The short trip home, Michael became a bundle of nerves. He had planned a small surprise, but realized he had much more than that. His hands gripped the wheel with excitement, and he kept repositioning his tingling fingers. Pulling up behind the diner, he grabbed the box with the vase of flowers and carried it inside.
Catching Trish, he returned her keys and explained the hidden contents of the trunk, his enthusiasm unsurpassable, “Is there some way you could put it up for me until I’m ready to surprise her with it?”
Trish agreed, eyeing the large bundle of roses. “You sure are sweet on that girl,” she told him with a grin.
Michael could only smile as he confessed, “Yeah, well, I really am beginning to think the same thing.”
Sliding the vase out and leaving the box at the diner, he made his way down the street, gingerly carrying the large offering out in front of him. When he arrived, Tori was kneeling on the floor in the back part of the house, preparing it for the new tile. Quietly placing the large bouquet on their tiny kitchen table, he made his way down the hall in stealth mode, his steps not making a sound.
Standing in the narrow hallway, he admired the view, as her rear end faced him and wiggled nicely while she worked. His smile faded away when he heard the distinctive sound of a sniff, and realized she was crying. The awareness paralyzed him for a moment; he stood still, like a stick of wood. She sat back onto her heels and twisted to look at him.
The sight of her eyes swollen and red, the path of the tears on her cheek, took his breath away. After a moment of staring at one another, he breathed a single word, “Hi.”
Rising, she dropped her tools into the bucket beside her and shifted into the little bathroom to wash her face and make herself presentable.
Michael stood and watched her as she did so, afraid to take his eyes off of her for a moment. After she had steadied herself, ashamed she had been caught blubbering, she managed a weak smile and her own, “Hi” escaped her pink lips.
This brought a huge smile to Michael’s face as he backed down the narrow hall, not wanting to turn his back on her. “I have a small surprise for you,” he spoke in a low, wistful voice. Stepping into the kitchen, he continued to back up, turning down in front of the fridge and stopping in the corner created by the sink and the oven so that her view of the table was unobstructed.
Her eyes grew wide at the magnificent display, and she covered her gaping mouth with her right hand as she considered what to do. Finally, Michael could not wait any longer, and asked, “So, do you like them?”
Staring at him, she considered what accepting them would mean. Finally, she made up her mind, knowing what had to be done. “Why did you bring me flowers?” she asked quietly. Her question made him uncomfortable, and he shrugged while he tried to remain calm. “Michael, you know you can’t stay here.”
Her words stung, and he continued to smile, although it felt strained.
Shaking her head, she went on. “I only let you come here until I was settled. That’s what you said; you would stay until you were sure I was ok, and then you would leave me alone.” She tried to keep her voice steady as she spoke. “I think it may be time for you to go.”
Michael felt like he’d been stomped. This’s not how I pictured this working out. “Can’t you just accept that I did something nice for you? Do you always have to assume there’s a sinister meaning behind it?” He tried to keep the quiver from his voice that would give his hurt away.
Shaking her head slowly, she spoke barely above a whisper, “Michael, I can’t accept these. I mean, they’re beautiful, but roses are for people who love each other, and I already told you, I don’t believe in love. I don’t believe I’m capable of love.”
He stared at her, jaw clenched, the smile completely gone, and not really trusting what he had heard. Not capable of love. Who the hell isn’t able to love someone? Shaking his head, he tried to persuade her she was wrong, but she wasn’t having it, so he half turned away, and faced the far wall in the end of the house.
“We need a deadline. How many more days do you want to stay?” she asked the question as if she were ordering pizza and needed a list of toppings.
“I don’t wanna leave,” he tried to be honest, turning his head to look at her with a sideways stare.
“Not good enough.” Tori shook her head, “You tell me when, or I’ll choose the date for you.”
Michael drew a deep breath, his mind drifting to his other purchases. He knew he could make her love him, but he would need time. “What’s the longest you will give me?” he asked quietly. “May I stay until spring?”
Closing her eyes for a moment, Tori realized spring lay a long time in the future, as it was still a few weeks until Christmas. “When?” she asked in a monotone voice, “Give me a date, and I’ll let you know if that’s soon enough.”
Nodding for a moment, he ventured, “May first. Give me until May first. Please.”
Tori shook her head, “April first. And I still think that’s too long.” She gave him a stern look, knowing she still needed him for the repairs. Silently, she cursed him for pushing her. She had learned it was ok to need help in the halfway house, and had struggled with that notion since he had taken that seat next to her on the bus. However, she still found admitting that fact difficult, and she kept her stoic façade firmly in place, unwilling to let him see her inner turmoil.
Staring down at the beautiful pink buds with baby’s breath spewing out between them, Tori’s heart felt heavy. Giving them the same angry glare she had cast on him, she longed to gingerly reach out and touch one, their scent calling to her from the short distance. Or to smash them; as doing so would have effectively ended her debate.
