by Nikki Ryan
“Is that what you want, Sam?” No I don’t!
“I think it would be best. I don’t want you to get hurt,” he said. He wanted to ask her if she was now going to go to the sperm bank and continue without him but he couldn’t. He was afraid of the answer. He knew the answer. They said their good byes and hung up. He laid on his bed and stared up at the ceiling for what seemed like days. Sleep wouldn’t come tonight. He just knew it. His life was shit! Just then, the alarm went off. There was a three car accident on highway 93. Sam followed the other guys out to the garage and prepared himself for the call.
Chapter Five
Alyssa pushed the end button on her phone and sat staring at the wall. Sam broke it off. He’s walking away. She knew it was for the best. He’s right, she would be the one who got hurt in the end. But why did her heart hurt so much now?
She lay her head on the pillow and let the tears fall. She was never going to be a mother. She was never going to have her own family. She wished her own mother was here. Why did they have to leave me? I still need them? She cried for the next hour, until there were no tears left to shed, finally succumbing to sleep.
The next morning, she begrudgingly turned off the alarm and stared at the clock. It was time for her to run and she didn’t want to get out of bed. She didn’t want to run. She didn’t want to work. She didn’t want to eat. It felt like she had a huge hole in her heart. She wanted to stay just where she was.
Instead she went into the bathroom and stared at the face looking back at her. Awesome! I look like I should have a part in Night of The Living Dead! She splashed cold water on her face and got dressed for her run.
It was early September and the mornings were beginning to get cooler. This was Alyssa’s favorite time of the year to run. She couldn’t stand being hot and sweaty when she exercised. That’s why she ran so early in the morning. Even in the summer, the mornings were crisp and cool.
The next few weeks, like the run, had sucked. Kat came over a few times on the evenings she didn’t work to try and cheer her up. She appreciated the gesture, but nothing was going to replace the void Sam left after so little time. She had seen him in passing a few times but never said anything more than “hello” even if it looked like he wanted to say more. She kept telling herself to keep moving. She wouldn’t cry in front of him again. Truth be known, that was her constant state of emotion now. Even a few of her beloved patients had questioned her if she had been all right or not.
Sam appeared to be as sad as her but she knew she had to be just kidding herself. She was surprised, however, that women weren’t frequenting his place. She hadn’t seen one woman pass through his doors or cry out in the middle night as he pounded himself into them. Maybe he had decided to go to their place since he now knew she could hear everything through the walls.
Alyssa finally broke down and decided to make an appointment at the sperm clinic.
On the day, she pulled in front of a large gray building and turned the car off. Thoughts of Sam entered her mind. She immediately pushed them away.
A young redhead greeted her at the front desk and handed Alyssa forms to fill out. She’d told her that someone would be with her shortly. Alyssa nodded and found an empty seat. She looked around the room and was surprised to see that the room was full of patients, some couples but mostly individuals. There were obviously more people in need of help than she’d originally thought. It was oddly comforting.
She’d just finished signing her name on the health history when she heard the nurse call her name.
“Hi. I’m Jenny. I’m Dr. Carlisle’s nurse,” she said. She held her hand out to Alyssa.
“It’s nice to meet you. I’m Alyssa but you already know that. Sorry. I’m a little nervous.”
“I understand but try not to be. Dr. Carlisle is wonderful. You will love her.”
Jenny led her into what seemed to be Dr. Carlisle’s office, not examining room. Seeing the confused look on Alyssa’s face, Jenny said, “Dr. Carlisle likes to have the initial consultation in her office so patients feel more comfortable.” Alyssa nodded in understanding.
“Have a seat. I’ll be back when it’s time for your exam to take your blood pressure and weight.”
“Thank you.”
Jenny responded with a smile and closed the door.
Alyssa didn’t have to wait long before she heard a knock at the door. The door opened and a middle-aged woman in a white coat entered. She smiled brightly at Alyssa.
