“Not yet,” Casey replied, and Fiona just shook her head.
Clare stepped out from where she had been hidden behind a row of clothes, her arms at odd angles behind her back as she attempted to close the zipper. Despite being unfastened, Clare looked like a miniature supermodel in the dark green gown with black accents that trailed behind her and hugged her curves.
Dee spotted her and went to help. “My goodness, Clare, that dress is perfect!”
“It’s amazing, isn’t it?” Clare gushed as Dee finished zipping up the back. “I think I’m in love.”
Fiona beamed at her, adding her agreement about how beautiful the dress was. Casey followed suit, picking a blush-colored gown that perfectly complimented her dark red hair and bright blue eyes. Dee fawned over each of them, reminding them of how beautiful they were in such a way that each woman’s confidence visibly grew. Casey stood taller, Clare smiled wider…it was infectious in the best possible way.
Fiona joined the women in their lively discussion and complimented both Casey and Clare on the dresses they had selected. She loved all the smiling faces around her, and how they made her feel like a true part of the Kavanagh family. It was effortless; it wasn’t as if they were being nice and trying to include her. It was as if she’d been there all along.
The affection among them was like that of a mother with her daughters, and memories of Fiona’s own mother, of the connection they once had, flitted through her mind. But, as always, the happy moments were quickly overshadowed by the last day. Guilt ripped through her as she thought of how these women had all been so caring, so loving, and so accepting of her.
They wouldn’t be that way if they knew what she’d done. Or whom she’d killed.
“Fiona?”
She looked up to see everyone staring at her.
“Are you okay?” Dee asked, concern etching her face.
Fiona exhaled quickly and put on a smile. “Yes, I’m fine. Why?”
“All the color drained from your face,” Casey said, the same concern Dee was expressing reflected in her face.
Clare bit her lip and nodded in agreement. “You don’t look good.”
“Must be low blood sugar or something,” Fiona told them, pushing away every negative thought in her head. Now was not the time or place to dwell on her past.
“Let’s go get you something sweet to drink, then we’ll try on dresses.” Dee took her arm and led her out of the room and down to the kitchen. Fiona sat on a chair at the breakfast bar as Dee poured her a glass of juice.
Fiona gulped it down. “Thank you.”
“Are you feeling better?” Dee asked, taking the now-empty glass from her.
Fiona nodded that she was.
Dee’s face returned to its normal smile. “Good. I can’t have anything happening to you, I need you!”
Fiona tilted her head. “You need me? You’re the one who’s helping me. I can’t even begin to thank you for everything you’ve done for Shea and me. Even the little things, like catering to the way Shea likes the food arranged on her plate…you do it all for us. It means so much to me.”
Dee wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “My son’s been lost for years, Fiona. For the first time, it feels as if he’s really home, not just because he’s been gone and I’ve missed him terribly, but because the Kieran I raised is back as well. He’s calmed down. He’s being responsible, looking out for someone besides himself. He’s no longer just my boy; he’s a man. And I think I have you to thank for a good part of that.”
Fiona smiled at the thought but quickly shook her head. “I can’t take the credit for that. He’s a good man, and I don’t deserve him.”
Dee laughed and rolled her eyes. “Well, as his mother, I have to agree. But as a realist, I think he’s the lucky one to have found you. If your mother was still alive, I promise she’d say the same thing.”
Fiona warmed at her words and nodded. “You’re probably right. Despite her many faults, she was at least very loving and supportive of both Shea and me. We were on our own a lot, expected to take care of ourselves, because she’d always had to do that herself. She believed we could do anything, even Shea. Learning how to work at such an early age is what made me able to start a business so young as well. I started waitressing at a local place when I was thirteen, being paid cash under the table.”
“That’s too young, even if it was a good learning experience.” Dee frowned, clucking her tongue. “What did your dad say about that?”
“My real dad wasn’t around much after Shea was born. He had never been very interested in being a parent anyway—add to that the responsibility of a special-needs child, and we just never saw him again.”
