by Irene Brand
A call from the law office’s administrative assistant saying that he had a guest only annoyed him further. He hated that his pulse tripped at the possibility that Sondra might be the one waiting for him outside. Whether he liked it or not, she’d walked away from him, and she probably wasn’t coming back.
Allison was standing outside his office door when he opened it.
“Hey, sweetie.” She stood on tiptoe to hug him and then stepped past him into the office. Without asking if he was busy, she lowered herself into the upholstered chair opposite his desk.
“Why don’t you have a seat?” he grumbled as he returned behind his desk and sat.
“Thanks. I will.”
For once, David couldn’t muster a smile for his best friend. “What are you doing here?”
“I was just at the obstetrician’s.” She patted her softly rounded tummy. “I’ve gained nine whole pounds now.”
“That’s great.”
She nodded, then frowned. “Are you doing okay?”
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because Sondra ripped your heart out in front of all your friends and neighbors?”
He brushed his hand through the air and dropped it back on the desk. “Oh, that. It wasn’t a big deal.”
“Then why did everyone in this office warn me that I was entering a hazardous area by coming in here with you? And why do you look like you haven’t slept in a week?”
David shook his head. “I’ve just been busy getting ready to turn my cases over to the partners before I leave the practice.”
“Don’t deny that she hurt you, David. Not to me.”
He opened his mouth to produce another excuse, but then he clicked it shut. What was the point when his friend could see through him?
“I was wrong about her, that’s all.”
“Wrong how?”
“To think I could put my trust in her. I know now why I’d never done that before.” He shook his head. “I won’t make that mistake again.”
Allison leaned forward in her chair so that her elbows touched his desk. “Did you think at all about what you were asking of her?”
“Of course I did.” He leaned back and crossed his arms. “I asked her to marry me.”
“No, it was more than that. In front of everyone, you asked the woman you said you loved to give up her career, her independence and the life she’s made for herself.”
“I didn’t realize—”
“You knew about her scars, and still you put her on the spot before an audience.”
David blinked. She was right. He had known, but it hadn’t stopped him from making a fool of both of them. He shook his head at his ignorance.
“Here I was thinking I was making the big gesture, and I was just being a jerk.”
“Not a jerk exactly.” She paused for a few seconds, as if considering what he’d said, before she spoke again. “But there’s something you might want to think about. Love isn’t just about having someone to fulfill your need for companionship. It’s about being the person that she needs. About putting her first.”
Having said what she’d intended to, Allison hugged him and left him alone to his brood. Only he couldn’t work up the steam anymore. He’d been so selfish. He’d thought only of how loving Sondra could better his life when he should have been worried about how his love could improve hers.
Agape. He remembered the Greek word for God’s type of sacrificial love from church, but he’d never before seen how it could apply to his life. He understood now, and he wanted to truly love Sondra, putting her hopes and dreams before his own.
But even love couldn’t change the fact that he was tied to Cox County now, and her life was in Kentucky. The distance seemed an insurmountable obstacle between them. Was a compromise even possible, and if it was, then how could he find it?
But the realization struck him that the situation wasn’t in his hands. It never had been. Lord, I know You have all the answers here. If it’s Your will for the two of us to be together, I know You’ll show us the way. Amen.
David straightened at his desk, feeling confident for the first time since election night, probably even longer than that. It was a relief from the weight of the embarrassment and resentment he’d been carrying.
The experience of giving up control to God was going to take some getting used to, even if any result had to be better than the mess he’d created all by himself. Still, there had to be something he could do in the meanwhile, instead of simply sitting on his hands. Finally, after all this time, he had an idea that might make a difference.
Of course, God would be in charge from kickoff to the final minute, but the Father probably wouldn’t mind if he gave a little help from the sidelines. The idea probably had originated from above, anyway, and he was taking credit for it.
No matter its source, at least his plan gave him something to focus on besides missing Sondra. His energy would have to be divided in three ways, though. The first part would go to prayer, an activity he planned to become an expert in during the next few weeks. The second would go to setting a plan into action. Last, but far from least, he would concentrate on doing something he should have done all along—becoming the kind of man Sondra deserved.
Sondra closed the door to her apartment and flipped on the lights, immediately shrugging out of her suit jacket and kicking off her heels. The flat eggshell walls and neutral décor that she used to find so clean and unencumbered mocked her now, just like the comfort she’d once taken in the anonymity of the city.
Trying to ignore the way the apartment’s walls closed in about her, she padded into her bedroom to trade the rest of her work clothes for comfortable sweats. If only she could shake off her malaise inside as easily, because it felt as if nothing could comfort her heart since she’d walked out of David’s life.
She didn’t have to ask herself how much time had passed since she’d made what might have been the biggest mistake of her life. A clock marking the time elapsed—just two hours short of twenty days now—seemed to have been implanted in her mind. The same way David had imbedded himself in her heart.
