“Um, yeah. It’s just been a hard day. I didn’t mean to encourage you to come here with our texting. It was just nice to be in touch with someone else today. It’s really not a good time for you to be—”
A loud scream came from inside the apartment, interrupting her attempt to brush him off. Fiona blushed even harder, not looking back at the door.
Kieran stood taller with alarm, staring at the wooden door behind her. “What’s going on in there?”
Her eyes went wide as he strode past her. “Nothing!”
Fiona tried to stop him, but he just ignored her hand on his arm as he turned the doorknob. A high-pitched shrieking hit him the moment he entered, and he turned back to see Fiona wringing her hands nervously.
Placing the soup on a table by the door, he stepped farther into the apartment and took stock of the situation. The small apartment was completely covered in scraps of paper. It looked as if someone standing in the center of the room had just ripped apart several reams of paper and tossed the resulting confetti in every direction. It was hard to tell what else was going on, with paper covering so much of the small space.
Fiona began to pick things up, tidying everything, but the frazzled look on her face told him this was too much for her. Something had happened here that she didn’t know how to fix. He understood now why she had been trying to push him away tonight; she clearly was hiding something.
And he wasn’t going to leave until he knew that both she and Shea were safe.
“Where’s Shea?” he asked, concerned about the child’s safety. Honestly, it looked like someone had ransacked the apartment.
“In our room.” Fiona pointed toward a small hallway at the other end of the apartment.
They share a room? Pushing aside his dislike of her tiny apartment in a treacherous neighborhood, he stormed back to the bedroom to find Shea. Opening the bedroom door, he found the little girl sitting on the bed with her hands covering her ears. Her legs were folded up so her knees were pressed to her chest, and she was rocking back and forth. She was muttering something he couldn’t understand, then screaming intermittently. The bedroom, thankfully, was not in the same state of disarray as the rest of the house, although the bed was unmade.
“Shea! Are you okay?” He approached her slowly, his hands up in his best nonthreatening stance.
She started screaming again and rocking faster, keeping the distance between them.
“Kieran, please.” Fiona stood in the doorway, a mixture of fear and embarrassment on her face.
“What’s going on here, Fi?” He turned to her as he tried to figure out what the hell he’d just walked in on. He hadn’t meant to yell at her, but it was impossible to be heard over Shea’s screaming any other way.
Fiona motioned for him to follow her out of the bedroom and back into the main room. The screaming was still obtrusive but not as deafening.
“Seriously, Fiona. What’s happening right now? Why don’t you look as shocked as I do?”
“Because this is normal for me. This is my life, Kieran.” She sighed, fidgeting with her hands again. “I don’t know what’s wrong. She ripped up a few of her notebooks, wouldn’t explain anything to me. She’s been like this all day, and she won’t let me near her to figure out what’s wrong.”
“You’ve just let her scream all day?” Kieran gaped.
“I’m not letting it happen, I’m trying to talk to her and calm her down. I’ve tried everything I can think of—I haven’t been sitting here doing nothing! I just can’t figure out what’s wrong.” Tears brimmed her lower lids, making Kieran feel guilty for implying anything else. They dashed down her cheeks, as if racing, then fell onto the swell of her breasts.
Stepping toward her, he gently grabbed her upper arms and pulled her to his chest. She didn’t even try to resist, allowing herself to melt into his embrace. Wrapping both arms around her tightly, he rested his cheek on the top of her head.
“I’m sorry,” he said quietly, just loud enough for her to hear. He was frustrated having been in that environment for thirty seconds, so he couldn’t imagine what it was like for Fiona to be around it all day.
She nodded, but he couldn’t see her face. Her sniffling and shaking shoulders told him she was crying, which made him hold her even tighter. Her hands pressed against him as if she was afraid he’d let her go.
“I want you to take a minute to relax, okay?” He glanced around the room. The kitchen corner in the large living area was the least cluttered at the moment, so he gently pulled away from her and pointed in that direction. “Go make yourself something to drink, tea or whatever is relaxing. Let me go talk to Shea and see what I can find out.”