She wanted to throw her arms around him, and thank him for the gift, but she didn’t trust those feelings. She had been given things by a man before, and the pink rose that Eli had presented wrapped in plastic sprang to the front of her mind. She hadn’t shared about Eli’s rose, the memory of it too painful, and she felt relieved she had kept the secret. Michael wouldn’t get her that easily.
In the end, she didn’t really accept the flowers, but she didn’t throw them away either. They sat on the table for several days before they were wilted and had to be tossed out. That fact gave Michael hope; enough to keep him going.
They worked hard that day, finishing the floor in the back of the house and were ready to lay the tile in the utility area and the bathroom. Michael had been teaching her how to use the tools and had already shown her how to lay down the grout and position the flooring squares when they did the kitchen and hallway.
She had begun to feel as at ease with those tools as she did with the ones she used to rebuild the motorcycles. The thought made her smile in her quiet way, thinking it would only be a while longer before she could get on with what she really came there to do.
First Christmas
The work on the house slowed as the holiday approached and getting supplies became more difficult. Being in a small town, shops were not bound by the schedules of a large chain, and therefore would close at odd times to enjoy personal days off for shopping and family time.
They were able to order furniture for their bedrooms, but it would not be delivered until after the New Year. Michael had to convince her to get a bed of her own, talking her into taking a queen sized set to fit her height, along with a small bedroom group. He had insisted she take the larger bedroom as well, to fit the bed of course. He had decided on a simple twin bed and nightstand, with nothing more for his room.
Tori maintained her distance from Michael during their endless hours together the best she could. His pushing her to get the bed bothered her, and she feared he was under the delusion they would one day share it. Resolute on driving him away by the end of March, and meeting their April first deadline, she began telling him every horrific and gruesome story she could think of in hopes of doing so even sooner.
She began by telling him about how she had been brought into the group those last few
nights at the bush camp. How the group had raped and beaten her into submission. She expounded upon how she had discovered that alcohol made her life bearable and she had used her body to her advantage when she could. She challenged with all the crimes she had committed, the lives she had taken, and what an undeserving person she really was.
Michael took the news in stride, considering his own shortcomings, the ones he didn’t share with others. He tried not to comment on her tales of woe, allowing her to vent her frustrations without judging her. He had done so when they first met years ago, and again more recently when they became reacquainted, but he was beyond that. She was special to him, and her words did nothing to change that fact.
Tori also told him about the abortion in Scottsville, which lay only a few hundred miles from where they lived. She wanted him to see how she qualified as damaged goods, and would never be able to give him all the things that he deserved from a mate.
He considered the story carefully, almost certain the child had belonged to his brother. The thought made him feel odd; especially knowing how his plans were deeply affected. If she were to be his wife, they would never have a family, and it would only be the two of them. In the end, he felt ok with that, as families were for other people, and what drew him to her most was the fact that she wasn’t like other women, almost as if she had been made especially for him.
The last couple of weeks of the month, they worked on the living room. They had to strip out the old carpet and put in a soft brown replacement. She wanted a bookcase installed, so he helped her build a floor to ceiling job that covered the front wall on both sides of the five foot picture window in the center of it, and adding a narrow bench to form a small nook.
Finally, she picked out a living room group to complete the area: a couch, loveseat, and end tables with large lamps. They were all shades of browns and greens, of course, and made a very homey feel in the small living space they still slept in at night. Fortunately, they had the ensemble in stock and delivered it that same day.
A few days before Christmas, he convinced her to purchase a small tree for their living room, and they placed it in the large picture window, so it could be seen from the road. They used gold and silver ribbon to create bows to decorate it, along with a single strand of pure white lights. It was a very simple thing, not at all extravagant. She insisted she did it for him, but several times he caught her staring at it, lost in thought, and he knew she liked it.
On Christmas Eve, they made their way over to the diner for a small dinner. Trish had decorated the store to the point no space remained untouched, and Michael could feel her tension. Tori had never celebrated holidays, as the Dragons were not what you would have called festive, and he wanted to share stories that would help her understand what they were all about.
He began with a thoughtful smile, “When I was a kid, we always visited family on holidays. Of course, Henry was much older and had already moved away from home by the time I was old enough to remember them, but I had a few cousins and other family members that we visited.”
“We would have huge meals, and split up, with the grown-ups sitting at the regular dining room table, while all of us kids sat in the kitchen or ate on a folding table in the garage,” he laughed, overcome with enthusiasm as he shared his few happy memories from his childhood.
He explained to her about playing with his cousins and the presents they would receive on Christmas morning. She raised her eyebrow at this, recalling the few presents she had ever received, and the one that had her name engraved on it came to mind.
She stared at her plate as he spoke, allowing herself to briefly wonder what it would be like as a child on Christmas morning before forcing the thoughts away, as they were poison to her resolve. It made no sense to worry about the time that she had lost and could never get back.
Michael shared how Santa worked and that he brought toys to children who had been good during the year. The story made her laugh as he told it, the sound making his heart flutter.