“I’m Dr. Carlisle. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
“Thank you. You as well,” Alyssa said. They shook hands and Dr. Carlisle moved to her position behind her desk. She folded her fingers over the charts on her desk.
“So, tell me, what brings you to my office today?”
“I want to have a baby and have no one significant in my life to do so with.”
“I see.”
They sat for another twenty minutes in her office discussing Alyssa’s medical history, home and work life. Dr. Carlisle explained artificial insemination and what Alyssa should expect. When they were through, Jenny returned and took her to the examining room. Alyssa had a full exam including blood work. She made an appointment later in the month when she would be ovulating. Now all she had to do was find the right man for the job. With the donor catalog in hand, she headed home.
A week later, Kat sat cross-legged on Alyssa’s couch with a glass of wine.
“This is just nuts!” she said. She had been flipping through the catalog.
“Oh. How about this one, Lys. Blonde hair, blue eyes, 6’2”. Athletic build, has a MBA in business . . . I wonder if he has a big penis too.”
Alyssa giggled. It was the first time since Sam broke off their arrangement that she felt somewhat lighthearted. She was still unsure if she was going to go through with it. For one, it was more expensive than she had anticipated. Two, she couldn’t help but want the sexy blonde, blue eyed, six foot man next door to be her baby’s daddy. Alyssa had been to two of the required counseling classes. The woman was wonderful. Alyssa had told her everything about Sam and how she was feeling.
“I cancelled the appointment,” she said.
“What? Why?” Kat closed the catalog.
“You remember how Dr. Carlisle required me to go through counseling before I started the process?” Kat nodded. “Well, Sharon thinks that I should wait until I am absolutely sure that I want to go through with it.”
“You told her about Sam, didn’t you?”
“Yes. Of course I did.”
“Why don’t you just go over there and talk to him, for Christ’s sakes.”
“Kat, he was the one who broke it off, remember? He doesn’t want me.” Alyssa finished her beer and put it on the table.
“That’s total bullshit. I saw the way he looked at you when we were in the parking lot. He misses you. It’s written all over his face. Have you looked at him lately? He looks like shit!”
Alyssa had noticed but had figured it was because he was back to not getting much sleep.
Kat looked at her watch.
“Shit! I have to go. I’m meeting Devon at the movies. He hates it when I’m late.”
“You’re always late, Kit Kat.”
“Ugh. I know. I love you. We’ll talk later,” Kat said. She kissed Alyssa on the forehead and ran out the door.
Alyssa grabbed another beer from the fridge and carried the catalog outside to the chaise lounge. She began flipping through the pages when Sam appeared.
“Hey.”
Alyssa looked up, startled. He stood in front of her with his hands in his pockets. His feet were bare.
“Hi,” she said. She closed the catalog.
“I heard you come out. I was just paying bills next door. It’s too beautiful to be inside.” There was a moment of awkward silence. Then, he said, “I miss us. I haven’t been able to sleep.”
“Me too.”
Sam looked at the book on her lap.
“Is that wha
t I think it is?” he asked.
Alyssa nodded.
“Lys, please don’t do it.”
Alyssa stared at him. “Why not? I want a baby, Sam, and you walked away!”
“I did it for you, Lys. There’s some shit going on in my life right now and I don’t want you tainted with it. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Like what?”
“I don’t want to talk about it right now.”
“Whatever it is, you can tell me.”
“Not right now, Lys, but I will.”
“You could have at least told me this back then. Instead, I’ve been barely hanging on, thinking you no longer wanted me. I’m not eating or sleeping . . .”
“I’ve noticed you’ve lost some weight,” he said.
“Yeah well . . .”
“I’m sorry.”
“You should be,” she said. Sam took her hand and brought it to his mouth. He gently kissed her palm. “Please forgive me, Alyssa.”
She leaned into him and gently brushed his lips with hers.
“You really hurt me, Sam. I thought you might be falling for me as well but I had been wrong, as usual.”