“Kieran, you’re so sweet to try to help, but she isn’t going to let you near her.”
“Won’t hurt to try, flower girl.” He kissed her forehead, and her eyes flickered up to his. He recognized the desire behind her exhausted gaze. Biting her lip gently, she nodded and walked toward the kitchen.
Taking a deep breath to try and forget the heated look in her eyes and focus on the task at hand, Kieran turned back toward the bedroom and reentered the dramatic situation. Shea was now seated on the floor against the dresser, still rocking back and forth, covering her ears with her hands. Her screaming wasn’t as shrill as before; it had grown more hoarse, as if she was tiring. He was surprised she had any voice left if she’d been like this for hours.
“Shea?”
She glanced up at him, seeming to look right past him but didn’t stop rocking.
“Are you okay, honey?”
Standing up suddenly, she grabbed the drawer handles to the dresser she was sitting in front of and yanked one hard. It slid right out, and the entire drawer fell to the floor with a loud bang, clothes scattering everywhere. She grabbed the next handle to do the same thing, but Kieran leapt forward, lifting her straight up off the ground and into his arms.
“Shea, what are you looking for? Calm down,” he tried to tell her as she screamed bloody murder in his arms, squirming and kicking in every direction.
Despite her objections, he realized her skin was like fire against his. Securing her with one arm, he snaked his free hand around and pressed it against her forehead as he carried her over to the bed and sat her on the edge.
It almost hurt to touch, her forehead was so hot.
“What happened?” Fiona asked, bursting through the door, a tea bag in one hand. “I heard a loud crashing sound.”
“Just the drawer. I’ll fix it in a minute,” he assured her before turning his attention back to the child. “Shea is really hot—is that normal?”
“Shea, are you sick?” Fiona asked, getting on her knees in front of her little sister, worry etched across her face. Fiona turned hyper-focused as she leaned forward and kissed Shea’s forehead, then her cheek, despite Shea’s objections. The little girl’s screaming died down into moaning and hiccups, and she rubbed the back of her own hand across her nose. “I think you’re right. She feels like she has a fever.”
Shea hiccupped again, calming down considerably, but still refused to make eye contact or respond to either of them.
Fiona took the opportunity to sit on the bed next to the child, now that Shea was calmer. “There’s some cold and fever medicine in the bathroom vanity, Kieran. Can you grab it?”
“Got it.”
Pulling open the medicine cabinet once he made his way into the bathroom, he found a thermometer on the top shelf and the medication bottle. Grabbing both items, he headed back to Shea.
“Should we take her temperature?” he asked Fiona, holding the thermometer up.
Fiona gave him an appreciative smile, tilting her head slightly to the side as she nodded. “Yes, thank you.”
He handed Fiona the thermometer as he started pouring a small amount of the liquid medication into a tiny measurement cup.
“Shea, this needs to go under your tongue, okay? Can you open up?” Fiona asked, but Shea shook her head no and started rocking again.<
br />
“Okay, how about we put it under your arm instead? Can I do that?” she asked her sister, lifting her little hand gently.
Shea was reluctant but allowed the thermometer to be tucked into her armpit. Fiona let out an audible sigh of relief, and Kieran beamed at their successful teamwork as he watched Shea calm down.
“Jeez, Shea. You’re definitely sick.” Kieran frowned, reading a temperature of 100˚F when Fiona lifted it up for him to see after it had beeped that it was done.
“She definitely should have some of that medication and get some sleep,” Fiona agreed, nodding toward the measuring cup he’d already prepared with medicine.
Rereading the label one last time to double-check he’d portioned it out correctly, he offered the tiny cup of sticky liquid to Shea, and thankfully she accepted it without complaint. Slowly and gingerly, she downed the liquid with a grimace on her face.
“Good job, baby girl,” Fiona said with another kiss to the little girl’s forehead.
