube from down my throat. I coughed, only to feel another strong burning sensation. Where am I?
“You were asleep for a long time, little lady,” the man with the blue shirt spoke.
Nothing about him was familiar, and neither was the room I was in. “How long?” my voice scratched out.
“Since Friday morning when you came in, so three days,” he explained, far too chipper for a kidnapper. I couldn’t remember anything. I couldn’t remember going anywhere, coming here, or either of the men that seemed to know me so well.
“Where,” I paused as the burn took over.
The nicely dressed man with the buzz cut and tearful green eyes leaned in, his chair making a horrid screech on the uncarpeted floor. “You’re in the hospital, Maddie. You were hit by a car when we took our jog,” he explained.
His hand pressed into mine, squeezing it gently as he smiled. My eyes closed, and I felt safe, although I didn’t know why. I believed this man I’d never met, trusted him, but I wasn’t sure why he called me Maddie when my name was…what is my name?
Tears rolled from my eyes, even with them clenched shut. The heat from the salty liquid burnt my cheeks. As quickly as they fell, the man’s warm, comforting hand wiped them away. “It’s gonna be okay, Maddie,” he whispered.
How does he know that? How does he know me?
“Maddie?” a female voice caused me to open my eyes. A tall woman with long blonde hair leaned over me. She wore a white jacket, her name, Dr. Walker, embroidered above the pocket, and a badge with her picture and the same name clipped just below. “Can you tell me your name?” she asked.
My body shook with convulsions as I struggled to remember. I shook my head, allowing more tears to fall onto the stiff white pillow beneath me.
“Can you tell me where you are?” the doctor asked.
“The hospital,” I muttered.
“Very good,” she applauded. “Do you know what year it is?”
I perked up for a moment, ready to spew out the answer to the easy question. Nothing. My mind was blank. I couldn’t remember. “I don’t know,” I cried.
“It’s okay. You had a serious brain injury, and you’ve been asleep for a while. Don’t push yourself too hard; we’ll wait and just let it come back to you,” the doctor smiled sweetly and then flashed a bright light in my eyes.
I followed her instructions, looking up, down, to each side, and then straight ahead. Her hand rested on my wrist as she stared at her watch, and then finally, she left the room.
There was no sign of the man with the blue shirt and hairy chest, only the one dressed so nicely with the green eyes. “You don’t remember anything?” he asked.
“No,” I sighed.
“Nothing at all?” he probed.
I shook my head and then closed my eyes shut tight. Maybe this was a dream, a strange dream. I just wanted to go back to sleep so I could wake up at home, know who I was, and not feel so alone.
I must’ve drifted out because the sounds in the room were soft and unfamiliar as I started to open my eyes once again. Several people, all wearing scrubs, were in the room. I watched, carefully analyzing each face, hoping to remember one of them, but nothing. “Look at you,” a black woman grinned, her hand resting on her hip and her voice heavily carrying an accent.
“Where am I?” I asked, hoping for a new answer from the one I got before.
“In the hospital,” she said, her grin quickly fading from her face. “Do you know your name?” she asked.
I let my eyes close and my mind relax as I tried to come up with an answer. Maddie was the only thing that came to the surface of my lips, but I knew it was only because that man had called me that.
My eyes opened, and I pushed myself up in the bed as I scanned the room. He wasn’t there. My body felt stronger, but not strong enough to get out of bed just yet. “Are you looking for Isaac?” the nurse asked.
The others started clearing the room, offering warm smiles in my direction as they exited. “Who?” I asked.
“Isaac. Your fiancé?” she said cheerfully.
My what?
“He’s been by your side, never leaving since you came in. He must really love you,” the nurse gushed. I didn’t have a fiancé, and if I did, I was certain I’d remember him. “He just left for a cup of coffee,” she added, checking the fluid bag hanging above me, and then stepping out of the room.
I was reeling with the comment that this strange man was somehow my fiancé. My hands pulled to my face, rubbing wildly as I tried to snap out of this nightmare when something snagged my bottom lip. I pulled my hands away, slowly focusing on the large diamond ring wrapped around my ring finger on my left hand. It was true. I am engaged?
Isaac stood in the doorway, staring at me with a strange fear in his otherwise, beautiful green eyes. “We’re engaged?” I asked, suddenly filled with guilt for not remembering this man.
I watched carefully as he stepped into the room. He placed his coffee cup on the table beside my bed, and then took a seat in the chair to my left. “Are you feeling any better?” he asked, totally evading the question I just asked.
“I’m stronger,” I replied, but pushed my eyes to demand an answer to my question.
“Yes,” he said softly, but our eye contact broke quickly. He hated me. Of course he hated me. I didn’t remember him, the man I was pledged to love for life, and I didn’t know who he was. He couldn’t possibly want to marry me now.
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered, reaching for his hand.
He seemed surprised as my hand rested on his. “You have nothing to be sorry about,” he demanded. But, I did. I couldn’t imagine what it must feel like to have the love of your life not recognize you.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t watching you,” he apologized.