Dee exhaled loudly in frustration. “Fecking men.”
Fiona stopped trying to filter the thoughts in her head, the flood of memories. She wasn’t sure how this had started, or why she suddenly felt like spilling her past, but she was going to choose to trust Dee. Dee wanted to connect, and Fiona wanted to let her.
“My mom dated someone later when I was in high school, but he was horrible. He knocked her around, but she was desperate to have a man in her life again, so she married him.”
“Oh, honey, is that what’s holding you back with my son?” Dee asked, leaning against the counter.
Fiona fiddled with her fingers in her lap. “What do you mean?”
“From what I’ve seen—and feel free to ignore me if I’m putting my nose where I shouldn’t, but I’m going to say it anyway—Kieran really likes you. I can tell you feel the same way, but you’ve got him at arm’s length. I’ve been wondering why, but if the only two father figures in your life were negligent, selfish asses, then it makes more sense. You don’t trust Kieran not to hurt you, too.”
Fiona blinked slowly, looking at the older woman carefully. The words were raw and cut straight through her. Not because they were mean but because they described exactly what was happening in her heart. She had been telling herself she was pushing Kieran away because he deserved better, but maybe that wasn’t the truth. Maybe it’s fear.
“I never thought of it like that,” she admitted. “He is a really wonderful man, but I think I worry that it’s too much, too fast. I’ve got Shea to think about, to be a positive role model for.”
“All of my sons have commanding personalities, which I’m sure you’ve noticed with all the head butting that goes on between them.”
Fiona giggled at the reminder.
“That’s just the way they are. When a man like that meets the woman he wants to be with for the rest of his life, he knows right away. It’s instant. There’s no question for him, and no one else can turn his eye. They’re stubborn and overbearing sometimes, but they’re also protective and loyal to a fault, which is the best role model you can have. It’s the way their daddy was when he met me, and it’s the way Rory was when he met Clare.”
“What about Rory and me?” Clare asked, walking into the kitchen, having changed back into her regular clothes.
“You two are perfect soulmates,” Dee said, giving Clare’s arm a squeeze.
Clare grinned and propped herself up on her elbows on the counter. “No argument here.”
“Ready to go look at the dresses?” Dee turned back to Fiona, picked up her empty juice glass again, and rinsed it out in the sink.
“Oh, I don’t think I can. I really appreciate the gesture, and the dresses are so stunning, but it’s too extravagant. I can’t afford those, and I can’t let you buy something so expensive for me, not after all you’ve already done.”
“Don’t be silly, Fiona. I didn’t buy fifty dresses for four women. Designers send us these dresses for nothing because they want us wearing them when all the photographers at the event take our photos.”
Fiona’s brows shot up. “Really?”
“I told you, Fiona. The Kavanaghs are always on Page Six,” Clare said with a look that said she wasn’t used to it, either.
“That we are,” Dee agreed with a pro
ud smile. “So let’s go play dress up! There’s a silky, silver dress up there that I think will look perfect on you.”
Fiona stood and followed the women upstairs. She’d been holding back for so long, putting up walls between herself and everyone around her, that she felt as if she’d finally broken free.
It was time to let her heart lead.
Chapter 15
“I’m not going through that awkward lying shit again.” Rory crossed his arms, glaring at him through dark silver eyes.
“I never asked anyone to lie,” Kieran told his three brothers, who were all a little ticked off at the situation he’d accidentally put them in.
“Maybe, but you’re certainly avoiding having us say anything that would lead her to the truth about your prison time.” Quinn leaned against the counter at Legends and swiped a pickle from next to Rory’s sandwich as Kane shook his head at him. Ace’s head popped up next to the counter, eager to see if there was any food he could have, too.
“I’m not ready to tell her about prison. We haven’t been dating very long, and I only got out right before we met. There hasn’t been enough time.”