“I’ve already fallen for you, Alyssa. I hit the ground already because of you. Can’t you see that? Jesus! You make me crazy. Just looking at you sitting there does things to me. I don’t even know myself anymore or what I want. But I know that I want you. That’s the only thing I’m sure of these days.”
Sam grabbed her hips and pulled her down on the chaise. He lay on top of her. Alyssa let out a giggle as he continued to kiss her. She wrapped her arms around him. Just then, Sam stopped and pulled back from her.
“Please forgive me. I’m begging you.”
Alyssa stared up at his beautiful face. Her fingers gently caressed the sides of his face when he devoured her mouth with his.
“So what happens now?” he asked when he came up for air.
“What do you think?” she asked, pulling his head down towards her. She planted a kiss on his lips. “You’re going to be my baby daddy.”
Sam cringed. “Don’t say it like that. It sounds . . . gay.”
Alyssa rolled her eyes at him. “Fine. You’re the guy who is going to get me pregnant. Better?”
“Brat,” he said, tickling her until she screamed.
They spent the remainder of the afternoon lying outside in each other’s arms. Everything felt right in the world again.
“I have to go to my parent’s house tomorrow for a family dinner. Dad wants to get in one more barbeque before it gets too cold out. Would you come with me?” Sam asked.
“I would love to.”
“Great. I’ll pick you up around quarter to six.”
Sam swept her hair aside exposing her neck and leaned in to brush his lips softly over her skin.
Sam stood. “I should get back. I have to finish paying bills and have laundry to do before my shift tomorrow. If you’re not doing anything, do you want to do dinner and a movie tonight?”
“That depends. What are you cooking?”
“Well, I’m having steak, broccoli and a baked potato. But for you, I’m afraid it will have to be leftovers or cereal. I hope you like fruit loops.”
Alyssa threw her pen at him.
“And you say I’m the brat.”
Sam laughed. “I just love teasing you. Although, I do need to run to the store and grab another steak if you say yes. Please say yes.”
Alyssa smiled up at him. Who could refuse such a beautiful man who wanted to spend his evening with her? One who would spoon her on the couch later as they watched a movie? It had quickly been one of her most favorite things to do with Sam.
“Oh, all right. I guess I can hang out with you for a while.”
“Awesome. I’ll be back.” He kissed her again. This time it was all tongue. “I’m falling into like with you, Alyssa.”
She laughed.
“I know the feeling.”
Chapter Six
The following morning promised sunshine as it shone through Sam’s bedroom windows. He groaned and put the pillow over his face to block out the glare. He could have easily slept for another two hours. But now that sun had woken him up, he went to the kitchen to put the coffee on.
He was excited for his family to meet Alyssa. He knew his ex-girlfriend’s parents would be there as well. He only hoped Tiffany wouldn’t accompany them. He certainly didn’t need that drama.
Tiffany had been his high school girlfriend up until the time she’d slept with one of his friends on the baseball team. They had all been at a party that night. Sam hadn’t shown up until later because of a family obligation. When he’d arrived, Jesse had taken him aside and told him that he had just walked in on Tiffany having sex with one of the players.
Sam had been devastated then. He thought she’d loved him. She denied everything and accused Jesse of being jealous. Sam trusted his best friend and knew he wouldn’t make it up even if he had been jealous. Jesse didn’t operate that way.
It had been a harsh break up. Tiffany called, crying, every day. She swore that Jesse was making it up. What she didn’t realize was that the player admitted to sleeping with her at that party.
She even enlisted their parents to help get them back together. And forget Sam even looking at another girl. Tiffany went bat shit crazy. She even went as far as threatening to fabricate lies about any girl who dared to attend the senior program with Sam. Needless to say, Sam didn’t go because no one said “yes”. Tiffany was rich and popular. They believed she could do it. Yea, she was that crazy!
They graduated later that year and went to separate colleges. Things had settled down after that. Sam learned that she moved to California with her boyfriend.