“What happened?” I sat up in bed, suddenly eager to learn everything I could.
“We were jogging, like I said. The traffic stopped, and I had to catch my breath. You’re a beast,” he chuckled. I liked the sound of his deep rumble. It wasn’t familiar, but still soothing. “You ran ahead, and I followed a few steps behind. The car came out of nowhere, in the third lane, unseen until it was too late,” he finished.
“Do we jog all the time?” I questioned.
“You more than I,” he smiled.
Something about his smile reminded me of a warm, safe place. Maybe if he kept talking, I’d remember. “Where do we live?” I questioned.
“We have a big house on the beach,” he answered.
“The beach?” I knew it shouldn’t be so shocking to me that I couldn’t remember the beach, or that I lived on one, but it was. “Do we have kids, animals, friends?” I grilled.
He laughed, another sound that was strangely soothing to me, even though not familiar. “No, no, and of course,” he grinned.
I wondered why our friends hadn’t come to visit. What about family? Do I have a family?
A knock on my half-open door pulled me away from my interrogation. A young girl held a large tray in her hand and smiled as she brought it to the small desk that rolled over my bed. “Dinner,” she said without any other explanation and walked away.
My body felt weak, and short, angry grumbles rolled through
my belly as I smelled the food. Isaac stood, walking over to the table and unveiling my dinner. It wasn’t nearly as impressive as I’d hoped, but I was starving. Isaac’s eyes rolled in the direction of the plate. “I’ll have them bring you something else,” he offered, but I didn’t know why. Everything looked delicious.
“No. I’m good with this,” I insisted.
“Oh really?” he giggled.
I nodded, grabbing my fork and scooping out a large piece of the meatloaf from the plate. I pushed it into my mouth, suddenly not as excited to be eating. “Gross,” I gasped as Isaac let out a laugh.
My spoon rolled through the blue Jell-O with the same enthusiasm. The texture immediately turned me off, causing me to spit it from my mouth and into a napkin. “What do I like?” I asked, realizing Isaac knew me better than I knew myself.
“The mashed potatoes,” he smirked.
I didn’t fight him when he offered to get me a new meal, grateful that he knew what I liked. How horrible is this gonna be if I never remember even the smallest of things?
When he returned with a bowl of chili, crackers, and a large coney, the smell immediately brought the grumble back into my belly. I scarfed the food down like I hadn’t eaten in days because, apparently, I hadn’t.
When finished, Isaac scooted towards the bed, letting his strong hand rest on mine. “Tell me about myself. Maybe it’ll trigger something,” I pleaded.
“You need to rest,” he smiled, covering me up with the blanket as he took the empty tray of food from my desk. I didn’t need rest. I needed to know.
Chapter Three
Isaac
I leaned against the door frame, peering into Maddie’s hospital room. She was beautiful. Her delicate fingers worked through her long strawberry-blonde hair, wrapping a holder in place until she had the perfect ponytail.
She was already dressed in the outfit I’d brought her: a bright orange top and pair of white shorts. “You look good,” I said, causing her to turn quickly in my direction. “I didn’t mean to startle you,” I assured.
Her smile was beautiful. It was everything. “They said I could go home,” she sighed, falling back onto the bed. She tucked her hands under her thighs, her bottom lip trembled, and I knew the waterworks were about to start. “I don’t know where home is,” she sobbed.
I moved towards her, slowly, carefully. I didn’t want to come on too strong, but I couldn’t leave her there alone, crying, scared. My arms wrapped around her as I squeezed her tightly and then released for a looser embrace. Her chest lifted and fell as her breathing became labored, and the palm of my hand circled on her back to soothe her fears. “I’ll take care of you,” I promised.
“You’ve been so good to me. I hate that I don’t remember,” she complained, sniffling over my shoulder as she began to regain control of her emotions.
“One day at a time. That’s what the doctors said to do,” I reminded her in my most encouraging voice.
“Knock, knock,” the doctor mimicked his tap on the door as he entered. “It looks like you’re ready to head home,” he said cheerfully.
Maddie’s face turned pale as she stared up at him with her big blue eyes. “Will my memory come back?” she squeaked out, obvious that she was fighting her tears once again.
I knew this had to be terrifying for her, but she was strong. Maddie Stewart was a strong woman.
“I believe there is a very good chance,” the doctor assured her. “With this type of amnesia, it’s rarely permanent. So, you’ll need to put yourself in familiar environments, and like flashes of short films playing in your head, memories will return,” he added.
I felt my gut twist. She wasn’t going to be in familiar surroundings. Her home was in Portland, not Miami, and she didn’t know anyone here. Guilt rolled through my veins like heroin, killing my soul slowly as I began to wonder if I was actually protecting her at all. Am I hurting her by keeping her from her life?
“I’d like to follow up with you in a week,” the doctor stated firmly.