Heading back into the bathroom to put everything away, Kieran found a stack of clean towels and pulled out a small washcloth. He ran it under frigid water from the sink, then wrung it out until it wasn’t dripping wet anymore. One of his favorite things his mother had done when he was sick as a kid was place a cool washcloth on his forehead, so he hoped Shea would feel the same way.
He wondered if this was what parenting would feel like, having a teammate to help you face the world together. If it was, he was pretty sure he’d love it. He already felt closer to Fiona in the last few minutes than he had ever felt to anyone. Something about working together to help Shea had ignited a place in his heart he had never felt so acutely before.
Kieran rejoined them in the bedroom and held out the cloth. “What about a cool washcloth on her head? I used to love that when I was sick as a kid. Is that okay?”
“That’s perfect.” Fiona bit the corner of her lip, as if she wanted to say more. Instead, she pulled down the covers on the bed and Shea immediately crawled underneath, curling under the blankets. Fiona tucked the covers around her and Kieran gently draped the cool cloth over her head.
“How’s that feel, baby girl?” Fiona asked. Shea just nodded her approval and closed her eyes.
“Try to get some sleep; the medicine will work soon.” Kieran smiled at the child and pushed a stray tendril off her face.
Fiona turned on the nightlight by the bed while Kieran picked the drawer up off the ground and slid it back into the dresser. Heading to the bedroom door, he took one last look at Shea, tucked into the small double bed, and wondered again how she and Fiona fit in this space every night. But the sight that made him pause wasn’t the little girl or the little bed, it was the big sister standing over her. Fiona’s arms were wrapped around her own waist, as if to hug herself, as she watched her sister fall asleep. Fi’s eyes closed for a moment and her lips moved as if she was whispering or praying.
The room filled so immensely with love that Kieran felt his heart pound in his chest, as if recognizing the pure beauty of the moment between the sisters. Or maybe the swelling in his chest was all his own. Maybe it was because he’d never met a woman who could make him feel so much, so intensely. Kieran decided he didn’t want to interrupt Fiona’s prayers for her sister, so he slipped out and sat on the living room couch.
Honestly, he was feeling pretty proud of himself for the whole evening. Since meeting Shea, he’d read a few articles and websites that had given him a clearer picture of autism and how broad reaching it was. Nothing was ever entirely consistent, because one child often exhibited symptoms very differently from the next. He knew it was common for some children with autism to respond better to strangers than they did with their own families. Fiona had mentioned this to him before when she had also been surprised at Shea’s willingness to embrace Kieran rather than her, to become more physically affectionate just by his presence. But he didn’t want to chalk tonight up to that entirely, because he felt as if he had a strong connection with the little girl that surpassed anything a textbook could describe. Maybe that was naïveté, but he was really enjoying feeling needed and a part of something special.
Fiona came out and joined him a few minutes later. Despite her overworked appearance, her light blue eyes still sparkled when she saw him. The way she looked at him was still as intoxicating as it had been on the day they met. She looked at him like he could do anything, like he was her hero.
He knew right then and there that’s all he ever wanted to be.
“She’s asleep,” Fiona said softly. “Thank you.”
“I didn’t do anything.” Readjusting his position on the couch, he turned his body to face her.
Fiona pulled her feet up on the couch cushion underneath her, looking at him curiously. “Don’t discount yourself, Kieran. You figured out she was sick, when I was here all day and couldn’t. I’d only said that to you in my text earlier as an excuse.”
Kieran shrugged, feeling uncomfortable accepting the praise.
“How did you know?” Fiona continued, a mixture of emotions on her face he couldn’t identify.
He looked down sheepishly and shrugged. “Her skin was practically on fire when I touched her.”
“She let you touch her.” Fiona nodded as she spoke slowly, tasting each syllable when it left her tongue.
Kieran frowned. She had been there and she knew what had happened, so he wasn’t sure why she seemed upset about it. “Was that wrong?”
“Not at all—you’re great at this.” Fiona turned away from him on the couch, suddenly leaning forward and burying her face in her hands as a loud sob wracked through her thin, long body. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be a bitch.” Another sob took her.