As Sondra pulled her favorite Kentucky Wildcats sweatshirt over her head, she wondered what David was doing right then. Did he feel as lonely in his huge warehouse apartment as she did in her tiny flat? No, she would never wish that kind of aloneness on him, or anyone for that matter. She preferred to think of him celebrating tonight with friends before tomorrow’s swearing-in ceremony.
Still, when the phone rang, her pulse leaped and again she hoped. Why he would bother calling now, she wasn’t even sure. He’d proposed, even if his offer had been unconventional. She was the one who’d said no.
“Hello?” She hoped whoever was on the other end of the line couldn’t hear the desperation in her voice.
“Are you finally home from work? Any reason you were there late again?” Jane Stevens never bothered with formal greetings since she spoke to her daughter regularly.
“Hi, Mom. Just paperwork due before that QS 9000 certification inspection.”
“It’s always something, isn’t it? Are you okay?”
Her answer was automatic and at least as honest as Sondra had been with herself lately. “Yeah, I’m fine.”
She held her breath, hoping they could drop the subject this time. Discussing her broken heart with her mother just didn’t feel right. Sure, Jane could relate, but her bitterness felt toxic. You see, men are all the same. Her mother’s words still rang in Sondra’s ears, yet they didn’t ring true. David wasn’t the same. He couldn’t be.
Her mother made a scoffing sound into the phone, and Sondra braced herself.
“Honey, you’re not fine. You’re not fine at all.”
She couldn’t listen to it, couldn’t bear to hear “I told you so” again. “Mom—”
“And it’s all my fault,” Jane continued.
Sondra started. “What…what are you saying?”
“I was wrong.” An
audible sigh came through the phone line. “I was hurt, but I’ve hurt you most of all.”
“No, Mom, it was Dad. He hurt us.”
“Sweetheart, listen to me. You can’t base decisions about your life on our mistakes—your father’s and mine.”
Sondra was tempted to argue, to defend her mother’s honor, but something stopped her. Maybe her mother was ready to let some of her anger go.
“Marriage is about giving and taking, about loving even on days when your spouse is unlovable. If only I had trusted God with the situation, things might have been different.”
Sondra had to disagree this time. “You can’t hold yourself responsible for his desertion, his infidelity.”
“I couldn’t forgive. I taught my own daughter not to trust people. I became a bitter, lonely woman.”
“You loved me, Mom. You raised me the best you could, all by yourself.”
Again Jane’s breathing was audible. Resigned. “Do you love him, Sondra?”
She didn’t even hesitate. “Yes. I love him.”
“Then don’t close the door so easily. Don’t be alone…like me.”
Jane said nothing for several seconds, and when she did speak, her voice sounded gravelly, as if she were crying. In all her life, Sondra had never seen her mother cry, even in the days after her father had left. Jane had only remained stoic and icy cold.
“Please, please put the situation in God’s hands,” Jane told her.
Sondra barely heard the other things her mother said before Jane ended the call. As if her thoughts hadn’t been muddled enough since the election-night fiasco when she’d rushed back to Louisville and tried to bury her hurt in her work.
She couldn’t imagine a more unlikely source for relationship advice, but her mother was there giving it. That was only one of the contradictions she was beginning to recognize in her life. Another was her career. Had power in the corporate world ever really been her dream, or had her career only been a safe haven from real world personal relationships? She wasn’t sure.
And did she even want to have it all in terms of job titles and prestige and to have nothing when she returned home at night?
Sondra didn’t have to ask herself that question twice. No, she didn’t want that. She wanted a life that was filled with smiles and laughter, with faith and love. And she wanted all those things with David.
Before she realized what she was doing, she was throwing clothes and cosmetics in a bag. She would have to call into work from the road, but that wouldn’t be a problem since she had plenty of flextime available from all her overtime work lately.
She wasn’t sure what would happen when she reached Indiana or even whether David had changed his mind about her. He hadn’t called, but then neither had she. Still, she had to go, had to follow God’s urging and her heart. For her, it seemed that all roads led back to David and to her Destiny.
Chapter Twelve
The next morning David stood with his right hand raised and his left hand on a Bible as he was sworn in as the new judge for Cox County Superior Court I. David shifted in his long black robe, feeling uncomfortable in the garment. It would grow on him and he would grow into the role it represented in the coming months.
The courtroom looked different somehow, though he’d spent plenty of hours on the other side of that gleaming mahogany desk where he would now preside. The twin desks where the prosecution and the defense made their cases appeared smaller than he remembered.
Judge Douglas leaned on a cane as he swore in his replacement. “I would like to present the Honorable David William Wright.”
The sound of applause around him only added to the surreal feeling that came with achieving a goal of being judge two years before his thirtieth birthday. Several of his supporters had taken time out from their busy lives to share his achievement with him. Allison waved when she caught his attention. She and Brock stood next to David’s parents. David could pick out fellow defense attorneys, friends from the prosecutor’s office and even Martin Rich from the live nativity among the guests.