I watched as he moved across the room, his hand reaching for hers. He was kind, concerned, and I feared what was going to happen if she remembered, when she remembered. This man entrusted her to my care, and if he found out that was a mistake, I knew he’d push for prosecution. His dark brown eyes narrowed as his lips widened into a smile. “This process takes time, and it’s different for everyone. Please don’t push yourself; just rest,” he pleaded.
I liked the idea of her not pushing herself. I wasn’t ready for her to remember, and as far as I was concerned, neither was she. This is what she needed: me to help her, protect her, and to rest.
“Thank you,” Maddie sighed, seeming somewhat relieved by the doctor’s words of encouragement.
“I’ll get those discharge papers ready. If you need anything, just call,” the doctor said, turning his attention to me. I extended my hand, shook his, a strong grip, and swallowed hard to rid the lump in my throat.
He walked out, leaving me with Maddie, who was obviously still shaken up. Her hands wrung together like she was squeezing the water from a sponge, and her eyes shifted back and forth in the room, stopping on mine finally. “What if I never remember?” she asked.
“Then I’ll just have to make you fall in love with me all over again,” I chuckled, not exposing the true irony in that statement.
Her sweet pink lips curled into a faint smile as her eyes closed for a brief moment. I wanted to know what she was thinking, but she didn’t offer, so I didn’t ask.
I gathered her items from the room, a few personal things I brought her to make her feel more at home, and a few items I lied about, saying they were her personal items, even though I’d picked them up at the vintage boutique up the street from my house. “You ready?” I asked, trying to stay cheerful and upbeat.
She let out a sigh, stood from the bed, and took the papers the nurse held in her hand. “We just need your signature,” she instructed.
Maddie smiled, took the pen handed to her, and began to sign her name at the bottom of the page. Maddie was quickly scribbled, and ironically it was in her handwriting, but she stopped as she started the last name. “What’s my last name?” she asked.
“Grubbs,” the nurse told her, and my heart sank deep into my chest as I watched Maddie struggle to feel a connection to the name I’d made up.
She placed the pen on the paper, pushing it across to create the name. Her handwriting was different, not familiar, and it was obvious her brain was slow to accept the false name. Shit, she was going to remember, and quickly.
“Let’s get you out of here,” I said, reaching for her small bag of belongings.
The nurse placed her in a wheelchair, even though she insisted she could walk, and I followed behind them as we made our way to the main hospital entrance. “You can go ahead and get the car,” the nurse told me with a smile as the elevator door opened.
I moved ahead of them, somewhat fearful that Maddie would beg her not to let me take her, telling her she didn’t remember me, and to please let her stay.
My car was parked towards the back of the parking lot, so I sprinted towards it to save some time. I didn’t want Maddie waiting, mostly because of the fear she’d have a change of heart before I got her to my house, home.
I pulled my white Escalade to the front doors, lining up the passenger door to where Maddie waited with the nurse. “Is this your car?” Maddie asked.
I nodded, not wanting to get too far into details until I got her home, safe. It was a gas guzzler, and Maddie was an environmentalist. I knew something inside of her told her that; I could see it in her eyes. It was my work truck, sometimes my home away from home when doing a stakeout. As a detective, a private dick as I was often teased, I spent long hours on stakeouts.
“Do you want to listen to some music?” I asked as she climbed into the truck. She nodded, but then looked scared again.
“What kind of music do I like?” she asked.
“Just play with the s
tereo until you find something you like,” I smiled.
I didn’t know the answer to that question. What does Maddie Stewart like to listen to now?
Her delicate hand reached for the stereo, turning it on. The station was set on rock, the only thing I ever listened to myself. She wrinkled her nose at the song by Imagine Dragons and spun the knob. A country song played; she turned the knob again to one that was more upbeat, like a pop song that the young kids liked to listen to, but she continued to turn. “I don’t like any of this,” she squawked, turned off the stereo, and pushed back to her seat.
Her frustration was obvious, and I felt like an ass for not being able to help. “It will all come back to you,” I smiled, reaching my hand across the console to her lap.
When I pulled into the driveway of my large beach house, Maddie sat up, seemingly excited. “This is where you live?” she asked.
“Yes,” I agreed, and quickly got out of the truck. I walked to her door, opened it, and helped her down.
“Do I live here with you?” she asked.
I swallowed hard, hard enough I knew she could hear the lump in my throat. “No,” I admitted.
“Where do I live?” she asked.
“Portland,” I replied.
She was silent. I didn’t know if the answer just surprised her, or possibly brought back a memory. I walked her inside and sat her on the couch in the day room where she could watch the waves slap at the shore.
“How are we engaged if I live so far away?” she questioned.
“Lots of people have long distance relationships,” I explained, sitting next to her on the couch.
Her eyes tore into me like thorns into my soul. What am I doing? Is this really for her own good, her own safety?
“So, I was here visiting?” she asked.
“Yes,” I replied.
“And, I visit a lot?” she probed.
“Yes,” I lied. “You were going to move here soon; this was going to be your last trip,” I added. That wasn’t exactly a lie. She was thinking about moving here.