“Really? Because you two are moving along like you’ve been together forever—you moved her in with Ma, you spend all your free time with her, and you’re helping to care for her sister. I mean, you didn’t have to move that fast if you didn’t want to. She’s clearly not forcing you.” Rory smacked Quinn’s hand away as he tried to grab another item off his plate. “Seriously, Quinn. You’ll be pulling back a stub in a minute.”
Quinn rolled his eyes before turning back to Kieran. “We’re just saying that we all like her, and we don’t want to lie to her.”
“He hasn’t asked us to lie,” Kane defended his twin, tapping a pen against the counter surface.
“Exactly. I’ll tell her on my own when I’m ready. After the gala this weekend, maybe. Keep in mind that she has a child. I can’t exactly tell her about prison with an eight-year-old listening in. We haven’t really had much alone time.” Kieran was doing his best not to feel as nervous as he should right now.
“That’s bull. You could’ve found the time if you’d wanted.” Rory called him out.
“She’s hanging out with the family all the time; one of them might slip and say something anyway.” Quinn was talking about his parents and Casey, all of whom Fiona now lived with and was definitely getting to know really well. While he loved it, wanting her to be a part of his life in that way, he definitely worried something would spill. He’d asked his mother and father not to mention it until he was ready, and they’d both agreed to his request for a limited time. But they said they wouldn’t maintain their silence for long.
“I doubt it, no one really talks about the negative stuff much. Ma likes to wear rose-colored glasses to view the world.” Rory chuckled. “She thinks all of her sons are perfect.”
“Well, one of them is.” Quinn pointed to himself.
Kieran laughed and punched Quinn softly in the arm. “Yeah, fucking right.”
“If anyone is perfect in this family, it’s the badge-wearing model citizen,” Jimmy announced, walking through the front door of the gym and catching the end of their conversation.
“I said perfect, not kiss-ass.” Rory winked at their youngest brother.
“Fuck you.” Jimmy clapped his hand against Rory’s in greeting before changing the subject. “So, what’s new, guys?”
“Not much, just training this shit head.” Rory pointed to Kane. “How’s the thin blue line?”
“It’s good. I might be promoted soon.” Jimmy tilted his chin up, clearly proud of being a police officer.
“That mean you’ll be around even less?” Kane asked. “Because over the last few years it seems like we’ve seen more of Kieran than of you.”
Jimmy shrugged as he snatched a piece of bacon from inside the sandwich half still on Rory’s plate. “I’m not that bad.”
“What the fuck, assholes? Get your own food.” Rory scooped up what was left of his meal and held it protectively. All of the brothers laughed.
“Why didn’t you order enough sandwiches for everyone, then?” Kieran asked, picking up a deli menu that was always on hand there and scanning it.
“Because you all can wipe your own asses, and you can go get your own damn sandwiches.” Rory walked off toward the office, the rest of his lunch in hand and Ace on his heels.
“Want to go a round, Jimmy?” Kieran asked, nodding toward the main gym. He was itching to get a good sweat in and work off some of his frustration.
“Fuck, yeah, let’s do it,” Jimmy agreed, and they headed back, leaving Quinn and Kane talking at the front desk. The men wrapped their hands, coating them with a bit of chalk for grip before climbing into one of the available smaller octagons to one side of the large main floor.
Jimmy held his own for the first five minutes or so as they maneuvered around each other, grappling and jabbing. He was fast and pulled out of holds well, but he didn’t have the same power behind his strikes that Kieran had, which kept Kieran from going full throttle against him. Jimmy was tall and lean, with some muscle on his arms and upper body, but nothing compared to Kieran’s wide frame and bulging arms.
“You’re holding back.” Jimmy panted, leaning on the side of the ring as they took a break and both gulped down some water.
“I want you to live.” Kieran stretched his arms across his body, loosening the tight muscles in his shoulders.
“Gee, thanks.” Jimmy choked down a few more gulps of water. “I can take you.”
Kieran cocked his head to the side, looking at his brother with one brow raised. “Kid, we’ve been going ten minutes and you already look like you’re about to have a heart attack.”