“That’s all nonsense,” she tried to get him to stop with the playful comment.
He only shrugged in reply, relishing the sound she had briefly allowed to escape her perfectly curved lips. God, she’s beautiful.
Walking home in the crisp air, Michael wished he could touch her. He would have been content to hold her hand or loop an arm around her as they strolled. Her face flushed when they arrived at the house, he watched her prepare for bed, and realized how far he had fallen for her. This’s really gonna hurt if she drives me away, he thought to himself. But I can’t worry about that. I still have until April to make my case.
Laying out their packs as usual, they stretched out, but Michael had no intention of falling asleep. They spoke briefly, but she soon began to breathe in a deep rhythm and he knew his time had come. Silent as a cat on the hunt, he climbed out of his bag and slipped to the back of the house, where he had hidden his surprise safely in his closet the day before.
Bringing out the amp first, he placed it on the floor next to the tree. On the second trip, he brought out the guitar and other items, leaning it up and positioning the case beside it, against the amp. Sliding back onto his bedroll, he stared at it, too excited to sleep. He had never played Santa before, and had an odd sensation as he realized, this might be more fun than actually getting the presents.
The next morning, Tori awoke early as usual, and fumbled around in the dark. Finding her way to the back of house, she donned her workout clothes, and slipped out the front door without noticing anything unusual.
The door only made a small click when she closed it, but it awoke Michael in an instant and his heart began to pound. He wondered if she had seen the gift, and his mind swam with excitement.
Getting dressed, he headed off to join her on her run. He caught up to her two streets over and bade her Merry Christmas as he fell easily into step with her.
She gave him a slight nod, and they arrived back at the house shortly thereafter. Tori fell into her usual sets, doing ten sets of ten of pushups, squats, and whatever came to mind.
Michael kept pace with her, a little more winded than he should have been, and realized he needed to make a habit of it if he were going to keep up with her in the long run. When they finally leaned against the tree to stretch and rest, he ventured to ask if she worked out because she liked to or if she thought she needed to.
“A little of both, I guess,” Tori answered after some consideration. “I mean, I started training before I can even remember, and deep down I’m still afraid I might need it again someday, if you know what I mean.”
Sadly, he did. Shaking off the dark thoughts, he felt eager to get on with the happiness of the holiday. He could feel the tension mounting as it crept close to time to go back inside.
Allowing her to enter first, Michael hung back at the door to give her a chance to have a look around. His special gift still sat next to the tree, where he had positioned it during the night, and he waited for her to notice it.
When her eyes fell upon it, Tori exhaled a loud shriek, and gazed at him with a wild look in her eyes. Michael deviously grinned from ear to ear as he watched her cover her mouth in surprise, thinking he would never have guessed his quiet and reserved girl would make such a noise.
Bounding over to it quickly, Tori’s fingers trembled as she reached out to stroke the headstock and tuning pegs before she lifted it up. It was perfect.
“I want you to write some new songs,” he instructed her, “But no more sad ones about your past. I want you to write happy songs, and dream about the future.” He smiled at her as he spoke, pretty sure she understood what he meant.
Holding the gift in her hands, Tori knew she should refuse to accept it. As she had done with the flowers, she had no business allowing him to do this; gifts from men were dangerous. But this gift felt so special; it was as if she could hear the instrument calling to her, and she felt powerless to decline, no matter what her fears were telling her.
They set
up her new toy there in the living room, and she could not wait to plug everything in and see that it worked. Oh my God, it’s amazing! She played a series of riffs for him, and gave him a small lesson on how the sound went from the strings, into the pickups, which were made from tiny magnets, and on into the amp through the cord, where the sound came out depending on the settings on all of the knobs.
Michael became thoroughly impressed by all the things she knew and loved the way telling them made her eyes shine. So far, it had been him doing all the teaching between them, with the house and the remodeling. It felt good for her to have the chance to share the things she was proficient at, and he realized finishing the shop should be a strong priority, as it would give them more time for her to take the lead and show her strengths.
The morning began to slip away and the couple had to put the guitar aside to start their Christmas dinner. They had picked up a kit at the supermarket that included everything they needed, with a precooked turkey, dressing, and potatoes. Tori only had to place it into the oven or heat items on the stovetop. An hour later, they were ready to feast upon the first Christmas dinner of her life.
Watching her, he was reminded of their conversation about purchasing a microwave. He smiled, realizing how different she was from most industrialized Americans. She had refused the device because it did not use a flame to cook with, as if it somehow made the food unhealthy. He liked the way she preferred things that were natural, and had been surprised she actually agreed to the heat and serve meal they were about to enjoy.
Michael looked so pleased when they sat down that Tori could not help but smile back at him. Glancing over at her new guitar periodically, she felt a joy beyond words, truly grateful to him for giving her the chance to experience one small part of what she had missed in her abnormal childhood.
Eating the tasty meal comfortably, Michael made sure he complimented her on it periodically.
A New Life Series - Starter Kit Page 40