Alarmed, he gently rubbed her back in hopes of calming her down.
“You’re not being a bitch, Fi. Tell me what’s wrong.”
Her sobs came faster and harder, her entire body shaking with emotion. Deciding his caressing wasn’t helping, he reached around her waist and encircled her, lifting her whole body into his lap. She curled against his chest seamlessly, crying into his shirt.
“Fi, what’s wrong? I hate seeing you so upset. Please tell me.”
She sniffed and quieted for a moment, wiping at her eyes with her knuckles.
“I’ve spent the entire day trying to figure out what was wrong.” Her tear-streaked cheeks and puffy, red eyes made his heart swell in his chest and thump hard with the urge to take away her pain.
“Well, everything’s okay now. Isn’t that a good thing?”
“Of course.” She nodded, looking truly relieved about that fact. She pushed off his lap and settled back next to him on the couch. “I don’t want Shea to be upset, but I want to be the one who’s able to fix it. And I wasn’t, because I’m not her mom, and I’ve no clue what I’m doing.”
Kieran missed the warmth of her body pressed into his, and he wanted to pull her to him. But he understood where she was coming from.
“I’m sorry, I thought I was helping. I didn’t mean to…” He trailed off, unsure of what he had meant to do in the first place. He wasn’t Shea’s father, and he wasn’t Fiona’s boyfriend. Yet he’d forced his way into her home, discovered the most intimate parts of her life, and demanded she let him solve all her problems without asking if she wanted him to.
“You were helping, Kieran, and I appreciate it more than you know. I’m so lucky to have met you, and even more grateful that you were able to figure out what Shea needed. I’m just still trying to figure out all this guardian stuff, and I feel like everyone else is better at it than I am.”
“Fi, you’re twenty-four and raising an eight-year-old with special needs. No one expects you to be perfect at this. I wouldn’t be if I were you.” He pushed a few wisps of hair off her cheek and tucked them behind her ear. Most of her messy bun had fallen to one side.
“I know, but she deserves better than the little I’ve been able to give her. I ruined her life, and I still am a year later.” Fio
na sniffed, swiping at her cheek with her sleeve.
“You didn’t ruin her life,” he promised, wondering why she would think such a thing. If anything, she had saved her sister’s life. She’d given her a home with her only family. Fiona was amazing, and he was more than a little taken with her giving and nurturing spirit.
“I wish that were true,” she whispered this time, dropping her eyes to his hands, which were resting on hers.
There was something she wasn’t saying. He didn’t want to push her, especially since he’d already pushed her pretty far by just showing up, but he was curious as to what made this beautiful woman tick. “What do you mean?”
Fiona had a hesitant look on her face. After a moment of silence, she pulled her lower lip between her teeth and then released it. He stared at her lips, his breath catching in his throat at the intensity of the movement. Finally, she shook her head and turned away from him.
“I didn’t mean anything. I just wish I knew what I was doing. I need to work to take care of her, but I need to be with her, too. I don’t know how to balance work and her, and there’s so much she needs that I don’t know how to give.” Fiona sighed. “It’s just such a mess—how do people juggle both?”
“I think you’ve been doing a great job with the resources you have available,” he offered.
She gave him a small smile. “I must look like a complete mess to you. It took you all of five minutes to figure out she had a fever; meanwhile, I spent all day with her, clueless. I felt her tossing and turning next to me all night last night, so I knew she didn’t sleep well. And when Shea is tired, the meltdowns begin. So I kept her home from school and tried to keep her distracted all day, but it was like walking around on eggshells.”
“Sounds smart to me,” Kieran offered.
Fiona just sighed. “Maybe, but no matter what I did all day, she wasn’t happy—which isn’t all that unusual, I guess. But when she also refused to eat, even though I made every possible thing I could think of that she likes, I started getting really worried. I guess it makes sense now if she wasn’t feeling well.” She sniffed, wiping her brimming eyes with the tips of her fingers. “I should have caught that, I should have.”
Saving a Legend: A Kavanagh Legends Novel Page 9