Jimmy wiped the beaded sweat from his forehead. “I’m just going easy on you.”
Kieran laughed, knowing Jimmy was full of shit.
Jimmy straightened up and changed gears. “So Ma told me to talk to you about your new girl, and how she doesn’t know you did a bid upstate.”
“Are you serious?” Kieran scoffed, caught off guard, but not entirely surprised. Nothing stayed quiet in the Kavanagh family long. “I’d rather spar.”
The men both dropped their water bottles and returned to the center of the ring. Jimmy moved first, catching Kieran in his arm with a solid punch. “Listen, man, I don’t need to know your whole dating life. I just need Ma off my back. So tell your girl about it.”
“I can’t yet,” Kieran said, as he got around Jimmy and locked his arms around his neck. His brother tried to pull his arms off, but he held tight. “I don’t really know what we are, and that’s not a conversation I want to have until I do.”
He’d told Fi they were dating, and he’d introduced her to the family as his. Hell, in his mind, she was. But there was still something between them, some invisible wall he couldn’t find his way over.
Jimmy slammed his elbow backward, hitting Kieran right in the ribs and causing him to let go and double over as he tried to catch his breath. “Are you guys just banging or in a relationship?”
“Don’t talk like that about her,” Kieran warned as he recovered and swept Jimmy’s leg out from under him, bringing him down to the mat.
Coughing and banging on the mat, Jimmy tapped out. “Fuck, okay. Get off me.”
Kieran gave him a hand as they both stood up and took another water break.
Jimmy wiped his face with a towel. “So if you two are having something more serious, why not tell her about prison?”
“I don’t know how serious she is about the whole relationship thing.” Kieran took another gulp of water. “She’s a bit hesitant.”
Jimmy eyed him like he had two heads, then threw up his arms. “So you’re saying she’s keeping you at a distance and so you’re doing the same thing to her? You don’t see a connection between those two?”
Kieran cocked his head back. “What the fuck are you talking about?”
“Women sense shit, du
mb ass. You ever think maybe she’s holding back because she knows you’re not being straight up with her? Seems obvious to anyone with a brain.” Jimmy shook his head. “But maybe they pounded that out of you in the slammer.”
Kieran frowned, contemplating what Jimmy was saying. He didn’t want to admit it, but his little brother was actually making sense. He’d definitely broken through most of her walls lately, but she was still holding her heart back. He could sense that disconnect even when his hands were running over every inch of her body. She was probably sensing that there was more to him than what she saw, and she was holding back just like he was.
“You’re smart for a kid, you know.” Kieran draped his arm over Jimmy’s shoulder and walked him out of the octagon.
“Are you guys ever going to stop calling me a kid?” Jimmy groaned, delivering a punch to Kieran’s side.
Kieran sidestepped him and grinned. “Probably not.”
—
“Holy shit!” Casey exclaimed, smiling at Fiona as she walked into Legends that evening carrying a giant bouquet of assorted flowers. Shea was by her side, her nose in a book and her ears covered in earmuffs. “Those are a lot of flowers! Did my secret admirer send them?”
Fiona placed the bouquet on the front counter between them. “I thought you weren’t dating anyone, Case.”
“Not for lack of trying. Oops, I didn’t see Shea. Hi, Shea!” She waved at Shea, who returned the wave briefly before going back to her book.
“Oh, please, men drool all over you,” Fiona admonished. The idea of Casey having a hard time finding a man was ridiculous. She was drop-dead gorgeous and turned heads everywhere she went.
Fiona was beginning to consider Casey one of her close friends. She was a little younger, but she had a wise soul and a fiery spunk to her that always made Fiona laugh. She was also so sweet and kind with Shea, like a mini version of Dee Kavanagh, which made sense since Dee had raised Casey.
“So if these aren’t from my secret admirer, what’s with all the flowers?” Casey asked her, running her fingers over the delicate blooms.
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