But now she was back in town. There had already been three left messages on his machine. He had no intention of calling her back. He didn’t want to see or talk to her.
He planned on warning Alyssa in the event Tiffany did show up. He knew how she would treat Alyssa, especially since he had blatantly ignored her voice messages. He’d be damned if Tiffany thought that she could run this girl out of his life. Alyssa was for keeps!
Alyssa met him out in front.
“Are you ready?” he asked.
“As I’ll ever be.” She smiled at him. “Whose car are we taking?”
“I’ll drive since I know the way.”
They both slid into his BMW SUV.
“Nice car. How can you afford this on your salary?”
“My parents are loaded. My siblings and I all have trust funds.” He winked at her.
“I see.”
“You okay?” Sam asked. “You’ve gone quiet all of a sudden.”
“Yea. I was just thinking about my parents. They left me a lot of money when they died. I’d give it all away to have them back.”
Sam reached for her hand, entwining their fingers.
“I can’t imagine being without my parents. I’m so sorry, Lys.” She nodded.
“I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said a while back about the baby needing a family. You’re right. Thank you for sharing yours. It means a lot to me.”
“No problem.” He flashed her one of his signature smiles.
Sam pulled up to a monstrosity of a house. The driveway was full of cars. Everybody had arrived before them. He found a place to park and turned off the ignition.
“Alyssa, I think you should know that my parents’ best friends will be here tonight.”
“Okay.”
“Well, their daughter is my ex-girlfriend. We had a really bad break up our senior year and I haven’t seen her since I left for college.”
“Why are you telling me this, Sam?”
“She’s not a nice person, Alyssa. She moved back here from California last month.” He went on to tell her how Tiffany had called and left messages on his machine since her return. He told Alyssa that he was unsure how Tiffany would respond when she realized that Alyssa was with him.
“Oh gr
eat!” Alyssa sighed.
They exited the car and met his mother at the front door.
“Darling! I’m so glad you could make it,” Sylvia said. She wrapped her arms around her son in a bear hug. When she finished, she said, “And this must be Alyssa.” She took Alyssa’s hands in her own. “We’ve all been so excited to meet the woman who has captured our Sammy’s heart.”
“Mother . . .”
“Oh shush!” Sylvia waved her hand at him. “He’s told us all about you.”
“I’m in hell. I just know it.” Sam looked up to the heavens. Alyssa rolled her eyes at him. They followed Sylvia into the kitchen.
“You have a lovely home, Mrs. McKiernan.”
“Please call me Sylvia, dear. Mrs. McKiernan was my mother-in-law.” She laughed.
Sam opened the fridge and grabbed two beers, handing one to Alyssa. “Come on,” he said. He took her hand and led her out to the back deck where his family and the Turnleys were seated.
Sam released his breath when he looked at the faces and didn’t see Tiffany’s looking back at him.
He walked around the crowd with Alyssa and made introductions. All of his siblings and their significant others were there. Sam’s brother, Connor, was the only one who was solo.
“These are my parents’ best friends, Mark and Gertrude,” Sam said when it was their turn. Alyssa shook their hands.
“Oh, please call me Gertie. It’s lovely to meet you, dear.”
“It’s wonderful meeting you both.”
Alyssa didn’t expect them to be so kind to her. She liked them immediately.
“Way to go, Sammy. She’s hot!” Connor slapped Sam on the back. “Does she have a sister?”
Alyssa blushed.
“Thanks man and no. It never ceases to amazes me that you are the oldest out of the two of us, Ass clown.” Sam shook his hand and grinned.
Sam’s father stepped away from the grill and gave Alyssa a big hug. “Welcome to our home, sweetheart. Most of us are civilized,” he said. He frowned at Connor.
“Thank you,” she said.
His brother and sister-in-law, Mike and Emma, had had the first McKiernan grandchild one month ago. Alyssa took a seat next to Emma, who had been busy trying to soothe the agitated infant.