Only one person was conspicuously absent, but he shouldn’t have expected Sondra to show. After his too-public proposal and her humbling refusal, she would probably feel too conspicuous anyway. He hadn’t realized how much he’d still hoped, until disappointment filtered through him. Maybe he was just as mistaken in believing there was a chance for them at all.
And then someone pulled the courtroom door open and there she was.
David’s breath caught in his throat. It seemed as if it took forever to reach her as he wound his way through the crowd, shaking a few hands as he passed, but finally they came face-to-face.
“Hey.”
“Hi.” She still wore her parka and a stocking cap, and both were wet with snow. “Um…sorry I’m late.”
“I’m glad you came. Thanks.” David kept his hands to his sides instead of reaching out to grip hers. He’d never in his life wanted to touch another human being more than he wanted to gather her into his arms right then, but he wasn’t entirely sure he’d be able to let her go.
“The drive was rough.”
“You just drove up this morning?”
“Well, I started last night, but it was slow trip on Interstate 65 with the snow blowing.”
David swallowed. “You shouldn’t have taken that kind of risk just to be here for this.” He didn’t know what he would have done if she’d been in an accident while making her way north to the event. To him.
“I really wanted to be here for this.”
He lifted an eyebrow, still not certain what statement she’d made by coming. “Then I’m glad you made it in one piece.”
Sondra was looking about nervously as if she’d noticed that they had a crowd. It shouldn’t have surprised her after their very public last meeting. He was sorry about that. He was sorry about a lot of things. Because having an audience had been a mistake last time, and he didn’t want to repeat it, he took her by the arm and ushered her into his new judge’s chambers.
“Sondra, I—”
“David, I—”
Because they both began at the same time and in the same way, they laughed, but the sound died away quickly.
“Really, Sondra, let me—”
She shook her head to stop him. “You have to give me the chance—”
“No, I need you to understand that I didn’t mean to embarrass—”
“Please, David. Let me say I’m sorry.”
The side of his mouth pulled up despite his best effort to remain serious. Only the two of them were competitive enough to battle about anything, even being the first to apologize.
“Okay, you win.” David indicated with his hand for her to take one of the guest chairs opposite his new desk, and he sat in the other. “You go first, but you don’t have anything to be sorry about.”
Sondra pressed her lips together, and her eyes shone too brightly. After several seconds, she finally spoke. “I’m so sorry about what happened the night of the election. Your question just took me by surprise.”
“Hit you broadside is more like it.”
“That, too.” She shrugged. “I was surprised and terrified and…just not ready. All I could think about was what I would be giving up. Not what I would gain.”
Gain? He studied her face, looking for hidden meanings in her words. Had she found his offer worth considering, even before, when it was so one-sided? Even though he knew it was risky, he still was tempted to hope.
His words came out in a rush. “I shouldn’t have asked in front of everyone. I didn’t even realize what I’d asked you to sacrifice. I shouldn’t have expected you to give up your whole life for me. I had no right.”
Though her eyes were still shiny, a smile appeared on her lips. “I thought you said I could go first.”
He held his hands wide and opened his mouth to explain but then closed it again. “Okay, go ahead.”
She nodded but didn’t speak right away. Her smile vanished, and she chewed h
er lip. His stomach tightened as his already tenuous hope wavered, but still he waited.
Sondra’s heart beat so furiously in her chest that she was convinced David could hear it. Her eyes burned with the emotion dwelling so close to the surface. How could she tell him what was in her heart? Could she lay herself bare that way? What if— No, she wouldn’t allow her fears to keep her from having what she needed. Not this time.
Taking a deep breath, she began. “I’m sorry I humiliated you in front of, well, everyone. I was scared. I’m still scared.”
Strange, as she spoke the words aloud, her feelings inside contradicted her. She didn’t feel frightened anymore. Inside her was this strange calm assurance that all would be well. “I didn’t know if I was ready to give up my plans, my dreams, for anyone.”
He leaned forward in his chair. “You see, you don’t have to—”
“David, are you going to let me finish this here, or will I have to go deliver it as a speech from the judge’s seat where you won’t interrupt?”
He closed his mouth and waved with his hand for her to proceed, but from his expression, it appeared that whatever he had to say was making him crazy. She could relate to that, yet she had to slow her thoughts if she wanted to do this right. And she wanted that in the worst way.
“What I didn’t realize was that since I’d met you, my dreams had changed. I didn’t want the same things anymore. So I wouldn’t have to give up anything to have everything I wanted.”
David opened his mouth, preparing to interrupt her again, but he must have remembered because he shook his head and stopped himself.
Sondra only smiled. Always the courtroom attorney, David would forever try to get the last word in during their unavoidable debates, but she looked forward to their disagreements and to the opportunity to make up after them.
“What I want, David, is you. I’m in love with you, and I want to build a life with you right here in Destiny. That is, if the offer still stands.”
Facing her, David leaned so close that she could see every facet of his translucent blue eyes and could feel his warm breath on her cheek. Her hands were already trembling before he reached for them. As their fingers laced, Sondra felt a tremor that made her wonder if hers were the only hands that had been shaking.
